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Man, this movie has EVERYTHING! Children, corn, the mom of John Connor…um, corn

This is a classic, folks. It’s hard to review something that’s so classic and iconic. So, I’ll go through general deets before I get into my notes and thoughts. Cool?

The Plot (Spoilers-free):

A young doctor (Peter Horton) and his wife (Linda Hamilton, pre-Terminator) are on their way to Seattle, where he will be establishing himself as a doctor. While driving through Nebraska, they meet with an unexpected tragedy…besides being in Nebraska. Zing! 

However, things are not as they appear to be as the small town they stop in seems abandoned. But the couple soon discover that they are not alone and are at the heart of a merciless cult of murderers. Will they be able to survive when the murderers themselves are but innocent children?

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Sure he’s cute…until you realize he’s imagining eating your heart. Image by vikvarga from Pixabay

Thoughts (Spoiler-free):

Let’s talk about the cinemotagrapher for a hot sec, yeah? The cinematography is beautiful and really showcases both the beauty of the farmlands and the brutality of the small-town cult.

Suresuresure, but the cinematographer, Raoul Lomas…or should I say… ::rips the mask off::

“Harry Flecks” OR… ::rips another mask off::

“Harry Flex” OR… ::rips final mask off:

Brazilian cinematographer, João Fernandes!!!

And he would have gotten away with it…

João Fernandes got his start by filming adult classics in the heyday of adult classics – the magical 1970’s. This includes the iconic Deep Throat, Wet Rainbow, and The Devil in Mrs. Jones.

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In fact, he has an enormous amount of experience under his belt, so to speak, including a plethora of horror, tv movies, and had a hand in Chuck Norris’s foray into Turner and Hooch territory with the sadly disappointing, Top Dog

Actually, a lot of his later work was with Chuck Norris and Cannon films. 

Anyway, I just thought that was a fun thing to know about Children of the Corn and it’s working parts. 

Brain Roll Juice (Spoilers):

Okay, maybe not so much brain roll juice (although I was tempted by the corn-Jesus iconography in this), but I want to talk about some random thoughts.

1st Thought:

Just imagine this: half of the movie takes place with a child’s dead, decomposing body in the trunk of our protagonist’s car. Just imagine that every time Malachai stalks around screaming, “OUTLAAANDER!!!!” and when Burt decides to dick around at the school for a while.  

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Also, at the end of the movie (these people will be going to prison, no doubt), they leave the car with the dead body in the trunk and an unconscious, concussed child in the front. Aaaaand…

That’s where the movie just limply ends. The adults joking about letting two orphans kick around with them for a little while, like some cousin who just got laid off and needs a place to crash while getting back on their feet. I mean, dude, you just saw confirmation that an entity beyond your conceptions and faith exists in this world and…like, whatever, I gotta get to Seattle. Oh, but, should we tell the cops about trunk kid? Ehhhh…?

2nd Thought:

Job and Sarah are basically un-emotive baggage until the end when Job becomes the only competent one. Throughout the film, they seem to just…be there. And there’s a reason for that – they aren’t in the original short story.

But the strange part is that the movie has them so…bland. Like two scoops of vanilla ice cream at Baskin-Robbins, there’s so little to them in the midst of chaos and flavor.

They do very little during the story besides playing games, drawing people dying and listening to vintage records- Oh, I get it. They’re hipsters. Well played, movie. Well played. 

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3rd Thought:

Let’s talk five hours about Malachi and Isaac. I will never grow tired of Malachi screaming, “OUTLANDER!!”. I need this on a ten-hour loop.

OUTLANDER WE HAVE YOUR WOMAN…and she hasn’t fallen in love with Furry Ron Perlman yet!

Honestly, John Franklin as Isaac and Courtney Gains as Malachi are the ABSOLUTE best thing about this movie. They’re both amazing actors who took it to a ten. Their performance carried most of the scenes and I would watch their new HBO mini-series in a heartbeat.

The characters themselves have a terrific chemistry – a blend of questioning loyalty, shaky respect, and utter abhorrence towards each other. Malachi begrudgingly follows Isaac’s fury and vision, but with a glare and whispered threat. Isaac resents Malachi, but needs his support as a right hand man to get shit done.

Honestly the energy between them feels like I’ve seen this somewhat recently…It’s strangely familiar…Down to red hair and dark hair…

Ah yes, there it is.

Bottom-line:

Corn and kids ain’t scary, but it’s a fun romp for you and your OUTLANDER!!!! 3.5 out of 5 stars (3.5 / 5)

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When not ravaging through the wilds of Detroit with Jellybeans the Cat, J.M. Brannyk (a.k.a. Boxhuman) reviews mostly supernatural and slasher films from the 70's-90's and is dubiously HauntedMTL's Voice of Reason. Aside from writing, Brannyk dips into the podcasts, and is the composer of many of HauntedMTL's podcast themes.

