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Practical Magic is a warm, cozy, feel-good movie for most people of, um, a certain age. This has always amused me since the main story is about a woman accidentally murdering her abusive boyfriend and then having to kill him again when he comes back as a horrifying, soulless monster.

Just a cozy movie for a girl’s night.

Practical Magic is, however, a strangely accurate movie regarding modern witchcraft. And with a sequel in the works (no, there isn’t a release date yet) now seemed like a good time to talk about what they got right from the point of view of a modern witch.

Just the facts

Based on the classic novel of the same title by Alice Hoffman, Practical Magic premiered in 1998. It’s the story of the Owens family. Maria Owens, our main characters’ ancestor, cursed her family line to never fall in love after being left alone by the father of her child. Ever since then, generation after generation has been haunted by this curse.

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Sally and Gillian Owens see this curse in their own lives when their father is killed. Sent to live with their aunts, each girl reacts in a wildly different way. Sally tries to cast a spell for the perfect man, believing that she will never find him and therefore never fall in love. Gillian decides to have wild relationships with terrible men. This leads her to an abusive relationship with a sexy asshole named Jimmy. This leads to Sally accidentally poisoning Jimmy with belladonna.

Sally and Gillian try to bring Jimmy back to life so they don’t get arrested for murder. While they’re doing that, a detective comes to town looking for Jimmy. And he happens to look just like the man Sally wished for as a child.

What Practical Magic got right

A lot of the magic in Practical Magic is very familiar to most modern practitioners. Not all of it, of course. Real magic work doesn’t make for good movies, and there are some fantastical aspects to the Owens sisters’ world. None of us can blow on candles to light them, though that would certainly save me money on matches. We can’t send letters to each other on the wind or stir our coffee with thought alone. And any witch dumb enough to jump off their roof with an umbrella is going to end up in the hospital where they belong.

But there was a lot of good magic in here. Starting, of course, with the famous quote from the film.

But there are some things I know for certain: always throw spilt salt over your left shoulder, keep rosemary by your garden gate, plant lavender for luck, and fall in love whenever you can.

Yes, yes to all of that. Rosemary, salt and lavender are all staples for a kitchen witch. These are things that most witches agree heal the body and soul.

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Sally is the picture of an herbal witch. She is clearly most at home in the greenhouse. And she makes herbal remedies that the town clearly values.

This rings true for most witches. We usually have some tea or simmer pot or herbal tincture for most everyday ailments. Even the way Sally kills Jimmy is accurate. On that note, don’t take belladonna. Just don’t do it. Because that’s another thing this movie sure as shit got right, and it will kill you if you don’t actually know what you’re doing with it.

Another thing Practical Magic got right is generational curses. Not in the big, scary way that leads to an innocent man getting hit by a car and leaving his wife and children alone way. But in the, we tend to make the same mistakes as our parents because that’s how we were taught to deal with life sort of way. That’s why a lot of witches practice shadowwork. It’s just spicy therapy, making a consistent effort to recognize unhealthy patterns and try to break those cycles.

Of course, the generational cycles of pain are healed in the movie by the women of the town coming together to stand with the Owens sisters. More broadly, the curse is broken when Sally and Gillian trust the town’s women and let them in. When they build a community instead of building a wall. When they find their sisterhood.

Covens and community are important for everyone. And it’s wonderful when you find people who are just as weird as you are. And, as I mentioned in my review of Sabrina the Teenage Witch, magic is stronger when worked among many people.

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Finally, I want to talk about the spell that Sally casts as a child. She says she wants to wish for a man who is perfect in every way, too perfect to exist. And the universe brings that impossibly perfect man to her.

Camilla Belle and Lora Anne Criswell in Practical Magic.

This is a huge part of casting spells. Be specific, and ask for exactly what you want. It’s not one hundred percent, not every spell we cast is going to come true. But most witches agree that you don’t get what you don’t ask for. So, if there’s something you want, ask for it specifically. Maybe you’ll get it.

What they got wrong

My only real issue with Practical Magic is that it isn’t what I’d call inclusive. There aren’t any male witches. There are no witches of color. I’m not entirely sure there’s a person of color in the whole movie.

