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Jim recently sat down with Cosmic Horror Author Extraordinaire Bert S Lechner where we talked about everything from beginnings to Lovecraft as a gate way into madness. Plus, a few lucky listeners will nab Lechner’s new book on us! That’s right just drop us a line via socials and the first few will have that Kindle edition come your way! All this and more on the next What’s Kraken?

Bert S Lechner

Bert S. Lechner is an author on the autism spectrum born and raised near San Francisco, California. He studied music at the University of Puget Sound in Tacoma, Washington, originally dreaming of becoming a composer before discovering a passion for writing and telling stories. After years of pursuing different lines of work, from wine salesperson to IT specialist, Bert finally decided to pursue his passion for writing and to begin publishing his works.

When he’s not writing Bert can be found cooking, making cheese, spending time with his cats, reading, or playing video games, quite often simultaneously.

(From the Amazon Author Bio)

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Real skull. Don't ask. You wouldn't believe it if I told you.

Movies n TV

Goosebumps, Go Eat Worms

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We’ve reached episode four of the 2023 show Goosebumps. This one is titled Go Eat Worms, based on the book released in July of 1994. And so far, it’s the story that has been furthest removed from the source material. However, I think it’s the story that got the biggest glow-up.

Cover for Goosebumps Go Eat Worms.

The story

This episode is the first that doesn’t jump back to Halloween night. And it largely focuses on Lucas having a really bad day.

He wants to perform a jump on his dirt bike. He gets everything set up, then chickens out at the last moment.

Unfortunately, that means he gets home just in time to catch Nora and Colin kissing in the car.

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Technically there’s nothing wrong with this. Nora’s husband is dead and Colin’s going through a separation. But there’s no reason to expect Lucas to feel this way. And he does not. He goes to school and decides the best thing to do is tell Margot.

That honestly makes sense. At least, more sense than anything else he does.

Seeing how upset Margot is at this realization, he wants to make her laugh. Being a child who should never see Jackass, he decides to eat a worm in front of her. Margot’s face says it all at that moment, as she realizes there’s a strong possibility this boy is going to be her stepbrother and he is eating worms.

Of course, those aren’t any worms. They came from the Biddle house. And they do the bidding of Harold Biddle.

What worked

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It’s pretty clear at this point that the only adult willing to listen to the kids is Nora. The only other one who might have listened was Margot’s mother, who appears to have vanished entirely.

And while this is horrible for the kids, it’s kind of what we should expect in a show for kids.

Content for children and young adults should have heroes who are children and young adults. That was one of the great things about the Goosebumps books, and most of the great stories meant for kids. Coraline, Stranger Things, Ms. Perrigrins School for Gifted Youngsters, Series of Unfortunate Events. These stories all have a young protagonist who has to face the monster without their parents and win. It reminds me of a wonderful quote by Neil Gaiman.

Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.”

I also loved the action scenes in this episode. I didn’t know I wanted to see a giant worm monster chase someone on a dirt bike through the woods, but I’ve seen it now. And that was pretty great.

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Finally, this episode tackled some really difficult topics. Not the least of which was how suicide impacts the family left behind.

That’s a pretty heavy thing to talk about, and it was approached well. This is one of the things that horror does well. It allows us to discuss the things we’re afraid to discuss. To face our real fears. Not the fears of haunted masks, killer worms, or prophetic cameras. It lets us talk about divorce and death and mental health crises in a way that feels more approachable because it’s side by side with the monsters.

What didn’t work

Unfortunately, this was not a perfect episode. And a lot of my issues are about Luke.

Will Price in Goosebumps.

Now, this is not the fault of the actor, Will Price. But he does not look young enough for this role. Some people in their early twenties can look like teens still on TV. The rest of the ‘kids’ are adults. Miles McKenna, who plays James, is 28. But Price looks significantly too old. And it’s distracting.

I also hated the jumping from scene to scene when Luke took Margot to his house. They didn’t do anything there that couldn’t have been done at school. There was just no need for a scene cut. Scene cuts should be kept to a minimum if possible because it’s distracting and runs the risk of taking a viewer out of the story.

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All in all, though, this was a really good episode. It was touching, exciting, and still managed to be funny. So far, this has been a really solid season of horror television. And we have more than half a season yet to go.

4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

If you’re a fan of my work, please check out my latest story, Nova, on Paper Beats World. New chapters launch every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

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Movies n TV

Goosebumps, Cuckoo Clock of Doom

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Named for the 28th installment of the original book series, The Cuckoo Clock of Doom has the least in common so far with its source material.

Thankfully, the story isn’t negatively impacted by this. I can honestly say so far that these episodes just keep getting better.

