Hello my dear readers! I am glad most of you came back for more. Unfortunately, our friend DnD can no longer partake in our group as local authorities issued a nationwide manhunt last week. I am under strict instruction to report them if they should contact us.

If you read this, you are in our thoughts and prayers.

What’s in the Boooooooox?

I hear you Brother! As antiquated and Pagan as Christmas might be, to open the boxes early is a big no-no. On the other hand, somebody gave you that box in September. What a *****.

Lucky for you, Christmas is not an actual holiday in China. You can sneak a peek without the guilt! If you’d rather wait, move the box to the attic. Nobody hangs out in attics anymore. It’s all about the basement.

In regards to your worry about property damage, I say you put various safety measures in place. Clear tarps and mattresses should cover the room you open the box in. (Borrow some from your friends!)

Box of choco not death

Don’t use the blue tarps cause the blood will probably be harder to see afterwards. Once blood touches the floor, you risk summoning some weird dudes to your house and the next time you try to sell your house, someone will come by with a UV light and claim a murder happened.

Box of Clothes

Dear Stabby, recently I gained a significant amount of weight. A couple years back, I collected and harvested around 8 different women and made some gorgeous outfits with them. They are of no use to me now and sit in a box in the back of my closet. I don’t know what to do with them.

I thought about donating them, but most of the women I killed were black. They were easier to kill without a fuss and their skin was the only decent color available. You can’t wear white after Labor Day.

I can’t figure out if that’s okay or not. I mean Our Fearless Leader says that our nation was founded on freedom while pretty much everyone else with an IQ is whining that black people were exploited. What an inconvenience!

With ANTIFA hunting down Americans or something, I worry someone will call me racist on Twitter. Until the re-education anyway.

How do I get away with being totally not racist? – Thoughtlessly Iffy Thunder Thighed Youth

Box of parasites

Thunder thighs, the only way to get away with racism and murder nowadays is to be rich. If you make your own clothes, you are obviously not.

For future reference, white people can be dyed every color possible. I asked Edna. As a matter of fact, that’s how The Smurfs happened.

ANTIFA only hunts during a green moon. Also, I don’t think you know when Labor Day is.

The polite thing to do is give the clothes back to the respective family members of your victims as an apology. Please hide in Mexico with last year’s history textbook until late November.

It all changes in November.

Dear Stabby says Vote

Vote however you want, but understand the consequences.

Memo – Tell police Thunder Thighs lives at 1234 Fake Santa Fe, Louisiana under the name Susan Doriff.

Tootles!

About the Author

Hi. I'm judgemental and have a horrible sense of humor. Read my stuff and validate me pls.

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