HauntedMTL Original – Immaculate Conception – Valter F. Machado
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Published
4 years agoon
By
Shane M.
“Immaculate Conception” by Valter F. Machado
(transcription obtained from Catherine Hider’s audio diary)
The soul force I once had abandoned me at this fastidious hour, dragging my hope and persistence with it. Helplessly I pursue this demand until the end is accomplished, for the importance of perseverance supersedes mere intent, honors the family that I, Catherine Hider, had intended to raise with Joseph Hider, my late husband, that his soul may rest in peace.
We got married at the age of twenty, we worked hard for our careers, we laid the foundation for what our family should be, and, conscious of the stability that we considered essential, we desired to have childrens! «Five» He had insisted unaware of the burden that I now know perfectly well that it is being pregnant.
Don’t misunderstand my words, because this is a blessing that I carry proudly and every day I thank for it in my prayers. «Getting pregnant after the age of forty-five? My dear, everything in this life has a period.»Dr. Mitch Barker would tell me, labeling me for my age and repressing me, but I would recklessly pursue my intention: before my beloved departed with tuberculosis, last year, he had left three deposits of sperm in cryogenic conservation enabling my fertilization.
The abdominal pain is horrible. I understand that they are natural, but in my case they aren’t stings or impressions, nor localized… They’re the reason for another valiums…
The first two «attempts» to get pregnant failed poorly. Keeping myself convinced of my intentions I kept fate at what I knew in my heart to be the will of God, our Lord. I was meant to carry the seed of my lover, to perpetuate our family name, and now that I know you’re a boy, I decided to name you Joseph Jr Hider, in honor to your father.
As I was saying… God demanded so on the third and last opportunity the artificial insemination was successful.
I don’t have the strength to get up, I get weaker every day… Every hour that passes… When I started to develop the first symptoms resulting from the protective psychosis of you, I bought a cat: for company and to hunt the plump rats that invaded our house three months ago. People say they’re attracted to the odors and hormones of pregnant women, but I have another theory that based on their size of such specimens I would say they had come from Sundsvall, Sweden, where they recorded the proliferation of giant rats over five feet. However, and since I don’t want to wake up with one biting my toes or the tip of my nose, I got this faithful companion, to tell you the truth I kinda feel sorry for him because the poor thing is about the same size as the invaders. which makes it difficult.
Talking about him, I see that the food bowl is constantly empty, but I can’t remember when was the last time I saw…
This pain is a martyrdom, it seems you’re in such a frenzy.
My dearest, this record will be the inheritance that your dear father and your beloved mother will leave for you, along with this house, as well as the Corvette ZR1. However, I don’t know how long I can remain lucid and able to convey the legacy of this family of ours.
After having the good news about this pregnancy, I spread the word among our families so that they could celebrate this historic milestone, yet I never thought they were all, without exception, capable of such hostility. Their withered minds couldn’t understand this «obsession» with your father.
Do you believe this?
It was our dream to give you an united and welcoming family, as your father would wish, but to be honest with you, in this world we’ll be alone only having each other, nothing and no one will have meaning in our lives. Surely I can assure you that you will always have my eternal support…
If only you could ease, I could get some rest. I have never been pregnant, captive of inexperience I fear that something is very wrong, conditioned by the intensions of others I avoid from seeking help, whether from family or medics, that I foresee the resolute resolution to this agony: abortion, and this I reject in honor of your beloved father and by the word of our Lord.
I live in a dilemma between the need for peace and the sagacity of your will to live; you have been notoriously restless, agitated, so I put my hand on my belly to feel you kicking effusively. Splendid the determining umbilical relationship between a mother and her offspring. However, all this liveliness has had its consequences, chronic pain and permanent nausea that have been spewing acid spurts straight from the stomach. I woundn’t solely blame you, that with the blessing of pregnancy comes nauseas, of course, but I also think that it’s related to a stench that has been emanating from the kitchen since yesterday. I’d say it’s a rotten vegetable-like smell mixed with urine and putrid meat. If I had to guess, I’d say I left the fridge open, and it thawed and the contents went bad.
I’m so weak that I can barely reason and report this events to you my love.
Finally I had some sleep, after all it was three vallium in less than two hours. However I feel disappointed, because I wake up and see that I will have urinated in bed during my sleep, an unprecedented event on my part, especially since I have no memory of when this happened before and for the last time. But no smell at all of urine.
