The Demons dig into Resident Evil the TV show, Witchcraft, and the tag team of Ouija House. See Jim have a melt down as he ‘remembers watching Ouija House’. Come join Brannyk as they explain to Jim, like a child, what an AFAB is…(Spoiler: It isn’t Edina and Patsy). Be amazed as we seem to find the only old Witchcraft movies without nudity. Plus, now we have transcripts (Sorta a work in progress!). All this and more on the next Streamin’ Demons.
Where to buy the movies we review (links will earn us $$)
The transcript!
00:00.00
jimbohaunted
Hey, everyone Jim Phoenix here and boy do we have but another exciting adventure of streamman demons. We have branock with the old witchcraft from 1964 apparently they found the only witchcraft movie be about titties i. Batting the new with resin evil the Tv series. That’s right if you have Netflix or a pulse you already know about this one and we do our superpower team up with ouija house terror read and meisher barton now that’s a portal maid and hell all this a more allegedly. Ah, next freeman demons head it.
00:42.85
jimbohaunted
Hey, everyone Jim Phoenix here and boy are we excited to have you in our brand new format at streamman demons if you are new to streamman demons you will notice None thing nothing because you’re new. But if you are old hat. You’re like oh why these are special guests. We still have special guests once in a while but we want to be special. It means like every once in a while that every week. So our new format is still something it borrows something blue something old something new. Whatever it is right and I take None my forever ever co-host jam brannick taylor they take None and then we teame our powers together and we tackle something more horrible than roller gaator on steredoids spoilers a it wasn’t good.
01:20.47
Boxhuman
Hello.
01:30.38
Boxhuman
No, it was pretty good. It was pretty good. The spoilers is pretty good. It was It was fine. It was fine. Yeah ah, kind of I think you watched the trailer and said it was terrible and then I watched it and said you know it wasn’t.
01:38.91
jimbohaunted
It was fine now we watch us with together the one we’re about to do no ah right? Yeah no I I think we’re supposed to do this for change. not not James Squared
01:50.11
Boxhuman
That bad.
01:56.39
Boxhuman
JmSquared yeah and this was supposed to be jm squared. Yeah.
01:57.87
jimbohaunted
Shit was this one this team we had so many podcasts you guys have no idea I actually have two podcasts that work are gonna come out as my alexa tells me to work on the theme musics. But yeah, sorry guys we we team up some stuff and this be awesome sequels.
02:11.18
Boxhuman
And sequels eventually sequels. Yes, you know a lot of things in the mix.
02:17.77
jimbohaunted
Kind of ato fuck man. Yeah I I have 2 podcasts of entire seasons recorded already for bite size horror for kids is not as the got kids show no swearing if I with that for little kids. And we teamed up with the people the very nice people from lee’s favorite podcast horse and for Buffy The Vampire Slayer entire fucking entire season. Ah I’m a slacker. Yeah, no privacy.
02:47.59
Boxhuman
Yeah, and they’re great. We ah we had teamed up with them previously previously previously in the previous previously of our houses.
02:55.65
jimbohaunted
Cheese and if if you’re new to streamman demons this is where time of the show where brandnic and I will have to fuck up to english language so bad like I think I know what they meant this time for the None time like ever iss probably you. It’s like usually me a thousand percent so good luck.
03:07.63
Boxhuman
That’s okay, that’s okay, yeah, well I watched a British horror so it very much confused me of what English actually sounds like.
03:15.27
jimbohaunted
Oh yeah, well they usually talk with that really a broken northern iron or Northern Ireland Northern London ass and those those british horrors. Yeah that they like gotna like all that that horrors right? Does you have like oh horrors our office a british horse.
03:21.87
Boxhuman
Ah.
03:29.89
Boxhuman
Horrors Yes were horror murders Horrors horrorrrors.
03:34.47
jimbohaunted
Okay, oh that’s what okay, that’s why your movie doesn’t have nudity as’s a british horror Jesus honestly, okay I’ll just let you introduce it so brannic you have the old hence since we had no special guests like oh I can’t follow that or.
03:40.77
Boxhuman
That’s correct. It’s a British horror.
03:47.99
Boxhuman
Yes. Okay, now this is witchcraft and it’s not the witchcraft from the 80 s surprisingly you would think that would be my cup of tea. But I chose witchcraft from 1964 which is a british horror film at.
03:53.87
jimbohaunted
Go for it. What what movie did you do? That’s a British whore.
04:06.84
jimbohaunted
4
04:10.83
Boxhuman
And it’s not a hammer film but it does have it was directed by Don Sharp who did do a lot of hammer horror films and it start ah stars ah Lon Cheney Junior which you know it was kind of um.
04:18.22
jimbohaunted
Um, that who.
04:28.70
Boxhuman
Ah, mixed bag. It was a lost opportunity because he really should have tried to do a horrible british accent and he did not he just was launching a junior in England yes I’m totally british.
04:38.80
jimbohaunted
But he’s just like I this guy I went to england I was in London bro I was like to he do that and like and and as a whirl too like I am a tourist whatever town this is.
04:45.74
Boxhuman
Um, totally British I’m totally not a werewolf in this movie.
04:54.51
Boxhuman
He basically I think did that in every movie. It didn’t matter where he was but I it was It was a shame. He really should have gone for it. He did not ah but basically.
04:56.80
jimbohaunted
Nowhere has make except for the tourist then he was just like ah I’m from here like right? The tourists.
05:11.55
Boxhuman
Ah, witchcraft is like the Hatfields and the mccoys but british and with witches and with land development were a land developer I so our main protagonist wants to build stuff.
05:16.75
jimbohaunted
Damage it Jim I’m a doctor not a witch. No rom mccoy wrong Mccoy or damage him a doctor not a land developer.
05:29.86
jimbohaunted
Oh good for him or her.
05:31.21
Boxhuman
Ah, and to progress wherever they are ah but is the member of the jolly old Mccoys and kind of bulldoze is the crypt of an old timey witch who looks honestly better than half the bumble profiles that I see. Ah, but for some reason they think she looks very creepy and ah yeah I mean basically at our did that.
05:50.54
jimbohaunted
Just like half of the bubble profiles you see Bumble you suck by the way I own stock in a tanked. So f you guys How Bumble’s only ones like is a pandemic be friendly like okay once the Pandemic’s over with you bounce back.
06:09.17
Boxhuman
Oh that’s kind of a shame I kind of like bumble The idea of it and that you can also choose friends Huh I I like friends I’m sorry.
06:09.68
jimbohaunted
Yeah.
06:14.45
jimbohaunted
Really did you get play in bunble yeah wing you didn’t do bubble friends. Did you Oh for fuck sakes. Yeah,, don’t we all? That’s the much like that’s just random me. Let’s me randomly clapping. It wasn’t actually the song so hold your lawyers. No.
06:29.11
Boxhuman
Ah, anyway.
06:38.23
Boxhuman
Don’t you have a button for that now to do with pro have a button for claffing.
06:44.24
jimbohaunted
I should be for the glass. Not now as far as those costs are good I’m sorry doing this over guys.
06:51.25
Boxhuman
Ah, welcome to the new stream in demons.
06:57.48
jimbohaunted
Damons thanks to Zencastr Z E N C A S T R Dot Com for giving me a like ah of way too long trial for their pro just messing around stuff.
07:03.41
Boxhuman
Yeah, way too long. So the the crypt of the um, the witch is disturbed and ah she happens to be an old time. He can feel and ah.
07:18.91
jimbohaunted
Boy you can’t see your lines you’re talking about a wish an old wish an old woman who died.
07:22.52
Boxhuman
No I’m an old witch She yeah and she was buried alive in her tomb and so basically there are two young lovers who are in love with each other who are because of Havefields Of course you know and they’re forbidden to love and.
07:33.48
jimbohaunted
Wow.
07:41.26
Boxhuman
Etc, etc and witches and witches covens and black candles and land developments.
07:46.29
jimbohaunted
Hey Africanamerican calendars come on and you can’t be fucking doing that ratio shit.
07:51.16
Boxhuman
No I said black is in like with the the capitalized capitalized and now never is from Africa they’re not african-american we we could have canadian listeners still, they’re not.
07:56.78
jimbohaunted
Capital I like their peepers your your eyes.
08:07.72
jimbohaunted
I don’t know we’re in New Mexico now I don’t know I just chained my accent like this that’s not how they talk in New Mexico but my mind that’s how they talk.
08:12.48
Boxhuman
That’s true. How.
08:19.50
Boxhuman
And also welcome to a new haunted Mtl guys. It is not ah its metal its metal now haunted metal.
08:25.71
jimbohaunted
Um, mettown Yeah, as the the movie that brandock is reviewing is so good or talking about rebranding from Montreal to metal at this point.
08:34.51
Boxhuman
Well I’m just saying that there’s a lot going on in our lives I enjoyed this movie I Liked the cover art.
08:40.40
jimbohaunted
That was not watching this movie whatsoever. Yeah, okay so why did you pick this movie. Why did you pick this movie.
