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William Zuni by Brenda Tolian

We all have our baggage; some carry it around. I tend to go for a more natural route. It only takes a couple of hours to dig a few feet down in a secluded place and throw the body in. I fill the hole and then make a rock arrangement that lends itself to a medicine wheel fabrication, the reason being that folks in this area follow superstition and look, but never touch. Sometimes I’ve been on the trail coming down out of the mountains and can’t help smiling to myself as white hippies tripping balls dance just outside the perimeter, believing they are in a sacred place when in reality they are worshiping at the mounds of past mistakes rectified.
            I don’t consider myself a murderer. The act of killing merely a merciful way of dealing out absolutions. Anyone I put there with dirt filling their mouth practically begged to be there. You know how lips lie, but actions are telling? Well, that is how I saw my purpose in my own personal philosophical approach. And trust me, I thought about it often.
            I’m not crazy, but the mountain tells me things, gives me direction in my actions. It is into her embrace that I deliver the goods. She seems to appreciate the feeding, and I feed her often. Sometimes I feel that I am reincarnated, not in the hippy sense but in the theme of one who seeks out the sinful flesh for feeding. If they don’t get right, then I make it right.

Today, I hunted a baker. Not an actual baker who has a business that can be traced. No, this baker only left a French azure plate behind. Imagine, if you will, a potluck spread out across rough-hewed tables community style. Then imagine ten children dropping dead to the ground, flies buzzing on their lips partaking of the sticky sweetness. The actor was no Jim Jones, but that was the thing about this town and the surrounding mountains. No one felt they were guilty — no one except me. Funny, the Sheriff’s department even offered a lesser sentence if the guilty person came forward, but no one did.

I wanted to investigate for my own purposes, having a different incentive than the local law enforcement. I decided to go into the only coffee shop, a strange hub where Buddhist monks and new age inclined had polite debates on the afterlife and aliens. An Anglo girl with dreads piled on her head dressed like a sultana princess led me to a table that was decorated with a mosaic of dragonflies and iron. She smiled at me, dropping a menu on the table, which I promptly handed back, causing her frown.

“Coffee, black,” was all I said, dismissing her with my tone.

Coagulating bile is what happens in a small town, but here it was a more mixed-up mess with their appropriated beliefs and religions. They called the deaths of the children an accident, but here more than any other place; there were no accidents. In fact, these people lived on their intentions and even stated them loudly upon soapboxes in town and online. This might sound like a farce to those who live two thousand feet lower in elevation, but here everything had sacred purpose ascribed to it. In some ways, it might be the elevation that imbued the beliefs that lived here. The air was thinner than the valley floor and, for me personally, I could feel the heartbeat of the mountain. Others could also sense it, but not in the same way I did: a profound feeling like bees that resided in my head, or the scintillating sound of the hummingbird. In the world, I appear regular enough, but all her best hunters do. I have never met any of my predecessors, but I know there have been a few before me. I know from old journals and newspapers going back to the 1870s. I suppose the others would have different tales, but mine is simple: I died for a moment years ago and awoke a different man altogether.

            I sat down all ready annoyed by the meditative music of the place, a strange mix of trance with native chanting. I traced my finger across the iron and jagged stone table and sat back with my eyes fixed into mere slits. To the patrons, I looked regular, meditative even. In truth, I was listening to what I was not meant to overhear with the incredible gifts the mountain gave me. The coffee came hot and steaming, a heart floating in steamed milk I had not requested sat on the surface. The waitress flashed me a forced smile which I chose to ignore.

A heart, I thought, how quaint.

Next, to me, two men spoke in hushed tones, one too suburban to be here and the other seeming almost homeless.

“He wants it kept quiet,” the homeless one said, his eyes twitching.

“He needs to turn himself in,” the well-dressed one hissed, “It wasn’t medicine; it was a massacre.”

“He was trying to spread the love, not kill anybody.”

            I knew the well-dressed one to be Nathan Holmes: a member of the town board who hoped to be Mayor. The other was known as Old Bill. I wasn’t interested in Nathan—he would be an interest later—nor was I interested in Old Bill at the moment. What I was interested in was the connection. Their connection was to the Sacred Buffalo Circle, a supposed Native American church that had nary a native member. All Anglos. There were no words in my language to describe my revulsion for them.

             I often attended their ceremonies as the token Indian. It was sickening how much they kissed my ass when I visited. The ceremonies were an appropriated mix of storybook ritual borrowed from Plains Indian, Celtic and imaginative voodoo. I would sit and plan each death and pray the mountain would allow me the honor of extinguishing each of them in my lifetime. The mountain was more than agreeable opening a path with ease if the killing was pleasing to her.

