Dear Stabby – Love Difficulties
Today we learn about loving animals, fire, and people.
Lighter than Dark
Horror parody and satire.
Dear Stabby
Welcome to our first installment of Dear Stabby! I have much experience solving the many problems of life. If…
LTD: Dracula Stops Killing Humans Because He Can Taste Our Despair
ROMANIA. Notorious V.A.M.P.I.R.E., Dracula is reportedly leaving Romanians alone for the first time ever after torturing them for centuries Records report that he killed ten people in January and February (his usual appetite), but by March, he only slaughtered an old man. And nobody has seen him since then. At first, locals were thanking the ground they walked on.
LTD: Horror Movie “Host” Less Terrifying than Actual Zoom Meeting
The new movie “Host,” a horror film about an ill-fated Zoom seance, earned rave reviews this summer when it…
LTD: Jeepers Creepers! NY Man Follows Pinterest Life Quote & Takes Out His Eyeballs
NEW YORK CITY, NY. On Sunday night, emergency services received a call from an Upper East Side apartment complex where investigators discovered a man who scooped out his own eyeballs. According to the man’s neighbors, his dog was barking so loud that they knocked on his door to tell him to “Shut up or go back to Staten Island like the trash disguised in a suit you are!”
LTD: Cultists Circulating Petition to Add Cthulhu to Presidential Ballot
PROVIDENCE, RI — Worshipers of the ancient, inconceivably horrific entity Cthulhu have organized a petition to get the Great…
LTD: Tik Tok Witch Teens Try To Curse All Anti-Maskers, But No Such Luck
LOS ANGELES, CA. They were maybe our last shot, the baby witches of Tik Tok. They are confident, educated, socially aware young people who can talk to the moon, read tarot cards, and otherwise live out their dreams as Marnie from Halloweentown. But unfortunately, our dear Grandma Debbie Reynolds is dead, and the world is fucked, with or without witchcraft.
LTD: Nation’s Horror Creators Say 2020 Stole Their Ideas
HOLLYWOOD, CA — Horror creators across the nation are frustrated that the year 2020 has included all of their…
LTD: Beauty Gurus Claim A Sephora Demon Possessed Them, Not Accountable For Problematic Pasts
LOS ANGELES, CA. Right when the world needed serious help because thousands are dying at the hands of virus that the U.S. government isn’t taking seriously, a few popular beauty YouTubers decided to make it about themselves. I think their private jets flew too close to the sun or however that saying goes.
LTD: Man Blames Tarot Cards For Murder Plot Against Ex
PORTLAND, OR. He was a skater boy. She said, see you later boy. That’s how the hipster couple, Stefan and Basil ended their eight year long relationship.
LTD: Grim Reaper Seeks Applicants for Summer Internship Program
RIVER STYX — The Grim Reaper announced today that he is accepting applications for a summer internship program due…
LTD: Virginia Family Wakes To Find Ghost of Jefferson Davis Haunting Them
RICHMOND VA. On Monday night, an entire street took part in a 3 a.m. shame session when the ghost…
LTD: Found Footage From YouTube Vlogger Shows A Paranormal Quarantine
LOS ANGELES, CA. One afternoon, landlord Craig Tist realized that there was one tenant he hadn’t seen since the…
LTD: Americans Say Alien Abduction Starting to Look Pretty Good Right About Now
ROSWELL, NM — A recent telephone survey conducted in the United States shows that most citizens would be amenable…
LTD: Nation’s Horror Villains Traumatized by Current Events
HADDONFIELD, IL — The nation’s horror villains called an emergency meeting this week to discuss the frightening state of…
LTD: Man Claims, “It Follows” Him Since He Went Shopping Without A Mask
LAS VEGAS, NV. The air was dry, but Steve Parkin’s pits were anything but. The Las Vegas native was seen running down The Strip, screaming his greasy head off at nothing in particular.
LTD: Bloody Mary Accuses Candyman of Copyright Infringement
CHICAGO, Ill. — Long-standing urban legend Bloody Mary announced today that she is considering legal action against fellow folklore…
LTD: Thanks To A Recent Beach Reopening, Texas Is Now Cursed
BOLIVAR PENINSULA, TX. This past weekend, thousands gathered for Texas’ “Go Topless” Jeep beach event. To the attendees’ horror, this fun, “much needed” break from the COVID-19 pandemic ended in the unexpected.
LTD: Exhausted Samara Morgan Begs Fans to Stop Sharing Cursed Video on TikTok
SEATTLE, Wash. — Samara Morgan, vengeful ghost and star of a cursed viral video, has asked fans to stop…
LTD: Satanists Prepare for Rosemary’s Baby Shower
NEW YORK CITY – Prominent Satanists Roman and Minnie Castavet have extended a shower invitation to all NYC-area cult…