Now that I think about it, I wonder how it is to be where you are, surrounded by amniotic fluid in a sack, in fetal position, quiet, and under a blessed sleep.
I’m starting to get slightly worried about Gosby. I forgot about the formal introductions, the little cat I was talking about, do you remember? It’s Mr. Gosby, do you like it? I gave it that name in accordance with the name with which your father’s first dog was nicknamed.
Well then, I still don’t know anything about him, but since I woke up, I caught a couple of glimps from a slim silhouette, that I bet it was a rat. I immediately lit both lamps, both mine and your father’s.
I want these plague infected animals far away from us!
I don’t know if I should, but I’ll say it anyway. It was a week, if my memory doesn’t fails me, after Mr. Gosby came to live with us that I woke up one night at dawn, and there were two rats, no exaggeration of the size of our hosts, between my legs, between the covers and my nightdress, staring with those insanely evil red-eyed. Nervousness and stressed I kicked and screamed, immediately Mr. Gosby came to my salvation, you should have seen how wild he was with those disgusting things, so much so that he still managed to bite one, the weakest and slowest, that restricted to his jaws, struggled and wrestled him. tearing off part of his upper right lip. Poor thing, with a wound like that I had to disinfect and treat itgave him an anti-inflammatory that soothed his pain.
I was very proud of him, and most of all, confident that it was a good decision to get him to live with us and guarantee our safety.
It was a long time ago the last time since I listened, almost forgottening, how shrill the squeals of those rodents were. I don’t know if you can hear it on the tape, but here at home is a horrifying cacophony.
I feel that you are very active, I don’t know if it connect to the annoyance of these monstrosities, or by the intention of getting out of me. According to my calculations will be missing less than a week. I still have to get the energy to bring the phone to the bedside table in the case you want to get out, so I can call for an ambulance. It’s decided, it’ll be the first thing in the morning, as soon as the sun rises.
I don’t know how… What is…
Calm… breathe… breathe… breathe… breathe…
I came from the kitchen now, couldn’t reach the phone or the cell phone, returning back to my room with my soul tormented. I don’t know how I can… I have to tell you the truth, Mr. Gosby died, rather, was killed. Those creepy things were devouring him, or rather just gnawing at his bones because, except for the fur, little or nothing was left of him.
The smell actually came from there, from this disgusting scenario.
Before escaping I still managed to grab a knife.
Now that I’m more awake I suspect that something not right with me, or with you my dear Joseph Jr., for taht I smell a strange smell coming from my pubic area, something like urine and wet hair. No doubt something is very wrong, I see you moving incessantly inside me, several bulges in the belly moving at the same time.
After all these rats were bigger than I thought… Much bigger than the victim they devoured… They are on the bed, at my feet, motionless looking at me… I’m sprawled with my arm outstretched pointing the knife at ‘em… The other hand massaging you, but the pain is unbearable…
I feels like you are tearing me apart…
Dilatation started… or simply…
Finally I see you… Or what’s left of you… After all you weren’t alone… You were never alone, even without family, you had others who were your company… The brood is finally in the company of their parents… Damn rats, they had the affront of devouring your remains even at my feet… Most abominable animals… Now they chew the umbilical cord… Umbilical!
They’ll stop only when they finish what their youngs started inside me…!
(end of transcription)
My name is Valter F. Machado, a writer of novels and romances, short and flash stories, mostly named by me as “Creepie Stories”. Lurking through the swamp’s mysteries, the hopelessness of horror and the blackness of deep insanity suspense. Check out my social media to know more about me and my work.
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So, this is a convoluted post, not going to lie. Because it’s Thriller Nite. And we have to kick it off with a link to Michael Jackson in homage, because he’s the bomb and Vincent Price is the master… (If the following video doesn’t load properly, you can get there from this link.)
The movie monsters always approach so slowly.
Their stiff joints arcing in jerky, erratic movements
While the camera pans to a wide-eyed scream.
It takes forever for them to catch their victims.
Their stiff joints arcing in jerky, erratic movements
As they awkwardly shamble towards their quarry –
It takes forever for them to catch their victims.
And yet no one ever seems to get away.
As they awkwardly shamble towards their quarry –
Scenes shift, plot thickens, minutes tick by endlessly…
And yet no one ever seems to get away.
Seriously, how long does it take to make a break for it?
Scenes shift, plot thickens, minutes tick by endlessly…
While the camera pans to a wide-eyed scream.