Nathan seemed to be barely keeping his anger under wraps. I suspected it was hard to present lawfulness in a town where it only existed as a veneer.

“If he comes forward, the whole church will go down, and you know what that will mean for this town,” Old Bill said shifting in his seat which sent sickening odors of weeks’ old sweat and herbal oils wafting in my direction.

            The men seemed to notice me then and nodded in my direction. I nodded back and closed my eyes. They didn’t expect anything more, as I was known for keeping my own counsel, a man of few words. It seemed to the community I was stoic, but in reality, I fucking hated them all.

They didn’t need to say anything more; I knew where to find my baker.

            I got up, leaving the coffee with its feeble foam heart. I stopped the blonde hippy princess and told her I didn’t ask for milk, leaving her looking irritated and less than loved. I went out to where my truck was pulled in under a massive cottonwood. My wolf dog, Ogma, waiting in the back, only getting up to see it was me before curling up again in boredom. I had fun choosing her name; I decided to appropriate an Anglo name of some god of Irish poetry and fish, or something. Some thought Ogma was otherworldly, which wasn’t all wrong; the mountain gave her to me for the hunt, and she had a taste for human blood. The assholes didn’t even realize I was mocking them, thinking it was some tribal power word. It was painfully apparent that most here spoke but never bothered to read much if they had they might have known the dog they petted might be eating them one day. Ogma was sweet until she went all hound of Bakersville on the trail.

            We drove out on the pavement that took visitors to the ritzier holy places, like a mall of various religions and then turned West heading out on gravel roads that quickly went from mountain pinon to arid desert. The drive zigzagged through prickly pear, sage, and yucca the valley floor had a strange beauty of its own, that seemed to say; do not walk here. I walked here often and even slept beneath the stars on occasion, but it was not a preferred place, as the mountain heartbeat seemed only a murmur here. I needed to hear her and feel her below me as I slept.

            My destination was on the horizon: a trashy mix of tepees, tiny homes, and a larger building where the church gathered. I knew part of the building was also the home and harem of its leader, Joseph Moskva, who was in truth Russian. He had five kids and counting with his three wives who all dutifully saw to the internal workings of the community. I was welcome here with some suspicion. It wasn’t that Joseph knew what I was; it was envy for my ancestry and his belief that I would replace him if given a chance. This bizarre envy on his part created cold civility between us that mostly worked to my advantage.  In actuality, as I surveyed the property, I thought about how quickly the canvas teepees would burn and how nice the land would look without the Anglo trash that had overrun it.

            I pulled into the drive kicking up significant plumes of dust and parked. They were armed, so I always thought it best to sit a bit until they came out to welcome. Militant hippy types were tricky in that they didn’t plan on what to shoot at; they reacted in pure pathos, a shoot on a whim sort of way. They never practiced their shot or hunted, most of these folk being vegetarians and I respected the danger in that.

            I rolled a cigarette and lit it, watching passive smoke rise and curl out of the truck window. The turquoise sky was without clouds, and the sun was blazing down, heating the cab as I waited, Ogma began to pace in the truck bed. Finally, a door to the building opened and Willow, the youngest wife, came out. Her unnaturally red hair was piled on her head like the princess from the coffee shop. She was even dressed somewhat like the waitress in long hemp skirts with beadwork and feathers to render herself in the stolen native tradition. Her belly protruded with the next child to come; I had heard two of his wives were expecting around the same time. Joseph was a busy man.

             She smiled as she came to the window. Without a word, I handed her my smoke, which she seemed grateful for. She leaned against the door letting out a sigh.

“God, I was hoping someone would come along with tobacco. Joseph took the truck, so we can’t get into town.”

 He’s not here, I thought.

“How are you, Zuni?” Willow asked, stepping back as I opened the door.

 I stepped out slowly and leaned against the truck with her. She glanced at me under thick lashes reddening from her cheeks down to her apple breasts.

“I can’t complain. I wanted to speak to Joseph.”

            She blew out a plume of smoke while she rubbed her belly.

“He went up to the mountain, taking some soul seekers on ceremony there. I wish I could have gone, but he said it would be hard on the baby.”

“Ah,” I said, “A mountain is an ugly place for those with child.”

She laughed, her face almost pretty in action. “Zuni you talk so Indian.”

            I let this pass as she was young and stupid. She became a wife at sixteen and never finished school. On top of that, she had endured two years of being told what to think and do, which rendered her an inconsequence.

“Which spot did they go to?” I asked, letting a smooth smile come to my mouth.

“Oh, you know the Alien Rocks with the vortex,” she said singsong like.

