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Released in 2010, Rare Exports asks an important holiday question. One that no one else has dared to ask.

What if Santa was a ten-story-tall monster buried under the ice for centuries?

The story

Rare Exports is the story of a little boy named Pietari. After doing what is frankly too much research for a little boy, he realizes that Santa is not the jolly old elf we all think of. He is, in fact, a monster who eats bad children. And it turns out that Santa was trapped in the ice near Pietari’s little town. All this would be well and good if a Russian mining team weren’t in the process of cutting him out of the ice. So it’s up to Pietari to convince everyone of the dark, horrific truth.

Santa Claus is coming to town.

Peeter Jakobi in Rare Exports.

What worked

Some movies need to make sense. Some don’t. Rare Exports is one of the latter.

Why were the Russians digging in the snow to find Santa? What was the plan there? What happened to Pietari’s mom? And who did they sell the elves to? Do the elves need air or water to live?

We don’t get answers to any of those questions. And frankly, we don’t need them to enjoy Rare Exports.

This is a wild story about a little boy who discovers that Santa is a mythical monster with a bunch of scrawny old men with big white beards to do his evil bidding and eats bad children who haven’t been beaten by their parents enough. What sort of explanation would help this story in any way?

Onni Tommila in Rare Exports.

I mean, we could pick apart why it’s suddenly legal to sell people, or at least mythical creatures that look like naked old men, or why this all happened right next to the only little kid who had the exact knowledge needed. But in the end, wouldn’t that be like asking how Santa gets into people’s homes when they don’t have fireplaces? Doesn’t that objective reasoning just piss on the Christmas magic?

What didn’t work

While Rare Exports was fun, there were parts that I did not appreciate. For one thing, there wasn’t a single woman or person of any color in this film. Literally not one. Not an extra, not in the background. This little Finnish town is populated entirely by white men. And yes, it is Finland and there isn’t a hugely diverse population. But it’s also 2010. People move. Also, women exist.

On the subject of seeing too many white men, we also saw too much of the white men. Specifically, we saw far too many old white male actors entirely nude. There was just no reason for this. These men were portraying elves. They didn’t have to be naked. If they were naked, they didn’t have to have, um, yule logs. Maybe elves are like Ken dolls. There were so many options that didn’t include so much old man wang.

Finally, I wish we’d seen Santa Claus. Not to spoil the ending, but he never actually emerges to attack anyone. And that feels like a cop-out. If we’re going to be teased the whole movie with this depiction of monster Santa, we should at least get to see monster Santa.

Though, after what they did with the elves, maybe it’s a blessing we didn’t see him.

In the end, Rare Exports was well worth watching. It was hilarious, creepy and bloody. And while it wasn’t perfect, it was a delightful holiday horror comedy.

4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

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Tips on Raising Evil from “The Demon of Parenthood”

The assessors investigate cursed toys in an attack against commerce, but Ben has a finger on the issue in “The Demon of Parenthood.”

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“The Demon of Parenthood” is the eighth episode of season 3 of Evil, created by Michelle King and Robert King. The central cast includes Katja Herbers, Mike Colter, Aasif Mandvi, Michael Emerson, Christine Lahti, and Andrea Martin. As of this review, it’s available through Netflix and Paramount+ and its add-ons.

The assessors investigate cursed toys in a terrible attack against commerce, but Ben (Aasif Mandvi) has a finger on the potential issue. David (Mike Colter) receives another task from the Entity. Kristen (Katja Herbers) learns more about her missing egg. Leland (Michael Emerson) invites Dr Boggs (Kurt Fuller) to the darker side of spirituality. Sheryl (Christine Lahti) takes her granddaughter to work.

Evil written in bold, a snake reaches for an apple. Beneath reads Season 3
Evil Season 3 Cover

What I Like about “The Demon of Parenthood”

I enjoy the espionage aspect of the Entity, pushing David to questionable grounds as he navigates what’s right against what’s demanded of him. While this plotline doesn’t reach its full potential, this episode highlights one of the more interesting opportunities of this idea. The Entity consistently interferes with the procedural case, possibly covering up abuse to support its objectives. This episode highlights this dynamic to perfection.

Kristen gets pulled in multiple directions, forced to question her trust in David, and faces a unique horror after learning about her missing egg. While I won’t dive deeper into this issue for this review, it’s safe to say this episode belongs to Kristen, and Katja Herbers delivers.
Her unsettling night terrors suggest an intuitive understanding of some of the manipulations around her, highlighting these moments to the viewer by proxy. Beyond these meta moments, the execution of these night terrors remains pleasantly unsettling.

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Evil: Season Three [DVD]
  • Katja Herbers, Mike Colter, Aasif Mandvi (Actors)
  • Robert King (Director)
  • Audience Rating: NR (Not Rated)
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Evil: Season Three [Blu-Ray]
  • Katja Herbers, Mike Colter, Aasif Mandvi (Actors)
  • Robert King (Director)
  • Audience Rating: NR (Not Rated)

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Among a constant trail of failures, Leland lingers in the background as he puts pieces together for his master plan. We don’t see the full scope of his vision yet, but the suspense it builds for future episodes earns its place. I’m interested to see how these plots will evolve, even if Leland’s luck seems to turn sour. Perhaps it’s because of this dynamic that the tension works so effectively.

