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This week at The Last Drive-In we see how music can elevate crappy films beyond being forgotten and turn already good movies into great ones. Our films this week could not be more different in tone, style, and quality, but they both have very, very strong musical choices. One film goes the route of a cult, horror-adjacent prog-rock band, while the other does Farsi dance and punk tunes.

We’re back with Joe Bob again this week at The Last Drive-In, exclusively on Shudder. It’s important to note, Mutants, that as of this moment Shudder has not committed to renewing The Last Drive-In for another round, so what I ask is that you take a moment to tweet @shudder with your desire for more episodes. Don’t forget the hashtag #TheLastDriveIn either!

Contamination (1980)

Opening Rant: Gentrification (Riverplace Courtyard on the Square Plaza)

Contamination, sometimes also known as Alien Contamination, is a 1980 Italian cash-in on the popularity of Ridley Scott’s Alien. The film follows a smart aleck cop, a frigid Pentagon Colonel, and a traumatized astronaut who investigate a link between a coffee company and mysterious green eggs. These eggs explode, causing those who come into contact with them to explode as well. This was marketed in Italy as a sequel to Alien.

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Though the movie is not a great movie, it does have a fantastic score by “The Goblin,” which Joe Bob points out is comprised of the remaining members of “Goblin” after some internal drama. The film was directed by Luigi Cozzi, best known for Starcrash. It stars Ian McCulloch, Louise Marleau, Marino Masé and Siegfried Rauch. The film was also notorious as a video nasty.

Reviews

Joe Bob awarded Contamination two and a half stars. In particular, the film has an amazing collection of Drive-In Totals that at one point leaves our loquacious host breathless. Part of the appeal, judging by some of Joe Bob’s breaks revolve around the sheet audacity of Luigi Cozzi, and to a greater extent Italian cinema of the 1970s and 1980s. Though, the film did receive a score deduction due to a poorly conceived, neck-up shower scene. The highlights of Joe Bob’s commentary, however, comes from his rather hilarious stories anecdotes of Luigi Cozzi who seemed like a real “character,” to put it lightly.

Haunted MTL can only really afford a star and a half for Contamination. The movie is a mishmash of stolen bits from other movies that are not even stitched together in a way that makes them work. The film has heavy, heavy doses of exposition, and the horror is lacking, to say the least. In fact, the movie during it’s final third becomes a second-rate James Bond film. Not even the presence of a cycloptic, evil alien master pulling the strings can save this mess.

But wow, that soundtrack is a good one.

Don’t touch strange eggs you find on abandoned cargo ships

Best Line: “Sewers are just as warm, damp, and comfortable as an incubator.”

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (2014)

Opening Rant: What even counts as a lethal weapon? It is about 3 rants deep, here, but the main takeaway is that Nunchucks are legal in the State of Arizona! Happy ‘chucking, folks.

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A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night, the 2014 Iranian-vampire-western fever dream, may seem like a strange fit for The Last Drive-In. However, given the unique pairings this season has brought so far the film serves as a much needed, artsy pallet-cleanser to Contamination.

The film follows two lonely people. Hard-working Arash arrives to care for his heroin-addicted father and soon he finds himself falling in love with an unnamed Girl who just so happens to be a vampire. The film is very unusual in that it is in Farsi, filmed in California, and feels like a stitched together series of vignettes. Of note, the soundtrack adds a great deal to the film, and as Joe Bob discussed during one of his breaks, many scenes are driven by the music.

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night was directed by Ana Lily Amirpour, who makes a cameo in the film dressed as a Skeleton at a rave. The films stars Sheila Vand, Arash Marandi (in his only real film role), Mozhan Marnò, and Marshall Manesh. Also, special credit must be paid to the incredibly photogenic cat, played by Masuka.

Reviews

Joe Bob seems particularly enamored with the movie, though admittedly confused about the interpretation of it. He awarded A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night three stars. In particular, he was complimentary about the visual aesthetics of the movie during his introduction. His insights into the movie were particularly appreciated because it is such a strange film in origin and interpretation. Throughout the episode Joe Bob cites complimentary similarities of Ana Lily Amirpour to directors like Quentin Tarantino and David Lynch. That being said, Joe Bob can’t help bu razzing the director for her very colorful interviews. In one particular segment he simply reads quotes from interviews with her to hilarious effect.

