Trailer interpretation: spoilers on a minute trailer, seriously, just go watch it

Picture this. You’ve had a hard day as a fantasy P.O.V. Watchman, all you want to do is peel off that shiny, unblemished armor at the local tavern and grab a nice, lukewarm ye olde brewdog. Last thing you wanted was to get stuck with an extra shift with dipshit Tedric in the middle of the creepyass woods.

And sure enough, as soon as you settle in, he starts whining about Fossbarrow, like you can do anything about that. It’s not your fault some stinky old guy decided to get superpowers one day and become a dumb mage.

As you start to appease the baby, something in the woods snaps your attention away for just a split second. In that moment, Tedric is gone. Completely gone. Like gonegone, except for his helmet, which honestly he doesn’t need because his head is the least damageable thing about him. Still, it’s weird. He doesn’t just leave. Usually if he has to go to the bathroom, he makes you hold his other hand…

“Tedric?” You question, and from the darkness, you hear him moan, “Help me.”

He must have gotten lost somehow by just sitting there, kind of like the time he somehow strangled himself with an extra long strip beef jerky.

“Help me!” He cries out again and suddenly a lantern flashes down the path, squeaking sharply and swaying, as if someone rushed away.

Well, that was…odd. What the hell did he do this time?

You rush forward, pulling back branches in your way, to find a crude-looking scarecrow resting by a lone tree. As soon as you approach, it disintegrates into rot and dust.

Oooookay. Maybe Tedric summoned some kind of something by accidental magic, like when he stuck his **** in that summoning circle and ******* *** while accidentally touch his ***** and ********** until he **** and then somehow the champion Zac was created (my boss says I can’t actually write this, but I think you get the gist).

“HELP ME!” You hear him screech from behind you.

Whipping around, there is another scarecrow, illuminated only by moonlight and the rusty lantern it holds in its gangly, outstretched arm. For a moment, there is only stillness as you catch your breath, as you hear the distant cawing of crows growing nearer.

As the crows pass, shadows in the darkness, you realize that this is not a ***** monster like Zac, this is something…much, much worse.

In a swift motion, its arm falls, squeals against rust. Pauses. Your heart in your throat, you wait for it to dissolve, too. To fall into dust. But, as if woken by your terror, scarlet eyes piece through the darkness, and the skeletal body contorts grotesquely. The creature rushes forward; the gnarled, gaping mouth is the last thing you see…

Fiddlesticks Rework:

Fiddlesticks is getting a spoopy rework and it’s not even Halloween!

Not that I play Stiddleflicks (he’s difficult and I’m lazy), but I’ve always appreciated the horror elements of League of Legends – Diddlefanks being one of the best it has to offer. And, trust me, League actually offers quite a bit. You have mummies, spider-babes, mad scientists, mermaids, demons, eater of souls, taker of souls, breaker of souls, werewolves, genetic experiments, a gargoyle, a vampire (kinda), and a giant bug that wants to eat everyone. It doesn’t shy away from these certain elements; however, many times it’s hardly pulled off as true horror. Characters are often cute like Amumu, the mummy with no friends, or sexy like Illaoi and her ghost tentacles….wait, what? What about Elise and Evelynn? I have no idea what you’re talking about. They’re 3’s at best.

Anyway, that’s why this promo and rework is very exciting. It’s fun to see Riot Games get dark and gritty. We’ve seen fun, cool, sleek, even bubblegum pop. It’s great to see the design team stretch their legs into more scary, which is the very core of Skimbleshanks. Like, for real, it’s one of his most insanely annoying abilities. The only issue is that it NEEDED TO BE LONGER as a promo. Too short, need more boo!s, please. What we got was fantastic, though, and it was refreshing to see a simple horror story well-executed with an appropriate jump-scare.

Zac for reference, aka the s**** demon


I still won’t play him because I’m lazy and he’s annoying to play against, but I give this promo and physical rework hearty praise and the new look sends a chill down every spine. Except Zac, because a sentient gob of s**** doesn’t have a spine. Based on trailer alone:

4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)
About the Author

When not ravaging through the wilds of Detroit with Jellybeans the Cat, J.M. Brannyk (a.k.a. Boxhuman) reviews mostly supernatural and slasher films from the 70's-90's and is dubiously HauntedMTL's Voice of Reason. Aside from writing, Brannyk dips into the podcasts, and is the composer of many of HauntedMTL's podcast themes.

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