Suburban Screams, Cursed Neighborhood
Episode five of John Carpenter’s Suburban Screams was one of the best kind of horror stories. It is a dark, eerie tale of a mean house that is determined to destroy anyone who dares reside within it.
The story
Our story begins in 1682. A group of colonists are attempting to take over land that is very much not theirs. When the colonists are killed, they vow to curse the land.
Fast forward to modern times, and the land in question is a little suburban neighborhood. Carlette Norwood moves in with her husband, mother, and daughters. The house seems like a dream come true. Until, of course, their beautiful dream home becomes a nightmare. The curse of the colonists wrapped itself around the neck of each family member, turning them into people that they didn’t recognize. People who don’t exactly like each other.
What worked
While I wouldn’t say that the acting in this episode is flawless, it was several steps above what we’ve seen so far. Every actor seemed to understand their role and reacted in realistic ways. I was especially impressed by the young woman playing Angelique. She had the good sense to not overplay the role, giving each scene exactly the right amount of energy.
Of course, there was one actress who way overplayed every scene. But rather than being terrible, it was terrific. And that was Chloe Zeitounian, who played the neighbor Stacy. Stacy the neighbor was creepy as shit. After an unnamed neighbor dies by suicide, Stacy shows up at Carlette’s house with a bottle of champagne, sipping coffee with a big old smile. Well, okay it probably wasn’t coffee.
Stacy was a fantastic character, and I hope there was a crazy neighbor just like her. I bet her house was haunted as hell, but she just decided that her ghost was like a stray dog that everyone else thinks is dangerous. She probably put a bejeweled collar on the colonist ghost and renamed him Kori spelled with an I on purpose.
Finally, I want to talk about the theme of ancestral curse and ancestral protections that this episode discussed.
Charles County was cursed by the colonists who took the land that rightfully belonged to the indigenous tribes. They took what their ancestors had given them, and left a curse in their wake.
At the end of the episode, Carlette talks about being protected by her ancestors. Ancestors that survived horrible things most of us can’t imagine. I am sure that their strength blessed Carlette, and helped her to save Angelique.
What didn’t work
While this episode was certainly better than most of the season, it wasn’t perfect. The thing that most stood out to me as being frankly unneeded was the inclusion of maggots attacking Brian.
In multiple scenes, during which Carlette is narrating, Brian has maggots coming out of open wounds. Never once does Carlette mention a maggot issue.
It feels like there is a clear reason why the creators did this. This story doesn’t have a lot of blood, gore, or jump scares. And a core goal of horror content is to cause a reaction.
Stephen King has a great quote about this goal. “I recognize terror as the finest emotion and so I will try to terrorize the reader. But if I find that I cannot terrify, I will try to horrify, and if I find that I cannot horrify, I’ll go for the gross-out. I’m not proud.”
The inclusion of maggots in this story admits that someone involved didn’t think the story was terrorizing or horrifying enough. But it was. The story was freaky all on its own without the inclusion of our wriggling friends.
Is it true?
This might be an unpopular opinion, but aside from the completely unnecessary maggots infesting Brian, I think this episode is the most honest and accurate one so far.
The thing about hauntings is that they’re seldom what we see in the movies. Haunted houses don’t have glass vases flying off shelves and wallpaper peeling to reveal 666 painted in blood over arcane symbols. Haunted houses dig into the minds of those who live there, causing bad luck and bad vibes. And that’s exactly what happened here. There are no massive explosions. No spirits throwing people downstairs or demonic dogs chasing children from the attic. This house dug into the hearts and minds of a loving family, ripping them apart.
So yes, I do think this episode is likely true.
The further we get into Suburban Screams, the more I enjoy it. This episode was eerie, upsetting, and riveting. I hope that Carlette and her daughters are healing from this horrific journey. And I’m thankful to them for sharing their story.
(4.5 / 5)
House of Dragon S2E2: Coors Lite seems to have sponsored this episode. Remember, this is NOT a spoiler free review. It’s Jim watching the episode and writing random bits down without proof reading. …. much like what the show runners must have done with the season bible.
Without any further ado…our House of Dragon S2E2 Review! (Crap, that rhymes!)
That one prince dude is still dead and like so is the other one. No, not that one!
So apparently, Matt Smith didn’t mean to really have that one baby prince die or something. But you know, it’s easier to kill smaller ones than ones with eye-patches. I guess. I mean, does anyone care who killed a baby prince? It’s not like the rest of Westeros is going to see the dead kid on parade with his grieving…wait…what?
Are you shitting me? I haven’t seen this much of an obvious heart tug attempt since that one time I paid that Russian hooker to give me ‘the full trump’.
So..a populace of people who are very poor and really couldn’t give two shits who is in charge…are going to cry for you if you display a kid’s body? Sure. I guess it worked for (checks notes) Absolutely nobody before.
That other queen and the dude from Doctor Who’s conflict:
With an unforced error that one queen basically puts out the one guy who would literally kill for her. Is this a weird plot point I’m missing? So far the people who didn’t let Matt Smith’s character (man, we need a name for him. I mean one I can spell) do what he needed to do all sorta failed and died. Wonder if that’s foreshadowing or just an extra thing to go through to fill time?
And TWINS!!!:
Remember that one guy who was a twin of the other guy? And like they took opposing sides of the throne struggle? Nope? Well, me neither. Apparently Coors Lite is sponsoring this episode as the ‘you’ll go in and kill someone dressed as your twin’ trope gets used. It almost works. Sorta. Kinda. Okay, it’s not even close.
Not even a beard to tell the evil twin apart, we get rammed right into…a fight that ends in both of their deaths. That’s a missed opportunity, but I think a lot of this show might just be that: A missed opportunity.
