The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs: I Can’t Believe it’s Not Jaws!
The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs continues toward the season finale with its varied movie selections alongside the informative, and sometimes on-topic, rants Joe Bob delivers during breaks in the films. His co-host, the intelligent and beautiful Darcy the Mailgirl, does her best to keep him under control but he is one hard to wrangle cowboy. It can be watched on AMC+ and Shudder.
Jaws Rip-Off Night
What happens when Joe Bob sends a request up the corporate ladder to play Jaws (1975) on The Last Drive-In? Don’t get too excited because he absolutely does not get permission to play it. Instead, viewers are treated to Alligator (1980) and Grizzly (1976) on Jaws Rip-Off Night. If you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.
An Unexpected Error
Instead of tearing into the start of the episode, many members of the #MutantFam were unfortunately left in the dark. Shudder has a history of server issues on The Drive-In nights and this week was one of the worst in recent memory. As angry tweets flood my timeline (including one from Chris Jericho), I refresh the page repeatedly and wait.
If I were able to watch, I’d hear Joe Bob complaining about privacy fences and how Americans have turned their neighborhoods into suburban fortresses. “Wasn’t it better when you could sit out on your front porch and look all the way down to the end of the street and see grass and trees and pink flamingos and lawn sprinklers and all that stuff?” he asks.
He continues, and I am sitting unaware on my front porch looking down my street & watching the neighborhood kids catch fireflies. When I re-watch the episode, the irony of this is not lost on me.
Stranger Times
While Joe Bob laments privacy fences and how they make neighbors strangers, Darcy chimes in. “This is one of your stranger rants.” She is dressed as a sexy rendition of an alligator and Joe Bob laughs as she places a realistic gator mask over her head. Despite his assurance that it would all come back around, I fail to see how any of it relates to Lewis Teague’s Alligator.
The Drive-In Totals include but are not limited to: Cop chomping, showdown in Booger Alley, gratuitous bomb scare, and dynamite fu. This blend of Jaws and C.H.U.D. (1984) earns three stars from Joe Bob.
Hollywood Dreams
As the insatiable mutant gator wreaks havoc across Chicago, Joe Bob gives credit to the plethora of character actors featured in the film. Sydney Lassick, Bart Braverman, John Lisbon Wood, and Michael V. Gazzo are all featured as Joe Bob tries to cram decades of Hollywood history into the segment. He continues recognizing other actors in the film throughout.
He continues with the Hollywood history lesson when he highlights the work of Henry Silva. Silva died last year at the Motion Picture and Television Home in Woodland Hills, California. For those unaware, the home was created after several former Hollywood stars died in destitution. Its intended purpose is to help those within the industry who are out of work and struggling.
With the current WGA / SAG-AFTRA strike, one source has stated, “The endgame is to allow things to drag on until union members start losing their apartments and losing their houses.” Joe Bob does not go into the history of the home in the episode, but for those aware – the mention alone feels important.
It also feels important when he tells the audience Lassick held a job as a truck dispatcher the entire time he was acting. Too many actors today continue to rely on secondary sources of income to supplement the laughably low residual pay they receive for their work. Fatty Arbuckle may have died without a penny to his name, but the studio heads of his time sure didn’t.
No Apologies Needed
Joe Bob seems to be more sensitive to the time constraints of the show this episode, and calls himself out for rambling multiple times. Darcy reminds him this behavior is nothing new before disappearing to wardrobe for the next few segments.
Hail Seitan!
While Darcy is absent, Joe Bob talks about the topics that are more upsetting to her vegan and animal-loving sensibilities. He talks about the advent of the Miami entertainment industry and its roots in alligator wrestling.
When Darcy returns, the topics shift back to the movie. We learn about the various issues with the giant alligator models used in the show, which caused a pivot to using miniatures for many of the shots. It is revealed the animatronic alligator named Ramon was donated to the University of Florida and occasionally appears in halftime shows, and a production member can’t help but let out a confused “What?!”
My rating for Alligator:
(2.5 / 5)
Slide Into Joe Bob’s DMs
Since Joe Bob requested meaner letters in a previous episode, Dacry delivers an angry twitter DM from Jeff in Iowa. Jeff is very upset because he does not consider Heathers to be a horror film. He calls it “a chick flick teenage drama movie.” He finishes his message by assuring Joe Bob he still loves him and the show, he just wants more pure horror on The Drive-In. Joe Bob says he counts serial killer movies as horror and, “Heathers has enough horror elements to count.”
