The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs: Creepy Christmas Special
The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs returned for its annual Christmas special on December 15th. As is tradition, the episode also serves as a charity fundraiser for four different charities. Special guest Robin Sydney joins Joe Bob and Darcy the Mail Girl for added late night entertainment. The Drive-In is available on AMC+ and Shudder.
This week on The Last Drive-In, the holiday spirit is in full force as Joe Bob and Darcy return to the screen to present their annual Christmas special / charity auction fundraiser. Cozied up next to a fireplace and in a blanket draped armchair, Joe Bob presents Edward Hunt’s The Brain (1988) and Charles Band’s The Gingerdead Man (2005).
Is this PBS?
Creepy Christmas opens ala Masterpiece Theater, with a soft spoken Joe Bob in a smoking jacket welcoming us into the studio. As he gently drones on, Darcy can’t help but interrupt. “Sir, what are you doing?” Turns out, Joe Bob is “trying to give the Christmas special a little class.” Points for effort.
As he transitions into his annual Christmas speech, his Masterpiece Theater persona drops away. “Once again, not a good year.” After getting sidetracked into a rant about mass-prescribing Floridians xanax, he eventually makes his way around to his main point. Speaking about Jaques from Shakespeare’s As You Like It, Joe Bob reminds us “It’s easier to be [a troll] than seek acceptance.” He goes on to say we should forgive and forget what the haters have to say because they “need the love more.”
Joe Bob’s desire for us all to come together and join hands around the Christmas tree singing forgiveness like those in Whoville forgiving the Grinch is understandable. It’s also probably easier to espouse this rhetoric because he does not (as far as I know) belong to any of the marginalized groups who have seen a disgusting ramp up in violent words and actions in the past year. The responsibility of reconciliation should never be placed on those who have been deeply wounded by another person’s actions.
It’s certainly not praxis
Despite my objections to the message on a praxis level, Joe Bob clearly feels strongly about forgiving and forgetting. He gets choked up and yells out “FUCK,” before taking a swig of brandy. Steadying himself, he goes on to introduce the various charities that are being supported throughout the night: The Wildlife Conservation Network, Every Mother Counts, Paralyzed Veterans of America and Solving Kids’ Cancer.
Moving onto the first movie of the night, Joe Bob reminds us, “There is no such thing as a nice disembodied brain.”
It’s Alive!
The Brain (1988) is about the mad scientist Dr. Blakely (David Gale) using an alien creature called The Brain to hypnotize and brainwash the masses through his TV show Independent Thinking. When a teenage boy named Jim (Tom Bresnahan) refuses to be programmed, he becomes determined to expose the plan for world domination.
The Drive-In totals include but are not limited to: 1 giant brain in a vat, tentacle stabbing, computer screen brain-nagging, bleeding milk tanks, chainsaw to the crotch, gratuitous beefcake photos, and brain wave fu. “Four stars. Joe Bob says check it out.”
Oh, Santa John
As Joe Bob attempts to give information on director Edward Hunt, Santa Claus (John Brennan) tumbles down the chimney to announce the first two auction items of the night. His appearance brings laughter from the set and slight annoyance from Joe Bob. Auction items this year are a mix of memorabilia, merch and in-person experiences.
Interruption over – Joe Bob gets right back into the history of the movie. It isn’t a holiday special until we learn about a tragic, real life death – and this one is no exception. The deal for the film’s distribution to video stores was made with the head of Live Entertainment, José Menéndez (the father and victim of the Menéndez brothers).
Christmas connections
This film also has a connection to last year’s Christmas special through George Buza, who Joe Bob calls “the hardest working character actor in Canada.” Buza plays the character of Santa Claus in A Christmas Horror Story (2015). In The Brain, he plays the beefed up assistant to Dr. Blakely.
Santa John continually interrupts Joe Bob’s segments to announce more auction items, with increasing levels of irritation from our host. He takes to calling our host Joseph Robert Briggs and I can’t help but laugh each time. Despite the interruptions, Joe Bob powers through to give the audience background information.
