Kyle, Todd and Lance stared at the swirling blood in the toilet stool. Floating in the crimson ocean was a small turd and a disintegrating sheet of toilet paper. It looked as though the commode had been flushed but didn’t fully do so. Its contents bobbed up and down like buoys in a sea of red.
“Well, this proves it then. You have sewer alligators,” Lance proclaimed. “There’s no other explanation.”
“Are you certain your mom was the last one to use it?” Todd asked.
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“Yeah,” Kyle replied. “I’m pretty sure she must have been bit on the butt. Maybe that’s why she didn’t flush all the way.”
“Your toilet is crap – it never flushes unless you hold it down,” Todd quipped. “My mom said women bleed every month unless they’re going to have a baby.”
“That’s ludicrous!” Lance exclaimed. “It’s definitely sewer alligators. What would your mom know – she’s just a dippy hippie. Nothing bleeds every month and doesn’t die.”
“That’s what my mom said,” Todd shrugged. “She would know.”
“Well, if your mom does bleed every month, she should get that looked at,” Lance ribbed. “She might have cancer or something.”
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Kyle reached over and flushed the toilet, holding the handle down for far longer than should have been necessary. The three boys watched as the ocean of red swirled into a wide whirlpool and was swallowed by the porcelain basin along with the floaters.
Kyle unzipped his pants to pee and stood at the ready, as he’d intended to do when he’d first encountered the bloody stool. He hadn’t planned to interrupt their game of Ultimate Demolition Derby to put on a show for his best friends, but they were in between rounds and he’d fetched them when he found the blood in the toilet.
“My mom wouldn’t have held the handle down to flush if there was a sewer alligator trying to chomp on her butt,” Kyle retorted as he peed. “She was probably doing good to flee with her life.” He eyed the toilet warily.
“We were in the other room and she didn’t scream or yell or anything,” Todd observed. “And there’s no such thing as sewer alligators. So it must be that women bleeding thing.”
“My mom is a total bad ass,” Kyle defended indignantly, seemingly somewhat offended. “She took on a whole wasp nest with a can of hairspray, a lighter and a pair of kitchen scissors. She’s not going to cry because of a little sewer alligator.”
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“If your mom’s such a badass, then why didn’t she stay and fight the sewer alligator?” Todd chided.
“Kyle’s right, his mom is a badass. I was here during that wasp thing – it was crazy,” Lance stated manner-of-factly. “And there are too sewer alligators. I read about it in a magazine. Kyle’s mom must have managed to drive it back down the toilet. That’s why it isn’t here. You don’t stick around to fight sewer alligators…”
Todd rolled his eyes, “I told you there’s no such thing as sewer alligators.”
“Well, if you’re so sure, then why don’t you keep watch? Or are you too scared?” Lance said.
Kyle zipped up his pants and flushed, holding down the handle again. The basin emptied in an eddy. It refilled with water and just sat there ominously.
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“Fine,” Todd shouted at Lance.
“You have to stay and watch the toilet until we say you can leave,” Lance smirked, “Or until someone else needs to use it and kicks you out.”
“Whatever.” Todd shook his head and hunkered down. He slid his phone out of his pocket and began playing Candy Crash Test Dummies. He muttered under his breath, “There’s still no such thing as sewer alligators…”
Kyle and Lance returned to the living room to resume their racing game. Less than three minutes later a shrill yelp resounded forth from the bathroom. They came running.
Todd was standing there flustered, pointing at the toilet and waving his finger. He shook all over, his skin blanched to a ghostly pale.
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“See, I told you, there are too sewer alligators,” Lance proudly declared.
“That was no gator,” Todd gasped. “That was a rat the size of my dog Freet-O.”
“A Chihuahua-sized rat?!” Kyle exclaimed, eyes growing wide. He edged towards the commode and peered in from the side. There was nothing inside, just water. He reached across the basin and dropped the lid as fast as he could. It landed with a resounding thud.
