The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs: Creepy Christmas Special
The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs returned for its annual Christmas special on December 15th. As is tradition, the episode also serves as a charity fundraiser for four different charities. Special guest Robin Sydney joins Joe Bob and Darcy the Mail Girl for added late night entertainment. The Drive-In is available on AMC+ and Shudder.
This week on The Last Drive-In, the holiday spirit is in full force as Joe Bob and Darcy return to the screen to present their annual Christmas special / charity auction fundraiser. Cozied up next to a fireplace and in a blanket draped armchair, Joe Bob presents Edward Hunt’s The Brain (1988) and Charles Band’s The Gingerdead Man (2005).
Is this PBS?
Creepy Christmas opens ala Masterpiece Theater, with a soft spoken Joe Bob in a smoking jacket welcoming us into the studio. As he gently drones on, Darcy can’t help but interrupt. “Sir, what are you doing?” Turns out, Joe Bob is “trying to give the Christmas special a little class.” Points for effort.
As he transitions into his annual Christmas speech, his Masterpiece Theater persona drops away. “Once again, not a good year.” After getting sidetracked into a rant about mass-prescribing Floridians xanax, he eventually makes his way around to his main point. Speaking about Jaques from Shakespeare’s As You Like It, Joe Bob reminds us “It’s easier to be [a troll] than seek acceptance.” He goes on to say we should forgive and forget what the haters have to say because they “need the love more.”
Joe Bob’s desire for us all to come together and join hands around the Christmas tree singing forgiveness like those in Whoville forgiving the Grinch is understandable. It’s also probably easier to espouse this rhetoric because he does not (as far as I know) belong to any of the marginalized groups who have seen a disgusting ramp up in violent words and actions in the past year. The responsibility of reconciliation should never be placed on those who have been deeply wounded by another person’s actions.
It’s certainly not praxis
Despite my objections to the message on a praxis level, Joe Bob clearly feels strongly about forgiving and forgetting. He gets choked up and yells out “FUCK,” before taking a swig of brandy. Steadying himself, he goes on to introduce the various charities that are being supported throughout the night: The Wildlife Conservation Network, Every Mother Counts, Paralyzed Veterans of America and Solving Kids’ Cancer.
Moving onto the first movie of the night, Joe Bob reminds us, “There is no such thing as a nice disembodied brain.”
It’s Alive!
The Brain (1988) is about the mad scientist Dr. Blakely (David Gale) using an alien creature called The Brain to hypnotize and brainwash the masses through his TV show Independent Thinking. When a teenage boy named Jim (Tom Bresnahan) refuses to be programmed, he becomes determined to expose the plan for world domination.
The Drive-In totals include but are not limited to: 1 giant brain in a vat, tentacle stabbing, computer screen brain-nagging, bleeding milk tanks, chainsaw to the crotch, gratuitous beefcake photos, and brain wave fu. “Four stars. Joe Bob says check it out.”
Oh, Santa John
As Joe Bob attempts to give information on director Edward Hunt, Santa Claus (John Brennan) tumbles down the chimney to announce the first two auction items of the night. His appearance brings laughter from the set and slight annoyance from Joe Bob. Auction items this year are a mix of memorabilia, merch and in-person experiences.
Interruption over – Joe Bob gets right back into the history of the movie. It isn’t a holiday special until we learn about a tragic, real life death – and this one is no exception. The deal for the film’s distribution to video stores was made with the head of Live Entertainment, José Menéndez (the father and victim of the Menéndez brothers).
Christmas connections
This film also has a connection to last year’s Christmas special through George Buza, who Joe Bob calls “the hardest working character actor in Canada.” Buza plays the character of Santa Claus in A Christmas Horror Story (2015). In The Brain, he plays the beefed up assistant to Dr. Blakely.
Santa John continually interrupts Joe Bob’s segments to announce more auction items, with increasing levels of irritation from our host. He takes to calling our host Joseph Robert Briggs and I can’t help but laugh each time. Despite the interruptions, Joe Bob powers through to give the audience background information.