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1 Comment

1 Comment

  1. Audrey III

    February 26, 2021 at 12:25 am

    BRB got to update my Kylux Childern of the Corn au fanfic.

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Movies n TV

Smile 2: A Poor Rate Second.

“Break a leg out there.”

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Smile 2, a psychological supernatural horror, released in October 2024 just in time for Halloween, sees director Parker Finn (Smile, Laura Hasn’t Slept) return with a sequel starring Naomi Scott (Aladdin) as pop star and recovering addict Skye Riley. While Smile 2 boasts a talented cast, it ultimately falls short of its predecessor, offering a familiar storyline with minor variations and a predictable finale. The film attempts to introduce a new method to combat the parasitic ‘Smile Entity’, but this addition fails to elevate the sequel beyond a pale imitation of its chilling predecessor.

The Plot.

Smile 2 begins shortly after the end of the original; just six days after Rose Cotter’s death. During a short interlude scene, we watch as the now cursed Joel attempts to pass the Smile Entity on by killing one criminal in front of another. The plan backfires spectacularly, inadvertently passing the curse onto an innocent bystander named Lewis Fregoli.


The film then shifts gears, introducing Skye Riley, a singer and performer making a triumphant return to the spotlight with a comeback tour after a tumultuous past. During a candid interview on the Drew Barrymore Show, Skye opens up about her struggles with addiction and the devastating loss of her boyfriend in a car accident. Her sobriety journey, however, faces a severe setback when she seeks pain relief from her old high school friend, the unwitting Lewis Fregoli. In a chilling turn of events, Lewis takes his own life while Skye watches, passing the Smile Entity onto her.
Unaware of her new cursed existence Skye gets on with rehearsing for her tour, but she begins to notice that strange things are happening. People are smiling at her in an unnatural way and she becomes the target of anonymous attacks and aggressions. When text messages begin to arrive from an unknown number, Skye decides to get some answers.

Highlights.

Let’s not beat about the bush. I found Smile 2 difficult to finish and was struggling at about the hour-and-a-half mark to stay awake. That being said it’s worth watching because everyone needs to see the 3-minute scene of the ‘smilers’ chasing Skye through her apartment. This was possibly the creepiest thing I’ve seen on a screen.  The buildup, the synchronicity of the movement of the actors and their positioning, the camera work, and the lighting. I have rewatched it several times and it doesn’t get old. If you are only interested in watching this, fast forward to the 123-minute mark and get ready to be impressed.

Drawbacks.

Where do I start?

My primary concern with Smile 2 is its striking resemblance to its predecessor. The narrative follows a familiar pattern: an attractive woman fleeing a supernatural force, grappling with hallucinations, experiencing a mental health decline, and culminating in the revelation someone close to Skye was the Smiling Entity after all. This repetitive structure diminishes the film’s impact.

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While the introduction of a new method for shedding the entity initially offered a glimmer of hope this concept wasn’t fully realized. It just served to add names to the line of people that the entity has infected in the past.

Furthermore, the film’s pacing suffers from excessive focus on Skye’s musical career. Scenes showcasing her stage rehearsals and music videos, while intended to establish her identity as a performer, feel unnecessary and detract from the narrative momentum. Yes, we understand she’s a performer, you told us, you don’t need to prove it. These scenes appear to artificially inflate the film’s runtime, suggesting a lack of confidence in the core story.

The Final Take.

Ultimately, Smile 2 fails to expand upon the established lore of the franchise. The film’s conclusion feels contrived, with a blatant setup for a third installment. Hopefully, if a ‘Smile 3’ is inevitable, the creative team will bring fresh ideas and avoid simply retreading familiar ground.

2 out of 5 stars (2 / 5)

Both Cthulhu’s granted for that one scene.

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Movies n TV

Goosebumps, Stay Out Of The Basement Pt 2, could have just been one part

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We’re back again with Goosebumps The Vanishing, episode two. A story too big for one episode, apparently.

Or, maybe this is just a nod to the fact that Stay Out Of The Basement was a two-part episode in the original 1995 show. Either way, after seeing this episode, we could have kept it to one.

The story

We begin this second episode with Anthony investigating the parasitic plant taking over his body. Rather than, I don’t know, going to the hospital, he’s decided to phone a colleague and send her some samples from the bulb he pulls out of his arm with a handheld garden trowel.

David Schwimmer in Goosebumps The Vanishing.

Meanwhile, Devin is having his own worries. He’s haunted by what he saw in the sewers. So, he gets CJ to go with him to investigate. What they find is more of the tendrils of the plant that dragged him down through the manhole last episode.