He credits the creation of “the brain” genre of movies with Curt Siodmak’s 1942 novel Donovan’s Brain. According to Joe Bob, there are four specific sub-genres of brain movies: 1) I’m in love with the damaged brain, 2) whoops, didn’t mean to piss off the brain, 3) they saved Hitler’s brain, and 4) brains from outer space. He adds the caveat that there are two other sub-genres but they do not fit in with the drive-in exploitation genres: brain damage rocks and I’m in love with a funky brain.
As the movie ends, Darcy espouses her love for it. It’s “so fun and the brain design is super cute.” I’m not sure that I would call the design cute by any measure of the word, but the movie is a fun romp.
My rating for The Brain:
(3.4 / 5)
Are these crimes, Kyla?
Our first piece of mail for the night comes from Kyla in Idalou, Texas. If you have no idea where that is, don’t worry. Joe Bob not only knows exactly where this small West Texas town is located, he also somehow knows what their highschool mascot is. Kyla writes a heartfelt and hilarious letter about potentially committing assault against a dead-beat stepdad who hated MonsterVision. Joe Bob has one response to her antics, “I love you!”
Don’t Santa, Open Inside
Slipping back into the Masterpiece Theater persona, Joe Bob introduces the second film of the night. The Gingerdead Man (2005) is a movie you either love or hate. It really seems like there is no middle ground for this one. Joe Bob talks about other movies he wishes he could have programmed for the special, like Lifetime’s Christmas on Wheels (2020). Darcy interrupts him and begs him to “stop saying things.”
Before the movie starts, we are treated to a quick lesson on “the vile satanic history of gingerbread,” from Joe Bob. As he delivers the lesson, Santa John slams back through the fireplace and Joe Bob chides him: “This is no longer funny or interesting nor even remotely polite.” Once Santa announces the auction item and blips back to the North Pole, Joe Bob finishes introducing the movie.
High in sugar, low in quality
The Gingerdead Man (2005) is about the spirit of killer Millard Findlemeyer (Gary Busey) possessing a giant gingerbread cookie to exact revenge on Sarah Leigh (Robin Sydney) for sending him to his execution.
Drive-In totals include but are not limited to: 2 mangled bodies, face whipping, and rolling pin fu. This movie actually has one of the shortest, if not the shortest, list of totals I’ve seen on The Drive-In. Joe Bob gives it three stars.
Pump up the energy
Robin Sydney is the guest for this special and she brings a much needed burst of energy into the second half. Joe Bob gets right to it with the interview questions and asks, “You actually met your husband during the filming of this movie, right?” She is, in fact, married to Charles Band. Their wedding was recent, and was officiated by Joe Bob himself. As she answers, it’s clear she is still rocking her honeymoon glow (despite having been engaged for 18 years.)
According to her, things were always “super profesh” on set. It wasn’t until the two began having business meetings to bring Sydney in to help with merchandise sales that the relationship turned romantic. As for the long delay between engagement and marriage? “I was, like, immature in my brain. But then, my brain got more mature-ish.” Sydney’s answer is hilarious and a little tongue-in-cheek. She has, after all, been running a toy company with her mother for decades.
As Joe Bob points out, The Gingerdead Man “barely qualified as a movie in Shudder terms,” due to its length. It is a quick watch (in the worst possible quality), which thankfully allows for more time with the hosts and Sydney.
Gary A-Busey?
The funniest part of the night comes when she and Joe Bob begin discussing Gary Busey. Sydney says that she only shot with him for one day. “I didn’t have to act at all that day. I was freaked out by Gary Busey!” Joe Bob cuts in to say that Busey owes him $900 and Darcy rolls her eyes. “Oh my god, he will not let this go.” I lose my shit entirely when Joe Bob recounts meeting Busey and him insisting Joe Bob feel the dent in his head. Apparently, “PTS-Gary” as Sydney puts it, is more common than I realized.