            It was all I could do not to laugh. The Alien Rocks was a spot for orgies and plant-based drugs, supposedly sacred due to aliens visiting a townie almost twenty years ago. The vortex allusion was their childlike way to explain the mountain. They thought it was a vortex of power, but in reality, it was the mouth of the mountain leading directly to her belly. This information could not make me happier as it seemed my baker had delivered himself to the perfect spot.

            “Ya wanna come in for some kombucha?” she asked in the most innocent tone she dared.

             I looked at her, still smiling. I had gone in for Kombucha before; it was like entering the most tapestry laden harem in the country. Where the women lived could be described as one never-ending bed, and since Joseph was gone plenty, they took advantage of those who visited. It was mostly out of boredom, but also the freewheeling culture of the town. I could attest that the kombucha was more than that, and enough to make any man or woman forget where they were for hours. I was initially surprised that Joseph didn’t get upset—maybe he did—I was never sure, nor did I care.

            “Why thank you, Willow, but no, Ogma and I have an appointment around sunset.”

            Disappointment crossed her face before being replaced by a robotic smile.

            “All right promise you’ll come over soon. We gotta catch up.” She took the cigarette with her walking away.

            I shook my head and got back in the truck. The women here were strange contradictions, on the one hand all about female power and, as they called it, juiciness—and I can attest to the juiciness—the other side was an acceptance of the patriarchy. In as much as they saw themselves as goddesses, they worshiped the men as gods. They were the very opposite of the goddess I worshiped. I suppose I preferred my lady along the line of the essence of a mountain lion, with blood in her mouth.

            I drove to the trailhead, not bothering to hide my truck since most townies expected to see it parked up there. My other line of work is that of a guide to Denverites going up the mountain. I checked my pack and let Ogma out, who proceeded to dive into the pinon. I rolled a cigarette, lit it, and let my eyes rove the mountainside. The thinnest trail of smoke about four miles up was where I had expected it. I thought about the others with Joseph, who were on some sort of Anglo vision quest. At least they would be out of their minds from fasting. I hoped that they would be fucked up on peyote or something by the time I got there.

            I began the hike just off the trail, the mosquitos packed into thick clouds that didn’t seem to notice me as I passed through. Ogma joined me from time to time, and if there were others on the trail, her wolf-like features would send them back down to the parking lot. I think she enjoyed scaring the Denverites on the path; I guess I took pleasure in it too. The sun was hot, blazing beams upon my head as I walked at a slow, leisurely pace. I was not in a hurry as my work would not start until after sundown. I felt joyful with the mountain heartbeat thumping below my boots.

            I thought about the coming moments wishing I had baked a cake for the occasion. I would have liked serving it to Joseph, but it wouldn’t be enough. She wanted blood.

            The mountain watched everything. Some could have said I was born of her watchful eye. My parents disappeared here, so perhaps I was looking for something here too.

I arrived in the valley years ago and explored the few towns eventually making my way up the mountain to this place, a mecca for the lost and misunderstood. In some ways, I felt that I was not unlike these people, and they embraced me quickly enough, mostly because of my native look. I was half Native American, but have never known my parents, I also never knew my tribe. The townsfolk, however, didn’t care. Merely having me around lent to the authentic esthetic they desired in the ceremony. I took on the name Zuni as it was the first that came to mind, not having a tribe of my own. I thought it up during one of these rituals preferring to remain mysterious. No one thought it was strange and most even seemed to like rolling that name around in their mouth. I had no desire to share my actual name with those who lived here.

             I attended many rituals I must admit, as it was the perfect place for information and the hunt. I just sat there silent like a medicine man while they vomited in buckets hallucinating ancestors that were not theirs. I figured the free booze, marijuana, and sex if I wanted it was reason enough to be their Indian. Sometimes it paid off in information or my prey who were all too happy to go on a hike with the ‘sacred one’ after a night of illumination from ayahuasca.

             I hiked, the mountains being the most beautiful range anyone could ever see — my opinion, of course. I felt more at home, the higher I went as if a connection was formed with each step. I thought on this plenty, wondering if it was because my past was a locked door that could never be opened. I said I didn’t care about my parents, but that would be untrue as I walked the lofty trails.

             It was on one of these hikes almost three years ago that I misjudged a trail that was unstable after the monsoon rains. I was told that I fell one hundred feet down the side and was unconscious for hours, but I wasn’t.  Something happened that reshaped me, as my blood pooled out of my head. The mountain soaked my unintentional offering into her spongy sides and fabricated a thread of connection as her tongue sucked and tasted, deciding I was good. I remember being pulled down out of my body through the layers of rock, soil, and root. I could not see her, but her voice as she spoke to me was a terribly beautiful thing, filling me with awe and consternation. In flashing yet painfully vivid pictures I saw the bloody work required, she had a refined taste and desired those who truly belonged in her belly. I knew that there were no choices here. I would choose, or I would die. Truth be told there was no contrary thought in me; she felt more real than a ghost of a mother. She was the mother.