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night is a wonderful and artsy vampire film filled with striking imagery and enough ambiguity to chew on for a week after. As Joe Bob stated at one point, a hundred people can watch the movie and come away with a hundred different interpretations. The film is loaded with dream-logic scenes, has a fantastic score, and carries some stellar performances. The film does try to get away with a more optimistic ending, however, which proves problematic given the explosive narrative potential in the final act. Overall, A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night is a great vampire film and is a three and a half star treat.

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The titular Girl who walks home alone at night

Best Line: “Mr. Cat! Mr. Cat! He’s really fun. He’s really fun.” Spoken like a true drug-dealing pimp with “Pussy Stretcher” tattooed on their face in Persian.

Haunted MTL Drive-In Totals

  • 1 open-air corpse pit
  • 2 yellow paramilitary bread delivery vans
  • 3 “eggs” on the TV (just Avocados)
  • 3 levels deep digression in a rant
  • 5 bedsheet hazmat suits
  • 5 production companies for one movie
  • 7 Twitter bans for Darcy (can we make it to 10 out of 10?)
  • Torso Exploding
  • Muffled Talking
  • Atrocious Dubbing
  • Homeless Joking
  • Chinese/German Fusion Restaurant Joking
  • Northern/Southern Zoo Joking
  • Vampiric Bullying and Skateboard Thieving
  • Awkward Post-Cocaine Snorting Vampire Seducing
  • Gratuitous Place-Setting Helicopter Shots
  • Gratuitous Glow-in-the-Dark Avocados with Slime
  • Gratuitous Colombian Folk Celebration
  • Gratuitous Cat Sitting
  • Darcy Cosplaying (as “The Girl”)
  • Flamethrower Egg Frying Fu
  • Spoiler Fu (Thanks Joe Bob!)
  • Overly Long Bathroom Entrapment Fu
  • Burning Cyclops Fu
  • Pretentious Interview Fu

As always, please share your thoughts with us about The Last Drive-In. Also, please check out our other great content here at Haunted MTL.

Look at the kitty!

David Davis is a writer, cartoonist, and educator in Southern California with an M.A. in literature and writing studies.

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Movies n TV

Fallout, The Head

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Episode three of Amazon Prime’s Fallout continued the themes we’ve seen so far, with an added twist. With comedy and gore already blending, the story has added an air of tragic history for one of its least cuddly characters.

Let’s discuss.

The story

Walton Goggins in Fallout.

Our story starts with a flashback to before the bombs dropped. We see Coop, filming a movie. His wife is on set as well, and their adorable daughter. Coop has a comfortable life with a family he loves.

Isn’t that just a knife in the heart?

Back in the present, Lucy is traveling through the wastelands with the head of Wilzig. And she’s doing so with the same fear and joy that we’ve seen from her so far. Until that is, she runs into a Gulper. And after eating a defenseless deer, it swallowed up the head.

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Eventually, The Ghoul catches up with Lucy and decides to capture her. After using her as bait, he decides to drag her along with him.

Meanwhile, Maximus gets a message from the Brotherhood of Steel. Rather than coming clean, he claims to be Knight Titus and is accidentally sent a new Squire. That squire is Thaddeus, one of Maximus’s bullies from the base. And Maximus wastes no time in taking some sweet, sweet revenge.

Finally, we return to Vault 33. The vault is healing from the Raider attack and the loss of Lucy. Norm and Chet are being punished for letting Lucy leave, by being fired from their jobs. This throws Chet because he had a cool job.

Norm, on the other hand, didn’t like his job. He didn’t like any job. So, since this is the only way anyone gets punishments in the vault, he’s given the task of feeding the Raiders.

And talking to the Raiders was maybe not a healthy thing for Norm to be doing. He might learn something he didn’t want to know.

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What worked

The first thing I have to talk about is the massive creature called The Gulper.

This thing was fascinating. It was voracious, fast, and horrifying to look like. It was like a giant axolotl from Hell, with human fingers lining its whole mouth and throat. Why did it need fingers lining its mouth and throat? The better to drag someone down its throat and into its stomach. And the better to drag itself into my nightmares. This creature was well done.

The Gulper from Fallout.

On the flip side of this, I love the fact that the people of Vault 33 are so kind. They’re so willing to forgive, willing to care for their fellow man even when their fellow man is trying to kill them.