So, that isn’t great. This isn’t that old of a movie.

Not only is this just bad form, bad storytelling and bad casting, but it also reinforces a nasty stereotype that modern witches only look one kind of way. That way being a white cisgender woman. And that’s just not true. Witchcraft is a big community where everyone is welcome. I would love to see that represented in one of the most iconic witch movies of all time. Hopefully, this is something they fix with the sequel.

In conclusion, it’s not hard to see why generations of fans still hold this movie so close to their hearts. And while it could certainly use more inclusion, I don’t see the magic of Practical Magic fading anytime soon.

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4.5 out of 5 stars (4.5 / 5)

By the way, if you like this you might enjoy my haunted apartment novella, Quiet Apocalypse. The main character is a modern witch, and I share some real magic in this fictional story of an unexpected end of the world.

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Movies n TV

Low point or a daring experiment? Halloween VI (1995) Review

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To a lot of fans, this is the film that killed the franchise. It says a lot that the next installment is yet another retcon. Halloween VI: The Curse of Michael Myers attempts to explain Michael’s unrelenting evil, which lead to mixed opinions from longtime fans. There are two cuts of the film, theatrical vs producer’s. For a lot of people, the latter is the only one worth mentioning. Aiming to be as accurate as possible, I will be talking about the producer’s cut. Let’s begin! 

Plot

We start Halloween VI with a six-year time jump from part five. Jamie is now barefoot and recently pregnant, running away from Michael as he wants her baby. While she manages to hide the little one away, Michael finally gets his hunger satiated by killing her. The moment is one of the most brutal ways in the franchise up until that point. Rest in peace, Jamie, you held your ground for as long as you could, the sequels were just too relentless. 

The movie then cuts to a whole different scene going on. We have a new family living in the Myers house and their youngest child is hearing voices telling him to kill his loved ones. Tommy Lloyd is watching the family, played by none other than Paul Rudd in his first-ever theatrical role. Tommy still carries trauma from the events all those years ago when Laurie Strode was babysitting him. So when he finds Jamie’s baby, his part in the story becomes even more essential. 

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Dr Loomis also stars in what was Donald Pleasance’s final role before his passing. He and Tommy try to stop Michael once and for all before the cycle can repeat itself. As it turns out, Michael is a victim of a druid cult which makes him want to kill his family members every Halloween. Thorn, the cult in question, thinks they can control Michael and make him do their bidding. This results in catastrophe and Michael goes berzerk and kills all the cult members. Once again, it’s one of the most gruesome montages for the franchise up until that point.  

Tommy and Kara are left to face Michael on their own which they manage to do with some corrosive liquid and good luck. However, nothing stays dead in this franchise as it’s soon revealed Michael somehow escaped and this time Dr Loomis might not be so lucky… 

Overall thoughts

I would say for me personally Halloween VI definitely ranks somewhere near the bottom. The whole point of Michael is that there is no rhyme or reason to his killings and this film tries to go against that. I am glad the mistake was rectified by the upcoming installment. There were still some good things about it, such as Paul Rudd’s acting that reveals some raw talent as far as I’m concerned, as well as some direction choices and musical score. However, I also think it absolutely deserves all the criticism that it gets. 

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2.5 out of 5 stars (2.5 / 5)

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American Horror Stories, The Thing Under The Bed

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We’ve reached the final episode of American Horror Stories, season three. After the ups and downs of the season, I didn’t know what to expect. I felt that we were due a big finish, Killer Queens. But I feared we were in for a big letdown.

As it turns out, The Thing Under The Bed was neither.

The story

We begin our story with a little girl named Mary, who is scared of something under her bed. She sneaks out of her room, only to be caught by her father and sent back to sleep. And of course, there is something horrible waiting for her under her bed.

Debby Ryan in American Horror Stories.

This scene cuts away to a woman named Jillian. She has strange dreams, including one about Mary. But her husband, Mark, doesn’t want to hear about it. He’s only interested in a little lovemaking because he wants a baby. Jillian doesn’t, which makes total sense because she’s already married to one. But her irritation with her childish husband goes away when he goes away. And by goes away, I mean he’s sloppily devoured by something vicious under their bed.