Seriously, how long does it take to make a break for it?
The movie monsters always approach so slowly.
So my father used to enjoy telling the story of Thriller Nite and how he’d scare his little sister, my aunt. One time they were watching the old Universal Studios Monsters version of The Mummy, and he pursued her at a snail’s pace down the hallway in Boris Karloff fashion. Both of them had drastically different versions of this tale, but essentially it was a true Thriller Nite moment. And the inspiration for this poem.
For more fun music video mayhem, check out She Wolf here on Haunted MTL. And feel free to check out more of Jennifer Weigel’s work here on Haunted MTL or here on her website.
Original Creations
The Fire Within – A Chilling Tale of Revenge and Power by Jeff Enos
Published
4 days agoon
January 16, 2025By
Jim Phoenix
The Fire Within
By Jeff Enos
Mrs. DeVos called Sol up to the front desk as the last bell for the school day rang at East Elm Middle School. The class shuffled out, leaving them alone together.
Mrs. DeVos was the new English substitute teacher while their regular teacher was out on maternity leave. She had long, pitch-black hair and a mountain of necklaces and bracelets that jingled every time she moved.
Sol nervously gripped his backpack straps and walked up to the front desk.
“That boy has been bothering you again,” Mrs. DeVos said knowingly. “East Elm has had many bullies over the years, but Billy Hunter and his crew give new meaning to the word. Isn’t there anyone you can play with at lunch? Someone to defend you?” Mrs. DeVos asked.
Sol had heard the same thing from his own mother quite often. They meant well, but all it did was make him feel bad, like he was the problem, like he was the freak for preferring the company of a good book over the other kids, like it was his fault he’d been picked on.
“I—” Sol started, but Mrs. DeVos cut him off gently.
“It’s fine. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Sol said.
Mrs. DeVos twirled the mound of necklaces around her neck, contemplating her next words. “Halloween is coming up. Are you dressing up?”
Sol’s eyes brightened. Halloween was his favorite time of year. “Yes, I’m going as Pennywise.”
“Pennywise?”
“The clown from It, the Stephen King story.”
Mrs. DeVos raised an eyebrow in surprise. “You’ve read that book?”
“Yes, I’ve read all of his books. It is my favorite.”
Of course it was, Mrs. DeVos’s expression seemed to say. The middle school protagonists, the small town, the bullies—there was a lot that Sol could relate to in It.
“Do you like to carve pumpkins for Halloween?” Mrs. DeVos asked.
Sol nodded enthusiastically. In fact, it was one of his favorite things about the holiday. Every year, he’d spend hours carefully carving his pumpkin, making sure every detail was just right. In years past, he’d made a Michael Myers pumpkin, a Freddy Krueger pumpkin, a Pennywise pumpkin. With Halloween just two days away, he’d decided this year on Frankenstein’s monster.
A mischievous grin crept across Mrs. DeVos’s face. She reached under her desk and pulled out a large pumpkin, placing it on the desk. “I have an extra one from my garden that needs a home. Take it for me?”
The pumpkin was perfectly round and orange, with sections of shiny ribbed skin that seemed to hypnotize Sol. It was as if the pumpkin were whispering to him, pleading with him to carve away. Sol took the pumpkin graciously, screaming with excitement inside. He couldn’t wait to get started on it.
“Use it wisely,” Mrs. DeVos said, watching Sol intently, smirking, and adding, “And don’t let those boys bother you anymore. Promise?”
Sol nodded, said goodbye, and left, making his way across the parking lot to his mom’s car. He got in and set the pumpkin on his lap. His mom was a little surprised by the gift, but grateful that she didn’t have to buy a pumpkin this year.
As they drove home, Sol wondered about Mrs. DeVos’s curious last words: use it wisely. Sol had been so excited that he had barely thought about it. But now, as he sat there, he realized it was an odd thing to say about a simple pumpkin.
It was 5:30 p.m. when Sol’s parents finally left for their weekly Friday night date night. The house was quiet and empty, just the way Sol liked it.
His homework done for the weekend, Sol started in on the pumpkin. He lined up his carving instruments like surgical tools on the old wooden kitchen table.
First, he carved a lid on the pumpkin and hollowed out the guts and seeds inside. He’d already decided on the Frankenstein pattern he was going to use days ago; now he taped it to the front of the pumpkin and got to work, poking small holes into the pattern with the pointy orange tool. The pattern transferred to the pumpkin perfectly, looking like a game of connect-the-dots.