With a shocking moment tied into this episode, “The Demon of Parenthood” creates one of the more haunting episodes. However, the greatest accomplishment in the episode is what it establishes for the future of the series. While not all these points follow through by the end of Evil, it’s still an episode that ripples across the show’s progression.

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Disclaimer Kimberley Web Design

Tired Tropes and Triggers

Without diving into too many details, spousal abuse and murder occur in the episode. This abuse might indicate a demonic influence, but such points remain speculation. 

A severed body part and some gore stand out in this episode. It hardly earns enough attention from fans of gory horror, but the squeamish should tread carefully toward the end.

A woman emerges from her bed, looking shocked. The laptop on her lap is the only source of light.
Horrible Realizations at Night

What I Dislike about “The Demon of Parenthood”

Many dropped ideas seem genuinely interesting, building to some potential development that receives little payoff. Missing these opportunities will never feel satisfying. While some changes are understandable, it creates holes in the narrative. For example, Dr. Boggs’ dark seduction slows in pace, becoming implied or withheld from the audience soon after “The Demon of Parenthood.” These experiences often adapt the concept of evil that the show seeks to bring to life.

Sheryl’s compliance with Leland’s plan still seems underdeveloped as a concept, especially with how far she takes it in this episode. While later episodes add a different perspective, I can’t help but feel these are retcons or concepts not thoroughly thought out.

A kraken emerges from the ocean, attacking a ship. The tint suggests the image is a map icon.

Final Thoughts

“The Demon of Parenthood” progresses the plot and delivers some genuinely haunting moments. While a retrospective assessment does note many missed opportunities, the episode stands up beyond these missed opportunities. 
4.5 out of 5 stars (4.5 / 5)

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You’ll Have a Bloody Good Time with this Eternal (2004) Health Tip

When Raymond Pope’s wife disappears, he follows the trail. But each lead points him to the Eternal beauty of Elizabeth Kane.

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Eternal (2004) is a horror thriller written and directed by Wilhelm Liebenberg and Federico Sanchez. This R-rated film stars Caroline Néron, Victoria Sanchez, Conrad Pla, and Ilona Elkin. As of this review, it is available for Amazon Prime members with renting options from Spectrum on Demand.

When Raymond Pope’s (Conrad Pla) wife disappears, he’s swept into the mystery of Elizabeth Kane (Caroline Néron). As his investigation becomes increasingly bizarre, bodies pile up and point to Raymond Pope. Will he clear his name, or will this bloody rampage drown him?

At the top of the poster reads Eternal. Below are three clear images. The closest to the viewer is a person in a mask. To the above left of the viewer, there is a female figure emerging from a bath. Below that are two women looking at the viewer, keeping close to each other.
Eternal Poster

What I Like about Eternal

While all of the performances add to the film, Eternal thrives on the charisma and mystique of Caroline Néron’s Elizabeth. She enchants her targets, lowering their defenses until that final moment.

Conrad Pla’s Raymond Pope also requires a delicate approach to succeed. The sleazy and hypocritical detective seems genuinely concerned for his wife (at least initially) and sells that concern. While far from an easy character to root for, the audience understands him and the danger he faces.

There’s a heavy erotic thriller angle that Eternal delivers on. I’ll linger on this point in later sections, but it certainly knows how to build tension within a single scene or between characters. These moments don’t feel forced, and while they often target a male audience, interesting dynamics rise above general exploitative content, if only slightly.

This seems to be a passion project between the creators, Wilhelm Liebenberg and Federico Sanchez. This passion lingers in the moments to deliver something unique, if not without its flaws. The film doesn’t hold back, a point that fluctuates between negative and positive depending on the situation. Regardless, it holds a charm in that commitment that’s hard to replicate without passion behind the scenes.

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Disclaimer Kimberley Web Design

Tired Tropes and Triggers

The film labels itself as “Inspired by True Events,” which only relates to the general discussion of Elizabeth Báthory. It’s also worth mentioning that, much like Vlad Dracula, her story remains heavily dominated by modern interpretations. I won’t pretend to hold exclusive knowledge of these historical figures, but cultural interpretation reduces realism. The claim means little to nothing.

The predatory queer trope applies to Eternal, with little complexity to challenge the point as the violence often targets women. It’s important to note that Elizabeth acts as a femme fatale in general, but the targets remain clear. However, this film did earn a moment of recognition from the Glitter Awards (a clip was used in 2006), which might suggest the standout performance of Caroline Néron’s Elizabeth earns back some goodwill.