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What worked

In short, this episode just worked. The acting was professional and believable. The cinematography and lighting work were wonderful, adding spooky effects and startling moments without impairing visibility.

Best of all, the story was solid. There were no plotholes to be found. Our main character, Jillian, was relatable and sympathetic.

This was maybe my favorite part of the story. I thought Jillian was a remarkably sympathetic character. She was dealt a hand she never asked for, having her husband slaughtered in their bedroom. I don’t think she missed him, so much as she was afraid of the legal ramifications of being caught with literal blood on her hands.

Then, when it would have been safest for her to just lay low and save up for a good defense attorney, she instead goes into unlikely hero mode. She does her best to save people, putting herself in legal and physical danger. It’s hard not to root for her.

It’s also a little hard not to root for the antagonist, too. I don’t want to ruin the twist for you, so I’m going to tread lightly here. But it’s great when you have an antagonist who might be off their rocker, but also maybe has a point.

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What didn’t work

I can only really think of one complaint with this episode. And that is how frequently one character says the word Chickadee. And if you’ve seen the episode, you know what I am talking about.

I get it, he has a pet name for his daughter. It’s adorable. It’s meant to convey that the two of them have a healthy loving relationship and I get it. We all get it. Blind monks get it. But the fact remains that no parent on Earth calls their kid by their pet name every single time they speak an individual sentence to them. It was just too damn much.

All in all, this was a good episode. It was a classic story, turned on its head, told by professionals from start to finish. And I hope that if there is another season, we see more stories like this one. But after the efforts put into this season at large, I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the last we see of American Horror Stories.

4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

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American Horror Stories, Leprechaun

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If you’ve watched enough short-form horror anthology shows, you’ll notice that some stories are mainstays. Each show seems to put on the same sort of episodes, with the occasional surprising storyline that we’ve never (or at least rarely) seen before.

Leprechaun was an example of a repeated story—the story of a greedy thief whose punishment far outweighs the crime.

The story

We begin our story in 1841, with a drunk man leaving the bar one late night. He’s distracted by something glowing at the end of the well. When he reaches down for the glowing thing, he falls in. Moments later, he screams.

We then cut to the modern day. The well is still there, and now it’s surrounded by a dying town. In this town lives a young man named Colin. He’s married, his wife is pregnant, and he’s out of work. Like many of his friends.

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Hudson Oz in American Horror Stories Leprechaun.

Desperate for cash, Colin and his friends decide to rob a bank. They put together an Equate version of Ocean’s Eleven, and break in one night. But, of course, they find that the gold is nothing more than bait. And the creature waiting for them is something they never expected.

What worked

The first thing I want to point out is how real this episode felt. At least to anyone currently living in the same small town they grew up in. These characters felt like guys I went to school with. Guys I would see at the bar.

I appreciated the real anger and frustration these characters are feeling. Especially Colin. He’s bitter, and maybe he has a right to be. He did exactly what he was supposed to do to succeed. He went to school and invested in his career, and yet now he’s out of work and struggling to support his family. I probably don’t need to tell you how that feels. Because of this, we can all kind of understand why he was tempted to rob a bank.

I also want to talk about the fact that this was, as I said, an often-explored story. That can be a bad thing, but it can also be a good thing. This story is told over and over because it’s a good story. A relatable story. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

What didn’t work

That being said, this version didn’t try to do much to break out of the mold.

Because we have seen this story so many times, most of us could tell the story themselves. I would have expected something new, or some twist. But, in the end, the story didn’t bring anything new to the discussion.

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Maybe because of this, the ending left a lot to be desired. Trapped in the basement of the bank, everyone just sort of stares at everyone else, until the thieves give up. And that’s it. The ending wasn’t scary, shocking, or funny. It was just sad, on multiple levels.

Overall, this was an okay story. It was entertaining, if not surprising. I would compare this episode to homemade macaroni and cheese. Everyone’s got their own version, they’re all pretty good, and none of them are exciting.

There’s just one episode left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope they’ve saved the best for last.

3.5 out of 5 stars (3.5 / 5)

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