Sol started in on the face, each cut slow and precise, each one more delicate than the next.
Outside the kitchen window, the sun set behind the woods, giving the trees a fiery glow that soon dissolved into darkness.
Two hours later, and with aching wrists, hands, and fingers, Sol made the last cut. He dropped his knife, got a tea candle from the hall cupboard, placed it inside the pumpkin, and lit it. With a satisfied smile, he secured the lid in place and admired his work, watching as Frankenstein’s monster flickered in the candlelight.
It was one of his best creations. But there was something off about it, something Sol couldn’t quite put his finger on. The pumpkin had a commanding presence to it, an aura that made Sol uneasy.
Mrs. DeVos’s comment kept swirling through his head: use it wisely.
And then something extraordinary happened—the pumpkin seemed to take on a life of its own. The small flame inside expanded, engulfing the pumpkin in a sinister blaze. The orange skin began to sweat, and the Frankenstein’s monster pattern melted away, slowly morphing into a classic jack-o’-lantern pattern, a sinister grin with pointed angry eyebrows and more teeth in its mouth than seemed possible.
Then the table vibrated violently underneath the pumpkin, and the wood that was once an ordinary table slowly transformed into an eight-foot-tall body with bark-like skin, each wooden fiber crackling into place under the jack-o’-lantern head. Small cracks in the bark revealed something underneath, tiny flickers of dark movement, like hundreds of colonies of bugs lived inside the creature’s skin.
Sol felt numb, unable to conjure up a single word or thought.
The creature spoke, a voice deeper than the Grand Canyon, and the words seemed to vibrate off the kitchen walls. The fire flickered inside its head as it spoke. “What is the name of your tormentor?” it asked.
“M-my tormentor?” Sol whispered, wiping the sweat from his brow, looking up at the giant creature. He could feel his heartbeat in every vein and artery in his body.
“Yes,” the creature said. “The one who fills your days with grief. The one who taunts you.”
The answer to the question was simple, but Sol couldn’t speak. It was as if his brain had shut off, all energy diverted to his body, his bones, his muscles. Sol tensed his jaw, readying himself to run past the creature to the front door, to the neighbor’s house for help, to anywhere but here.
But something stopped him. It was a voice deep inside him, a voice that calmed him. It was Mrs. DeVos’s voice, three whispered words that diminished Sol’s fear: “Use it wisely.”
Sol felt his body relax. “Billy Hunter,” he said.
The creature nodded and disappeared in a burst of flames. In the same instant, Sol fainted and fell to the floor.
When Sol opened his eyes, he was surprised to find himself standing in a small closet. It was dark except for an orange glow that shined against the white closet doors. Sol looked behind him, the glow following his field of vision.
Sol realized he wasn’t in his own closet when he saw the grungy clothes on the hangers and a box of baseball trophies on the top shelf. Sol caught his reflection in one of the trophies and nearly screamed. Staring back at him was the jack-o’-lantern creature.
Sol looked down and saw the wooden body, realizing that it was him—he was the creature now, somehow.
A muffled voice from outside the closet spoke in one or two-word sentences. Through the cracks in the closet door blinds, Sol saw a boy’s bedroom. In the corner of the room, a boy sat at a desk with his back to Sol, hunched over his work, mumbling to himself as he scribbled.
“Stupid!” the boy said to himself.
Sol’s stomach turned as he realized who it was. It was Billy. No one else Sol knew could sound that enraged, that hateful.
Sol could feel the flames on his face flickering to the rhythm of his increasing heartbeat. All Sol wanted to do was go home. He didn’t want to be reminded of how Billy had made his school life torture, of how every day for the past few months he’d dreaded going to school, of how fear had seemed to take over his life.
Again, Mrs. DeVos’s words crept into Sol’s mind: use it wisely. And standing there, in the body of a terrifying jack-o’-lantern creature, Sol finally understood.
With a firm and confident hand, Sol opened the closet door and crept into the bedroom, stopping inches from Billy’s chair.
Billy was drawing Pennywise the clown, the Tim Curry version from the TV mini-series. Sol stopped, admiring the detail. It was good, like it could be on the cover of a comic book.
On the desk’s top shelf was a row of books, all by Stephen King: The Shining, It, The Dead Zone, Salem’s Lot.
Sol felt a deep pang in his stomach (if he even had one in this form), like he might be sick. He felt betrayed. In another life, he and Billy could have been friends. Instead, Billy had been a bully. Instead, Billy had done everything in his power to make Sol’s life a living hell. Why?