Her thighs contained the mine shafts in which bodies were thrown, almost all women, children, and I suspected my parents. The decade didn’t matter whether it be 1872 or the present; men sinned just the same. When it was only mining towns across the bosom of the mountains a century ago, they used up the women and then they made them disappear. The same thing happens now, and the local Sherriff department is rendered helpless by the transient nature and secretive culture of the town. I figured this is how no one ever suspects me. Others before me had been caught, hanged, imprisoned, but I was a shadow here blending in until I had no desire to do so. I wasn’t an avenging angel; I was her son doing the only thing I felt compelled to do.

            I took the trail slow following the arc of her spine. The creek was swollen with snowmelt, loud and angry. Since I had the benefit of knowing where they would be, I took a path that switchbacked to a cliff overlook. This jutted out chunk of rock afforded me a view down to the Alien Rocks as the Anglos called it.

            I would like to say I was surprised by what I observed, but I wasn’t. Below were rocks that had been tumbled then moved by men like Joseph. They stood in triangles of three, about seven in number, and within each was a naked person reclined. It was evident that they were, as I expected, tripping, some reaching out to things only they could see. A vat of something, probably ayahuasca, bubbled over a small fire. Joseph moved from one to the other, especially paying attention to the two women of the group. I’m not sure if they had been sober that they would have allowed the ways he was touching them, but they certainly did not mind currently. Joseph was almost naked except for a loin cloth making his white skin contrast in an almost embarrassing way with the dark greens around him. I could hear him chanting gibberish. I supposed it was his rendition of Indian speak. If he didn’t look so stupid, I might have been more upset.

            Ogma appeared at my side bloody around her open mouth and jagged teeth. She had obviously been busy on the trail.

“Well, friend, how shall we do it?” I asked her. She just tilted her head looking up at me, then turned around three times and curled up to rest. I think she sensed the hunt was coming, and she wanted to be ready.

            I didn’t want all of them, and neither did the mountain. Patience was a virtue given by the mountain, so I would wait. The perfect moment would come. I laid down beside my dog and drifted off for a bit while the sun sailed west in the sky. She licked my face with her bloodied tongue. I didn’t mind; I never minded the blood.

When my eyes opened again, it was dark. The dancing light of flames from a considerable fire below illuminated the clearing. They were dancing now, still naked, some beating bongos and others were playing the flute. A few chanted loudly in their new possession of a fake native tongue. Apparently, on nature drugs, you could crawl into the skin you wanted…fuckers.

            I didn’t see Joseph. I dug out my binoculars and took a closer look counting and finding one of the women was missing. My best guess was he was beyond the perimeter, fucking her. I reset my pack on my back and moved slow and silent down the cliff. The thing about fire is that you can see within the circle of its light but not so good beyond, which rendered the dancers blind to me and the mountain. They just went on with their soul seeking madness.

            The moon rose over the mountain illuminating the area. And I could see two white bodies in the distance. I stopped when the light glinted off the cold steel of a dagger held aloft in Joseph’s hand. It was then I realized the woman was not moving. Joseph sliced down in one quick motion, removing something. I wasn’t afraid and deep inside I felt the movement of the mountain telling me it was time. I smiled then, walking forward. I am a rather silent person and not given to fits of emotion; this helped in my line of work.

So, no sound came from my mouth as I took in the singular sight of Joseph cutting off the woman’s flesh and eating it raw.

“So, you’re not only a baker; you’re a butcher too?” I said evenly cutting the nights silence.

            Joseph, almost an animal at this point, looked up, surprised with his face covered in blood. His eyes were dilated black as I clicked on my flashlight. I traced the ground and saw the body was in several pieces, just close together, which is why I hadn’t seen it as it was sooner. He threw his arms over his eyes.

“Zuni?”

He crawled backward laughing a bit. “It’s…surely you know, you know your people do the sacrifice thing…right?”

I didn’t say anything. Part of me wanted to kill him right there for that statement. He started in with his gibberish chanting, and then I was annoyed.

“What are you sacrificing for?” I decided to play along a bit.

“Uh well, those kids that were hurt,”

“Killed, you mean.”

“Uh right, if they catch me, man, my church will be lost. Everything gone. “He said, shaking one of the dead girls’ hands in my face.

“Church of the lost…church of the fucking lost.” I smiled down at him. “Tell me, was it an accident?”

Joseph began to rock on the heels of his feet, wrapping his bloodied arms around himself.