08:52.41
Boxhuman
Like but cover art and right exactly home run home run for me and it’s launch a Juniorr you know like it’s That’s that’s fun. It’s a fun thing and it was British and you know I thought it was going to be a hammer horror. It was not ah but.
08:58.33
jimbohaunted
Ah, cover art. Um, ah how god.
09:11.71
Boxhuman
It still was it was still really good cinematography actually very good cinematography in the in the way that ah back in the old days of the old time dark shadows kind of cinematography. So.
09:24.54
jimbohaunted
Hello. Okay, with ah Johnny depp.
09:30.38
Boxhuman
No God No we don’t talk about that one? No, that’s a good show. But no oh and great movie. Yeah, and and our flag means death is also great just a plug there.
09:33.95
jimbohaunted
Oh how about the one with what we do in the shadows and movie. No no shit we should probably do that movie next.
09:50.80
Boxhuman
We could. We could? Ah anyway this movie I enjoyed I did enjoy I enjoyed it. Yes, it was great. It was gothic in the way that British movies are um, it was.
09:51.80
jimbohaunted
But doing the shadows. You enjoy Oh God You Enjoy this movie.
10:02.56
jimbohaunted
Ah, the war black is deep.
10:09.41
Boxhuman
Fun in that the witch really wasn’t all that scary. But every time that they would look at her The music would trill like we were supposed to be terrified out of our minds. The witch pushes an old woman down the stairs and that’s funny.
10:12.64
jimbohaunted
Which are whichitched the Wicked which.
10:25.19
jimbohaunted
Was the Queen. Ah.
10:28.57
Boxhuman
And was not the queen and anyway the Queen would just like brush herself up and get back up like I swear to god Jim Swear to god.
10:38.52
jimbohaunted
I Needed to wait from the most inappropriate times and ah, we’d like our thank our ah sponsor the food bank from like dead kittens.
10:50.50
Boxhuman
You need to do to. That’s the did it 1 anyway since you don’t give a shit about this movie and I do I do I give a shit I mean it had to.
10:54.40
jimbohaunted
Like time I try to but I you found the only wishcraft movie that had no titties like what the shit The only one Oh my god.
11:08.65
Boxhuman
They were just covered. They were recovered hidden titties. Actually I think that was with the movie was called this was what when the movie was called before they changed the the title to witchcraft.
11:13.36
jimbohaunted
Name my sex tape hidden to the part 2 Okay, so yeah, Lon Cheney and he’s throwing old women downstairs.
11:23.96
Boxhuman
He is not the witches. He’s just acting ah very old and wearing a ah cape.
11:32.87
jimbohaunted
As one does. Apparently.
11:36.22
Boxhuman
Yeah I mean he’s launching he it was the old lawn chain Junior so he was kind of like at this point like where is my paycheck but he has a great voice. He does have a great booming voice. Everybody did a great job. Yeah, not like that.
11:47.32
jimbohaunted
A great booming voice Jimbo sounds like someone else you know Jim a great booming voice.
11:55.74
Boxhuman
No, it doesn’t know not like that so I would give this one a 3 adfat cthullus.
12:02.48
jimbohaunted
3 up I’ve but that’s a lot now I have to ask were there any typebook I know lan cheney is also very famous for like 12 hours of makeup really and just like f this I’m just going to stay my line straight. This is a paycheck for um.
12:11.86
Boxhuman
There was no makeup with with him and like I said right? And like I said even with the witch like they had done some makeup on her. You could tell like to make her look.
12:26.30
jimbohaunted
Ah.
12:28.40
Boxhuman
Kind of older. But honestly I mean she looked really good still for being like 200 yeah whatever it was like from the 1600 so however long that is I’m homeschooled I don’t know I don’t do math.
12:32.61
jimbohaunted
900 years so now
12:41.79
jimbohaunted
Now Manu home skin it. That’s okay, that’s why you do your your messed up Chula Radius I’m doing a 3.7199999999999998
12:45.91
Boxhuman
I know.
12:51.18
Boxhuman
No my my skills of of critiquing it are on point. Everything else is just kind of to the wayside.
12:58.12
jimbohaunted
You know what? usually they are usually they are I Do enjoy when you’re you know, drawing dinosaur penises and stuff. Yeah, it was really well done. It was really well done. It was amazing and well done by the way I think should do a commaship by the way.
13:06.10
Boxhuman
Thank you I appreciate that I put a lot of work into them I put a lot of work. Thank you, Thank you of dinosaur penises and maybe maybe I will I’ll call it Hidden titties.
13:17.34
jimbohaunted
But yes, yeah, you can call it wcraft. Yeah and they give it like I’ll get it 3 hidden titties part 5 revenge of the nipple the tittaging. So okay, a 3 I can’t I have to follow that shit.
13:26.70
Boxhuman
And Ti dayss The titting the tit- eating. You have to follow that unless you want to go straight to ouija house which you do not? you don’t it was it was fun I liked it. You just.
13:36.74
jimbohaunted
Him No I do not God as we do. How sound is such a better idea when we said it then I remembered then I had to rewash the fucking trailer Mycons painful.
13:52.57
Boxhuman
Had to watch rewatch the trailer and you’re already complaining.
13:53.86
jimbohaunted
Yeah, oh god I forgot about it all right. Mine is the new 2022 resident evil from Netflix if you thought you know what 2020 and two needs another fucking zombie series.
14:08.56
Boxhuman
What.
14:11.20
jimbohaunted
If you thought that but boy does Netflix have something for you I guess ah it is resident evil and in kind of like skin only like umbrella companies there umbrella companies other thing frozen. Okay I like the umbrella academy company. Whatever.
14:23.32
Boxhuman
Yeah Umbrella company The Umbrella Academy company. Yes.
14:30.56
jimbohaunted
Ah, they’re just like fucking umbreas at Netflix now I don’t know man if the witch or fights of an umbrella I’m fucking out like that’s it. We’re good. So we have this setup I believe I only watched that I I believe I only watched I did just watch like the none like None or 4 episodes. But I believe the setup is 30 years after the outbreak. Whatever it is kind of going back and forth from time at ping pongs a bit. And if you listen to my last podcast about stranger things I’m sorry for offending like most of the nation apparently but it’s I stand by it still sucks. Whatever do I like the way residents eve boy everyone hates Resin Eva by the way.
15:05.10
Boxhuman
Oh my god.
15:21.63
jimbohaunted
I like the way resin evil did the exposition because you actually could see it interacting with the story versus just like someone reading off a card this kind of bizarre for me, the acting is well done I like the casting Lance Riddick is amazing in this I actually. Ah, he was someone else from like this is great. But absolutely That’s all you need for me and like if you can make me go like who are you I thought I was a do from spartacus like holy shit that there’s an error.
15:41.53
Boxhuman
He he acted so well you thought he was some one else.
15:52.29
Boxhuman
With the one who passed? Yeah oh ah to share R A p.
15:56.97
jimbohaunted
Yeah I thought it was res and evil they’d bring people back. Yeah I’m not I’m not bringing that out. Don’t worry I mean hold on ah there go. But.
16:08.60
Boxhuman
There we go.
16:14.00
jimbohaunted
I thought he was the dude from Spartacus probably because like ah oh I can’t remember his name right now. But that guy was in the snake eyes movie I was watching I couldn’t get through because it was just no story just snake highs whatsoever there just like. Fight scenes are okay, fighting scenes and some cheesy dialogue. So maybe that was my mind was watching resident evil and then you have 2 actresses that are a bit believable. You know it’s. Dialogues a bit believable acting was a bit believable the cgi nuts whatsoever. it’s it’s horrible the cgi is just tremendously bad like god no it.
16:59.88
Boxhuman
Who is it like early two thousands bowed.
17:08.60
jimbohaunted
It’s not even that good I believe someone online compared to the starship troopers level cgi and.
17:08.61
Boxhuman
O is it like sci-fi from the early 2000 sp sci-fi channel.
17:18.54
jimbohaunted
I think and and here’s what it comes down to I think all the stranger thing money went to Netflix are they just gave strangers thing all the money and there was no money left over for any type of budget whatsoever for anything else and this sorely shows it just.
17:27.10
Boxhuman
And so.
17:38.69
jimbohaunted
It’s not ever seen the c incredibledible hulk not like Delu Regalll Mr. Fregno for listening high but the movie the None movie or the None movie the 1 with who’s that director James won ang lee that one too Joe James 1 did
17:51.80
Boxhuman
Ah, Lee Angley
17:58.10
jimbohaunted
Conjuring my Beth I own a well I a horror company and and late where we had like the pixelations you can actually see it pixelate out. Yeah, it’s that level where like god they they did actually some decent practical effects I like what is this go I’ll be practical.
17:58.52
Boxhuman
My god.
18:16.74
jimbohaunted
It could be walking dead. You know if you’re going to copy the walking dead. Your models will just be walking dead and do practical effects and that’s what the strength of walking dead is practical effects and when they do a Cgi. It’s just like boring as fuck.