“You like Stephen King?” Sol asked. The words came out defeated, confused, but all Billy heard was the voice of a monster behind him.
Billy jumped out of his chair and turned around to face Sol, terror in his eyes. A fresh stream of urine slid down Billy’s pants and trickled onto the floor.
Sol’s feelings of hurt and betrayal soon turned into anger, disgust. Sol gave in to the jack-o’-lantern creature, the line that separated them dissolving. The flames on his head pulsed brighter, erupting into a small explosion that singed Billy’s hair and sent him flying across the room.
Billy screamed. Sol drank from the sound, the vibrations feeding him, strengthening him.
Billy ran for the door, but Sol got there first, blocking his way. Sol touched the door, and with his touch, a wild garden of vines grew up and out of every corner of the door frame. The vines grew and grew until they covered the whole door, and then, like watching a movie on fast forward, they began to rot and decay, turning black. The decay morphed into pools of shimmering black liquid, which quickly condensed and hardened into black stone, sealing the door shut.
Billy ran again, this time hiding under his bed. But there was no hiding from Sol, not anymore. Sol bent and reached under the bed with one wooden hand, his hand growing extra branches until it reached Billy and encircled him in its grip.
Sol dragged Billy out from under the bed and held him up high by his shirt. The fear in Billy’s eyes fed Sol, nourishing his wooden body, the insects underneath his skin, the flames inside his face.
Billy’s shirt ripped, and he fell to the ground. Snap!—the sound of a broken arm. Billy screamed and got up, holding his arm and limping to the door. He tried to push the door open, but as soon as he touched the black stone, it froze him in place.
“‘Your hair is winter fire,’” Sol said, reciting the poem from his favorite Stephen King novel, It. Another explosion burst from Sol’s jack-o’-lantern head; this time, a ball of fire shot out directly at Billy, erupting Billy’s hair in flames.
“Say the next part,” Sol demanded.
“‘January embers,’” Billy whispered, tears and soot strolling down his face.
Sol squeezed his fists so tight that his barked skin cracked open in small fissures all over his body. Hundreds of colonies of cockroaches and spiders escaped through the cracks and crawled their way down Sol’s body, onto the floor, and onto Billy.
Happiness wasn’t an emotion that Sol felt very often. He was a melancholy, anxious kid most of the time. But as the bugs covered Billy’s body in a layer so thick that only small patches of skin were visible, happiness was the only thing Sol could feel. Happiness morphed into pure hypnotic bliss as the bugs charged their way down Billy’s throat and choked him to death.
Billy deserved to be punished, that much was certain. But how much was too much? How much was Sol willing to watch before he tried to overpower the jack-o’-lantern creature and take full control? Until there was nothing left but blood and bone? How much of a role had he played in this? Was he simply an onlooker, or an active participant? Even Sol wasn’t completely sure.
But there was a power within him, that much was certain. A power that made him feel like he could take on the world. Sol figured that this was how Billy must have felt all those times he’d tortured him at school, otherwise why would he do it? As Sol watched Billy choke to death, all he could think about was the torture Billy had put him through at school. And in his rage, Sol did something unforgivable. He blew a violent stream of flames onto Billy, and this time, Billy’s whole body caught fire and burned.
Sol felt Billy die, felt Billy take his last breath, felt Billy’s body as it slowly went limp.
Sol watched hypnotically as the flames finally died and all that remained was a darkened, charred corpse, still frozen in place by the black door. The bugs crawled off of Billy and back onto Sol, returning to their home under the fissures in Sol’s skin, carrying Billy’s soul with them.
“‘My heart burns there, too,’” Sol said.
Sol’s tormentor was gone, and he felt more at peace than he’d ever felt in his life.
A sudden flash of light blanketed Sol’s vision, and with it, a change of location. He was back in his kitchen, and back in his own body, and standing in front of him was the jack-o’-lantern creature.
“Does this satisfy you?” the creature asked, looking down at Sol.
It was a question Sol knew the answer to, but didn’t want to admit, let alone say it out loud. Yes, he was satisfied. His tormentor had been brutally punished and would never bother him again.
Sol nodded his head slowly, shamefully.
“Good,” the creature said, grinning. “Do you have another tormentor?”
Another? Sol thought about it. Was there anyone else who deserved such a fate? One of the other guys from Billy’s crew? Sol didn’t even know their names.