Santa John continues to interrupt the segments to announce auction items, except the booby trapped chimney forces him to use a door. Each entry he makes startles Sydney. I understand how filming The Gingerdead Man might have really scared her as she says.
Sales force
Sydney’s sales skills are in full force as she models different auction items. She shows off the Fright-Rags exclusive beanie and one of Joe Bob’s cowboy hats and blows the Walpurgisnacht horn. She and Charles Band also donated two collections to the auction. Sydney does a great job showing off the different items in the Full Moon Features gift set.
Before the movie ends with the slowest credits in cinema history, Joe Bob and Sydney talk about the movie’s reception at release. She understands the reviews and says about the movie, “There’s not much logic. There’s a lot of holes.” It is a very time and state-of-mind dependent movie. If you aren’t watching it late at night and a few substances deep, you probably won’t have as good of a time with it as I did.
My rating for The Gingerdead Man:
(2.3 / 5)
Cue the waterworks
The final piece of mail comes from Nick in Indianapolis (join us at a meetup next year, Nick!). Nick is a recent convert to the ways of Joe Bob, but reaches out for some good southern gothic recommendations. Joe Bob says Sling Blade (1996) is top tier in terms of movies, and Absalom, Absalom! by William Faulkner is the best novel representation of the genre.
Before the night ends, Brennan (no longer in character as Santa John) joins Joe Bob and Darcy on stage. He seems to be upset and says he felt like he was ruining Christmas. “I just wanted to have a good Christmas with you guys.” Joe Bob seems reticent as he allows Brennan to announce the final auction item of the night: Darcy’s tiara from her prom way back in season one.
The night ends with Joe Bob thanking the audience and saying how grateful he is for the community. “I have never in my life encountered such an amazingly supportive family of viewers.” He tears up and bemoans, “I do this every year.” Darcy replies, “Yes you do, you sentimental fuck.” At least he’s our sentimental fuck.
My rating for the special:
(5 / 5)
You can continue to bid on the charity auction items on the auction website: joebobscreepychristmas.com through the 25th of December.
Joe Bob wasn’t the only person in a charitable mood last Friday, as we gave away four different items to followers of our account on the platform formerly known as Twitter. @thedivebard won a Fright-Rags exclusive #JoeBobsCreepyChristmas t-shirt, @Chicago7Charlie won a physical copy of our anthology collection 101 Proof Horror, @KimberlyLuffman won an autographed copy of The Walking Dead Vol 1 HC, and @CapnCosmo won a copy of Eyes without a Face (The Criterion Collection) [Blu-ray].
Movies n TV
Luiso Berdejo’s Feature-Length Debut, or The New Daughter
The New Daughter (2009) is a PG-13 horror film & Luiso Berdejo’s feature-length debut based on John Connolly’s short story of the same name.
The New Daughter (2009) is a PG-13 horror film and Luiso Berdejo’s feature-length debut. The film is based on John Connolly’s short story of the same name. The New Daughter stars Kevin Costner, Ivana Baquero, Samantha Mathis, and Gattlin Griffith. As of this review, the film is available on VUDU Free, The CW, Hoopla, Tubi TV, Freevee, and Plex, with additional purchase options.
John James (Kevin Costner) moves his children to a rural South Carolina town to start anew after his wife leaves him. Louisa James (Ivana Baquero) can’t stand this change, and Sam James (Gattlin Griffith) doesn’t understand why his mother isn’t with them. But after finding a burial mound, their attitudes suddenly switch. As John uncovers more of their new home’s history, he realizes there’s much to fear.
What I Like About Luiso Berdejo’s Feature-Length Debut
Despite its 2009 release date, the Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Horror Films nominated it for the Saturn Awards’ Best DVD Release in 2011. As Luiso Berdejo’s feature-length debut, the film manages to hold an audience with a tight script and direction.