18:31.96
Boxhuman
Honestly I really enjoy I Think some of the best things from Resident Evil the movie. Um, ah yeah, and her her her Beaver shot. Um, that’s what they needed and.
18:37.70
jimbohaunted
Beside me which air that’s what needed in witchcraft shed needed my house. Oh I know a hundred percent
18:49.40
Boxhuman
And a lot of movie just and not anybody else just just me a jobovic. But um, yeah is the practical effects like I think everybody remembers Zombie dogs you know like.
18:57.56
jimbohaunted
Sorry you’re saying what resident evil movies did well.
19:06.22
jimbohaunted
Um, and that’s a shitty thing those major spoilers they bring Zombie Zogs back I’m pretty sure is heja.
19:08.80
Boxhuman
That’s what people remember.
19:14.65
Boxhuman
Yeah, see and that’s that’s the unfortunate thing because when you have really good practical effects. Those are the things that last that in people’s minds.
19:22.44
jimbohaunted
Think it’s engrossing man. Yeah I agree and that’s where I I have an opened mind with this I was excited I was showing someone sex education on Netflix. And like you know if you keep your Netflix on it shows is like random bullshit to you like a screen saver like resin evil has a this is how odd of it I’ve been I’ve been sick for ah like oh they have a tv show like what one does come out. Oh all the episodes are out already. Okay, and.
19:54.29
Boxhuman
This.
19:58.30
jimbohaunted
Was excited to see it because I like the Reson evil movies. Even the ones were cheesy as hell writing is just like action figure brain candy. Whatever it is this ain’t that it’s got parts of that in it. It’s got. But.
20:10.38
Boxhuman
Now how much do you think is is Mila Jovich then to it. Yeah.
20:15.63
jimbohaunted
Oh ninety like ninety percent honestly god it’s like Jackie Chan movie doesn’t work with fucking Bruce Wallace like what the fuck Bruce Willis like jumping around is desk table. No don’t work that way.
20:25.26
Boxhuman
Right.
20:33.65
jimbohaunted
Um I guess he’s doing diehire 12 but yeah I know the actor or actress can carry a movie or Tv show and the talent of resin evil is there like the acting is there which is unfortunate because everything else is like letting him down. Be frustrating as fuck i’ like I’m doing my best I can with this shit I wonder you why old be 1 Ka Nobi but not, you know you know it’s the man I can’t believe I’m doing this bullshit like. Student film for this guy named George Lucas now goodness but we have no one was at that level of acting here. Obviously not to disourage him when in the cast but come on like the guy had a body of work that’s longer than everyone’s been alive on your cast.
21:11.60
Boxhuman
Yeah.
21:28.58
jimbohaunted
So We have this. It’s Interesting. It’s got a family drama. It should be more interesting than this and the effects are just wonky and just the the writing is a bit Hokey. It falls down like there’s a guy. Who is like the lead scientist and hes but hard as sometimes he’s nice sometimes but whatever. But there’s unbelievable partsse this is where in a zombie film. You have to believe part of the World. You have to believe this and exist and that’s where I think Ro Evil goes like holy shit this could exist but you’re trying to figure shit out with the people. Yeah. And this is not that it is a zombie film where 2 little girls break into a highly secure Federal. You know, whatever Umbrella company really is federal level security like just 2 little girls like oh I’m gonna go go here who knows. Who cares as pain will say cares but like how does that work. They just like waltz on in through that this this top Security. No fuck that does that’s not believable. It’s not within the realm of possibility for me and then the other thing It’s just.
22:31.43
Boxhuman
Um, now.
22:42.82
jimbohaunted
Like this guy has to take these injections otherwise he might I don’t know die I just watch it first a couple episodes he he’s as lizzo would say he has a spas attack I just found out she got shit for using the word spas in her fucking song and she changed it and she got more shit. So fuck people today. that’s that’s today’s fucking thing fuck people but he he just freaks out. You know it shakes you know you don’t know if he’s gonna die or not and he has a timer like if you knew that you needed an injection. Every let’s say 12 hours when’t you set your timer for None
23:20.48
Boxhuman
Do you think that he and maybe this is a spoiler is he like a zombie. Okay.
23:21.97
jimbohaunted
Right? Doesn’t paid I don’t know honest to god I can’t even answer that if it was a spoiler and I don’t know I do know like 1 of his daughters has perfect wolverine blood that heals everything and some shit and other daughters like a vegan.
23:38.61
Boxhuman
Um, maybe the perfect. Maybe the the thing that he injects is the blood.
23:43.85
jimbohaunted
Of the perfect daughter I think I think so if they take the vials up. Yeah, but it’s it’s It’s interesting enough I’m I’m gonna say this if you are looking for a resident evil true to the video game. Obviously this ain’t it.
23:46.97
Boxhuman
Yeah, maybe but.
24:03.51
jimbohaunted
If you’re looking for Rusley Evil that he miovvich far as I know of this ain’t it if you’re looking for Rosin Evil that has great C or practical and this ain’t it either. What does practical the facts it does do them Well by the way I should not disparage that.
24:16.10
Boxhuman
Um.
24:20.46
jimbohaunted
But if you just want to shut your brain off and watch like a soap bop if you want to if feel like man I really wish Miss Marvel had fucking zombies in it there you go this is this is your Tv show is that teeny level of like.
24:30.40
Boxhuman
The and.
24:37.74
jimbohaunted
Your brain shut off, you will enjoy it if you’re sick at home which I was That’s why I was watching this like yeah if you’re sick at home. This is your jam man. You can fall asleep and not give a shit. You’re like like up and like I did this I was watching I do this too many times in Movie. So I was watching firsts. No good None episode. Mostly good woke up around the None episode like ah fuck it I figure out those gaps in the Storylines fine someone escape from something someone did this there. There’s not a lot of stakes sometimes and sometimes there’s a lot of who knows.
25:09.69
Boxhuman
It sounds like a watered down WVBVirgin yeah
25:13.79
jimbohaunted
It is it that that’s a I think that’s apps. It’s like someone said I want to remake the walking dead but I want to do it for the hallmark channel. And please if they give us a budget for any effects I want to blow it all on a cgi dog. No I know we have dogs I know we had dogs I know we could do dogs that are practical I know our franchise has them but I want the worst. Cgi dog that make people go I’m like I’m paying an None bit video game right now. What the fuck.
25:49.46
Boxhuman
Honestly, that would be more entertaining I think if kind of like a no just having an 8 bit kind of system like you know.
25:50.61
jimbohaunted
None the decisions.
25:57.24
jimbohaunted
The good bevis but head thing. Yeah so I’m gonna give this who I thought I internet’s taken tear us apart I think it’s got three point five on imdb. Oh my. That’s too high. Remember indb is out of None like oh no, it’s not.
26:14.10
Boxhuman
Yeah I was just going to say like that’s lot of 10
26:17.94
jimbohaunted
I am flipping between a None 3 but because I like the cast I’m giving a 3 I’ll give a 3 I think you got to know what it is if you’re expecting keynote is this obviously yeah but give it a 3 make your own decisions if you have netflix.
26:25.36
Boxhuman
Okay, yeah.
26:36.53
Boxhuman
Like now.
26:36.70
jimbohaunted
Don’t buy Netflix for this like if you’re like oh I really want like re like now just just save your fucking money. Don’t don’t get Netflix just for this. But if you unfortunately bought it for Resin or resin up stranger things for you’re like man I I wish I watched something that makes stranger things for us look better I think this you found it. This is this is the niche. Maybe that’s why they bought it. Maybe that’s why Netflix dev developed this like we need to make stranger things for it look better in comparison. We made this movie. So yeah I’ll do I’ll go 3 out of 5 cthulus. It’s not horrible, but whatever. Yeah, no crap. That’s right we get through 3.
27:06.26
Boxhuman
Okay, we got 3 3 we got 2 threes? Yeah yeah, ah.
27:14.38
jimbohaunted
We’re gonna break this with right now. So as our team up we are doing oh God ah none other someone here’s a cat none other than yeah, the ouija house you’re right God I I.
27:19.98
Boxhuman
Media move.
27:29.54
Boxhuman
Um, niji has I.
27:34.34
jimbohaunted
Ah, agreed to ouija house I don’t know why I agreed the ouja house it sound like a good idea at the time. It’s not a good idea any time is painful and we have people in Ouja House. We don’t even know if they do. And I mean like the actors and actresses I don’t know these people they they sound familiar.
27:59.44
Boxhuman
Misha Barton I swear I’ve heard this name many times I don’t know why though I don’t know I I don’t know from where I don’t I looked at her.
28:07.25
jimbohaunted
And right? but.
28:14.70
jimbohaunted
The O C me neither.
28:14.80
Boxhuman
Like I amdb and I’m like I I didn’t watch that. So I you know like I’m like I don’t know where I know you from. But oh yeah, definitely that that would be it. No I’m just kidding.
28:23.89
jimbohaunted
Her jeans enclose commercial volume 1
28:31.70
jimbohaunted
Once and again tart Ca Blam These are things I don’t mean what they are they they they just like.
