Review: 1988’s ‘The Carpenter’ tells us the dangers of renovation…Wings Hauser
Ghosts and women are drawn to each other, that’s a solid Wiki fact (source needed). Something about an other worldly love that transcends all boundaries sends shivers down her spine, literally because that dude’s cold dead.
This is a tale we’ve seen over and over again in movies about widows and roguish ghost sea captains, in Star Trek: The Good One, in Baywatch (as previously discussed), in that Donald Trump classic and in, well, ‘Ghost’.
Girls love them some incorporeal D. And this isn’t a Ray ‘Ghostbuster’ moment played for laughs – these stories are serious as a heart attack…and then the heart attack victim haunts/seduces a living woman.
Same is the case in this strange and wild doozy of a film, ‘The Carpenter’.
The Plot:
Our Main, Alice, has the most polite nervous breakdown by boredly walking around her apartment before carefully and methodically cutting up one of her husband’s suits. He comes home and is mildly upset. Off to the funny farm with you, you basket-case!
After an apparent hospitalization of weeks, she’s feeling better and her husband has bought them a new house in the country because making huge life decisions without consulting your spouse in the middle of a mental health crisis is the Flemish way to say “I love you”. Or “I wish for your inevitable downfall”. I can never remember which.
Good news for the husband, Alice becomes instantly enamored with the house and connected to it.
Too bad the house is old and needs work, but not to worry! There are several gross and obnoxious young men who can fix it up on her husband’s tenured (?) professor’s salary. But from these young men, only one catches her eye.
Enter Wings. Working only all hours of the night, Wings Hauser plays Ed, a carpenter- no, THE carpenter. Just a salt-of-the Earth, old-fashioned man who loves to get down and dirty with the house and she is into it. In the late nights, they wax poetics about how people are dumb and lazy now, and how great the house is. They form a friendship and maybe something deeper…
But can their love affair survive his sordid past, her lackluster marriage, the mysteriously missing crew members, and most importantly, the fact that he may have an incorporeal D?
Thoughts:
This is actually refreshing. It has all the cheese and glamour of the 80’s, but with a spine of sentimentality running through the film. Surprisingly, this is a love story. A messy and strange one, sure, but a love story. It’s not going to blow your mind, but there’s enough to it that is an entertaining watch and an interesting spin.
With such a bland title, I was surprised with the weight it did hold. I think having Wings as The Carpenter was a huge part of it. When you have your top bill as “the other” and not as Alice’s husband, it turns to focus around on its head. It’s a wonderful little “what if” trip.
The only thing that I would have changed is not show the asylum or have the breakdown bigger. In the MST3K classic, ‘The Screaming Skull’, this was wonderfully illustrated. The main character, Jenny, was emotionally distressed when moving into a new place, fragile but hopeful. We never saw Jenny in the asylum (this ages very poorly), we just saw the aftermath. I think this would have been better in The Carpenter, especially as a way for the characters to interact with each other.
Plus maybe another kill in the movie…A nosy mailman or something…Spread them out. They weren’t paced super well.
But as a directorial debut…this was pretty darn good and fun. A little gem for an 80’s night.
Brainroll Juice:
Boy, oh boy, I will have to write a whole article one day about mental health in horror movies, huh? There’s a lot to cover. That’s my third dissertation, I guess. Or a whole other podcast (I do those by the way).
Honestly, I liked Alice a lot. She was not a push-over. She was strong in her beliefs and convictions, even regarding her health. Her husband kept trying to get her to take sleeping pills and she was like, “But I don’t need them. I sleep okay.” The only time when she didn’t sleep through the night is when Wings is frickin’ hammering and sawing at 3 in the morning.
When they bond, it’s actually charming. He seems to appreciate her in ways her husband doesn’t (husband seems just to dismiss her, but he’s also having an affair with a student, so he’s a busy guy). And when she disagrees with her husband and Wings, she’s no shrinking violet. She’s not Shelley Duvall in ‘The Shining’, tightly wound and clutching onto each cigarette for dear life. She’s clear about her boundaries, while also being vulnerable and, yes, susceptible.
Lynne Adams did an amazing job at pulling this off. So, while the initial breakdown and asylum was rough campiness, she did a wonderful job at bringing life and gravity to the character.