The acting sells this ominous mystery, which might otherwise become obscure amongst others in the genre. In particular, Kevin Costner’s John James and Ivana Baquero’s Louisa James center The New Daughter around their characters’ strained father-daughter relationship.
Ultimately, The New Daughter thrives in its atmosphere and execution. If we take the film plot point by plot point, The New Daughter doesn’t break the mold. Between Luiso Berdejo’s direction and the writing of John Travis and John Connolly, however, the film executes this uncomfortable tension that invests viewers.
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It’s in The New Daughter‘s execution where it haunts its audience. There’s this uncomfortable powerlessness as John attempts to protect his family against the horrors in the mound and its corrupting influence.
The ending might seem uncommitted, but I would disagree. The film executes a balance between hope and horror that leads to ambiguity but doesn’t leave the audience dissatisfied. A bolder film might conclude with an unhappy ending, but The New Daughter gives a sliver of hope in its dark ending.
Tired Tropes and Triggers
A cat dies in the film. The act isn’t shown, but I understand this can be a dealbreaker. In loose connection, there are also animal carcasses.
There’s a loose and underdeveloped connection to Native American mythology, following along the idea of “Indian (Native Americans) burial grounds.” While this initial thought proves inaccurate, it still holds familiar plot points that might irk some.
There are some strange decisions revolving around Louisa. Needless to say, a part of the plot revolves around her beginning puberty. While nothing is explicit, the creatures require a mate, which suggests sexual assault.
What I Dislike about Luiso Berdejo’s Feature-Length Debut
The aesthetic of the burial mound doesn’t seem particularly noteworthy. This becomes a problem when it looks like any hill in a forest. I don’t particularly see how the James family recognizes this as something strange and worth fixating on. As the film progresses, there are obvious reasons, but the aesthetic doesn’t execute this strangeness.
As addressed above, the premise remains familiar and safe, perhaps too safe. A family moves into a rural home, escaping a past withheld from the audience. The mother is out of the picture, and the father struggles to connect with his young daughter. I don’t subscribe to the idea that these are lazy points, but it might seem formulaic with how thick it dominates the film’s beginning.
Final Thoughts
The New Daughter is an impressive feature-length debut but one with notable flaws. There’s a familiarity and safety in the plot that hinders what could have been. However, the ominous mystery and acting provide the needed execution to create a haunting experience. If you’re looking for a horror following a terrified family against supernatural creatures, The New Daughter delivers.
(3.5 / 5)
After taking a week off, Dexter Original Sin is back. And while no piece of art can ever be entirely perfect, this was as close to perfect as I think we can expect.
The story
We start this episode right where the last one left off. Dexter, with a body in his trunk, finds his dumping grounds swarming with cops. So, keeping his head as cool as ever, he pulls out his forensic badge and pretends he’s supposed to be there. Then, he feeds the remaining arm from his second kill to the alligators before anyone can print it. But, not before Angel recognizes a distinct ring on the hand’s finger.
Jewelry really will be the death of Dexter.
While he might have gotten himself out of that mess, he still has a body to deal with. He decides to take it to a dump in broad daylight. Sometimes he acts like he wants to get caught. But then, maybe he does.
Meanwhile, the police are still looking for whoever kidnapped Nicky. There’s a horrific scene in this episode in which the poor kid has his finger chopped off. But this finger might well be the evidence that Miami Metro needs to catch the kidnapper because Dexter notices a sense of hesitation before the cut on Nicky that wasn’t present on the first little boy.
He also finds a drop of blood that doesn’t belong to Nicky.
Once again, it all comes back to blood.
What worked
As I’ve watched this series, and after consuming all of the rest of the work this franchise has offered us, one thing has become more and more clear.
Harry Morgan is a terrible human being.
Let’s just take this episode as an example. We see him strongarming a CI that he had an affair with, threatening to stick her in jail and drop her kids into foster care if she doesn’t keep risking her life for him. We then see him go home and lecture his wife, who he cheated on, for not forgiving him fast enough. And we know how this all ends for the Mosers. We know that Laura ends up dead and Harry takes the baby he liked, leaving Brian to the horrors of the foster care system.