28:33.59
Boxhuman
Um.
28:38.26
Boxhuman
I know I remember Kablam but I don’t remember what she was or who she was um.
28:44.63
jimbohaunted
Ah, Betty am bonggo I guess like it’s a cartoon show then right? It’s a voice.
28:49.56
Boxhuman
Um, Ka Blamem was it was a few different types of cartoons and um things like that. Yeah, oh okay, um.
28:56.77
jimbohaunted
Um, was one a Jean’s commercial because that’s what she’s most popular for apparently. And I know people are screaming at us she was in blah blah blah like well fuck man.
29:07.86
Boxhuman
Oh I know people are probably like dying right now and I’m sorry but I’m an old box I don’t know what I’m I’m a dinosaur I don’t know what she does? Um, yeah, but Tara reads in it.
29:16.40
jimbohaunted
And we do research we look this up I still don’t know why I know that name I’m like there Reid I know I know her name because I trustsh her too many top.
29:27.84
Boxhuman
Terra read is in it for like but she’s not really in it in it. She’s in it really not very long which is very upsetting to be honest.
29:33.21
jimbohaunted
Yeah, that’s upsetting. Yeah because I really do like Tara Reid I enjoy her movies I we said Ter Reid move it. Oh great fucking sharknados to be awesome like no we g house Mike really.
29:47.43
Boxhuman
Um, yeah I’m looking forward to her Tara reads ah do podcasts.
29:53.55
jimbohaunted
Yes I think we need to make that happen I think that be my last like thing. Yeah I’m firing all you motherfuckers I’m hiring terra Reid to do a podcast tarries.
29:57.80
Boxhuman
Where she reads reads ah books and she’s going to be on audible.
30:09.12
Boxhuman
That’s a hundred percent I understand I get that I implore that ah but ah yeah, she’s not in it for very long which is a shame I liked the concept of this idea. This is a good.
30:22.20
jimbohaunted
Me too I.
30:24.80
Boxhuman
Idea um is the execution I don’t know so the concept is you know? um well for one you know in the 80 s um they were doing a ouija board reading in ah in a witch house bad things happened you know.
30:41.98
jimbohaunted
Yeah, yeah.
30:44.37
Boxhuman
Um I think only one of them survives which I believe is terra and years later. Um, they’re going to go to the house these new people and they’re going to do it all again. These new kids.
30:49.90
jimbohaunted
Right? yes.
31:00.41
jimbohaunted
Why not.
31:03.25
Boxhuman
Why not? um because it’s spooky and whatnot. So but the thing is instead of using a real like ouija board. Um, the house becomes the ouija board.
31:06.34
jimbohaunted
Paper you hot up.
31:17.51
jimbohaunted
Right? because they is pan out of the walls and stuff right? yeah.
31:22.00
Boxhuman
It’s painted on the walls and stuff and also on her 1 of the girls I don’t think there’s too much of a spoiler I well I mean she she swallows the plant shed which is a stone.
31:28.49
jimbohaunted
Breasts was the breast I don’t remember oh she swallows Kate Blanchett I don’t remember that movie.
31:38.43
Boxhuman
Yes, yeah, it was extremely graphic. Yeah, it was extremely visceral and graphic that she swallows Kate Blanchett um
31:46.20
jimbohaunted
Graphic like a pictures and stuff.
31:55.30
jimbohaunted
Well I guess people love looking at that one.
31:56.60
Boxhuman
No, she.
32:03.80
Boxhuman
Um, um so know she’s full as the plantit which I think is a stone and um, she kind of becomes the plantit herself because she’s possessed and she’s the one who’s going through the house and so basically the house is the ouija board.
32:13.21
jimbohaunted
Ah, yeah.
32:21.91
Boxhuman
And they’re trying to find their way out of said house and also trying to find the the reason why the house is haunted so again, this is actually really an interesting concept. It’s an interesting premise. Um. It was kind of fun looking for the clues inside the house. Ah, and I thought that was great. The execution. It was a little bit like early two thousand S Blum House you know the type of just like.
32:39.63
jimbohaunted
Lose clues.
32:54.59
Boxhuman
Hey we’re friends. We’re friends get a party hey guess what guys I got a ouija board where a raija board.
32:59.21
jimbohaunted
No, no, no, no hold up hold up. It’s not that good I watched the damn trailer again is not that good is people are reading plastic lines I don’t know if it’s because of editing or the acting I don’t know what’s off something’s off sometimes.
33:12.67
Boxhuman
Are you saying that I should go back in time and be in a blum house film from the early 2000 thank you I appreciate that? No no blum house now is I think a lot better I think.
33:19.00
jimbohaunted
Ah, you should you could do blum house now I mean I enjoy Blum House I I think a jarggernaut.
33:30.51
Boxhuman
What oh yeah, they’re a juggernaut but I think when they were None getting their feet wet. Um, yeah, they were throwing spaghetti so there was a lot of a lot of duds too and um.
33:35.50
jimbohaunted
Well, they’re just talking like spaghetti and seeing what stuck? yeah. You You just to be fair, It’s more dozen I had or that makes me sound better or worse I don’t know but I was trying to pump them up I was meaning like you you you take all the shots you missed or.
33:49.35
Boxhuman
I Don’t know what that sounds like Tmi I don’t want to know what you pump up. He I think you’re just actually making them sound worse to be honest, well.
34:00.43
jimbohaunted
Don’t make it get it out. You miss all the shots you take. But how do out my supposed do sound sorry Jason.
34:09.22
Boxhuman
Well I’m what I’m saying is they finally found their footing. They finally found I think um, a really good good um place that works for them. Ah, but some of the early 2000 ones were a little bit rough.
34:13.98
jimbohaunted
With the crafts that blood seemed worse than carry.
34:25.00
jimbohaunted
Like what like what? what? What? what.
34:29.20
Boxhuman
I’m trying to remember some of them because a lot of them were forgettable I’m sorry they were.
34:33.28
jimbohaunted
But we know who’s not forgettable D Wallace and D Wallace is in Ouja house.
34:42.60
Boxhuman
But I thought you would go say Zencastr or your fucking shoes your fucking zero shoes or whatever.
34:44.94
jimbohaunted
No no my ex e r o zero shoes. No that they’re fantastic d well as she might have a pair but she can’t have mine I’m very jealous of theming though. Just. Tech up of my shoes by zero shoes x e r o s h o e e s dot com and you know use promo code later on but I love D Wallace and when she was in it ah made me excited to say by Deve Wallace and we got Tara Reid and Misha Burton if I remember who who that hell that is.
35:18.78
Boxhuman
Yeah, so started.
35:21.56
jimbohaunted
Ah, so excited and that was it. It was like my girlfriend is a good witch and I’m giving the delivery actually better props than it should so I just I don’t understand things like I don’t know. And there’s some really good horror people like we have Tiffany Shepis is in this like there’s some really good individual actors and naress but they just can’t pull together for some reason this is the right.
35:49.78
Boxhuman
Yeah, no, they I think I think it was the writing I think a lot of it was the writing in kind of the directing. Um.
35:58.71
jimbohaunted
And directing the editing like could also be an honest I God I’ve seen this in movies before maybe just pologing for my own acting there’s there’s some stuff in editing. There’s like what did you do? Maybe that’s what this is. It’s just like they just.
36:14.62
Boxhuman
Or honestly, what happens a lot in the movie biz from what I hear especially in horror um is that you know ah producers get involved or you know companies get involved.
36:16.94
jimbohaunted
Bosh.
36:33.41
Boxhuman
And they say we want you to cut this. We want you to cut that we want and then it makes the story weaker and more watered down and just a lot more chaotic and so and that could have also happened. It could have been maybe ah, a bigger story or a.
36:40.28
jimbohaunted
Yes.
36:52.12
Boxhuman
More robust story and you know, corporate and interference said No no, no, we can’t have that and that and that you got to cut all that.
36:58.30
jimbohaunted
Yeah, which is I believe why we picked this for James Squared because damn it this is a good premise a fucking house is the ouija board. Are you shitting me? That’s awesome.
37:04.64
Boxhuman
Yeah, it’s a great promise. Honestly, honestly if we could remake a movie I would love to see this roommate I would love to see this roommate because ah, that’s a good question.
37:13.95
jimbohaunted
Does know what you want? What was the budget this movie.
37:22.11
Boxhuman
Honestly, the wiki for this movie is not very expansive. Yeah, that’s exactly it. It was a movie. Um.
37:24.29
jimbohaunted
No, it’s kind of like it was a movie. They actually spent less money on promotion than okay, it gross up any movie that grosses less than my yearly salary. That’s not like a indie darling bullshit thing. Yeah needs to.
37:45.70
Boxhuman
Yeah, yeah, which again is a shame because I feel maybe again, it’s a good premise So I’m thinking maybe the writer did have a good script and it just got watered down.
37:49.92
jimbohaunted
Something is horrifically wrong with you.