Bottom-line:
Fun 80’s romp with Wings Hauser into the problems of falling in love with a ghost who enjoys flipping houses at ungodly hours.
(4 / 5)
Episode two of Amazon Prime’s Fallout was equal parts funny and bloody. This almost always leads to a good time.
The story
We begin this episode with the birth of some puppies that look like they’ve had a rough start to life. Each one is weighed, with the ones who fall short being incinerated.
One pup who is just below the correct weight gets a bit of a thumb on their scale. The scientist weighing them, Wilzig, writes down the proper weight. He later takes the puppy home to raise instead of putting them into what looks like an unforgiving training program.
Eventually, we see Wilzig put some blue glowing thing into his neck. When a soldier comes for him, Dog attacks the soldier, and the two escape.
We go from there to the wilderness, where Lucy is recovering from the last episode and enjoying a campfire at night. Wilzig and Dog come out of the shadows, saving Lucy from a bug monster. Wilzig tells Lucy she should go home. And if she’s not going to go home, she needs to evolve.
The next day Lucy finds her way to a town called Filly. As a Pennsylvanian, it hurts me to spell it that way. Lucy is entranced by this town, though clearly put off by the fact that no one is very nice here.
She eventually finds her way to a shop run by a delightful woman named Ma June. Ma doesn’t seem particularly interested in helping Lucy. Or, frankly, having Lucy in her shop.
Or in her town.
Eventually, Wilzig is tracked to this same shop, being tracked by The Ghoul. This is our final primary character. Lucy defends Wilzig, being aided at the last moment by Maximus.
Maximus, by the way, has been having a terrible time. After finally becoming a squire he’s disappointed to find that his knight, Knight Titus, is a terrible person.
Fortunately, Maximus doesn’t have to put up with Titus for long. After Titus gets the bright idea to go hunting, he’s attacked by a mutated bear. Maximus freezes, unable to save him. Then, well, he decides not to save him.
It was Titus’s idea to go hunt the bear, after all.
What worked
The first thing I want to draw attention to is the shootout scene at Filly. This scene checked every box a fight scene should check. It was fun to watch, with great effects. But it also gave us insight into the characters. Lucy is a decent fighter and has a strong moral compass. The Ghoul is callus and desensitized to death. And Maximus continues to be, well, sort of bad at this whole fighting thing. But with enough moral fortitude that we have a hard time blaming him.
Of course, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the dog. Who’s name, as far as I’ve been able to ascertain, is just Dog. Which is fine. He doesn’t need to have a name to be a very good boy. He’s sweet, loyal, and fearless.
Also, puppies. Puppies are always great.
Finally, I’d like to shine a spotlight on Lucy’s reaction to the world at large. She is both amazed and terrified by everything. And while she certainly doesn’t want to be rude, she also doesn’t want to be taken advantage of. The best example of this is when she stops to ask for directions with a bright smile and a gun.
Once again, I don’t have anything bad to say about this episode. It was funny, dark, and fun to watch. I’m very much looking forward to the rest of the season.
(4 / 5)
Launching with worldwide excitement, Fallout is based on the extremely popular game series of the same name. Fans of the series have waited with anticipation and trepidation to see if the Prime series would live up to the game.
Having now watched the first episode I can say that, so far, it’s successful.
The story
Our story begins with a children’s birthday party. A performer is there with his daughter, giving horse rides and taking pictures with the kids.
As much as the adults try to focus on the party and the kids, it’s impossible to ignore the looming threat of war that’s on everyone’s mind.
Of course, it’s during this party that war comes, and the bombs drop.
We then cut to after the war and into one of the vaults established to protect humankind and the American Way. For future reference, this is Vault 33. We meet Lucy, our first main character, who’s petitioning to be married to a man from Vault 32 to ensure DNA diversity.
On the wedding night, though, Lucy and the rest of Vault 33 are met with a horrible surprise. The group they let in is not in fact from Vault 32, but is instead a team of raiders from the surface. The raiders kill a lot of the vault dwellers and kidnap Lucy’s father.
We are then introduced to our second main character, Maximus. He is in training to become a Knight in the Brotherhood of Steel. And, well, he’s not doing great.
Things get worse when his best friend Dane becomes a squire before him. But when Dane is hurt, Maximus gets their spot.