He credits the creation of “the brain” genre of movies with Curt Siodmak’s 1942 novel Donovan’s Brain. According to Joe Bob, there are four specific sub-genres of brain movies: 1) I’m in love with the damaged brain, 2) whoops, didn’t mean to piss off the brain, 3) they saved Hitler’s brain, and 4) brains from outer space. He adds the caveat that there are two other sub-genres but they do not fit in with the drive-in exploitation genres: brain damage rocks and I’m in love with a funky brain.
As the movie ends, Darcy espouses her love for it. It’s “so fun and the brain design is super cute.” I’m not sure that I would call the design cute by any measure of the word, but the movie is a fun romp.
My rating for The Brain:
(3.4 / 5)
Are these crimes, Kyla?
Our first piece of mail for the night comes from Kyla in Idalou, Texas. If you have no idea where that is, don’t worry. Joe Bob not only knows exactly where this small West Texas town is located, he also somehow knows what their highschool mascot is. Kyla writes a heartfelt and hilarious letter about potentially committing assault against a dead-beat stepdad who hated MonsterVision. Joe Bob has one response to her antics, “I love you!”
Don’t Santa, Open Inside
Slipping back into the Masterpiece Theater persona, Joe Bob introduces the second film of the night. The Gingerdead Man (2005) is a movie you either love or hate. It really seems like there is no middle ground for this one. Joe Bob talks about other movies he wishes he could have programmed for the special, like Lifetime’s Christmas on Wheels (2020). Darcy interrupts him and begs him to “stop saying things.”
Before the movie starts, we are treated to a quick lesson on “the vile satanic history of gingerbread,” from Joe Bob. As he delivers the lesson, Santa John slams back through the fireplace and Joe Bob chides him: “This is no longer funny or interesting nor even remotely polite.” Once Santa announces the auction item and blips back to the North Pole, Joe Bob finishes introducing the movie.
High in sugar, low in quality
The Gingerdead Man (2005) is about the spirit of killer Millard Findlemeyer (Gary Busey) possessing a giant gingerbread cookie to exact revenge on Sarah Leigh (Robin Sydney) for sending him to his execution.
Drive-In totals include but are not limited to: 2 mangled bodies, face whipping, and rolling pin fu. This movie actually has one of the shortest, if not the shortest, list of totals I’ve seen on The Drive-In. Joe Bob gives it three stars.
Pump up the energy
Robin Sydney is the guest for this special and she brings a much needed burst of energy into the second half. Joe Bob gets right to it with the interview questions and asks, “You actually met your husband during the filming of this movie, right?” She is, in fact, married to Charles Band. Their wedding was recent, and was officiated by Joe Bob himself. As she answers, it’s clear she is still rocking her honeymoon glow (despite having been engaged for 18 years.)
According to her, things were always “super profesh” on set. It wasn’t until the two began having business meetings to bring Sydney in to help with merchandise sales that the relationship turned romantic. As for the long delay between engagement and marriage? “I was, like, immature in my brain. But then, my brain got more mature-ish.” Sydney’s answer is hilarious and a little tongue-in-cheek. She has, after all, been running a toy company with her mother for decades.
As Joe Bob points out, The Gingerdead Man “barely qualified as a movie in Shudder terms,” due to its length. It is a quick watch (in the worst possible quality), which thankfully allows for more time with the hosts and Sydney.
Gary A-Busey?
The funniest part of the night comes when she and Joe Bob begin discussing Gary Busey. Sydney says that she only shot with him for one day. “I didn’t have to act at all that day. I was freaked out by Gary Busey!” Joe Bob cuts in to say that Busey owes him $900 and Darcy rolls her eyes. “Oh my god, he will not let this go.” I lose my shit entirely when Joe Bob recounts meeting Busey and him insisting Joe Bob feel the dent in his head. Apparently, “PTS-Gary” as Sydney puts it, is more common than I realized.