38:00.62
jimbohaunted
Yeah, and it was 2018 ah yeah, release may fifth 2018 so it’s like you can’t even blame straight on pandemic.
38:04.40
Boxhuman
No, it couldn’t have been was it are you kidding me? Oh it felt like it was from the 2005 era no offense it did
38:15.64
jimbohaunted
Now and just really poorly done I think.
38:19.54
Boxhuman
Yeah, and I and it could have been good and I think that’s where I I really push for movies like that because it’s like it. It did have a great premise it had um it does have a great poster.
38:31.19
jimbohaunted
A great poster. It does have a good poster by the way I think we actually mentioned this before in a different podcast. We probably never release the post is the best thing in the movie.
38:40.84
Boxhuman
Ah, yeah, yeah, it really is. It’s very eye catching. It’s and you know honestly if we they did do um, a reworking of it. This could really work and it could be a good movie.
38:53.64
jimbohaunted
And yeah and it’s so fresher you all frustrating him. It’s got Chris Muy in it with the awardwin answer for fucks sakes.
39:09.64
Boxhuman
Oh really, oh let’s.
39:12.82
jimbohaunted
Did Captain Phillips and whiplash and Castle Rocky the twin pigs bar walk him but he was doing all this stuff. These are great actors these are individually arguably and solid actors and actresses. They do not work together. Well.
39:17.31
Boxhuman
Ah, the individual.
39:30.67
jimbohaunted
Like there’s no chemistry whatsoever. There’s no cohesion. There’s no nothing. That’s I think I think right I think they did. There’s some scenes and the editors like well we need to do something wrong.
39:38.71
Boxhuman
Yeah I think so I think it’s just it’s a watered down. Whatever it was supposed to be because it it just didn’t rise to what it could have been and it could have.
39:56.11
jimbohaunted
Yeah, it this Barton in it whoever hell that is she’s perfect. Genius I think she was a good wishitch I don’t know.
39:56.20
Boxhuman
Been really good it it she had and she had great jeans she was wearing some great jeans. So what do you think you would give this movie then.
40:11.44
jimbohaunted
God I was dreading that question. Maybe I’ll give this like a pull I don’t know take pile of fuck you no I’ll give us a ah welcome to stream and yeah of shit.
40:12.94
Boxhuman
I know.
40:30.97
Boxhuman
Yeah I was going to say a 2.5 for me. Yeah, because again, there were some things that I liked in it. Um I think just something went wrong, something went wrong in the process because you can see people trying.
40:31.29
jimbohaunted
Ah, 2 tip Byfi for you. Okay.
40:50.00
Boxhuman
And you can see people putting in effort and that there was originality to it. Um I Just don’t know where in the process it fell.
40:54.87
jimbohaunted
Yeah.
41:00.74
jimbohaunted
It and it did fall man. It wasn’t and it was not special effects. The special effects were fine. The does lighting the the individual components of this was fine. It’s just something really.
41:08.66
Boxhuman
Um, yeah, yeah, so. Yeah, something something happened and I don’t I can’t put my finger on None but something happened and if you were involved in ouji house and you would like to reach out to us. Ah, you can reach out to us at haunted Mtl on Twitter.
41:18.27
jimbohaunted
10 and click.
41:34.83
jimbohaunted
Yeah I have you on you prim what do you want? I’ll do interviewing you know oh you learn about instagram reals yeah I know I don’t really care much about Instagram because I don’t you know wonder but I learned that reals if you do a real.
41:36.90
Boxhuman
Um, or we’re on Instagram we’re in on Instagram.
41:54.83
jimbohaunted
It gets like None of views. It’s bizarre people like more people see me put together a bike than like anything else we had on Instagram for horror.
41:55.70
Boxhuman
Oh.
42:03.98
Boxhuman
I mean putting together a bike is an important facet in our lives I don’t know I I do not know how any of this stuff Works I’m sorry people I try my best I I make the most.
42:09.72
jimbohaunted
I Gas math how you figure this crap out. Shit I Apparently go.
42:22.16
Boxhuman
Beautiful dinosaur penises and I put them on my Instagram. Thank you.
42:22.64
jimbohaunted
You do you do and some Jackass tells them that they’re dinosaur Penos I Honestly I would give you at what are you? What we don’t want fuja house. Okay, yeah, yeah, it’s one of those things where.
42:34.36
Boxhuman
Yeah, I’m done. Um I said what I had to no.
42:42.17
jimbohaunted
I would rather look at a book of your dinosaur penises and I really would I think that’s a great art style for you and I think I can see sequential art for that I would rather do that than watch I’d rather produce an art book a brand’s dinosaur penises than watch.
42:44.49
Boxhuman
Oh thank you.
43:01.86
jimbohaunted
Oi House ever again. Yeah fantastic I enjoy them I enjoy them and not my it’s I’d rather do a lot of things other than you know I’d rather spend a lot of money doing like.
43:04.17
Boxhuman
Well I mean my dinosaur penises are really nice. Thank you I Appreciate that.
43:18.57
Boxhuman
You’d you’d rather put together a bike and put it on Instagram.
43:19.33
jimbohaunted
And artbook. Ah yes I Actually oh and sunny bikes If you guys are wondering what kind of bike you can get. It’s like sunny really put some great cheap but solidly bill easy to put together bikes.
43:32.27
Boxhuman
And then you you wear your zero shoes and you put on your Misha Barton pants and you just get out there man and you listen to your zen casters and ah and you’re good and you listen to your terra reads.
43:36.46
jimbohaunted
I. For your mega F beer. Yeah I put my mega f beer inside the thing.
43:50.58
jimbohaunted
Terror reads I would love you know what? if I ever get to if I ever get the chance I will break Kfa I Like ah you know we get doc so I have a great promotion for you. It’s terrorries. And yeah I can’t wait. It’s awesome.
43:52.50
Boxhuman
Which I hope is coming out soon.
44:10.50
jimbohaunted
It’s gonna be cool brand new now way new podcast about dinosaur penises comes out in June of 2020 yeah now I appreciate everyone so that’s our oh wait wait plugs.
44:16.27
Boxhuman
So yeah, it’s gonna be great. Yeah, it’s gonna be great.
44:26.53
Boxhuman
No, we got a plug. We got to plug so since my movie this week was witchcraft and talking about witchcraft I decided that I would like to um plug land of hope.
44:30.90
jimbohaunted
Plugs. Okay brannic. We want to plug.
44:35.10
jimbohaunted
Just yes.
44:45.38
jimbohaunted
Let them know.
44:45.49
Boxhuman
Um, which their mission is to save innocent children accused of witchcraft from exclusion torture and death. Yeah I knew yeah I knew you were gonna do that. Um, if you have seen like there’s.
44:53.78
jimbohaunted
Dude, that’s not the joke What the shit. Oh my god.
45:02.64
Boxhuman
Pictures on the internet of one of their founding people like giving water to one of the children that was accused of witchcraft and who is starving. Um that was like in 2006 um they’ve really grown since then they have a lot of children that they take care of and to provide. Um.
45:12.75
jimbohaunted
Wow.
45:22.57
Boxhuman
Housing for education for things like that. So land of hope. Ah, it’s you can go online. It’s land of hope dot global and you can read about the well it says that HttpS land of hope dot global.
45:32.57
jimbohaunted
Not global. That’s a thing Wow Ge running out of things I guess.
45:42.42
Boxhuman
I don’t know but it talks about the children that they help and it talks about some of the things that they’re doing So go check them out. Yeah.
45:50.80
jimbohaunted
So what kind of children are they that their children of who accused of witchcraft like like which which cut not to be a dick what country.
45:58.34
Boxhuman
Um I believe it might be I don’t want to say anything without knowing let me see um Nigeria is which children.
46:04.71
jimbohaunted
Okay, blink twice of its North America oh yeah but you know what there is this I read from I read from Michael or ah or wire. He was someone I published long ago he wrote a short story called nya bar the night whichitch and there’s actually a witch doctor problem there like an honest guy like kill little kids which doctor problem. So I can I kind of see what the culture is coming from. But yeah it if if you allowed kids to me come on man learn from our mistakes. Don’t burn kids alive if they are doing. Ah.
46:51.26
Boxhuman
I am not going to say anything culturally but I am going to say these are interesting kids I hate you so much I need to take that away from you. Where’s my gazeoo.
47:00.11
jimbohaunted
Cheese you the Lasie is in there.
47:09.85
Boxhuman
I mean my good zo um anyway land of hope land of hope I think land of hope dot global. But if you just Google land of hope you will you will see yeah don’t although nope.
47:11.90
jimbohaunted
Land of hope dot global.
47:21.57
jimbohaunted
Yeah, don’t Google land of nope which is my title my sex tape land of nope you well I will follow that one I only have one plug and it’s going to be the one I put my let you go no.
47:29.21
Boxhuman
Nope I am looking forward to.
47:40.51
jimbohaunted
I’m gonna plug bodies are we have a call for an anthology for women’s charities and if if you want to do horror horror adjacent come on in I’ll even take poems I don’t give shit but let’s let’s make a little anthology out so I can stress it but with the covership.