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I sure would have liked to see more about that.

Instead, we see Devin pivot to flirting with a newly single Frankie. Because teenage hormones I guess.

Meanwhile, Trey is having a terrible day. First, his girlfriend leaves him. Then, Anthony breaks his car window.

Needing a way to deal with his frustration, Trey decides to break into the Brewers’ basement. There, he starts wrecking up the place. Until he meets the plant creature and has an unfortunate accident.

What worked

The big difference between this episode and the last is the increased gross-out factor. This episode had some straight-up cringy moments. From the tendrils waiving from Anthony’s arm to the whole goat he brings home to feed his new pet, this episode was skin-crawling gross in the best way possible.

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The series is called Goosebumps, after all.

What didn’t work

Unfortunately, that’s where my praise ends. This episode, unlike the last, just wasn’t that great.

To start with, there was a lot of unnecessary drama between characters who are not in danger of being eaten by a plant from the inside out.

 Francesca Noel in Goosebumps The Vanishing.

I especially disliked the focus on the Frankie/Trey/Devin love triangle.

Now, I don’t hate it. This part of the story adds extra emotional depth to the show. We can see why Trey would be especially incensed by his girlfriend falling for the son of the neighbor he’s feuding with. But it would be more enjoyable if it wasn’t so cliche and dramatic.

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I hate the way Trey tried to gaslight Frankie. It makes me dislike him when he should be a sympathetic character. I hate how whiny Devin is every time he talks to Frankie. And I hated the impassioned speech Frankie gives after Devin asks her why she was with Trey.

Listen, I understand what we’re going for here. Devin and Cece are not struggling financially. They’re doing alright, and their new friends here in Gravesend are not. We kind of got that without Frankie claiming that her socioeconomic status is why she’s dating a bully and gaslighter. It felt out of place. It felt like pandering. It certainly didn’t feel like something an eighteen-year-old would say. I hated it.

Finally, there was a moment near the end of the episode that irritated me. I don’t want to give too much detail because I wouldn’t dare ruin an R.L. Stine cliffhanger. But, well, it doesn’t make a lot of sense.

I get that we’re watching a show about a carnivorous plant that is going to wreak havoc on this family and neighborhood. I understand the suspension of disbelief. Some might even say I am a little too generous with it. So I can buy into a teenager being absorbed by a plant and turned into a monstrous version of himself.

I can’t buy into what happens at the end of this episode. It doesn’t make sense with the rules established. It certainly doesn’t make any sort of scientific or logical sense. It is a lazy moment meant to further the storyline but threatens the structural integrity of the season.

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All in all, this wasn’t the best episode of Goosebumps. But it’s only the second episode. Honestly, the season has plenty of time to go either way.

2.5 out of 5 stars (2.5 / 5)

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Movies n TV

Thriller Nite, Poem by Jennifer Weigel Plus

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So, this is a convoluted post, not going to lie. Because it’s Thriller Nite. And we have to kick it off with a link to Michael Jackson in homage, because he’s the bomb and Vincent Price is the master… (If the following video doesn’t load properly, you can get there from this link.)

The movie monsters always approach so slowly.
Their stiff joints arcing in jerky, erratic movements
While the camera pans to a wide-eyed scream.
It takes forever for them to catch their victims.
 
Their stiff joints arcing in jerky, erratic movements
As they awkwardly shamble towards their quarry –
It takes forever for them to catch their victims.
And yet no one ever seems to get away.
 
As they awkwardly shamble towards their quarry –
Scenes shift, plot thickens, minutes tick by endlessly…
And yet no one ever seems to get away.
Seriously, how long does it take to make a break for it?
 
Scenes shift, plot thickens, minutes tick by endlessly…
While the camera pans to a wide-eyed scream.
Seriously, how long does it take to make a break for it?
The movie monsters always approach so slowly.

Robot Dance found subverted street art altered photography from Jennifer Weigel's Reversals series
Robot Dance from Jennifer Weigel’s Reversals series

So my father used to enjoy telling the story of Thriller Nite and how he’d scare his little sister, my aunt. One time they were watching the old Universal Studios Monsters version of The Mummy, and he pursued her at a snail’s pace down the hallway in Boris Karloff fashion. Both of them had drastically different versions of this tale, but essentially it was a true Thriller Nite moment. And the inspiration for this poem.

For more fun music video mayhem, check out She Wolf here on Haunted MTL. And feel free to check out more of Jennifer Weigel’s work here on Haunted MTL or here on her website.

Portrait of myself with dark makeup and crow skull headdress, backlit by the sun.
Portrait of myself with dark makeup and crow skull headdress, backlit by the sun.

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