Santa John continues to interrupt the segments to announce auction items, except the booby trapped chimney forces him to use a door. Each entry he makes startles Sydney. I understand how filming The Gingerdead Man might have really scared her as she says.
Sales force
Sydney’s sales skills are in full force as she models different auction items. She shows off the Fright-Rags exclusive beanie and one of Joe Bob’s cowboy hats and blows the Walpurgisnacht horn. She and Charles Band also donated two collections to the auction. Sydney does a great job showing off the different items in the Full Moon Features gift set.
Before the movie ends with the slowest credits in cinema history, Joe Bob and Sydney talk about the movie’s reception at release. She understands the reviews and says about the movie, “There’s not much logic. There’s a lot of holes.” It is a very time and state-of-mind dependent movie. If you aren’t watching it late at night and a few substances deep, you probably won’t have as good of a time with it as I did.
My rating for The Gingerdead Man:
(2.3 / 5)
Cue the waterworks
The final piece of mail comes from Nick in Indianapolis (join us at a meetup next year, Nick!). Nick is a recent convert to the ways of Joe Bob, but reaches out for some good southern gothic recommendations. Joe Bob says Sling Blade (1996) is top tier in terms of movies, and Absalom, Absalom! by William Faulkner is the best novel representation of the genre.
Before the night ends, Brennan (no longer in character as Santa John) joins Joe Bob and Darcy on stage. He seems to be upset and says he felt like he was ruining Christmas. “I just wanted to have a good Christmas with you guys.” Joe Bob seems reticent as he allows Brennan to announce the final auction item of the night: Darcy’s tiara from her prom way back in season one.
The night ends with Joe Bob thanking the audience and saying how grateful he is for the community. “I have never in my life encountered such an amazingly supportive family of viewers.” He tears up and bemoans, “I do this every year.” Darcy replies, “Yes you do, you sentimental fuck.” At least he’s our sentimental fuck.
My rating for the special:
(5 / 5)
You can continue to bid on the charity auction items on the auction website: joebobscreepychristmas.com through the 25th of December.
Joe Bob wasn’t the only person in a charitable mood last Friday, as we gave away four different items to followers of our account on the platform formerly known as Twitter. @thedivebard won a Fright-Rags exclusive #JoeBobsCreepyChristmas t-shirt, @Chicago7Charlie won a physical copy of our anthology collection 101 Proof Horror, @KimberlyLuffman won an autographed copy of The Walking Dead Vol 1 HC, and @CapnCosmo won a copy of Eyes without a Face (The Criterion Collection) [Blu-ray].
Amazon Prime’s Fallout has continued to be a suspenseful delight. And with the last episode’s dramatic cliffhanger, I was certainly looking forward to this one.
Thankfully, it did not disappoint.
The story
We start our story with Lucy and Maximus waking up in a decontamination room in Vault 4. They’re welcomed guests, once they’re done with decontamination.
Vault 4 at first seems very much like Vault 33 to Lucy. She’s surprised, however, to find that a lot of people who live there are actually from the surface. And the people who live in this vault are, well, a bit mutated. Their overseer, named Benjamin and played by the hilarious Chris Parnell, has just one eye in the middle of his face. Some people have extra limbs or missing ones. And yet it’s clear that everyone’s living together in peace and companionship.
At least, that’s what it’s supposed to look like. There is, after all, the matter of the weird cult the surface dwellers seem to have formed. And, the small matter of the vault level no one is supposed to go to. It should come as no surprise that, of course, that’s exactly where Lucy finds herself before the episode is over.
Of course, this episode wouldn’t be complete without checking in with the Ghoul. And his part of the story is, honestly, more compelling.
We see him apprehended by people referring to themselves as The Government. And while he appears to be a prisoner, it’s clear soon enough that he’s the one in charge.
Far more compelling are his flashbacks to his past. While his wife, Barb, is starting to be more secretive, he learns more than he wants to about Vault Tec. He also learns that the Communist party in Hollywood might know more about what Barb does for a living than he does. And it’s clear soon that she never wanted him to know.
For good reason.