The story

After the last episode’s explosive ending, I’m sure we were all more than a little worried about James. I for one was worried we were going to have an example of the Bury Your Gays trope on a kid’s show.

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Cover of R.L. Stine Cuckoo Clock of Doom

Thankfully, that’s not the case.

We go back in time again to Halloween night, and this time we see what James was up to.

Mostly he was up to trying to flirt with his crush. Everything seems to be going well until James lies about being interested in football.

He tries to leave the house, but instead finds himself back at the basement door when Isaiah is trapped and the cuckoo clock is going off. James then shows a remarkable amount of genre savvy and tries his best to escape the house. Each time he does, we see another version of him walking away.

Eventually, he devises a plan to break the clock at just the right moment, but not before he gets some intel on his crush’s favorite team so he can score a date.

Back in the real world free of the time loop though, James finds that he has far more worries. Every time he tried to escape the house, a duplicate version of him was created. And all of those duplicates are waiting for him.

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Back at the Biddle house, though, there’s a surprise waiting. One of the James duplicates has brought Harold Biddle a box. A ventriloquist dummy-sized box.

An empty box.

What worked

The effects of this show so far have been wonderful. When the other characters hit a James duplicate, it doesn’t just die. It explodes in a Nickelodeon-style wave of slime. This is just fun, and I’m kind of sad there doesn’t appear to be more of the duplicates around.

I mean, I wouldn’t rule it out.

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Ana Yi Puig in Goosebumps.

Did I mention that these duplicates appeared to smell like watermelon Jolly Ranchers when they exploded? That was a visceral detail that was both alarming and terrific. They could have smelled bad. They could have smelled like rotting plants or people. But no, they smell like candy.

Of course, the characters continue to steal the show. Margot and Isaiah could be said to be the main characters, but everyone comes into this with main character energy. They are all funny, all capable, all smart. And they all seem to care about each other.

I loved that James and Isaiah talked about how they were feeling. I think it’s important that we’re modeling that for young men. They talked about what was bothering them, and they made up.

Finally, though, we have to talk about Justin Long again. His acting in this just keeps stealing the show. He dances like a cartoon and jumps from joyful to violently furious at a moment’s notice. The character doesn’t know how to act, and watching him fail to act right in front of people never fails to make me laugh.

What didn’t work

I honestly can’t say that anything didn’t work in this episode. But there is something about the show that I, at least, don’t like.

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There’s no real blood or gore. There’s more blood when I eat an actual jolly rancher because I always cut my tongue on them.

Now, this show is pretty clearly not for kids and young adults so there’s probably not a lot of need for too much gore and violence. But if the bloody stuff is more your style, like me, the lack of it might disappoint you.

Fans of the Goosebumps books will know that everyone ended with a twist. And the show so far has been no different. And the ending of this episode has been the best so far. The tension of Margot’s mom’s impassioned reaction, blended with the revelation that Slappy is somewhere in town is just too much. I can’t believe we’re only three episodes in and I am this invested. I hope you are too.

Viewer beware, I suspect things are going to get a lot worse for our characters before they get better.

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4.5 out of 5 stars (4.5 / 5)

If you’re a fan of my work, please check out my latest story, Nova, on Paper Beats World. New chapters launch every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

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Book Reviews

Monastery Series 6: a Book Review

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The newest installment of Monastery is a packed bag of goodies. It’s nearly impossible to discuss everything that happens in this episode, but I’ll give it my best shot. If you thought the stakes were high before then you best buckle up. We’re about to take a ride on the craziest rollercoaster you can imagine. Let’s begin!

Plot

We pick up right where we left off in the last episode of Monastery – Cassandra helping Francis cover up George Turner’s murder (she should have a business card at this point). As their luck would have it, a group of kids discover the body the very next day. Albert hilariously describes the interview that follows as pointless cameos. Our resident gang correctly assumes that the pair had something to do with it. They narrow down their investigation to probe Francis further with little success.

We also get more insight into Cassandra in this episode as it is her 60th birthday. I am shocked to say that she tugged my heartstrings this time round, especially during the seance at Madam Witch’s. During this experience, we see Cassandra and Albert reuniting at what we assume to be heaven. For those few minutes we as readers see that despite everything, there was – is – some genuine love between the two. I thought this interaction brought yet another layer to their already complex dynamic. It goes without saying that the scene between Pop Dennis and Nana Beth during the same type of experience will bring tears out of anybody.

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However, my sympathy for Cassandra doesn’t last long. When she thinks everyone forgot her birthday, our resident grandma gets wasted. This causes her to nearly spill murderous beans at her super awkward surprise party organized by David. Our pointless return as he seemed to invite the most random Monastery residents.