“Yes and no. People were jumping camp, and I needed some control brother.”

“I see.”

“Not killed…I mean, they weren’t supposed to die.”

“Well, friend, they are dead.” I reminded him a second time.

He nodded and began chanting again. I had wanted a more complex interaction, but have you ever tried to talk to someone on ayahuasca? I mean his eyes were crazy. I’m pretty sure he thought I was a spirit guide.

            I looked at the carved-up body. The woman had been beautiful. I recognized her as a tribal dancer in town, and I knew her because I had slept with her a time or two. She had partaken in the ritual many times, seeking clarity in her life. I am pretty sure she never pictured this in her drug-addled mind. Her tongue hung grotesquely from her mouth; her neck half hacked away. I knew they sacrificed dogs and such but hadn’t thought anyone had been fit for this. Murder yes, but deliberately sacrificing someone not so much.

I was almost impressed and wondered if the mountain had permeated his mind like my own.

            Ogma bounded into the clearing muscles taut, hair spiky. This was the final ascent to my purpose here. I began to feel the change overcoming me, though I had no way to see if I really changed. My nails and teeth seemed to grow longer, I felt ligaments exploding and my form elongating. I had to get my boots off in a hurry as my feet began to enlarge in the stiff leather painfully. Joseph’s face shifted as I watched the blood lust drain from his features, replaced by my desired result of fear. I could smell it like pungent rotten meat, and I wanted that meat with a hunger that tore through my body in an excruciating need.

            “Run!” I said in a half growl. I held back with all my might, moving just enough so he could not run again to the fire, only higher up the mountain. Joseph hesitated, and his bladder let loose. He looked at me, pleading with his fearful black eyes.

            “Run!” I shouted again, my voice lower now. This time Joseph took off up the trail. I waited as my body continued its metamorphosis. My goddess had changed me with her power and bloodlust. This was not to say I was suddenly a freak animal nor a werewolf. No, I was still me, only better, faster, and with ungodly strength and a damn overwhelming hunger. They say we are immortal. I have my doubts about that, but I enjoy the feeling so much that I remain mostly sober in every other part of my life.

The mountain is all I need.

I was not Zuni. I am William.

And for them? I was pure punishment.

The hunt was not long; the drugs making Joseph’s legs sluggish. I suppose the head start was my way of allowing him to feel he still had power and choices. Men like him were drunk on the feeling and needed to be drunk on it until it was brutally ripped away. Needless to say, I was somewhat disappointed in the feeling of chasing something that felt more like a domesticated cow than a sure-footed bull elk. Yet the first draw of blood alleviated the disappointment with the first gush in my mouth.

With my long talon-like nails, I began to slice off strips of Joseph even as he begged for life. The warm flesh I consumed raw, some of which I shared with Ogma. The irony of butchering the butcher was not lost on me. I must confess I enjoyed him watching as I consumed him. Joseph’s face morphing between implausible pain to horror, unable to scream as his tongue I had quickly cut out and fed to Ogma. I could feel the rapturous hunger of the goddess of the mountain all around me as the blood pooled below and soaked into the dirt. I kept him alive for hours, reviving him from time to time, feasting until he finally bled out. That night I slept with a full belly in her arms, enclosed in the blood, flesh, and moist loam.

            The next morning the sun glittered on the dew, and I washed in the creek. I dug a pit and rolled the bones and tattered flesh into the mountains embrace. I created my best medicine wheel yet, imagining the face of the first hippy soul searcher to find it, the awe and tiptoeing around it in a moment imbued with assumed sacred magic. The place I had chosen for this work of art was particularly suited to the occasion with large boulders around the edges and swaying aspen. I worked until satisfied and surveyed the suitably primitive rendition. Ogma sniffed at the mound of rocks that contained the body at its center and moved on uninterested, assuring me that any animals in the area would leave it undisturbed.

            Ogma and I took a longer route down, first checking the Alien Rocks to see if the soul seekers were still sleeping. They were, as I expected, in a pile of peaceful limbs in a deep sleep and I suspected they would stay that way till noon, waking up sunburnt and severely dehydrated. I smiled knowing that today would be the worst day of their life; some of them might even reform their Anglo ways.

            I continued down, but not in a rush. Instead, I found myself enjoying the feeling of her inside as if I were a breathing buzzing hive full of bees, full of the queen. Hikers that met me on the trail couldn’t help but smile and later tell a tale of meeting the most majestic Indian they had ever seen. They will say they thought I might have been a spirit of the mountain, and I would disagree. I was her devoted servant. I was William.