What worked
I first want to draw attention to the excellent way we are learning about the Ghoul. As we learn more and more about his past, we can see how he’s become the monster he is today. It’s clear that once upon a time he had everything he could want. A lovely home, a family he lived for, and a successful career. And he lost all of that, even his dog. And with those losses, he lost his humanity in more ways than one.
But I also think we’re seeing signs that his humanity at least isn’t as lost as he thought it was.
On a lighter note, I loved Maximus’s response to the vault. While he’s apprehensive at first, he is swept away by the welcome basket. He’s lived his whole life hungry, barely surviving, and suddenly he has food. Good food. Caviar and oysters. He has a warm robe and TV and a safe place to exist. It must have been like stepping into a fairy tale for him. And while it wasn’t exactly helpful for Lucy, it’s completely relatable that he decided to sink into a chair and have a snack in front of the TV for a while.
What didn’t work
While this episode was mostly good, I do have one complaint. When Lucy is first meeting with Overseer Benjamin, we see him accidentally drinking a cup of coffee that has gotten moldy.
Now, this makes perfect sense in our world to convey someone too busy and forgetful to clean up old mugs. But it’s hard to fathom someone living in a Vault in which every resource is carefully monitored, letting something like coffee go bad. It’s a small detail, and it was funny. Also more relatable than I’d like to admit. But in this instance, in this world, it was jarring.
So far this season has been intense. There’s a lot of intrigue and mystery. There’s a lot of high emotions. And there’s a lot on the line for everyone. Maybe, for one character, more than we’ve ever realized before.
Good thing we still have two episodes to discover what’s happening.
(4 / 5)
If you like my work, you can check out my latest science fiction/horror novel, Nova, launching on May 17th. Pre-orders are available now on Amazon.
Episode four of Amazon’s Fallout wasn’t the best-liked. Of course, that’s relative to the rest of the season. While this is the second-to-last-ranked episode, it’s still an 8.1 on IMDB.
So let’s talk about why it might have slipped a bit but was still a great episode of TV.
The story
Let’s start our discussion of this episode with Maximus.
After he and Thaddeus successfully retrieved the head from the Gulper, they’re in high spirits. Together they celebrate around a fire, giving a lovely impression of two people who have been drinking despite not seeing a bottle in sight. Thaddeus even convinces Maximus to brand him.
While having a good time, Maximus’s consciousness gets the better of him. He admits to Thaddeus that he’s not Knight Titus, but he is Thaddeus’s old punching bag.
Rather than responding to this act of honesty with an equal measure of grace and brotherhood, Thaddeus immediately disables Maximus’s suit, taking the power source and the head. He then leaves Maximus trapped in the suit that he wanted so much, doomed to die in it.
Lucy isn’t in a much better place. If you’ll recall, last episode she drank radiated water out of desperate thirst. She’s now suffering from radiation poisoning. Fortunately, before she succumbs to this poison, she finds Maximus. He has the medicine she needs, and she can free him from his suit before he’s eaten by giant cockroaches. It seems like a win/win. If that is, the two of them can trust each other. And haven’t they both learned that trusting other people might be the most dangerous thing in this very dangerous world?
What worked
The first thing I want to draw attention to is the relationship between Lucy and Maximus. A lot has happened since the last time the two saw each other when there were some sparks but no time to do anything about them. Both have been betrayed and hurt. So while they’re instinct is clearly to trust each other, it’s also to be cautious. And that makes sense. They are both good people, driven by the desire to help others. But both are cautious of being hurt again.
This was not only relatable, but it gave a much different feel to a standard will they/won’t they relationship. Will they be able to trust each other enough to let their feelings out is the real question. Which is a lot more interesting, in my opinion.
I also found the giant, mutated bugs to be fantastic. They were the perfect blend of cute and terrifying. At first glance, they seem like a larger version of Hal from Wall-E. Then, you realize how few of them it would take to eat someone trapped in place. And how little time it might take.
And how long it might feel like while it’s happening.
