The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs – Dangerous Waters
After a month-long mid-season hiatus, The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs splashed back onto television sets and computer screens across the USA (sorry Canada, next time!) last Friday with a double-feature of aquatic horror on AMC+ and Shudder. The Last Drive-In is known for its eclectic movie selections as well as the informative, and sometimes on-topic, rants Joe Bob is prone to deliver during breaks in the films. His co-host, the intelligent and beautiful Darcy the Mailgirl, does her best to keep him under control but he is one hard to wrangle cowboy.
Aquatic Horror Night
It always starts with a tweet. This time: “a double feature of impossible scenarios from 2 continents.” Without knowing what to expect, viewers tuned in to see what Aquatic Horror Night on The Last Drive In would deliver. Sharknado (2013) and Amsterdamned (1988) were the winners that swam into our lives Friday night.
Look out! A Sharknado!
While Sharknado might not be everyone’s cup of tea, Joe Bob’s excitement to be presenting writer Thunder Levin and director Anthony C. Ferrante’s work on The Last Drive-In for its 10-year anniversary will win more than a few people over to his side by the time they finish watching.
The Drive-In Totals include but are not limited to: one bikini-bar riot, a burning nursing-home swimming pool, an exploding shark, a school-bus rope rescue, and propane tank fu. “Joe Bob gives it four stars, check it out! I’d give it five stars if I could.” Which is some of the highest praise I’ve seen Joe Bob give a movie on The Last Drive-In.
In between scenes of shark related carnage, Joe Bob interviews Ferrante. “We need to know where it ranked, that hurricane on the Saffir-Simpson Hurricane Wind Scale. We need to know that precise number.” Ferrante says category 5 based on the presence of flying sharks. I agree when Joe Bob thinks it should be higher.
Other questions include which letter of the Hollywood sign crushes the sort-of heroic school bus driver. Joe Bob also demands to know who wrote the line “Looks like it’s that time of the month.” His willingness and ability to adapt his interview style depending on The Last Drive-In’s guest is truly admirable.
All Hail The Drive-In’s Mailgirl
Darcy fully embraces the unserious nature of Sharknado, and hides what I am certain are bloodshot eyes behind the sunglasses included in her customary character cosplay. At one point, Joe Bob asks her what she would do if a real life sharknado happened. I choke on my drink laughing when she giggles and replies, “Online, so I could share, like, videos and shit.” Wouldn’t we all?
She also chimes in to explain the logic of the movie with a simple, “It’s Sharknado.” While her word count per episode is significantly lower than Joe Bob’s, Darcy’s contributions on The Last Drive-In are always valuable.
The fan mail reading reveals another of Joe Bob’s strengths: his ability to tell people they are wrong in a way which never makes them feel stupid. Darcy’s ability to pick out letters which elicit amusing responses from Joe Bob is unmatched, especially when Joe Bob disagrees with the author.
Made-for-TV Love
It’s easy to see the love Joe Bob has for Sharknado as he goes into the different aspects of the production history. He gives Ferrante’s biography, and he wraps it into a motivational speech about the power of putting yourself out there. He dives deep into Syfy’s sometimes complicated partnership with production company Asylum. As he lists movie titles, I realize there are too many shark movies lurking out there.
Nothing highlights his love of the movie like his beautiful rendition of the theme song “Sharknado” at the movie’s end. Joined by John Brennan, The Last Drive-In’s music producer, on his guitar, he breaks into song. The segment feels like a campfire sing-a-long. These moments are an example of what makes The Last Drive-In so special. No matter where you are watching, you cannot help but feel like you are right there on set.
Joe Bob lets loose a signature bad joke to end the presentation of Sharknado. Darcy says she’s too “Sharknado’d out” to get it. I’m right there with her.
My rating for Sharknado:
(3.5 / 5)
We’re all Amsterdamned
Before flying into Amsterdamned on The Last Drive-In, viewers must listen to the pre-flight boarding rant. Joe Bob declares, “The Goddamned foreigners are trampling the tulips in Bollenstreek.” Thankfully, Darcy interjects with a loud “Wow,” to show her displeasure with his choice of words. Her pushback is appreciated, and Joe Bob corrects “foreigners” with “tourists.”
He proceeds with everything from airline price fixing to pirates. His dedication to broadening the cultural worldview of his audience is admirable, even if his less than politically-correct language frequently makes Darcy shake her head. The contrast between Joe Bob’s old-school style and Darcy’s more modern sensibilities helps The Last Drive-In strike the necessary balance between offensive and progressive.