I don’t trust it, to be clear. But the perceived kindness from these people is uplifting. And I’m sure it will make whatever is going to eventually happen to them all the worse.

Of course, I can’t talk about the goodness of the vault dwellers without talking about the absolute horribleness of The Ghoul. The Ghoul is not a good person. He is cruel, and selfish, and clearly dislikes Lucy for some reason we do not yet know, and is probably not her fault.

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But we kind of understand how he got that way, don’t we? During the flashbacks, we see that he’s lost his wife and daughter. We also see that he was used as a mascot for the very company that created the vaults. And, while we don’t have any concrete proof yet, we can probably guess that these are not the good guys. Even if we haven’t played the games, anyone who’s even slightly genre-savvy can already guess that.

Which is the last thing I want to bring up here.

We know something stinks with the vaults. Something beyond the obvious issues of wealth disparities and the people left outside to die while those who could afford a Vault spot were saved. Something is rotten with the vaults, we all know this. What we don’t know is what form this rot will take.

Not yet.

What didn’t work

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Now, I wish I could say this was a perfect episode. But sadly, it wasn’t. And my biggest issue with the episode is with the character Maximus.

Now, I love Maximus. He wants to do good things in the world. He’s the underdog, and who doesn’t love that? He’s honorable and believes in the organization he belongs to.

I don’t love that he cannot do anything right. It feels like he wins fights by falling over and tripping into succeeding. And this character deserves so much more than that. Can we please, just once, see him be good at something or make a sound decision?

All that being said, this was still a fun episode. It was funny and bright, with an ominous feel and a horrific finger-ridden monster. I had a great time with it.

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4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

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American Horror Story Delicate, Little Gold Man

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Last night’s episode of American Horror Story Delicate was wild. From its star-studded start to its powerfully quiet finish, I was enthralled through every moment.

Let’s discuss.

The story

We begin this episode at the funeral of Dex’s mom. While he’s giving a eulogy, which was very nice, Ms. Preecher walks in. She shouts to the room that Virginia didn’t commit suicide, she was murdered. She also tells Dex to listen to his wife.

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What a concept!

Touched by this, or maybe just curious, Anna goes to the hospital to check on Preecher. She falls asleep at the hospital. When she wakes up, Preecher is gone. A nurse says that she was discharged to a group of women.

While at the hospital, Anna also discovers that she’s been nominated for best actress.

Kim Kardashian in American Horror Story Delicate.

At a publicity event for the awards, Anna runs into Cora. And she sees the coat she remembers from her late-night visit near the start of her pregnancy.

With the slightest amount of pressure, Cora spills it all. She and Dex have been having an affair, and Cora was trying to sabotage Anna’s pregnancy. So Anna, channeling her inner Madison Montgomery, kicks him out and heads to the awards ceremony with Siobhan.

There, Siobhan asks her if she wants an Oscar more than anything. If she’d be willing to give up anything for it.

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And Anna says yes.

The bargain is then sealed with a kiss.

Kim Kardashian and Emma Roberts in American Horror Story Delicate.

What worked

I’d like to begin, paradoxically, at the end of the episode. We’ve seen Anna have some terrible, loud, frightening hallucinations in this season. At least, we assume they’re hallucinations. But this one wasn’t loud. It was, in fact, very quiet. Anna is led off stage, without a word, leaving nothing but a puddle of blood behind.

In horror, like in all art, the notes you don’t play are as important as the ones you do. And the notes that weren’t played her rang like a bell.

I also appreciated that this episode describes why being a celebrity would be a huge pain in the ass. Imagine going to an event where the whole purpose is for people to take pictures of you while holding their product. Imagine if they invaded your personal space, sprayed things on you, put things over your eyes, and you were expected to smile and pose.

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I don’t know what it is about being a celebrity that makes others feel entitled to a person. To talk with them, take their time, and share in their moments. To touch them without consent. Yes, there are way worse things happening to people. But this isn’t a great way to live. It’s no wonder so many of them go nuts. This is most clearly shown in the scene when Anna is sitting next to Preecher’s bed. She wakes up to find the older woman gone. But all anyone wants to talk about is how she was just nominated for an Oscar. At that moment, she doesn’t give a damn. She cares about this kind woman, and where she’s gone. Just like any other person.