We then go back to Lucy, who has decided to leave the vault and find her dad. Of course, the council of her vault doesn’t want her to go. So she is aided by her brother Norm and cousin Chet in a wild escape.
What worked
The first thing that deserves attention is the exceptional character work. Our three main characters are fleshed out and relatable right away. We feel sympathetic for The Ghoul before he’s even introduced as such. We love Lucy’s nativity and selflessness. And we love Maximus for his honesty and passion for his cause.
While these characters are their own people, they also exhibit the three responses we might expect to see in a post-apocalyptic world. We have the hopeful optimist who doesn’t understand how bad things are. We have the aspiring hero who wants to make the world better by force. And we have the self-serving individual who’s given up on the rest of humanity and is only focused on surviving.
Another thing I enjoyed about this episode was the balance of humor and gore. Because there was certainly enough blood and guts for even the most hardcore horror lover. We had a violent sabotage, a brawl with raiders, and even several nuclear bombs.
But there were a lot of funny moments as well. Usually from Lucy. Her overall goodwill and fearless gumption are absolutely hilarious, especially given the horrors she’s facing. It never ceases to amuse me.
Both of these aspects are done perfectly. The jokes land and the bloody scenes pull no punches. It was delightful.
All in all, this was an exciting start to a much-anticipated series. Here’s hoping they’re able to stick the landing.
For more tv shows based on video games, check out my review of Witcher.
(4 / 5)
Episode seven of American Horror Story Delicate was a classic AHS flashback episode. If you were excited to see what Preecher had to say to Anna at the end of the last episode, I’m sorry to say that you will not get that satisfaction. However, we did learn all sorts of other fascinating things about the strange coven hunting Anna. And, we learned all sorts of things we didn’t know about Dex’s first wife, Adeline.
The story
We begin our story with a woman giving birth alone in a barn. When it becomes clear that she’s not going to be able to deliver vaginally, she pulls out a knife and cuts her stomach open to pull out her children.
For whatever reason, this is when the coven of witches decides to make themselves known.
We then cut to 2013, when Dex was still married to Adeline. In true Dex fashion, he’s surprised her with a puppy.
While that sounds great in theory, dogs are something a couple should talk about, not gift each other with as a surprise. An adult would know that. A trust fund boy like Dex does not.
Adeline owns a vegan restaurant called Ave Hestia. Love that name. She seems to be living a great life. She has a career she’s passionate about, friends who love her, and a husband she seems kind of fond of.
Maybe that’s why she didn’t want a puppy. She already had one.
Of course, things aren’t as good as they appear. We soon find out that Adeline was one of those babies we saw at the start of the episode. The other baby was Sonia, the painter.
And yes, both of these characters are played by Annabelle Dexter-Jones.
Adeline has stepped away from their family, and whatever dark things they do. But the family isn’t happy with her decision. And if she isn’t going to come back willingly, they’re going to make her.
What worked
To start with, I loved the character, Adeline. She is fierce, she is fearless, and relentless. I feel like this would have been a far different story if Adeline had been our main character. It was astounding to see her interact with the same people Anna has, and get a completely different response. It’s clear now, how much everyone around Anna resents her for simply not being Adeline.
I also appreciated that there was just a shocking amount of blood in this episode. From the start when Adeline and Sonia are born, to the climactic end of Adeline, this episode is just drenched in blood.
Finally, I’m fascinated by the changes in this season from the book it’s based on. Because absolutely none of this was in the book. Compared to this, the book is heartwarming.
The book is kind of heartwarming even without the comparison.
But I love the fact that, even with just two episodes left in the season, I have no idea what’s going to happen. I do not know what Anna is carrying. I do not know if she’s going to survive this. I do not know what these people want with her.
But I can’t wait to find out.
What didn’t work
All that being said, it is a bit frustrating to have no forward momentum in this episode. This was all backstory, and it felt like there wasn’t enough backstory to fill a full forty minutes. Because of that, it dragged. There were a lot of scenes that just didn’t need to be as long as they were. It felt like they could have cut that down considerably, and had some time to check in with our main characters at either the start or the end of the episode.
There are only two episodes left in the season, and I can honestly say I have no idea what’s going to happen. But so far the story has been dark, bloody, and provocative. So I hope they can manage to end it on a high note.
(4 / 5)
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