Amsterdamned is written and directed by the Dutch film director Dick Maas, and is about a scuba-wearing serial killer who sneaks through the city’s canals to murder random unsuspecting victims. Joe Bob describes the movie succinctly as Dirty Harry (1971) meets Jaws (1975).
The Drive-In Totals include but are not limited to: a gunshot through the shattered diving goggles, throat slitting, a boat paddle to the cranium, juvenile psychic-sleuthing, and spear gun fu. Although he believes Amsterdamned “sounds like a title they thought up with when they were drunk,” he still gives it three stars.
Drive-In-Flight Announcements
Joe Bob starts by calling Darcy out. “So, you’re the weed expert.” Despite Amsterdam’s reputation for weed tourism, Darcy is much more chipper and bright eyed for the start of this movie. As the serial killer evades and torments the detective hunting him, Joe Bob breaks in with critical information. This includes how to tie a one-handed bowline knot, the virtues of the Golden Earring hit song “Radar Love”, and the perpetual misrepresentation of musketeers.
His segments also offer a plethora of information about Maas and Amsterdamned. The smash Dutch hit features well known actors in the region with a quarter of the Dutch population seeing it upon release. Darcy unfortunately runs to the store for more snacks during the movie. Without her breaking in to keep him on track, these segments of The Last Drive-In can feel more like info dumps than usual.
One of the more fascinating tangents Joe Bob shoots into includes the drug lord Klaas Bruinsma and his use of the city’s canals to stage a prison escape. When Joe Bob continually references a “frog man,” my literal-thinking brain conjures up something much different than a man wearing scuba gear.
All of the stunt men in Amsterdamned (including stunt horses) were imports from England. Joe Bob Briggs praises the 8-minute boat chase scene near the end of the film, saying it alone is almost reason enough to watch. He specifically calls out Nick Gillard as the stuntman responsible for the scene. It is nice to hear as Joe Bob gives recognition to the often-forgotten stunt crew.
The Red-Eye
Darcy returns, wearing sunglasses again, at the end of Amsterdamned. She quickly falls back into familiar banter as the two debate whether the end of the movie made any sense. Joe Bob vehemently believes the ending is terrible because the killer is never previously mentioned or seen. She believes the ending is great because of the song that plays over the credits.
Before he refutes her, Brennan returns to the set for an incredible rendition of the song, aptly called “Amsterdamned”. Neon lights shine and someone turns on a bubble machine. It’s hard to not want to join the costumed production crew as they dance. As the song ends, Joe Bob sits unmoved and perplexed in his longhorn-adorned chair. He continues the argument, and Darcy stands firm in her beliefs.
My rating for Amsterdamned:
(3 / 5)
Landing at The Drive-In
The episode ends with the final fan mail. Before he reads the letter, Joe Bob Briggs is off on another tangent about the use of live animals as college mascots and the intricacies of crossbreeding bovines. As the author of the letter, Zach Crockett writes, “Your commentary and monologues make the show great fun.”
Without knowing what will be shown, viewers continue to tune in to The Last Drive-In. They have faith in Joe Bob Briggs and his seemingly endless pool of film knowledge, and you should too. My rating for the episode:
(4 / 5)
Kait says check it out.
Episode four of Amazon Prime’s Fallout was a great one for character development. It was also great because one of my personal favorite actors was involved.
Let’s discuss.
The story
This episode’s story revolved largely around Lucy and The Ghoul. He’s still dragging her about on a rope, but we aren’t sure why. While she can track the Head, she certainly hasn’t shared that information with the Ghoul.
What he wants her for soon becomes clear, when he barters her for vials of the medication that keeps him from losing himself to the ghoul illness.
At first, Lucy thinks this is a step up. She’s taken by a robot surgeon named Snip Snip to get a new thumb. Since, you know, The Ghoul shot her thumb off.
However, after stitching a new thumb on, Snip Snip takes her to his masters. Who then say they want him to cut her up for her organs.
Lucy manages to escape and even frees the other people trapped by these organ brokers. In doing so, she comes into the possession of many, many of those vials that The Ghoul needs so desperately.
Meanwhile, Norm is starting to suspect that all is not what it should be in Vault 33. While the rest of the vault is preparing to elect a new overseer, he takes Chet and sneaks off to Vault 32. There, they find some horrific sights. Long dead bodies, next to messages scrawled in blood. There are especially bodies around the door that leads to Vault 31, where someone has written We Know What’s in There on the wall.