47:44.28
Boxhuman
Yes, puppe.
47:50.91
Boxhuman
Yeah.
47:56.87
Boxhuman
For women for women and.
47:59.12
jimbohaunted
Like fo chair for women’s yeah I goal is like multiple charities like for education for women and like legal rights for women and abortion rights for women and and Emily Dickinson which out. Yeah.
48:04.81
Boxhuman
Emily Dickinson right do you like poetry and shit come and put in some work and give us your money so we can give that money to Emily Dickinson
48:19.50
jimbohaunted
That’s right, bigger up.
48:20.32
Boxhuman
And they give her that sweet sweet money and also girls who code and I.
48:24.83
jimbohaunted
There’s a money month Our yeah like’s education and it’s like it’s It’s all what’s a holistic thing for them I think I think that’s the best.
48:36.61
Boxhuman
It’s a great thing. It’s a great. It’s going to be a fun anthology guys like you know it’s It’s rough right now for afabs and for women out there. So like let’s let’s get to it. Let’s get writing and.
48:50.48
jimbohaunted
What the fuck a fab the the guy from oh Jesus fucking Christ what that being a fabs is that ah a female. So.
48:54.15
Boxhuman
A femaleist assign at birth which I am fuck off 8 fab assigned at birth which is what I am because I’m non-binary fuck.
49:06.50
jimbohaunted
Oh that wrong one I’m so sorry I was supposed to do this one? Sorry um, their neck through direct.
49:10.28
Boxhuman
Yeah, cool. So anyway and if you like haunted up tl we’re really LgvT cube friendly obviously
49:19.60
jimbohaunted
We we actually we are We are though I mean I think we are.
49:25.93
Boxhuman
Yeah, so anyway, a fabs if you’re out there give a holler a boo woo and ah come over and and give us some of your the stuff that we you got you know we would like to read it.
49:41.59
jimbohaunted
Yeah, and it doesn’t matter who you are everyone can submit and read and buy and stuff like that. It’s all goodness gracious and we do just always say I’ll hit this on like some people do like well we cover Reno you. Percent goes charity like no the whole fucking thing goes to charity I eat the cost of production. Whatever yeah like put I have if you see my camera my eye my hands and my my face my hands right now like guy know. Yeah.
50:02.82
Boxhuman
A hundred percent
50:10.12
Boxhuman
Yeah, his fingers are digging into his skull and eyeball sockets. Yeah yeah, and and that’s when Jim says I give a sheds.
50:18.22
jimbohaunted
My eye holes. Yeah, but that’s true. It’s it’s a hundred percent and every time my account goes like what the fuck you doing man.
50:28.60
jimbohaunted
No no I think that’s ah the proper thing. But thank you for that and with that said, remember kids if you saw a movie that we have it. Well.
50:28.55
Boxhuman
And this is what I do to give a shit. So yeah.
50:44.61
jimbohaunted
Fucking good for you. There’s like what couple billion people on that planet. Theres 2 of us shit can’t cover them all. Yeah I mean.
50:47.80
Boxhuman
There’s like and there’s a billion like movies out there fuck it. You know like we cannot but we’re trying we’re getting there I think we got like ah 1% so far.
51:01.12
jimbohaunted
It’s like just my battery life on my damn phone one percent. So I’ll get sometimes you know, but with that said to be behalf myself Jim Phoenix and my co-host JMBranick we bid you good day.
51:15.41
Boxhuman
By-bye Goodbye Bye mom.
51:17.38
jimbohaunted
Bye Everyone put order good.
What if ours weren’t the only reality? What if the past paths converged, if those moments that led to our current circumstances got tangled together with their alternates and we found ourselves caught up in the threads?
Marla returned home after the funeral and wake. She drew the key in the lock and opened the door slowly, the looming dread of coming back to an empty house finally sinking in. Everyone else had gone home with their loved ones. They had all said, “goodbye,” and moved along.
Her daughter Misty and son-in-law Joel had caught a flight to Springfield so he could be at work the next day for the big meeting. Her brother Darcy was on his way back to Montreal. Emmett and Ruth were at home next door, probably washing dishes from the big meal they had helped to provide afterward, seeing as their kitchen light was on. Marla remembered there being food but couldn’t recall what exactly as she hadn’t felt like eating. Sandwiches probably… she’d have to thank them later.
Marla had felt supported up until she turned the key in the lock after the services, but then the realization sank deep in her throat like acid reflux, hanging heavy on her heart – everyone else had other lives to return to except for her. She sighed and stepped through the threshold onto the outdated beige linoleum tile and the braided rag rug that stretched across it. She closed the door behind herself and sighed again. She wiped her shoes reflexively on the mat before just kicking them off to land in a haphazard heap in the entryway.
The still silence of the house enveloped her, its oppressive emptiness palpable – she could feel it on her skin, taste it on her tongue. It was bitter. She sighed and walked purposefully to the living room, the large rust-orange sofa waiting to greet her. She flopped into its empty embrace, dropping her purse at her side as she did so.
A familiar, husky voice greeted her from deeper within the large, empty house. “Where have you been?”
Marla looked up and glanced around. Her husband Frank was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, drying a bowl. Marla gasped, her hand shooting to her mouth. Her clutched appendage took on a life of its own, slowly relinquishing itself of her gaping jaw and extending a first finger to point at the specter.
“Frank?” she spoke hesitantly.
“Yeah,” the man replied, holding the now-dry bowl nestled in the faded blue-and-white-checkered kitchen towel in both hands. “Who else would you expect?”
“But you’re dead,” Marla spat, the words falling limply from her mouth of their own accord.
The 66-year old man looked around confusedly and turned to face Marla, his silver hair sparkling in the light from the kitchen, illuminated from behind like a halo. “What are you talking about? I’m just here washing up after lunch. You were gone so I made myself some soup. Where have you been?”
“No, I just got home from your funeral,” Marla spoke quietly. “You are dead. After the boating accident… You drowned. I went along to the hospital – they pronounced you dead on arrival.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Frank said. “What boating accident?”
“The sailboat… You were going to take me out,” Marla coughed, her brown eyes glossed over with tears.
“We don’t own a sailboat,” Frank said bluntly. “Sure, I’d thought about it – it seems like a cool retirement hobby – but it’s just too expensive. We’ve talked about this, we can’t afford it.”
Marla glanced out the bay window towards the driveway where the small sailboat sat on its trailer, its orange hull reminiscent of the Florida citrus industry, and also of the life jacket Frank should have been wearing when he’d been pulled under. Marla cringed and turned back toward the kitchen. She sighed and spoke again, “But the boat’s out front. The guys at the marina helped to bring it back… after you… drowned.”
Frank had retreated to the kitchen to put away the bowl. Marla followed. She stood in the doorway and studied the man intently. He was unmistakably her husband, there was no denying it even despite her having just witnessed his waxen lifeless body in the coffin at the wake before the burial, though this Frank was a slight bit more overweight than she remembered.
“Well, that’s not possible. Because I’m still here,” Frank grumbled. He turned to face her, his blue eyes edged with worry. “There now, it was probably just a dream. You knew I wanted a boat and your anxiety just formulated the worst-case scenario…”
“See for yourself,” Marla said, her voice lilting with every syllable.
Frank strode into the living room and stared out the bay window. The driveway was vacant save for some bits of Spanish moss strewn over the concrete from the neighboring live oak tree. He turned towards his wife.
“But there’s no boat,” he sighed. “You must have had a bad dream. Did you fall asleep in the car in the garage again?” Concern was written all over his face, deepening every crease and wrinkle. “Is that where you were? The garage?”
Marla glanced again at the boat, plain as day, and turned to face Frank. Her voice grew stubborn. “It’s right here. How can you miss it?” she said, pointing at the orange behemoth.
“Honey, there’s nothing there,” Frank exclaimed, exasperation creeping into his voice.
Marla huffed and strode to the entryway, gathering her shoes from where they waited in their haphazard heap alongside the braided rag run on the worn linoleum floor. She marched out the door as Frank took vigil in its open frame, still staring at her. She stomped out to the boat and slapped her hand on the fiberglass surface with a resounding smack. The boat was warm to the touch, having baked in the Florida sun. She turned back towards the front door.
“See!” she bellowed.
The door stood open, empty. No one was there, watching. Marla sighed again and walked back inside. The vacant house once again enveloped her in its oppressive emptiness. Frank was nowhere to be found.
So I guess it’s goodbye for now. Feel free to check out more of Jennifer Weigel’s work here on Haunted MTL or here on her website.
Today on Nightmarish Nature we’re gonna revisit The Blob and jiggle our way to terror. Why? ‘Cause we’re just jellies – looking at those gelatinous denizens of the deep, as well as some snot-like land-bound monstrosities, and wishing we could ooze on down for some snoozy booze schmoozing action. Or something.
Honestly, I don’t know what exactly it is that jellyfish and slime molds do but whatever it is they do it well, which is why they’re still around despite being among the more ancient organism templates still in common use.