A woman sits on another woman, holding a glass of wine. Both women look at an unseen stranger
Elizabeth (Caroline Néron) and Irina (Victoria Sanchez) Drink Wine and Plot Crime

What I Dislike about Eternal

The erotic thriller holds a stigma that Eternal doesn’t challenge. Elizabeth remains a clear femme fatale with a slightly supernatural twist. While the performance executes this character perfectly, viewers likely know if this remains an interest or a tired cliche for themselves.

While most of Raymond’s acts make sense for the character, I hold issue with the end. Without going into too many details, he is asked to do one thing to protect himself and does the opposite for no reason. Perhaps this indicates supernatural influence, but such a claim lingers in headcanon.

The film ends ambiguously, which hardly seems fitting given the evidence and weakens the overall film. A definitive ending, or something moderately more definitive, would strengthen Eternal.

Final Thoughts

Eternal’s major obstacle in executing its erotic thriller is that of tired tropes in the modern era. If one looks past these dated points, there’s a haunting thriller that can meet moments of excellence. The plot falls short in many areas towards the end of the film. Ultimately, if a vampire-esque thriller interests you, Eternal certainly adds its perception to the niche but in a familiar form.
3.5 out of 5 stars (3.5 / 5)

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When “The Demon of Cults” Delivers Your Brand of Evil

The assessors investigate “The Demon of Cults,” the seventh episode of Evil, created by Michelle King and Robert King.

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“The Demon of Cults” is the seventh episode of Evil, created by Michelle King and Robert King. The central cast includes Katja Herbers, Mike Colter, Aasif Mandvi, Michael Emerson, Christine Lahti, and Andrea Martin. As of this review, it’s available through Netflix and Paramount+ and its add-ons.

The assessors investigate a cult. David (Mike Colter) struggles to keep his commitment to the Entity as they test his morality. Kristen (Katja Herbers) learns some unsettling plans for her family. Ben (Aasif Mandvi) spends an evening with a friend and meets a divine figure. Dr. Boggs (Kurt Fuller) begins a spiritual journey to write a novel.

Evil written in bold, a snake reaches for an apple. Beneath reads Season 3
Evil Season 3 Cover

What I Like About “The Demon of Cults”

As the brief description above should indicate, Ben endures a lot in this episode. From comedic scenes to genuinely intense moments, Aasif Mandvi delivers a performance that adapts to the plot. His chemistry with a new character (Gia Crovatin’s Renee) also deserves praise as it drives his subplot in the episode.

Brian d’Arcy James’ Victor LeConte returns, bringing this eerie character to life again. While his motives become more comprehensible, his methods continue to create division. As his motives unfold and methods become darker, it upsets many characters.

The last performance to focus on is Gia Crovatin’s Renee. She plays a foil to Ben, showing an intelligent character who blends her spiritual beliefs with her scientific knowledge. This character supposedly appears in “The Demon of Sex,” making a direct claim of this in the episode, but didn’t physically appear in “The Demon of Sex.” Renee makes a lasting impression through her charisma and chemistry with Ben.

This episode returns to a few points of the RSM Fertility plotline. While it doesn’t satisfy lingering questions, it does enough to show Evil hasn’t dropped the plotline entirely. The implications hit Kristen particularly hard as it directly relates to her family.

While the last few episodes hold a haunting beginning or end, “The Demon of Cults” excels in the middle of its narrative. Not every moment earns the level of haunting its viewers, but those moments stand out.

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Disclaimer Kimberley Web Design

Tired Tropes and Triggers

A running motif of the episode follows the processes of cult indoctrination and deprogramming. “The Demon of Cults” doesn’t dive deep into this material but remains a key element to many plotlines. It also briefly mentions Qanon, broadening the cultish focus to one beyond spirituality.

“The Demon of Cults” remains a bloodier episode of Evil, bringing out a truly exceptional scene to those squeamish at the sight. It’s not particularly gory, focusing more on the liquid spectacle, but a point worth referencing.

While not shown, an animal sacrifice supposedly occurs. The viewer doesn’t see the exact moment of this act but does see the leading moment and results. A character confirms the sacrifice shortly after, leaving little ambiguity.

An older man looks at a music box, looking defeated and focused.
To Thine Muse Be True

What I Dislike About “The Demon of Cults”

“The Demon of Cults” doesn’t unpack Ben’s suffering in this episode. From addressing some of his childhood trauma to navigating the unclear motives of the cult, Ben doesn’t get the opportunity to dive into these plot points with much depth. Some of these elements will earn later focus but little follow-through.

It’s never directly shown how the Entity comes to know the events they know. Some points are observation and spying, but others require a level of intuition that needs some explanation. Future revelations might add a potential theory, but these points remain headcanon without confirmation.

A kraken emerges from the ocean, attacking a ship. The tint suggests the image is a map icon.

Final Thoughts

“The Demon of Cults” explores the evils of indoctrination and the trial of deprogramming. While some elements are underdeveloped or lightly touched on, the episode still possesses some moments that haunt the viewer. While it’s far from the most haunting episode, it does provide lingering points for the show to follow and an exceptional ending to tie everything together.
3 out of 5 stars (3 / 5)

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