The idea was tempting. If he wanted to, he could get rid of everyone who’d ever picked on him. He could reshape the whole school cohort into whatever he wanted, make the school a paradise for the weirdos, the freaks, the unlucky kids.
But what would Mrs. DeVos think? She had entrusted him with the pumpkin, had instructed him to use it wisely. What would she think if he abused it?
“No,” Sol said.
“Very well,” the creature said, and quickly morphed back into the table that it once was, with the pumpkin sitting on top of it, now fully intact, as if Sol had never even carved it.
It was as if nothing had happened, as if it had all been in Sol’s head. But he knew it hadn’t been. He knew what he’d seen, what he’d felt… what he’d done. It was all too much for him to process, and he ran into the bathroom and barfed into the toilet for the next twenty minutes straight.
The following Monday at school, everyone was talking about the mystery surrounding Billy’s death. Was it some kind of freak accident? A serial killer? Were the parents involved?
Sol ate his lunch that day in peace.
Later, when the last bell rang in Mrs. DeVos’s class, Sol waited behind for the other students to depart before approaching her.
Sol walked to Mrs. DeVos’s desk and unzipped his backpack, removing the pumpkin. “I think you should take this,” Sol said, handing it to Mrs. DeVos.
“Are you sure?” Mrs. DeVos asked. She wore a thin smile, slightly curled. “There may be other Billy’s down the road, you know. And there’s still high school to think about.”
Sol nodded. “I’m sure. Give it to the next kid who needs it.”
Mrs. DeVos glided her palm across the pumpkin’s flesh. “That’s very generous of you.”
Sol turned to go, but stopped himself in the middle of the doorway for one last question. “Mrs. DeVos?” he asked.
“Yes?”
Sol tapped the doorframe nervously. “Where did it come from?”
“Are you sure you want to know?”
Sol thought about it for a second. Did he? Could he handle the truth? He reconsidered, shaking his head no.
“Very well, then. I’ll see you in class tomorrow,” Mrs. DeVos said, smiling.
Sol left.
Mrs. DeVos’s smile quickly morphed into a devious grin as she looked at the pumpkin. She took a large butcher knife out of her desk drawer and stabbed the pumpkin. A young boy’s screams could be faintly heard from within.
The pumpkin collapsed like a deflated basketball, sagging into a mound of thick orange skin. Blood as red as sunset spilled out of the puncture wound, along with chunks of swollen blood-filled pumpkin seeds.
Before the gore could spill out onto the desk, Mrs. DeVos plugged the wound with her mouth, sucking it until there was nothing left. She chewed the bloody orange flesh into tiny bits until it was all gone.
Her lips smacked as she took the last bite. “Billy, you are a naughty boy,” she said, cackling.
That night, Mrs. DeVos went to bed well-fed. It would be three more months before she needed another one, but she already had her eyes set on a real thick number in the next district over, a ten-year-old nightmare of a kid who bullied the students as well as the teachers. She’d need a big pumpkin for this one.
The next morning, as she watered her garden, Mrs. DeVos came upon the perfect pumpkin. It was hidden behind the vines, but there was no mistaking its beauty, its size. It would be ready in three months’ time, just as she would be gearing up to befriend the next Sol, the next kid who needed her help to find the fire within.
The End.
Original Creations
Stage Fright, a Creepy Clown Story by Jennifer Weigel
Published
1 week agoon
January 12, 2025
So, I think it’s time for more creepy clown stories. Don’t you? At any rate, here’s Stage Fright by our very own, Jennifer Weigel…
It started with the squeaky shoes. Not a shrill waning warble emitted by once-wet leather now taut and tired, sighing with weary pain at every step. No, this was much more… the unhindered squall of a goose honking as it drove a would-be pedestrian from the sidewalk after they’d wandered too close to its secluded springtime sanctuary, goslings barely hidden in the underbrush. Such a jarringly irreverent and discordant diversion, and at a poetry reading no less, wherein the self-righteously civilized members of the audience took extreme effort to present themselves in being as cultured as possible, snapping their fingers in lieu of cupped clapping as an orchestrated gesture of both being in the know of the current trends in fashionably avoiding faux pas and out of respectful reverence for one another’s pretentiousness. A roomful of eyes glared over their half-sipped cups of craft coffee at the transgression, staring at the oversize yellow clogs from which the foul fracas emanated.