- Michael C. Hall (Actor)
- Audience Rating: NR (Not Rated)
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The thing is, we were never supposed to like Harry. More and more I realize that Harry is the bad guy. He’s the antagonist of Dexter. And as I’m rewatching the original series, I see clearly that he’s been the bad guy from the start. And I think that’s such a brilliant idea.
Not quite as cool, but still impressive was the serial killer advice scene in this episode. Dexter, struggling with where to hide his dead bodies, researches how other serial killers have done so. We see him talk to Ed Gein, David Berkowitz and John Wayne Gacy. This scene brought the absurdity of the series to the forefront. Our main character admires these men. These monsters did horrific things. And we still, somehow, against all decency, like him.
Let me also just say that Scott Reynolds who played Gacy did a fantastic job. The body language and line delivery were just so creepy. For someone who wasn’t on screen for more than a few minutes, he knew how to make a killer impression.
Finally, I want to applaud the twist in this episode. But, as always, I want to do so without giving it away! I will only say that there is a large reveal regarding the person who killed the judge’s son and abducted Nicky. And, I have to say, I didn’t see it coming. It was amazing and raised so many questions. Questions I cannot wait to have answers for.
Honestly, everything in this episode worked. It was well-written, well-acted, and well worth my time. My only complaint right now is that there are only three episodes left.
Of course, it’s usually the last episode of a Dexter show that ruins the whole thing. Let’s see if they can avoid that this time.
(4 / 5)
After the last episode of Goosebumps, I was concerned. I wasn’t sure where the season was going, and I worried I wouldn’t like it.
Thankfully, this episode got the story and my interest back on track.
For the most part.
The story
We begin our story with a flashback from Alex, finally finding out why she was sent to Juvie. She was at a party that resulted in a house fire, through no fault of her own. Rather than helping her, Alex’s mom Jen simply assumes she set the fire and refuses to help her. So, you know, ACAB.
When Alex gets back, she wants to clear her name. So she decides to find Murph, the person who actually set the fire. To do this, she needs a car. So she decides to borrow Trey’s car.
You know, the car that is currently infected by the homicidal sewer spores.
What worked
One thing I’ve enjoyed about this season so far is that no one’s really at fault here. Yes, some of them are doing dumb things. I wouldn’t consider Trey breaking into Anthony’s basement and wrecking stuff to be a great decision. But I can also see how he got there, and why he was pushed to that. I love how we have the opportunity to see the motivations of almost every character.
I also enjoyed how Alex’s character is being filled out. She is compassionate, funny and brave. I think she’s going to end up being my favorite character this season.
On that note, a lot of this episode revolved around Alex and her mother. This was important, as we needed to round out the cast. However, I appreciated that we got that focus while still moving the storyline along for the characters we already have established. It’s sometimes hard to strike that balance when we’re not telling a story in a linear fashion. But I think they pulled it off.
What didn’t work
As much as I love the Alex/Cece relationship, I don’t love how Cece is being portrayed.
Maybe I just don’t like Cece.
She is too perfect. She is too charming. Everyone likes her. And several times in this episode she batted her pretty eyes, tossed her blond hair, and got people to do things for her. While I am amused that Alex weaponized this, it’s also irritating. I’d like to see less pretty privilege.
Finally, in this episode, we saw this demonic or haunted spore (or whatever it is) transition from a car to, of all things, a cup of coffee.
What even is this thing? What are the dimensions? What are the rules? What the hell is it doing?
Suspension of disbelief can only take us so far. We have to have a set of rules for the world for us to buy into it. I can buy a sentient spore. I cannot buy it jumping from living creature to car to coffee cup.
Do better.
Even so, this was a really fun episode. I’m enjoying the story so far, and I’m interested to see how long it takes everyone to get the parts of their story together so they can see the whole picture.
(3.5 / 5)
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