New Hand aka OK Boomer
Looks like they tried a Boomer thing with HoD. The other other king kid (does this guy even have a name? Let’s call him Spanky Z). Spanky Z is all like I does what I want so I’ll kill every rat catcher and like hang them up and stuff. You know, things that Joffery would say was ‘a weak show’. Apparently, the populace doesn’t like being gutted and having their sons/fathers hung up dead on public display. Who knew?
The Hand knew, that’s who!!! Oh boy, is he ever going to take it to his grandson/nephew/niece (incest, amirite?)! Orr…..not. What I meant to say is, Oh boy! Won’t he ever just show how apparently weak a Hand he is and just resign after being replaced by some white cloak “definitely a virgin and not fuckin your mom’.
I think we’d care more if…we remembered anything from Season 1 about anyone here except this:
- 1. White Cloak dude fucked his mom
- 2. King dude is like not really the king but a pretender
- 3. Hand dude sold his 7 year old daughter to fuck the old king so she would be queen.
This episode was stronger than the last. I think they can still turn the ship around. I’d give this one a 4/5
I think that sums it up for our House of Dragon S2E2 Review. Now, back to that Coors Lite…
(4 / 5)
Season four of Amazon Prime’s The Boys launched on June 13th of this year. Having now watched the first episode, I believe I can safely say that this season is going to be bonkers.
Let’s discuss.
The story
When this episode begins, things aren’t going great for Homelander. He’s irritated at everyone around him for constantly agreeing with everything he says. He found a gray hair and is finally facing his own mortality. Oh, and he’s on trial for murdering a man last season.
Homelander decides he needs someone around him who will tell him the truth. Someone who can help him build a legacy. So he seeks out a sup named Sage, whose superpower is being the smartest person in the world. And what does he want with Sage? He wants her to help him destroy America.
Meanwhile, The Boys aren’t doing so well. They’ve been tasked with assassinating Neuman because she is the presumptive VP. But Neuman manages to avoid their assassination attempt by being literally bulletproof.
Unfortunately, The Boys aren’t bulletproof. And as we find out in this episode, one might not last much longer.
What worked
In fiction as in life, it is the little things that matter. It’s the small details that make the difference between a fine show and an exceptional one. This episode was full of such little details. One such detail was Homelander finding gray pubic hairs.
The reason why this distinction is important is because later in the episode we find out that his stylist has been dying his hair. She’s been intentionally hiding the fact that he’s going gray. This is important because it’s just one more person in Homelander’s life who is being dishonest with him. And I think that is what’s going to finally crack him.
The timing of this season is something I’d like to shed some light on. It is so fitting that this came out during an election year. Because of course, The Boys is mimicking the very real infighting we’re experiencing in America. We’ve all seen protests break out into violence. We’ve all seen important trials spark controversy. This is just so much like our real experience, except that in The Boys, the megalomaniac blond man baby is competent and good at things.
Finally, I was amused and impressed with the evolution of Neuman’s character. She is a politician, through and through. The way she can smile at someone while threatening them, and then make a pithy quip at their expense is fantastic. She made me laugh almost every time she was on screen.
What didn’t work
If I have one complaint about this episode, it’s that a lot happened in this episode. We have a whole bunch of plotlines going on here. Like, so many things. Butcher’s health, Homelander’s aging, Ryan’s future, Frenchie’s new boyfriend, Annie’s charity, Sage’s plotting, Butcher’s old friend, A-Train and The Deep growing discontent. And I’m sure I’m forgetting a few. This is just a lot to keep track of. And I just hope they have enough time and space to do them all justice.
Overall, I have high hopes for this season. And Amazon must too, because it appears that season five is already in the works. But for now, we’ll be back very soon to discuss episode two of The Boys.
(4 / 5)
By the way, if you like my writing you can get my short story, Man In The Woods, on Smashwords and Amazon.
Computers are all the rage. Of course, you already knew that. But did you know that scientists, those denizens of deep throaty maniacal laughter and storms brewing over dark brooding castles, are building tiny brain computers now? So apparently this is what all the zombies are being used for… They’re the lackeys getting the goods. No surprise there, though, zombies do make good lackeys.
16 Mini Brains
It’s catchy. Like a jingle. And those sixteen mini brains are getting all sorts of attention nowadays. Apparently they’re all over social media. We don’t know what truths they think they’ll find there, but it has been said they do like to play Pong, so maybe some of those other kind of mindless clicker games will have similar appeal. Anyway, we’ve caught a rare glimpse of these little items of incidental intellect, through our prompting of the NightCafe AI art generator. And they’re kinda cute. See these renditions of the tiny brain computers for yourself.
Mushrooming Mayhem
It’s not just tiny brain computers though. Those sneaky scientists have also been experimenting with mycelium, harnessing the fungal power of mushrooms to make mental machine magic. Or create computer craft as it were. So what happens when the tiny brain computers and the mushroom computers start talking? Well, we aren’t sure, but we suspect the manifesting motherboard mushroom man would know. You’ll have to ask him. We hear he’s a fun guy.
So What Do the Ethicists Think About All This?
I have to admit, I don’t know any ethicists to ask about the topic, but that career path sure beats archaeology. All we know is that the scientists are at it again, and they haven’t had the best track record for working with ethicists, though morality has been a kind of touch and go subject through the course of human history anyway.
And the whole idea has been a big influence on AI generated art, with all sorts of people prompting all kinds of crazy combinations of computer creatures crawling with creepiness into the realms of dystopian nightmare. In fact, more of these stories seem to be illustrated using AI art generation than including actual images of the real life results, perhaps because the reality is that petri dishes of cells and fungal fragments really aren’t that interesting visually, just kind of snotty looking kin to the Blob…