But it didn’t stop with the shoes. The noise carried through a visual cacophony crawling up the legs as it splashed hideously contrasting colors in a web of horrific plaid parallels, ochre and mauve lines dissecting what would otherwise be reasonable trousers if not for the fact that they were that unbearable chartreuse color that leaves a residual stench on the cornea, burning itself into the retinas for posterity. Surely the pant cuffs housed a pair of mismatched socks, probably pink or periwinkle argyle or the like, waiting to flash their fantastical finery at an unsuspecting stranger while engaged in some awkward careening and undignified gesture. But for now, the socks’ unsightly status remained hidden in the dark recesses of the pant legs.
The plaid danced in awkward angular strokes upwards to a torso draped in a pink and purple polka dotted shirt strapped into place by a set of unaware green and gold striped suspenders, seemingly oblivious to their misuse and standing at attention holding all the odds and ends in place, as suspenders are trained to do. Or at least they were trying to hold everything in place as best they could, and kudos to them for the effort as that was a hot mess in free-flow lava mode. Atop the fashion nightmare wearer’s head was a green bowler crowned in faux flowers of all sorts, hearkening maybe to daisies and irises that had lost some of their luster after having been painstakingly assembled by some unfortunate third-world flower crafter who had never actually beheld an iris, the intricacies of its petals flailing in frayed and frantic folds.
The hat crowned a stand of strangely disheveled locks, haphazardly erupting to and fro from beneath its shallow brim as if trying to run in every direction simultaneously. The stringy strands of hair cascaded across a harrowed face, revealing not a bright and boisterous smile but rather a looming sense of dread made manifest through trembling lips. Terrified eyes wide as saucers glowed white and wild from within the drapery, staring in suspended animation at the judge, jury, and executioners amassed within the audience. The fashion plate was topped off with a red bow tie, a gift ribbon bedecking a package that nobody had anticipated receiving and weren’t sure they wanted.
Someone coughed from a table near the back of the room. The next poet stood ready to take her place at a vigil from the sidelines, fidgeting with her phone and pouting with pursed lips while she glared at the ungainly intrusion, batting her brooding heavily shadowed and mascaraed eyes. Can you please sit? she posited in gesture without need to call forth words to speak what was on everyone’s minds. Yes. Please sit. Preferably someplace further from the spotlight, where its faint glow cannot cast its judgment upon this interruption, and all can all go on about the business of losing themselves in heartsick hyperbole while sipping their overpriced triple grande vanilla chai lattes and contemplating their harrowing higher education existences. Whispered words wandered through the meager crowd.
My eyes darted around the room from my slightly elevated vantage point; an alien creature left floundering in confusion at my own abrupt transformation. Only moments prior I had taken to center stage, adjusted the microphone to better meet my mouth, and begun reciting my latest poem, a meager manifestation of a serendipitous sunset in contemplation of life looming after graduation. Or was it sunrise? But three words in, I could feel the change taking hold, and I could see the palpable demeanor of the room shift as I stuttered out some nebulous nonsense in lieu of my well-rehearsed verse. I tripped over my own tongue-tied tableaux as the metamorphosis continued, watching in horror as my visage shifted to that of the bewildered buffoon.
As we rise to the sun-set
waning weary motion of our un-be-coming
beckoning reckoning,
graduation looming stranger-danger,
like wet and bewildered Beagles
unsure of when/how/if
they became thusly domesticated
and wondering where/what/who
the wolves wandered off to ward…
I shifted my weight ever so slightly, pooling my cartoonish mass over my left foot, and my shoe honked. Everyone in the room was aghast, their blank condescending stares drilling further into my psyche. After several seeming minutes of stoic silence, the Goth girl waiting her turn in line edged a chair towards the forefront, its wooden form grating against the faux plank flooring with a long droning whine, fingernails to a chalkboard. Sit. I raced to its sweet salvation, sloppily surrendering the circumstance to she the next reader and taking account of my own misbegotten musings. Upon returning to the shadows, my ridiculous and outlandish adornments subdued, losing the honking clopping clogs, unseen argyle socks, plaid pantaloons, polka-dotted blouse, suspenders, green garden bowler, and red bow tie to my regular simple black shirt and slacks performance getup.
At least I wasn’t naked this time…
Maybe that wasn’t the sort of creepy clown story you had in mind. So check out this found junk store post from before. And feel free to check out more of Jennifer Weigel’s work here on Haunted MTL or here on her website.
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