Of course, we don’t know what’s in there. But I’m sure we’re going to find out.
Norm continues to dig, checking for information on the old Overseer’s computer. And he finds that the door to Vault 32 was opened by a Pip-Boy. To be specific, it was a Pip-Boy owned by Norm and Lucy’s mother.
I’m sure that won’t be relevant later.
What worked
The more I see of this season, the more I like Lucy. She is growing and evolving as a person, just like Wilzig told her she would have to do. She is becoming harder. But her kindness and values haven’t changed yet. She is still a good person. I love that.
I also love the dark, creepy storyline with Norm. I love how serious he is, especially when compared to the rest of his community. I especially love that, even as emotionally disturbed he is by what he’s learning, he seems passionate. And from what we’ve seen of this character, this is possibly the first thing he’s felt passionate about his entire life. I am impressed with the writing and acting that have allowed us to see his lack of passion with minimal focus. He is a fun, well-written character.
Finally, I’d like to shine the spotlight on Matt Berry. He is a delightful actor known for What We Do in the Shadows and IT Crowd. And he is playing the remarkably funny role of Snip Snip, the robot surgeon. His voice lends an extra level of humor to an already funny premise. This was another example of the great casting we’ve seen so far on Fallout.
In the end, this was a great episode from all points. It was fun, heartfelt, and dark. In short, I have no notes. I’m only excited to see what happens in the next episode.
(4 / 5)
The finale of American Horror Story Delicate aired last night. And if you were watching along with us on Threads, then you already know that it didn’t live up to any of my expectations.
Let’s discuss.
The story
We begin with Anna being ushered off stage and into an ambulance. Dex is there because Siobhan called him.
Once in the ambulance, though, the blood starts to spill. And it’s not just Anna’s. She soon finds herself in the clutches of the coven, giving birth in the most anxiety-inducing place possible. And when the baby is born, he’s taken away at once.
Because that’s the agreement that Anna made, without fully realizing what she was agreeing to.
If Anna’s going to get her baby back, she’s going to have to make another sacrifice. She is going to have to join the coven herself. Is she strong enough to do it? Is she strong enough to raise a monster?
What worked
This episode did have some fun elements. As a practicing witch myself, I appreciate the addition of Hestia in a positive light. Especially when this season was so focused on motherhood, womanhood, and sisterhood, Hestia was a lovely goddess to include.
For those who don’t know, Hestia is a goddess of the home and hearth, but not a maternal goddess. She was, in fact, a virgin goddess. So Adeline’s devotion to her made sense in a real-world witchcraft way. Adeline was supposed to be a symbol of female love and support. Including Hestia in this made that crystal clear.
This was made most clear with the behavior of Siobhan. She was a perfect example of a toxic person who uses sisterhood to use and manipulate others. This can be seen clearly in the flashback that begins this episode. We see Siobhan show kindness to Anna, who she wants to use while being cruel to the woman who shared her story at the start of the meeting. For Siobhan, kindness is a currency she spends to get something. And that is clear.
What didn’t work
Sadly, those two elements weren’t enough to save this episode. My first concern is that this ending had more holes in it than Swiss cheese.
This wasn’t just a matter of having questions left after the ending. These were elements that we should have seen and just didn’t. Why were the witches diluting and working with blood near the end of the episode? Why didn’t Dex Senior get what was coming to him? What the hell was with those pointed green heels? My largest question, however, is this.
Did Anna imagine all of this? Did any of it happen? We don’t know. Consider the ending. I don’t want to spoil too much of this, so I’ll only point out Anna’s gown. It’s bloody in one scene and newly clean the next. This is only the example I can share without spoiling the ending. But we have no proof that any of these things happened to her.
While it’s fine to leave some questions up to the viewer, there were too many here. Rather than feeling mysterious, it just felt incomplete. And seeing as how this episode was much shorter than a standard one, this could have easily been corrected.
I would also like to hold some space for how this season ruined the good message of the book Delicate Condition. This novel was bloody, gory, and disturbing. But it also had a beautiful message about sisterhood, and women supporting women through motherhood, career choices, and life in general. There is so much pure, sisterly love in that book.
This is entirely missing from this season. It’s often turned on its head, with women betraying each other for their own selfish desires. And honestly, I hated that.
Finally, this season finale is another example of an ending ruining a good season. AHS Delicate wasn’t without its charm. Some episodes were great fun. There were elements that I truly enjoyed as a horror fan, a witch and a woman. But this ending just soured everything good about the season. It spoiled all of the enjoyment I had. Much like Sabrina, Dexter, and the podcast Dolores Roach, the ending ruined everything that came before it.