Brenda Tolian is a recent graduate of Adams State University and a current graduate student in creative writing at Regis University. She currently resides in the strange and hauntingly beautiful San Luis Valley. Her writing is inspired by folklore, cultures, current crimes and mysteries of the ancient place she calls home. If it matters…She is queer.

Original Creations

Goodbye for Now, a Short Story by Jennifer Weigel

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What if ours weren’t the only reality? What if the past paths converged, if those moments that led to our current circumstances got tangled together with their alternates and we found ourselves caught up in the threads?


Marla returned home after the funeral and wake. She drew the key in the lock and opened the door slowly, the looming dread of coming back to an empty house finally sinking in. Everyone else had gone home with their loved ones. They had all said, “goodbye,” and moved along.

Her daughter Misty and son-in-law Joel had caught a flight to Springfield so he could be at work the next day for the big meeting. Her brother Darcy was on his way back to Montreal. Emmett and Ruth were at home next door, probably washing dishes from the big meal they had helped to provide afterward, seeing as their kitchen light was on. Marla remembered there being food but couldn’t recall what exactly as she hadn’t felt like eating. Sandwiches probably… she’d have to thank them later.

Marla had felt supported up until she turned the key in the lock after the services, but then the realization sank deep in her throat like acid reflux, hanging heavy on her heart – everyone else had other lives to return to except for her. She sighed and stepped through the threshold onto the outdated beige linoleum tile and the braided rag rug that stretched across it. She closed the door behind herself and sighed again. She wiped her shoes reflexively on the mat before just kicking them off to land in a haphazard heap in the entryway.

The still silence of the house enveloped her, its oppressive emptiness palpable – she could feel it on her skin, taste it on her tongue. It was bitter. She sighed and walked purposefully to the living room, the large rust-orange sofa waiting to greet her. She flopped into its empty embrace, dropping her purse at her side as she did so.

A familiar, husky voice greeted her from deeper within the large, empty house. “Where have you been?”

Marla looked up and glanced around. Her husband Frank was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, drying a bowl. Marla gasped, her hand shooting to her mouth. Her clutched appendage took on a life of its own, slowly relinquishing itself of her gaping jaw and extending a first finger to point at the specter.

“Frank?” she spoke hesitantly.

“Yeah,” the man replied, holding the now-dry bowl nestled in the faded blue-and-white-checkered kitchen towel in both hands. “Who else would you expect?”

“But you’re dead,” Marla spat, the words falling limply from her mouth of their own accord.

The 66-year old man looked around confusedly and turned to face Marla, his silver hair sparkling in the light from the kitchen, illuminated from behind like a halo. “What are you talking about? I’m just here washing up after lunch. You were gone so I made myself some soup. Where have you been?”

“No, I just got home from your funeral,” Marla spoke quietly. “You are dead. After the boating accident… You drowned. I went along to the hospital – they pronounced you dead on arrival.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Frank said. “What boating accident?”

“The sailboat… You were going to take me out,” Marla coughed, her brown eyes glossed over with tears.

“We don’t own a sailboat,” Frank said bluntly. “Sure, I’d thought about it – it seems like a cool retirement hobby – but it’s just too expensive. We’ve talked about this, we can’t afford it.”

Marla glanced out the bay window towards the driveway where the small sailboat sat on its trailer, its orange hull reminiscent of the Florida citrus industry, and also of the life jacket Frank should have been wearing when he’d been pulled under. Marla cringed and turned back toward the kitchen. She sighed and spoke again, “But the boat’s out front. The guys at the marina helped to bring it back… after you… drowned.”

Frank had retreated to the kitchen to put away the bowl. Marla followed. She stood in the doorway and studied the man intently. He was unmistakably her husband, there was no denying it even despite her having just witnessed his waxen lifeless body in the coffin at the wake before the burial, though this Frank was a slight bit more overweight than she remembered.

“Well, that’s not possible. Because I’m still here,” Frank grumbled. He turned to face her, his blue eyes edged with worry. “There now, it was probably just a dream. You knew I wanted a boat and your anxiety just formulated the worst-case scenario…”

“See for yourself,” Marla said, her voice lilting with every syllable.

Frank strode into the living room and stared out the bay window. The driveway was vacant save for some bits of Spanish moss strewn over the concrete from the neighboring live oak tree. He turned towards his wife.

“But there’s no boat,” he sighed. “You must have had a bad dream. Did you fall asleep in the car in the garage again?” Concern was written all over his face, deepening every crease and wrinkle. “Is that where you were? The garage?”

Marla glanced again at the boat, plain as day, and turned to face Frank. Her voice grew stubborn. “It’s right here. How can you miss it?” she said, pointing at the orange behemoth.

“Honey, there’s nothing there,” Frank exclaimed, exasperation creeping into his voice.