Jellyfish are on the rise.
Yeah, yeah, some species like moon jellies will hang out in huge blooms near the surface feeding, but that’s not what I meant. Jellyfish populations are up. They’re honing in on the open over-fished ocean and making themselves at home. Again.
And, although this makes the sea turtles happy since jellies are a favorite food staple of theirs, not much else is excited about the development. Except for those fish that like to hide out inside of their bells, assuming they don’t accidentally get eaten hanging out in there. But that’s a risk you gotta take when you’re trying to escape predation by surrounding yourself in a bubble of danger that itself wants to eat you. Be eaten or be eaten. Oh, wait…
So what makes jellies so scary?
Jellyfish pack some mighty venom. Despite obvious differences in mobility, they are related to anemones and corals. But not the Man o’ War which looks similar but is actually a community of microorganisms that function together as a whole, not one creature. Not that it matters when you’re on the wrong end of a nematocyst, really. Because regardless what it’s attached to, that stings.
Box jellies are among the most venomous creatures in the world and can move of their own accord rather than just drifting about like many smaller jellyfish do. And even if they aren’t deadly, the venom from many jellyfish species will cause blisters and lesions that can take a long time to heal. So even if they do resemble free-floating plastic grocery bags, you’d do best to steer clear. Because those are some dangerous curves.
But what does this have to do with slime molds?
Absolutely nothing. I honestly don’t know enough about jellyfish or slime molds to devote the whole of a Nightmarish Nature segment to either, so they had to share. Essentially, this bit is what happened when I decided to toast a bagel before coming up with something to write about and spent a tad too much time in contemplation of my breakfast. I guess we’re lucky I didn’t have any cream cheese or clotted cream…
Oh, and also thinking about gelatinous cubes and oozes in the role-playing game sense – because those sort of seem like a weird hybrid between jellies and slime molds, as does The Blob. Any of those amoeba influenced creatures are horrific by their very nature – they don’t even need to be souped up, just ask anyone who’s had dysentery.
And one of the most interesting thing about slime molds is that they can take the shortest path to food even when confronted with very complex barriers. They are maze masterminds and would give the Minotaur more than a run for his money, especially if he had or was food. They have even proven capable of determining the most efficient paths for water lines or railways in metropolitan regions, which is kind of crazy when you really think about it. Check it out in Scientific American here. So, if we assume that this is essentially the model upon which The Blob was built, then it’s kind of a miracle anything got away. And slime molds are coming under closer scrutiny and study as alternative means of creating computer components are being explored.
Jellies are the Wave of the Future.
We are learning that there may be a myriad of uses for jellyfish from foodstuffs to cosmetic products as we rethink how we interact with them. They are even proving useful in cleaning up plastic pollution. I don’t know how I feel about the foodstuff angle for all that they’ve been a part of various recipes for a long time. From what I’ve seen of the jellyfish cookbook recipes, they just don’t look that appealing. But then again I hate boba with a passion, so I’m probably not the best candidate to consider the possibility.
So it seems that jellies are kind of the wave of the future as we find that they can help solve our problems. That’s pretty impressive for some brainless millions of years old critter condiments. Past – present – perpetuity! Who knows what else we’d have found if evolution hadn’t cleaned out the fridge every so often?
Feel free to check out more Nightmarish Nature here.
The second half of 2024 was a bit of slow for Doctor Who news. Ncuti Gatwa’s first season finished in June, and the Christmas special was months away. Comics and audio plays continued, and a Blu-Ray set of Season 25 was released – but that was all.
However, what was new and exciting was a spate of unofficial recreations of missing Doctor Who stories from the sixties. Re-animations of missing stories have occurred previously, both officially by the BBC and unofficially by fans. However, animation production time means it’s rare to have more than a few episodes a year. However within the space of six months, forty-four recreated episodes were released, with the promise of more to come.
The reason how so many stories have been released so quickly is artificial intelligence (AI). These reconstructions are Generative AI, funded by professional songwriter, film producer, and fan, Ian Levine. This decision to make Doctor Who AI Reconstructions, to put it mildly, has been controversial online.
But is it worth it, in order to having otherwise missing stories returned to us? I’ve examined many of these Doctor Who AI reconstructions, and the discourse around them, to find out.
In Brief – Missing Episodes
A decent proportion of Doctor Who’s earliest years shockingly does not exist anymore. Doctor Who is one of the BBC’s biggest revenue raisers, and most famous show around the world. However it was not always the case.
When Doctor Who first began in 1963, the idea of keeping media was not really considered. Home video did not exist, and would not exist for two decades. Repeats were rare, due to the costs at the time to store old material and pay people involved in them. Also, old film presented a fire hazard. So it was often disposed of.
Despite this, Doctor Who is fairly lucky compared to other series. Firstly, fans at the time recorded the audio of each story. This means even the first ever Christmas Special – “A Feast of Stephen,” never broadcast internationally or repeated, still exists as an audio.
Doctor Who is also lucky because of only six seasons are not complete. In addition, of those six seasons, only half are missing only episodes from one or two stories. This allows us to get a feel for the early years of Doctor Who in a way fans of other series, like “Quatermass” and “The Avengers” aren’t able to. And part of the reason most of these early seasons survive is due to Ian Levine.
Who is Ian Levine?
Ian Levine professionally is a songwriter and DJ. He has written and produced records connected to such bands as Take That, Pet Shop Boys, Bananarama and Bucks Fizz. His total sales exceed 40 million records.
He is also well known as a prominent Doctor Who fan. There are many prominent Doctor Who fans. The series from 2004 onwards has been largely made by prominent Doctor Who fans of the 70’s and 80’s. Many of these fans contribute to Doctor Who in official ways. For instance, many older fans have written books, or audio plays. All three showrunners for the modern series would be considered prominent fans from the nineties. For Ian Levine, his main contribution is seeking to find and restore missing episodes of Doctor Who.
This work started in 1978 where Levine reportedly requested the permanent halting of old episodes of Doctor Who. At the time the idea of home video was being considered, leading to more reasons to keep old film. Levine also claimed to have rescued the first ever Dalek story from being sent into a furnace. Following this, he began purchasing private copies of the remaining stories, and attempting to return them to the BBC.
He also connected with the Doctor Who Production Team of the eighties in other ways. This included composing the theme tune for the spin-off series “K-9 and Company”, and the protest/charity album “Doctor In Distress.” His was also consulted about continuity during seasons eighteen to twenty-two.
However, he also gained a notorious reputation as obsessive in an unappealing way. During the 1985 Doctor Who hiatus, Levine was encouraged by Producer Jon Nathan-Turner to use protest the decision. Levine argued against the decision on television, and smashed his television with a hammer, and inviting newspapers to photograph it.
So he is fan who has both done great things, but also sought notoriety and negative attention.
More recently, Levene has worked with animating missing or incomplete episodes. This started in 2010 with “Mission to the Unknown.” This was not allowed to be shared or sold due to it being made without BBC authorization. In 2013, Ian hired an animated reconstruction of the unfinished story “Shada.” This version used pre-existing footage and new audio to create a finished product he hoped could be licensed. However, the BBC chose not to. Instead they made their own animated version that was released four years later.
- Join the Doctor (Tom Baker), Romana (Lalla Ward), and K-9 (voiced by David Brierley) as a visit to a Time Lord living incognito on Earth leads to a desperate race to a distant prison planet
- A BBC strike halted filming of this never-broadcast Baker six-episode serial written by “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” author Douglas Adams
- Christopher Neame, Victoria Burgoyne co-star
Last update on 2025-03-16 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon Product Advertising API
Subsequently, Levine made comments regarding Jodie Whittaker as the first female Doctor which were deemed by many to be sexist. Levine responded by publicly quitting the fandom, though later created his own private Doctor Who Facebook group.
This group has now become the location where his AI recreations he has funded and received donations for are shared.
The Doctor Who AI Reconstructions – How to Access
The Facebook Page: “Ian Levine’s Facebook Group” requires an agreement to two questions to join. Firstly, you must agree to respect the right to criticize Jodie Whittaker. Secondly, you must recognise this is Ian Levine’s group for sharing his opinions on Doctor Who. Agree to all this, and you’re allowed in.
Inside the group, Levine has shared around twenty videos. This includesall of “The Dalek Masterplan,” “The Massacre,” and “The Savages.” However for the remainder, you must make a donation of fifty pounds, to become a contributor to the series.
Once your donation is confirmed, you are authorized to join the separate contributors group, for contributors only. This is where all the current videos being made are released.
Except…. None of these videos are unavailable privately. Ian Levine has placed them all on Youtube. They are unlisted, so they cannot turn up in either a Google or YouTube search. However, if you have a direct link or URL to them, they are accessible to everyone. Unlike other systems like Patreon which restrict content to only certain subscribers, nothing stops these links being shared elsewhere.
And of course, these links are shared. In response, Levine has issued threats and warnings against other Facebook groups and leakers trying to destroy his vision. In his group, people support him and join in denouncing those who criticize his work or mock it. People outside the group in response denounce Ian Levine and his supporters.