In the end, this finale was disappointing. It didn’t deliver on its promises, it did a disservice to the source material, and it was poorly executed. This series is more than capable of better. Delicate Condition, the novel, deserved a better interpretation.
However, as a long-time fan, I can honestly say that in twelve years of content, I have genuinely disliked a season and a half of American Horror Story. This one, and the second half of Double Feature. So while AHS Delicate was a disappointment, I am looking forward to season thirteen. In the meantime, I’m going to rewatch Coven and look forward to better stories to come.
(2 / 5)
Episode three of Amazon Prime’s Fallout continued the themes we’ve seen so far, with an added twist. With comedy and gore already blending, the story has added an air of tragic history for one of its least cuddly characters.
Let’s discuss.
The story
Our story starts with a flashback to before the bombs dropped. We see Coop, filming a movie. His wife is on set as well, and their adorable daughter. Coop has a comfortable life with a family he loves.
Isn’t that just a knife in the heart?
Back in the present, Lucy is traveling through the wastelands with the head of Wilzig. And she’s doing so with the same fear and joy that we’ve seen from her so far. Until that is, she runs into a Gulper. And after eating a defenseless deer, it swallowed up the head.
Eventually, The Ghoul catches up with Lucy and decides to capture her. After using her as bait, he decides to drag her along with him.
Meanwhile, Maximus gets a message from the Brotherhood of Steel. Rather than coming clean, he claims to be Knight Titus and is accidentally sent a new Squire. That squire is Thaddeus, one of Maximus’s bullies from the base. And Maximus wastes no time in taking some sweet, sweet revenge.
Finally, we return to Vault 33. The vault is healing from the Raider attack and the loss of Lucy. Norm and Chet are being punished for letting Lucy leave, by being fired from their jobs. This throws Chet because he had a cool job.
Norm, on the other hand, didn’t like his job. He didn’t like any job. So, since this is the only way anyone gets punishments in the vault, he’s given the task of feeding the Raiders.
And talking to the Raiders was maybe not a healthy thing for Norm to be doing. He might learn something he didn’t want to know.
What worked
The first thing I have to talk about is the massive creature called The Gulper.
This thing was fascinating. It was voracious, fast, and horrifying to look like. It was like a giant axolotl from Hell, with human fingers lining its whole mouth and throat. Why did it need fingers lining its mouth and throat? The better to drag someone down its throat and into its stomach. And the better to drag itself into my nightmares. This creature was well done.
On the flip side of this, I love the fact that the people of Vault 33 are so kind. They’re so willing to forgive, willing to care for their fellow man even when their fellow man is trying to kill them.
I don’t trust it, to be clear. But the perceived kindness from these people is uplifting. And I’m sure it will make whatever is going to eventually happen to them all the worse.
Of course, I can’t talk about the goodness of the vault dwellers without talking about the absolute horribleness of The Ghoul. The Ghoul is not a good person. He is cruel, and selfish, and clearly dislikes Lucy for some reason we do not yet know, and is probably not her fault.
But we kind of understand how he got that way, don’t we? During the flashbacks, we see that he’s lost his wife and daughter. We also see that he was used as a mascot for the very company that created the vaults. And, while we don’t have any concrete proof yet, we can probably guess that these are not the good guys. Even if we haven’t played the games, anyone who’s even slightly genre-savvy can already guess that.
Which is the last thing I want to bring up here.
We know something stinks with the vaults. Something beyond the obvious issues of wealth disparities and the people left outside to die while those who could afford a Vault spot were saved. Something is rotten with the vaults, we all know this. What we don’t know is what form this rot will take.
Not yet.
What didn’t work
Now, I wish I could say this was a perfect episode. But sadly, it wasn’t. And my biggest issue with the episode is with the character Maximus.
Now, I love Maximus. He wants to do good things in the world. He’s the underdog, and who doesn’t love that? He’s honorable and believes in the organization he belongs to.
I don’t love that he cannot do anything right. It feels like he wins fights by falling over and tripping into succeeding. And this character deserves so much more than that. Can we please, just once, see him be good at something or make a sound decision?
All that being said, this was still a fun episode. It was funny and bright, with an ominous feel and a horrific finger-ridden monster. I had a great time with it.
(4 / 5)
Billy
June 29, 2023 at 5:46 pm
Plethora…..