Marla huffed and strode to the entryway, gathering her shoes from where they waited in their haphazard heap alongside the braided rag run on the worn linoleum floor. She marched out the door as Frank took vigil in its open frame, still staring at her. She stomped out to the boat and slapped her hand on the fiberglass surface with a resounding smack. The boat was warm to the touch, having baked in the Florida sun. She turned back towards the front door.

“See!” she bellowed.

The door stood open, empty. No one was there, watching. Marla sighed again and walked back inside. The vacant house once again enveloped her in its oppressive emptiness. Frank was nowhere to be found.

Sailboat drawing in reverse by Jennifer Weigel
Sailboat drawing in reverse by Jennifer Weigel

So I guess it’s goodbye for now. Feel free to check out more of Jennifer Weigel’s work here on Haunted MTL or here on her website.

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Original Series

Nightmarish Nature: Just Jellies

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Today on Nightmarish Nature we’re gonna revisit The Blob and jiggle our way to terror. Why? ‘Cause we’re just jellies – looking at those gelatinous denizens of the deep, as well as some snot-like land-bound monstrosities, and wishing we could ooze on down for some snoozy booze schmoozing action. Or something.

Ooze on in for some booze schmoozin' action
Ooze on in for some booze schmoozin’ action

Honestly, I don’t know what exactly it is that jellyfish and slime molds do but whatever it is they do it well, which is why they’re still around despite being among the more ancient organism templates still in common use.

Jellyfish are on the rise.

Yeah, yeah, some species like moon jellies will hang out in huge blooms near the surface feeding, but that’s not what I meant. Jellyfish populations are up. They’re honing in on the open over-fished ocean and making themselves at home. Again.

And, although this makes the sea turtles happy since jellies are a favorite food staple of theirs, not much else is excited about the development. Except for those fish that like to hide out inside of their bells, assuming they don’t accidentally get eaten hanging out in there. But that’s a risk you gotta take when you’re trying to escape predation by surrounding yourself in a bubble of danger that itself wants to eat you. Be eaten or be eaten. Oh, wait…

Fish hiding in jellyfish bell
In hiding…

So what makes jellies so scary?

Jellyfish pack some mighty venom. Despite obvious differences in mobility, they are related to anemones and corals. But not the Man o’ War which looks similar but is actually a community of microorganisms that function together as a whole, not one creature. Not that it matters when you’re on the wrong end of a nematocyst, really. Because regardless what it’s attached to, that stings.

Box jellies are among the most venomous creatures in the world and can move of their own accord rather than just drifting about like many smaller jellyfish do. And even if they aren’t deadly, the venom from many jellyfish species will cause blisters and lesions that can take a long time to heal. So even if they do resemble free-floating plastic grocery bags, you’d do best to steer clear. Because those are some dangerous curves.

Jellies in bloom
Jellies in bloom

But what does this have to do with slime molds?

Absolutely nothing. I honestly don’t know enough about jellyfish or slime molds to devote the whole of a Nightmarish Nature segment to either, so they had to share. Essentially, this bit is what happened when I decided to toast a bagel before coming up with something to write about and spent a tad too much time in contemplation of my breakfast. I guess we’re lucky I didn’t have any cream cheese or clotted cream…

Jellies breakfast of champions
Jellies breakfast of champions

Oh, and also thinking about gelatinous cubes and oozes in the role-playing game sense – because those sort of seem like a weird hybrid between jellies and slime molds, as does The Blob. Any of those amoeba influenced creatures are horrific by their very nature – they don’t even need to be souped up, just ask anyone who’s had dysentery.

And one of the most interesting thing about slime molds is that they can take the shortest path to food even when confronted with very complex barriers. They are maze masterminds and would give the Minotaur more than a run for his money, especially if he had or was food. They have even proven capable of determining the most efficient paths for water lines or railways in metropolitan regions, which is kind of crazy when you really think about it. Check it out in Scientific American here. So, if we assume that this is essentially the model upon which The Blob was built, then it’s kind of a miracle anything got away. And slime molds are coming under closer scrutiny and study as alternative means of creating computer components are being explored.

Jellies are the Wave of the Future.

We are learning that there may be a myriad of uses for jellyfish from foodstuffs to cosmetic products as we rethink how we interact with them. They are even proving useful in cleaning up plastic pollution. I don’t know how I feel about the foodstuff angle for all that they’ve been a part of various recipes for a long time. From what I’ve seen of the jellyfish cookbook recipes, they just don’t look that appealing. But then again I hate boba with a passion, so I’m probably not the best candidate to consider the possibility.

