Greydon Clark’s Uninvited is a fun horror romp of sorts, focusing on what you’d expect from my article’s title: A mutant boat cat on a rampage. The fierce feline originated in some research testing facility, and it’s not your average purring pussy. Early in the movie, the meowing menace attacks a bunch of scientists, flees the mad scientist headquarters, and inevitably finds its way on board some rich asshole’s boat.
He’s not just any rich asshole, though. He’s Walter Graham (Alex Cord), an overly suave, overly confident, and overly rape-y multimillionaire who is just awful. Graham also has an entourage of old-timer associates/henchmen — George Kennedy as Mike, Clu Gulager as Albert. Their mission? Make it to the Cayman Islands on their yacht to evade prosecution. Who can blame them?
So, who are the “good guys” of this picture? There’s Toni Hudson as Rachel, the captain of the ship. There are also a bunch of mostly hapless party teenagers thrown in. They are Suzanne (Shari Shattuck), Bobbi (Clare Carey), Martin (Eric Larson), Corey (Rob Estes), and Lance (Beau Dremann). Suzanne also brings aboard the cat she found, not knowing it doubles as a hellish, mutant, puppet-like creature that bites people and is also a contagion for a weird disease. So, in addition to Graham’s band of rich miscreants, they have this destructive furball on their vessel. The only thing they lack is Dennis Nedry.
What Works in “Uninvited”
Personally, I like the character of Walter Graham. He is, among other things, almost the personification of the American dream as it really is. Here he is taking some money that, by all appearances, is ill-gotten. He’s egocentric, thinks he’s God’s gift to women, and always has to have his way. His abuse is his confidence, his confidence is his abuse. I won’t say who he reminds me of in the real world, but you can probably hazard some guesses. Graham also reminds me of a now-infamous bit of dialogue from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
What about the other characters? They are rather forgettable if I’m being honest. The ladies are there primarily for some T&A, and then you’ll feel bad about it when Walter makes his “moves” on ’em. The guys on board are just there to get killed off and occasionally do some minor heroic stunts (though the ladies do that here and there, too). Even Walter Graham’s pals aren’t especially memorable, other than that they’re played by George Kennedy and Clu Gulager, and they get killed.
Really, the star of Uninvited was, is, and forever shall be, that damn cat. You know it, I know it, the Gods themselves must know it. At first glance, the cat is all fur, paws and awws, then it becomes about murder and guffaws. That’s right. In fact, if you don’t laugh at this murder-cat, you might want to bring your sense of humor to the shop. I do wish there was a scene of murder-cat playing with intestines like a cat toy, though. You might not want to watch this with your cat, lest you give it any ideas. One last thing: Were I to rewrite this movie, I’d have the cat solely attacking a yacht full of millionaires and retitle it “Fancy Feast.” Those wine-tasting, sheltered-life-having, individualist hivemind sociopaths probably deserve it anyway.
What are your thoughts on Uninvited? We invite you to give a hellish, meowing roar at us in the comments!