We don’t need to see that happen to feel the terror there. And to feel some concern about the tiny pests that sometimes share our homes.
Of course, the highlight of this episode was the political intrigue surrounding Vault 33, and how its leaders always seem to be from Vault 31. This storyline is quickly becoming my favorite part of the season. It’s a dark and creepy mystery, which is always fantastic. But it’s also fascinating to see the character of Norm blossoming into someone whose life has meaning. Because at the start of the season, he was lacking that.
All in all, while this was a slower episode it was still a good one. And its ending certainly left me excited for what was to come.
(4 / 5)
If you like my work, you can check out my latest science fiction/horror novel, Nova, launching on May 17th. Pre-orders are available now on Amazon.
Movies n TV
Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022), a Film Review
Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022) is a horror comedy directed by Halina Reijn. This R-rated horror film stars Amandla Stenberg and Maria Bakalova.
Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022) is a horror comedy directed by Halina Reijn. This R-rated horror film stars Amandla Stenberg, Maria Bakalova, Myha’la, Rachel Sennott, Chase Sui Wonders, Pete Davidson, Lee Pace, and Conner O’Malley. The film is currently available on fuboTV, Netflix, Hoopla, and Showtime.
Sophie (Amandla Stenberg) brings her girlfriend (Maria Bakalova as Bee) to her friend’s hurricane party. Lasting resentment and toxic relationships infest the group, leaving Bee to witness increasingly uncomfortable situations. Soon after, bodies start dropping.
What I Like about Bodies
The chemistry between these toxic friends gives me anxiety. If toxic friendships aren’t a universal experience, toxic traits certainly make themselves apparent in any friend group, and this film maximizes this experience. It’s not revolutionary, but effective and uncomfortable.
Several subtle clues hint at the relationships of these friends, building up as the story progresses and chaos ensues. I love these moments, though the film doesn’t seem confident that the viewer picks up these clues. This decision hinders execution, an unfortunate point for later.
While the performances are strong throughout, Amandla Stenberg and Maria Bakalova remain the main characters and receive the most opportunities to perform. However, almost every character has a moment, or several, and lives up to those moments once given.
The twist seems obvious, but that doesn’t hinder the viewing experience. While not the biggest fan of the execution, I enjoy the spiraling chaos it creates.
The opening scene shows the two leads making out for viewer engagement. However, I think the contract toward the end gives this scene added context and plot relevance beyond simply sex appeal. While it is unavoidable that so well, many films will go no further. So, added relevance deserves a nod.
Far from the bloodiest film out there, but it doesn’t hesitate to bleed its cast. It uses this blood and limited gore to add weight to the deaths as opposed to haunting or nauseating its audience.
Tropes, Triggers, and Considerations
As previously hinted, toxic relationships remain key points in the plot. Falling in line with this are points of spousal abuse (physically and mentally) that should remain a consideration.
Idiocy to push the plot along certainly plays a role in the plot. In this case, I consider it a feature. However, it’s still a required taste for viewer consideration.
Addiction and recovery drive several characters. I’ll avoid pointing to them so as not to give away plot details. However, usage and relapse deserve a mention in this section.
If any of these are deal breakers, give this film a skip.
What I Dislike, or Food for Thought, about Bodies
Bodies shifts between a mindless and clever horror comedy, never comfortably sticking to one or the other. It pulls off elements of both with expertise, but the tugging and pulling of these different elements limits the execution of either. Because of the above friction, Halina Reijin gives us all the clues to piece everything together and still tells us. Pick an audience and trust them.
As a horror comedy, this film leans on the humor over the horror. The unraveling of characters certainly earns respect but expect a comedy for a better experience. It’s not a particularly scary film, and it doesn’t try to occupy that space.
Final Thoughts
Bodies Bodies Bodies spirals into a chaotic horror comedy, banking on the toxic chemistry of its cast to deliver both. The film never makes a strong stance in either claiming a mindless or clever horror comedy, shifting between both at the expense of the whole. It remains a bumpy but engaging viewing experience, nonetheless.
(3 / 5)
