Kyle, Todd and Lance stared at the swirling blood in the toilet stool. Floating in the crimson ocean was a small turd and a disintegrating sheet of toilet paper. It looked as though the commode had been flushed but didn’t fully do so. Its contents bobbed up and down like buoys in a sea of red.
“Well, this proves it then. You have sewer alligators,” Lance proclaimed. “There’s no other explanation.”
“Are you certain your mom was the last one to use it?” Todd asked.
Advertisement
“Yeah,” Kyle replied. “I’m pretty sure she must have been bit on the butt. Maybe that’s why she didn’t flush all the way.”
“Your toilet is crap – it never flushes unless you hold it down,” Todd quipped. “My mom said women bleed every month unless they’re going to have a baby.”
“That’s ludicrous!” Lance exclaimed. “It’s definitely sewer alligators. What would your mom know – she’s just a dippy hippie. Nothing bleeds every month and doesn’t die.”
“That’s what my mom said,” Todd shrugged. “She would know.”
“Well, if your mom does bleed every month, she should get that looked at,” Lance ribbed. “She might have cancer or something.”
Advertisement
Kyle reached over and flushed the toilet, holding the handle down for far longer than should have been necessary. The three boys watched as the ocean of red swirled into a wide whirlpool and was swallowed by the porcelain basin along with the floaters.
Kyle unzipped his pants to pee and stood at the ready, as he’d intended to do when he’d first encountered the bloody stool. He hadn’t planned to interrupt their game of Ultimate Demolition Derby to put on a show for his best friends, but they were in between rounds and he’d fetched them when he found the blood in the toilet.
“My mom wouldn’t have held the handle down to flush if there was a sewer alligator trying to chomp on her butt,” Kyle retorted as he peed. “She was probably doing good to flee with her life.” He eyed the toilet warily.
“We were in the other room and she didn’t scream or yell or anything,” Todd observed. “And there’s no such thing as sewer alligators. So it must be that women bleeding thing.”
“My mom is a total bad ass,” Kyle defended indignantly, seemingly somewhat offended. “She took on a whole wasp nest with a can of hairspray, a lighter and a pair of kitchen scissors. She’s not going to cry because of a little sewer alligator.”
Advertisement
“If your mom’s such a badass, then why didn’t she stay and fight the sewer alligator?” Todd chided.
“Kyle’s right, his mom is a badass. I was here during that wasp thing – it was crazy,” Lance stated manner-of-factly. “And there are too sewer alligators. I read about it in a magazine. Kyle’s mom must have managed to drive it back down the toilet. That’s why it isn’t here. You don’t stick around to fight sewer alligators…”
Todd rolled his eyes, “I told you there’s no such thing as sewer alligators.”
“Well, if you’re so sure, then why don’t you keep watch? Or are you too scared?” Lance said.
Kyle zipped up his pants and flushed, holding down the handle again. The basin emptied in an eddy. It refilled with water and just sat there ominously.
Advertisement
“Fine,” Todd shouted at Lance.
“You have to stay and watch the toilet until we say you can leave,” Lance smirked, “Or until someone else needs to use it and kicks you out.”
“Whatever.” Todd shook his head and hunkered down. He slid his phone out of his pocket and began playing Candy Crash Test Dummies. He muttered under his breath, “There’s still no such thing as sewer alligators…”
Kyle and Lance returned to the living room to resume their racing game. Less than three minutes later a shrill yelp resounded forth from the bathroom. They came running.
Todd was standing there flustered, pointing at the toilet and waving his finger. He shook all over, his skin blanched to a ghostly pale.
Advertisement
“See, I told you, there are too sewer alligators,” Lance proudly declared.
“That was no gator,” Todd gasped. “That was a rat the size of my dog Freet-O.”
“A Chihuahua-sized rat?!” Kyle exclaimed, eyes growing wide. He edged towards the commode and peered in from the side. There was nothing inside, just water. He reached across the basin and dropped the lid as fast as he could. It landed with a resounding thud.
The three boys raced out of the bathroom and left the toilet to its own devices. It wasn’t worth waiting around to see what foul creatures lurked within. Kyle’s mom was going to have to deal with the critter problem on her own.