Speaking of David, the poor guy is still stringing Erica along all the while pining for Nicole. Not that he is fully at fault as Erica doesn’t seem to take the hint. Must be hard not to hurt someone’s feelings when you can’t be with the one you love anyway, right? Unsurprisingly, this causes Nicole to finally confront her feelings for David properly, and the two end up having sex. Their dynamic now has more layers than a matryoshka doll since both are in relationships, not to mention the family aspect. Although considering Erica sees everything, we can assume David is newly single and in for a rude awakening.

Fred continues to be the biggest underdog in this episode. As if what happened between his girlfriend and his cousin won’t be enough of a blow, Cassandra also kicks him out of her house. The question of where he’s going to stay now remains a mystery. Perhaps this is an opening for him to leave Monastery once he inevitably finds out about their betrayal? Time will tell.

As for our investigative squad, their main quest is slightly pushed to the background. That is, until Thomas discovers a bloodied toy car. This only brings more questions as to what exactly went down the night Albert died. Their investigation is put to the biggest test yet when Rocky, everyone’s favorite dog, is taken by an unknown assailant. This person threatens the gang to drop everything, or else. The installment ends on quite an anxiety-filled note and I would like to have a word with whoever is responsible. I got my guesses and all I will say for now is that their name rhymes with Dick. 

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Overall thoughts

The sixth part of Monastery showcases once again what’s so great about this story. We got a mixture of everything – mystery, murder, fear, love, lust, heartbreak, but most of all, family. It’s arguably the biggest theme of the story and this episode showcases it perfectly. The party scene, while quite anxiety-inducing for me, was also hilarious and moved the plot while showing off different dynamics. Although I’m not gonna lie, everything that I was curious about now fades in the light of Rocky’s abduction. This is the turning point of the story for me and I’m just clutching my dog tighter thanking all the gods that I haven’t pissed off some psychopath.  5 out of 5 stars (5 / 5)

More from the author:

1. This episode of Monastery really focuses on the complexities of Cassandra’s character. In one of our previous talks, you mentioned that she is the hero of your story, albeit an extremely flawed one. We get a whole spectrum of emotions from her, from missing Albert to calculating George Turner’s cover-up to helping Francis to kicking out Fred – she is her own one-woman show. I guess what I’m curious about is, what’s your opinion of redemption arcs and is this something that you’re interested in doing with Cassandra or are you happy to keep her deliciously villainous yet human as she is (if you can share, that is)?

A good redemption arc is a hard thing to pull off and I often find that it hinges on convenience more than anything else – we redeem characters after they’ve done unspeakable things simply because we still love and root for them. Nothing necessarily wrong with that, but redemption is not something I think about too much where somebody like Cassandra is concerned – she is who she is, a hero and a villain, a mother and a monster, both deep and shallow, and I am happy to keep her as she is for now without worrying too much about redeeming her.

2. Further to my last question, you have no qualms about writing complex characters who do messed up things, maliciously or not. Have you got to the point writing Monastery where you stopped liking a character you created or stopped rooting for them because of this? Alternatively, have you grown fonder of a character because of how you crafted the story and where they ended up?

Honestly, the nastier the characters get, the more I love them. I get an immense kick out of Thomas blackmailing David or Nicole playing mind games on the boys she likes – those are the scenes I always can’t wait to get out. I never stopped rooting for anyone, but I will say this: when I’m caught up in the moment and the words are flowing out of me, these characters can shock me sometimes. There was an instance in episode 3 in which Aunt Doris made me spit out the words, “You bitch”, as I was writing her dialogue. I couldn’t believe the things she was saying, and I was the one writing them! I live for those little moments.

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The dinner party scene was chaotic to say the least. Was your intention to make the readers anxious or to make them laugh and reminisce of their own family gatherings (hopefully without a murder revelation)? I got a bit of both, personally.

The dinner party served three big purposes for me: a) it was a bit of a breather after the intense drama of the midseason finale and its aftermath; b) it plays into the satire element of the story, as yes, family gatherings (especially in a small town) are always full of drama; and c) it was a rare opportunity to bring the whole family together, since there’s so many of them and we can’t possibly always have them in the same place at the same time. It was nice to just press pause and dig a little deeper into who they are and what makes them tick, whilst still teasing the readers about the mystery. I’m glad it awakened all those emotions in you!

Bonus question – Rocky is okay, right? Right? *pleading sad face emoji inserted*

Rocky is a series regular. All series regulars are featured in all ten episodes, and there’s four more to go. But then again, one of those regulars has been dead from the start, so…

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