One thing I hate about internet culture is the push for tribalism. This is the idea we are joined in a selective tribe and must fight the rivals to connect. Over time the views become more strict in supporting your own tribe, and rejecting the opposition, and the middle ground is lost.
In the case of Ian Levine’s group, this is best shown by the view of alternative animations of missing Doctor Who stories. All of these are seen as not as good as Levine’s AI reconstructions. Levine’s reconstructions are seen as the only correct way Doctor Who is meant to be.
Initially Ian Levine’s AI project aimed to complete the ten missing stories not completed by the BBC. The initial project recognised the slow time it took to animate missing stories, and focused on stories that were difficult and costly to animate with people. Very soon after, however, Levine denounced many of the prior animations as “Silly Scooby Doo Cartoons.” The project was quickly extended to include stories previously animated by the BBC. Levine’s argument appears to be Levine’s objections to story changes animation had included. These included adding a surprise image of the Master in “Fury from the Deep”, prior to his debut appearance. Given Levine’s history of making things for the BBC, with the hope the BBC would license them, there have been rumours Levine initially was hoping the BBC would license some of his AI recreations, which has not come to pass.
Levine presents his animations as the most authentic way to view the missing episodes. Therefore appreciation of official animated reconstructions are not allowed. A poster saying they enjoyed the animated version of “The Celestial Toymaker,” was informed by Levine tht anyone who enjoyed the animation was unwelcome. Common responses of new animations being announced are people accusing the BBC of ruining another story. When Levine had a fault pointed out in one of his stories by Frazer Hines, who played the second Doctor’s companion, Jamie, Levine’s first response was to accept that the animation had limitations, but insisted it was still better than any animation the BBC has made. Most of all, posters all reinforce the message that AI reconstructions are the true version of the lost stories and the BBC are fools for not paying for them.
![Doctor Who - The Celestial Toymaker [DVD]](https://hauntedmtl.com/wp-content/plugins/aawp/public/image.php?url=YUhSMGNITTZMeTl0TG0xbFpHbGhMV0Z0WVhwdmJpNWpiMjB2YVcxaFoyVnpMMGt2T1RGUWVsZFROSEZ5V0V3dVgxTk1NVFV3TUY4dVgxTk1NVFl3WHk1cWNHYz18MTc0MzYyMjk0OA=)
- The Celestial Toymaker sees the Doctor and his companions separated when they come up against the Toymaker
- While the Doctor plays the Trilogic Game, Steven and Dodo are forced to play their own seemingly childish, but ultimately dangerous games, with the aim of being reunited and getting back to the TARDIS
- Who will be the first to make a false move in this battle of wits, and will the TARDIS ever escape the Toymaker’s snare Fans of Doctor Who have long lamented the loss of the original 1966 master recordings of all except one of The Celestial Toymaker
Last update on 2025-03-16 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon Product Advertising API
In response to this, or provoking this, depending on your point of you, external Facebook groups and YouTube channels are highly critical of the AI reconstructions. Some videos see them as threats, preventing the BBC from every investing in animation involving real people. Some hav dismissed the project as a scam.
So with such strong opinions on both sides, it’s time to actually watch them.
The AI Reconstructions
My first response on watching is they’re not that bad, but they’re not that good. Animation varies wildly in quality from story to story, making it hard to tell an overall trend towards or away from quality. However there are some good examples of how to recreate a story. “The Massacre” and “The Dalek Masterplan” for instance are incredible to watch. “The Savages” on the other hand is laughingly bad.
I chose to mostly focus on the stories not yet officially animated, so as to judge these stories by their own merit rather than compare to other animated versions of the same stories. However, it’s interesting the similarities that occur between the official animations and AI reconstructions. Non human characters (Particularly Daleks) look and move great, but people largely do not.
Animating People
Across most forms of Missing episode recovery, whether AI or human drawn, the difficulty is always animating people to show emotions and movement. Many of the official BBC animations often leave characters looking like stick figures bobbing up and down.
However one of the key things the official reconstructions provide is consistency. A human being develops a pre-existing model for characters, and because of this, these characters stay consistent over time.
AI on the other hand appears to forget things, or lose focus unless properly guided. People’s faces can change dramatically from shot to shot to the point, as in “The Savages” characters can be unrecognizable. This means, unlike with official animations, I often had to follow a story summary to figure out what was going on.
AI also forgets smaller things that make people seem human. In “The Highlanders” for instance the Doctor’s companion Polly does not blink for most of episode one, despite being in shot. This is a small detail, but throws the story into the uncanny valley – characters involve look like people but they feel wrong based on how they act.
Movement is a struggle for all reconstructions because human movement is difficult to animate. Once again, “The Massacre” demonstrates small examples of movement than seem fluid, particularly in the first episode. “The Savages” on the other hand has main characters seemingly to perform scissor jump spread legged when the script call on them to walk.
How the animation occurs
Having watched many of these animations, some of means AI generated these reconstructions became clearer. A lot of these animations, especially some of the later ones, do not actually generate much new material, instead using existing material in different ways. The First Doctor saying goodbye to Susan in the TARDIS, from Episode 6 of the Dalek Invasion of Earth, for instance is frequently re-used. This scene is redubbed multiple times in the reconstructions, when a missing story needs a scene of William Hartnell standing alone in the TARDIS.
Another method is using the telesnaps, and slightly animating the mouth and face. This creates a sense of fluidity and movement, but a very limited one. This is particularly noticeable in the Space Pirates. The resconstructions rely on switching between static photos of one cast member with mouths moving. On the one hand, this is no worse than the telesnaps, but the telesnaps were aware of their limitations, so often would use narration or subtitles to fill the gaps. However these reconstructions are presented as the most life like renditions of the missing episodes. As the original story did not have subtitles or narration, therefore, they are not allowed. As a result the story is incomprehensible.
Benefit – it exists
But despite the complaints, there is a significant benefit in these reconstructions. And that’s the fact that they exist.
Currently nine missing stories have not been officially animated by the BBC. I would love for all missing stories to be animated. However, the reality is most of the stories remaining might be too costly to animate.
Of the nine stories, six are pure historicals – stories with no science fiction elements apart from the TARDIS and its crew. These stories tended to have a larger number of human characters than stories with monsters, and a human being with their range of emotions is harder to animate than a Dalek.
Historicals also tend to have more detailed and complex scene change. A story in the future can replicate cold, grey corridors throughout a space colony. Historicals however must recreate significant locations in the world at particular times in history. Having to recreate 15th century France, for instance, is made up of multiple distinct locations. This makes historical stories more time consuming and therefore costly to animate. Therefore, despite stories being reanimated for almost twenty years now, the total number of historical episodes animated have been two – both missing episodes of the Reign of Terror.
For the remaining three stories, the limited human cast and isolated space station locations makes Wheel in Space relatively simple to animate. The Space Pirates, may also be animated as the story focusing mostly on space ships should make some aspects of the design easier to manage.
That just leaves The Dalek Masterplan¸ a massive twelve episode story, with a one episode prequel, where the Daleks chase the Doctor throughout time and space. The cast is huge, and while it is not a historical, the story would require animated sets of ancient Egypt during the building of the pyramids. None of this would be easy to do on the current BBC animation budget.
Therefore, it appears of the remaining nine missing stories, only two are highly likely to be animated.
And this is where AI can play a role. As AI does not rely much people, it means the costs to recreate a story like the Dalek Masterplan is significantly easier and cheaper than hiring a production studio to make it. While the end result is not as good as a professionally animated episode, for stories where hiring professional animations is not feasible, this is one way for people to observe a version of a story we otherwise cannot access.
Ultimately the frustrating thing about these reconstructions is they’re not allowed to be what they are. If they were simply an attempt to make otherwise lost stories more accessible, without any pretention or idea of superiority they would be fine. There are no shortages of fan made reconstructions, which vary in quality, but are all warmly received because they don’t pretend to be more than fan made animations. They are no better or worse than any other reconstructions.
If Levine’s reconstructions were presented with the same humbleness, the response would be more positive. If Leveine would present it as a project, and be accepting of others not needing to accpet them, there would be less retaliation online. But they aren’t presented as a fun way to view a loss episode. The reconstructions are presented as the only correct way to view the stories, superior than any other effort. In fact, he considers the stories no longer lost due to his AI reconstructions.
But by doing so, he puts the reconstructions on a pedestal of perfection. But they aren’t perfect, not by a long shot. By Leveine presenting these as perfect, he ultimately encourages people to notice how they are lacking by comparing to perfection. In comparison, more humble attempts of reconstruction, by presenting themselves as not the best, encourage people to notice what they do right.
So, try to enjoy the reconstructions for what they are. Some are surprisingly good – especially The Dalek Masterplan and The Massacre, and it’s a chance to see stories animated that you may not get to see animated elsewhere. But try to filter out all the rhetoric about how amazing and perfect they should be, and just enjoy them as they are.
(2 / 5)