Finally, I appreciated that this season didn’t do what so many AHS seasons do. Which is to say that this episode didn’t feel like the last episode. It felt like the penultimate episode. It felt like there was still more story to tell, not just loose ends to be wrapped up. I appreciate that the writers have finally learned that lesson.

For this season, at least.

What didn’t work

The first thing that bothered me in this episode was Cora’s confession. I said something about this during our live-watch event on Threads. (Join us next week for the finale. Bring popcorn and wine.)

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I don’t believe Cora’s confession. I further don’t believe that she just dumped all of this incriminating info on Anna with no more prompting than a wide-eyed look. There was just no reason for it. So, Anna saw her coat? Lots of people have similar coats. This feels fake, and she brought no receipts.

Tavi Gevinson in American Horror Story Delicate.

I also found Siobhan’s behavior confusing. At times she seems genuinely concerned for Anna’s wellbeing. At other times, she is more than willing to let her suffer and risk her pregnancy.

While this has been going on all season, it was happening every few minutes in this one. Either Siobhan cares about the welfare of that fetus, or she doesn’t. But she needs to pick a lane.

All in all, I don’t know what to expect from next week’s season finale. Anna has her Oscar, but now she might lose her baby. She might also get sucked into some horrible cult and experience a bad death. We won’t know until next week.

See you then.

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4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

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Movies n TV

Fallout, The Target

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Episode two of Amazon Prime’s Fallout was equal parts funny and bloody. This almost always leads to a good time.

The story

We begin this episode with the birth of some puppies that look like they’ve had a rough start to life. Each one is weighed, with the ones who fall short being incinerated.

One pup who is just below the correct weight gets a bit of a thumb on their scale. The scientist weighing them, Wilzig, writes down the proper weight. He later takes the puppy home to raise instead of putting them into what looks like an unforgiving training program.

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Eventually, we see Wilzig put some blue glowing thing into his neck. When a soldier comes for him, Dog attacks the soldier, and the two escape.

Ella Purnell in Fallout.

We go from there to the wilderness, where Lucy is recovering from the last episode and enjoying a campfire at night. Wilzig and Dog come out of the shadows, saving Lucy from a bug monster. Wilzig tells Lucy she should go home. And if she’s not going to go home, she needs to evolve.

The next day Lucy finds her way to a town called Filly. As a Pennsylvanian, it hurts me to spell it that way. Lucy is entranced by this town, though clearly put off by the fact that no one is very nice here.

She eventually finds her way to a shop run by a delightful woman named Ma June. Ma doesn’t seem particularly interested in helping Lucy. Or, frankly, having Lucy in her shop.

Or in her town.

Eventually, Wilzig is tracked to this same shop, being tracked by The Ghoul. This is our final primary character. Lucy defends Wilzig, being aided at the last moment by Maximus.

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Maximus, by the way, has been having a terrible time. After finally becoming a squire he’s disappointed to find that his knight, Knight Titus, is a terrible person.

Fortunately, Maximus doesn’t have to put up with Titus for long. After Titus gets the bright idea to go hunting, he’s attacked by a mutated bear. Maximus freezes, unable to save him. Then, well, he decides not to save him.

It was Titus’s idea to go hunt the bear, after all.

What worked

Walton Goggins in Fallout.

The first thing I want to draw attention to is the shootout scene at Filly. This scene checked every box a fight scene should check. It was fun to watch, with great effects. But it also gave us insight into the characters. Lucy is a decent fighter and has a strong moral compass. The Ghoul is callus and desensitized to death. And Maximus continues to be, well, sort of bad at this whole fighting thing. But with enough moral fortitude that we have a hard time blaming him.

Of course, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the dog. Who’s name, as far as I’ve been able to ascertain, is just Dog. Which is fine. He doesn’t need to have a name to be a very good boy. He’s sweet, loyal, and fearless.

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Also, puppies. Puppies are always great.

Finally, I’d like to shine a spotlight on Lucy’s reaction to the world at large. She is both amazed and terrified by everything. And while she certainly doesn’t want to be rude, she also doesn’t want to be taken advantage of. The best example of this is when she stops to ask for directions with a bright smile and a gun.

Once again, I don’t have anything bad to say about this episode. It was funny, dark, and fun to watch. I’m very much looking forward to the rest of the season. 4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

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