So it seems that jellies are kind of the wave of the future as we find that they can help solve our problems. That’s pretty impressive for some brainless millions of years old critter condiments. Past – present – perpetuity! Who knows what else we’d have found if evolution hadn’t cleaned out the fridge every so often?

Feel free to check out more Nightmarish Nature here.

Vampires Among Us

Perilous Parenting

Freaky Fungus

Worrisome Wasps

Cannibalism

Terrifying Tardigrades

Reindeer Give Pause

Komodo Dragons

Zombie Snails

Horrifying Humans

Giants Among Spiders

Flesh in Flowers

Assassin Fashion

Baby Bomb

Orca Antics

Creepy Spider Facts

Screwed Up Screwworms

Scads of Scat

Starvation Diet

Invisibles Among Us

Monstrous Mimicry

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Original Series

Lucky Lucky Wolfwere Saga Part 4 from Jennifer Weigel

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Continuing our junkyard dawg werewolf story from the previous St. Patrick’s Days… though technically he’s more of a wolfwere but wolfwhatever. Anyway, here are Part 1 from 2022, Part 2 from 2023 and Part 3 from 2024 if you want to catch up.

Faerie Glen digitally altered photo from Jennifer Weigel's Reversals series
Faerie Glen digitally altered photo from Jennifer Weigel’s Reversals series

Yeah I don’t know how you managed to find me after all this time.  We haven’t been the easiest to track down, Monty and I, and we like it that way.  Though actually, you’ve managed to find me every St. Patrick’s Day since 2022 despite me being someplace else every single time.  It’s a little disconcerting, like I’m starting to wonder if I was microchipped way back in the day in 2021 when I was out lollygagging around and blacked out behind that taco hut…

Anyway as I’d mentioned before, that Scratchers was a winner.  And I’d already moved in with Monty come last St. Patrick’s Day.  Hell, he’d already begun the process of cashing in the Scratchers, and what a process that was.  It made my head spin, like too many squirrels chirping at you from three different trees at once.  We did get the money eventually though.

Since I saw you last, we were kicked out of Monty’s crap apartment and had gone to live with his parents while we sorted things out.  Thank goodness that was short-lived; his mother is a nosy one for sure, and Monty didn’t want to let on he was sitting on a gold mine as he knew they’d want a cut even though they had it made already.  She did make a mean brisket though, and it sure beat living with Sal.  Just sayin.

Anyway, we finally got a better beater car and headed west.  I was livin’ the dream.   We were seeing the country, driving out along old Route 66, for the most part.  At least until our car broke down just outside of Roswell near the mountains and we decided to just shack it up there.  (Boy, Monty sure can pick ‘em.  It’s like he has radar for bad cars.  Calling them lemons would be generous.  At least it’s not high maintenance women who won’t toss you table scraps or let you up on the sofa.)

We found ourselves the perfect little cabin in the woods.  And it turns out we were in the heart of Bigfoot Country, depending on who you ask.  I wouldn’t know, I’ve never seen one.  But it seems that Monty was all into all of those supernatural things: aliens, Bigfoot, even werewolves.  And finding out his instincts on me were legit only added fuel to that fire.  So now he sees himself as some sort of paranormal investigator.

Whatever.  I keep telling him this werewolf gig isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be, and it doesn’t work like in the movies.  I wasn’t bitten, and I generally don’t bite unless provoked.  He says technically I’m a wolfwere, to which I just reply “Where?” and smile.  Whatever. It’s the little things I guess.  I just wish everything didn’t come out as a bark most of the time, though Monty’s gotten pretty good at interpreting…  As long as he doesn’t get the government involved, and considering his take on the government himself that would seem to be a long stretch.  We both prefer the down low.

So here we are, still livin’ the dream.  There aren’t all that many rabbits out here but it’s quiet and the locals don’t seem to notice me all that much.  And Monty can run around and make like he’s gonna have some kind of sighting of Bigfoot or aliens or the like.  As long as the pantry’s stocked it’s no hair off my back.  Sure, there are scads of tourists, but they can be fun to mess around with, especially at that time of the month if I happen to catch them out and about.

Speaking of tourists, I even ran into that misspent youth from way back in 2021 at the convenience store; I spotted him at the Quickie Mart along the highway here.  I guess he and his girlfriend were apparently on walkabout (or car-about) perhaps making their way to California or something.  He even bought me another cookie.  Small world.  But we all knew that already…

Portrait of myself with dark makeup and crow skull headdress, backlit by the sun.
Portrait of myself with dark makeup and crow skull headdress, backlit by the sun.

If you enjoyed this werewolf wolfwere wolfwhatever saga, feel free to check out more of Jennifer Weigel’s work here on Haunted MTL or here on her website.

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