Paws -or- Claws
Joe Bob does not hold back in his comparison of Grizzly to Jaws. He says the movie is “goofy as all get-out” and draws the parallel to people who prefer the beach or the mountains. He gets a little heated when discussing whether or not Jaws is a horror film, and therefore whether eco-horror is a viable subgenre of horror. “Giant creature eating people! Okay?! Duh! Such basic horror.”
The Drive-In Totals include but are not limited to: 2 dead bears, arm ripping, pervert bear POV-attack, bloody-goo slippage, and bazooka fu. Despite repeated claims by the screenwriters and director William Girdler that Grizzly was independently created from Jaws, Joe Bob seems incredulous and gives the movie three stars.
Nit-Picking
Most of Joe Bob’s criticism of the movie comes in the form of calling out the sheer lack of logic displayed throughout. Complaints include but are not limited to: bears hibernation schedules, tourist taxes, and the unattended fires.
Darcy says what I’m sure many people at home are thinking when she interjects with “You’re way too picky.” She is now dressed as a sexy rendition of a bear, which for some reason pisses off incels on the internet. Seriously, leave Darcy the fuck alone you weirdos. She is smart and sexy and Joe Bob wants her there doing her thing.
Character Night
This episode of The Drive-In could also be called Character Actor Night with the attention Joe Bob continues to pay to them. He gives credit to the many actors throughout, and reveals Richaed Jaeckel as Scotty the Bear Man also lived and died in the Motion Picture and Television Home.
Special attention is given to Girdler’s fascinating biography. Joe Bob refers to him as “the exploitation king of Louisville, Kentucky.” Girdler came from a very wealthy family, and had a private screening room in his home at a time when it was almost unfathomable.
Money Money Money
Despite his family’s independent wealth, Girdler was not a stranger to money issues. Even with Grizzly being wildly successful and making millions of dollars, Girdler found himself living in Leslie Nielsen’s guest house for a period of time.
These money issues were exasperated by Grizzly’s executive producer Edward L. Montoro selling the worldwide distribution rights and trying to keep the $1.5 million from the sale to himself. After suing, Girdler eventually received his share of the profits as did writers David Sheldon and Harvey Flaxman.
Girdler’s career was tragically cut short at 30-years-old when he died in a helicopter crash. Joe Bob believes he was on track to have a Roger Corman level of career, and he mourns with Louisville for their loss.
My rating for Grizzly:
(3.5 / 5)
Mail Call
The final fan mail of the night comes from Chuck Daniels. His letter calls back to the start of season when the Drive-In featured two films from Lucio Fulci. Daniels believes he has figured out a way Fulci’s movies fit together and Joe Bob gives his theory credence. Darcy believes Fulci was just making a bunch of movies in a short frame of time. They can agree to disagree, especially on something so low-stakes.
My rating for the episode:
(3.5 / 5)
Episode seven of Amazon’s Fallout is the penultimate episode. This is often when a series goes off the rails and starts to mess things up. After being burned so often recently, I was apprehensive when this episode began.
Thankfully, this was a fear that did not come to pass. And so far, Fallout’s finale is doing just fine.
The story
A lot happened in this episode, so we’re just going to skim over some of the more important storylines. We’ll start with Lucy and Maximus, in Vault 4. Lucy has discovered what she believes is a secret collection of monsters. But of course, it turns out that it’s simply people that the vault dwellers discovered and are trying to help heal. But her meddling around was enough for them to kick her out of the vault. With two weeks’ worth of food and water, of course.
But Maximus assumes they’re going to do something much worse. And so he steals their power coil to fight through the perfectly innocent people and save Lucy.
Meanwhile, we dive further into The Ghoul’s past, when he was still Western star Cooper.
After attending a Communist meeting, he’s approached by Lee Moldaver. She suggests that Vault Tech is hiding something, something terrible. And she tells Cooper that his wife Barbara knows more about this than she’s letting on. Moldaver gets Cooper to bug Barbara’s Pip Boy, and listen in on an important meeting.
Poor Cooper hears far more than he wants to.
War, war never changes.