Jennifer Weigel is a multi-disciplinary mixed media conceptual artist residing in Kansas USA. Weigel utilizes a wide range of media to convey her ideas, including assemblage, drawing, fibers, installation, jewelry, painting, performance, photography, sculpture, video and writing. You can find more of her work at:
https://www.jenniferweigelart.com/
https://www.jenniferweigelprojects.com/
https://jenniferweigelwords.wordpress.com/
A serene mountain landscape yawns; monumental evergreen trees fingering a brilliant azure sky stroked with wispy clouds. The air is crisper and fresher here, wafting its piney fragrance along the meandering deer path that bends and swerves down the gradual slope…
-Reset-
-City-
A bustling urban environment beckons, its diverse, brightly-clothed denizens laughing with one another, casually parting as you stroll through their midst. Sunlight dances through the crowd, reflecting off of towering buildings, cars, and bicycles. Sounds swell together as though breathing life into all interconnected within this rich tapestry of time and space. The street is a cacophony of alluring smells, and the savory scent of kosher all-beef hot dogs…
-Vegetarian-
Fragrant cumin zing of vegetable samosas…
-European-
Perfume of freshly baked baguettes embraces you in a warm hug as you sit at a small metal café table, savoring an espresso…
Advertisement
-Caffeine Free-
Lavender cremosa…
-Non-Carbonated-
Limonade…
-Reset-
-Beach-
The warm sand squishes between your bare toes as the soft ocean waves lap at your feet, beckoning you to wade further into the cool water…
-No Swimming-
The woven rope hammock stretched between two perfectly-spaced palm trees sways slowly as you lounge in its cradle, sipping a Mai Tai…
-Non-Alcoholic-
Iced lemonade in a highball glass through a red plastic straw…
Advertisement
-Eco-Conscientious-
Paper straw, the citrusy elixir providing respite from the steamy…
-Less Hot-
Warm breezy summer…
-Spring-
Spring air, children…
-Nature-
Birds…
-Silence-
You close your eyes, hammock gently rocking you to slumber.
Advertisement
We here at My Universe wish to thank you again for choosing our services. We know that there are many post-cataclysmic alternative realities available, and we appreciate your business. Please enjoy your respite from the societal collapse, and remember us next time you need to unwind.
And feel free to check out more of Jennifer Weigel’s work here on Haunted MTL or here on her website. And if you really feel like getting away and helping clean up the beach a bit, check out this relaxing video from Dylan Clark titled Seagrass. Or maybe that wasn’t so relaxing after all… 😉
Somehow I came across an older Midnight Panther comic book, Feudal Fantasy #2 from the late 1990s to be precise, and I thought I’d reappropriate it into a new story as a collage. Anyway, this is what evolved. Honestly there wasn’t a lot of content to work with, but that isn’t surprising seeing as how that wasn’t really the point of the original… And sorry, I saved the erotic bits for another project, though even that was pretty tame in this one – just a bunch of boobies.
Images: Black and white line drawings of wide-eyed anime women and men in various states of undress, looking cute, being coyly pensive, and hack ‘n slashing.
Text reads: I like… men who are dying. We ought to just kill everyone involved. The scent of blood!! I never see his face, he always wears a mask. What a waste of time. I don’t like this. The horny bastard. What a pig!! -Slash- Sounds like it could be fun.
Images: More black and white line drawings of wide-eyed anime women and men kissing and hack ‘n slashing.
Text reads: Mercenaries of glorious Edo, if you can make the flowers that bloom along the rivers during spring drop their petals, then do so. I’m the Ferryman of the River Styx. Whssh.
You can’t beat the deals. So many of us. Waiting. Readying. Checking the time. Counting down the seconds. You better believe I earned my place at the start of the line. I’ve been camping out here since late Wednesday. Yeah, yeah, the holiday was yesterday. Whatever, I had my family’s full endorsement.
Because that new high-definition television beckons. The best in zoning out technology. All channel access. Cutting edge entertainment. Bleeding edge. That blade is sharp, baby. Like a razor.
But this kind of escapism is costly. A reality check says it’s not in my family’s budget. We don’t make that kind of money, and so here I am. Among all the others vying for the same prize.
Advertisement
Only one will get there first. Only one available. Must have TV. Must have T.V. Must. Have. T. V.
An employee approaches the door. Nobody noteworthy. A soon-to-be-casualty. No more. No less.
This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Cookie settingsACCEPT
Privacy & Cookies Policy
Privacy Overview
This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
Jonny
January 25, 2022 at 12:23 pm
This is actively the worst thing ever, but I love it.
Jennifer Weigel
January 25, 2022 at 7:51 pm
Thank you I think lol. Partly inspired by some of the heartfelt and real admissions on I Used to Believe. https://www.iusedtobelieve.com/