The three boys raced out of the bathroom and left the toilet to its own devices. It wasn’t worth waiting around to see what foul creatures lurked within. Kyle’s mom was going to have to deal with the critter problem on her own.
Jennifer Weigel is a multi-disciplinary mixed media conceptual artist residing in Kansas USA. Weigel utilizes a wide range of media to convey her ideas, including assemblage, drawing, fibers, installation, jewelry, painting, performance, photography, sculpture, video and writing. You can find more of her work at:
https://www.jenniferweigelart.com/
https://www.jenniferweigelprojects.com/
https://jenniferweigelwords.wordpress.com/
Continuing our AI journey from last time exploring Little Red Riding Hood herself as the Big Bad Wolf… All of these are based upon the AI generated art and prompts using NightCafe and then created as posters in Canva.
How very… Phantom of the Opera predatory… this is definitely not what I had in mind. Maybe something more cutesy?
Ugh. Maybe not.
Wow, that seems like such a cop out, cropping off the head so you don’t have to depict it. And I don’t want to lose the Little Red Riding Hood reference completely.
So no surprise there, I knew that was too many references to work.
And as promised in Big Bad Poetry, we shall embark on our next AI journey, this time looking at Little Red Riding Hood. I had wanted to depict her as the Big Bad Wolf one and the same, although maybe not so big nor bad. But it just wasn’t happening quite as planned. All of these are based upon the AI generated art and prompts using NightCafe and then created as posters in Canva.
So I actually like this even better than my original vision, it is playful and even a bit serene (especially given the Sinister style). The wolf is just being a wolf. It’s quite lovely, really. But it wasn’t what I had in mind, so I revisited the idea later to see if I could get that result…
Over the river and through the wood flashed the fleet-footed Red Riding Hood on her way to her “grandmother’s” house.
When running past, who should she see but just one of the little pigs three cowering like but a tiny mouse.
“But my dear piggy, what do you fear?” Red Riding Hood asked as she slunk near, teeth hidden under a sheepish smile.
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The nervous small pig looked up in fright and decided that Red was alright, missing the subtle clues by a mile.
“The Big Bad Wolf, that horrible beast upon the other wee pigs did feast!” the last little pig said with a squeal.
Red Riding Hood laughed with a great growl and threw back her heavy long-robed cowl, in a vast terrifying reveal.
For she was really the wolf Big Bad hidden beneath the cape that he had stolen from Red Riding Hood at point.
“And now I’ve caught you too my pretty and surely t’wouldn’t be a pity if I gobbled you up in this joint.”
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T’was then the wee pig leapt to his feet And cried, “Big Bad Wolf, I shall defeat, for I am no ordinary swine!”
The little pig also wore sheep’s clothes spun in spells every woodland witch knows; Old Granny herself was quite divine.
“Now give me back my granddaughter’s cape, before I grab you by your ruffed nape and send you pig-squealing down the road…”
The wolf dropped the cape and ran, that cur, but Granny was swifter and hexed his fur and the wolf she turned into a toad.
Thus the moral of this story goes, when in the woods, no one really knows what sheepish sheep’s clothing is a ruse that big bad wolves and old witches use.
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So this is actually an intro to my next AI art journey with NightCafe which developed from me not getting the results I wanted (Little Red Riding Hood herself as a wolf). Here’s a preview with Eric’s versions as he is much more literal in his prompting than I am, but where’s the fun in that? 😉
Prompts (from left to right) in Dark Fantasy style, executed Aug. 1, 2023:
Bipedal wolf in Red Riding Hood’s cloak
Bipedal wolf in Red Riding Hood’s cloak close up portrait
Bipedal wolf in red cloak close up portrait
Portrait of myself with dark makeup and crow skull headdress, backlit by the sun.
Jonny
January 25, 2022 at 12:23 pm
This is actively the worst thing ever, but I love it.
Jennifer Weigel
January 25, 2022 at 7:51 pm
Thank you I think lol. Partly inspired by some of the heartfelt and real admissions on I Used to Believe. https://www.iusedtobelieve.com/