What worked
I would like to first point out that this was one of the funniest episodes so far. I mean, it got incredibly tragic and sad by the end. But it also had some great laugh-out-loud moments. This should be a surprise to no one, with such an array of comedians guest starring. Chris Parnell was in the last episode as well but is now joined by the incredibly funny Fred Armisen as DJ Carl. This is of course not his first foray into the funny and spooky world, as he also played Uncle Fester in Wednesday.
Most of what makes this episode funny is the character’s understated and deadpan responses to wild situations. When Maximus returns the energy coil and is greeted by a simple thank you. When Thaddeus gets an arrow through his neck, and slowly realizes that hey, he might be a ghoul. These were hilarious because they could have been truly dark moments. But because this world is so dark, and the characters have already been through so much, they’re simply done. They take all of this in stride because of course that’s what’s happening. It’s par for the course for them.
On the other hand, we’ve finally seen the full extent of The Ghoul/Cooper’s past. And it’s so much worse than we could have imagined. I assumed that he’d lost his beloved wife and daughter in the atomic blasts two hundred years ago, somehow not dying with them and instead turning into a literal and figurative monster. The truth is so much worse. I’ll do my best not to spoil the ending. But I will say this. There is nothing more painful than mourning someone and hating them at the same time. And it’s easy to see how Cooper turned into The Ghoul. That sort of pain could drive anyone mad.
This balance between comedy and tragedy is one of the reasons why this episode worked so well. It’s one of the reasons why the series is working so well. It manages to combine the core tenets of theater in a way that never compromises the strengths of either. The eventual downfall of Thaddeus is a great example of this because it’s both tragic and funny. We’ve seen what happens to ghouls, and it’s a horrible end. But as he’s hardly been a sympathetic character, we can all get a good laugh at his predicament as well.
The sheer amount of good old-fashioned gore doesn’t hurt either, of course.
What didn’t work
All that being said, there was one thing that bothered me about this episode. And it was the reveal of Vault 4’s big secret.
Honestly, I was expecting the Vault 4 storyline to go way darker. I wanted it to go way darker. While I’ve never played these games myself, I know enough about the story to say that these vaults are not the bastions of safety and morality that they have so far been portrayed as. And while that has certainly been alluded to, we haven’t seen it.
We haven’t seen the depravity in these vaults. And it’s there. But maybe we just haven’t gotten to it yet.
In the end, The Radio did exactly what it needed to do. It set us up to have most of our questions answered in the season finale. And I can’t wait to see how it all ends.
(4 / 5)
If you like my work, you can check out my latest science fiction/horror novel, Nova, launching on May 17th. Pre-orders are available now on Amazon.
Amazon Prime’s Fallout has continued to be a suspenseful delight. And with the last episode’s dramatic cliffhanger, I was certainly looking forward to this one.
Thankfully, it did not disappoint.
The story
We start our story with Lucy and Maximus waking up in a decontamination room in Vault 4. They’re welcomed guests, once they’re done with decontamination.
Vault 4 at first seems very much like Vault 33 to Lucy. She’s surprised, however, to find that a lot of people who live there are actually from the surface. And the people who live in this vault are, well, a bit mutated. Their overseer, named Benjamin and played by the hilarious Chris Parnell, has just one eye in the middle of his face. Some people have extra limbs or missing ones. And yet it’s clear that everyone’s living together in peace and companionship.
At least, that’s what it’s supposed to look like. There is, after all, the matter of the weird cult the surface dwellers seem to have formed. And, the small matter of the vault level no one is supposed to go to. It should come as no surprise that, of course, that’s exactly where Lucy finds herself before the episode is over.
Of course, this episode wouldn’t be complete without checking in with the Ghoul. And his part of the story is, honestly, more compelling.
We see him apprehended by people referring to themselves as The Government. And while he appears to be a prisoner, it’s clear soon enough that he’s the one in charge.
Far more compelling are his flashbacks to his past. While his wife, Barb, is starting to be more secretive, he learns more than he wants to about Vault Tec. He also learns that the Communist party in Hollywood might know more about what Barb does for a living than he does. And it’s clear soon that she never wanted him to know.
For good reason.
What worked
I first want to draw attention to the excellent way we are learning about the Ghoul. As we learn more and more about his past, we can see how he’s become the monster he is today. It’s clear that once upon a time he had everything he could want. A lovely home, a family he lived for, and a successful career. And he lost all of that, even his dog. And with those losses, he lost his humanity in more ways than one.
But I also think we’re seeing signs that his humanity at least isn’t as lost as he thought it was.
On a lighter note, I loved Maximus’s response to the vault. While he’s apprehensive at first, he is swept away by the welcome basket. He’s lived his whole life hungry, barely surviving, and suddenly he has food. Good food. Caviar and oysters. He has a warm robe and TV and a safe place to exist. It must have been like stepping into a fairy tale for him. And while it wasn’t exactly helpful for Lucy, it’s completely relatable that he decided to sink into a chair and have a snack in front of the TV for a while.
What didn’t work
While this episode was mostly good, I do have one complaint. When Lucy is first meeting with Overseer Benjamin, we see him accidentally drinking a cup of coffee that has gotten moldy.
Now, this makes perfect sense in our world to convey someone too busy and forgetful to clean up old mugs. But it’s hard to fathom someone living in a Vault in which every resource is carefully monitored, letting something like coffee go bad. It’s a small detail, and it was funny. Also more relatable than I’d like to admit. But in this instance, in this world, it was jarring.
So far this season has been intense. There’s a lot of intrigue and mystery. There’s a lot of high emotions. And there’s a lot on the line for everyone. Maybe, for one character, more than we’ve ever realized before.
Good thing we still have two episodes to discover what’s happening.
(4 / 5)
If you like my work, you can check out my latest science fiction/horror novel, Nova, launching on May 17th. Pre-orders are available now on Amazon.
Episode four of Amazon’s Fallout wasn’t the best-liked. Of course, that’s relative to the rest of the season. While this is the second-to-last-ranked episode, it’s still an 8.1 on IMDB.
So let’s talk about why it might have slipped a bit but was still a great episode of TV.
The story
Let’s start our discussion of this episode with Maximus.
After he and Thaddeus successfully retrieved the head from the Gulper, they’re in high spirits. Together they celebrate around a fire, giving a lovely impression of two people who have been drinking despite not seeing a bottle in sight. Thaddeus even convinces Maximus to brand him.
While having a good time, Maximus’s consciousness gets the better of him. He admits to Thaddeus that he’s not Knight Titus, but he is Thaddeus’s old punching bag.
Rather than responding to this act of honesty with an equal measure of grace and brotherhood, Thaddeus immediately disables Maximus’s suit, taking the power source and the head. He then leaves Maximus trapped in the suit that he wanted so much, doomed to die in it.
Lucy isn’t in a much better place. If you’ll recall, last episode she drank radiated water out of desperate thirst. She’s now suffering from radiation poisoning. Fortunately, before she succumbs to this poison, she finds Maximus. He has the medicine she needs, and she can free him from his suit before he’s eaten by giant cockroaches. It seems like a win/win. If that is, the two of them can trust each other. And haven’t they both learned that trusting other people might be the most dangerous thing in this very dangerous world?
What worked
The first thing I want to draw attention to is the relationship between Lucy and Maximus. A lot has happened since the last time the two saw each other when there were some sparks but no time to do anything about them. Both have been betrayed and hurt. So while they’re instinct is clearly to trust each other, it’s also to be cautious. And that makes sense. They are both good people, driven by the desire to help others. But both are cautious of being hurt again.
This was not only relatable, but it gave a much different feel to a standard will they/won’t they relationship. Will they be able to trust each other enough to let their feelings out is the real question. Which is a lot more interesting, in my opinion.
I also found the giant, mutated bugs to be fantastic. They were the perfect blend of cute and terrifying. At first glance, they seem like a larger version of Hal from Wall-E. Then, you realize how few of them it would take to eat someone trapped in place. And how little time it might take.
And how long it might feel like while it’s happening.
We don’t need to see that happen to feel the terror there. And to feel some concern about the tiny pests that sometimes share our homes.
Of course, the highlight of this episode was the political intrigue surrounding Vault 33, and how its leaders always seem to be from Vault 31. This storyline is quickly becoming my favorite part of the season. It’s a dark and creepy mystery, which is always fantastic. But it’s also fascinating to see the character of Norm blossoming into someone whose life has meaning. Because at the start of the season, he was lacking that.
All in all, while this was a slower episode it was still a good one. And its ending certainly left me excited for what was to come.
(4 / 5)
If you like my work, you can check out my latest science fiction/horror novel, Nova, launching on May 17th. Pre-orders are available now on Amazon.
