Witcher, The Art of The Illusion
If you’re going into this episode of Netflix’s Witcher with an expectation of great battles, spectacular monsters and a shocking plot reveal that will leave you counting the minutes until July 27th then I’m sad to say you’re going to be disappointed.
What we got instead was a catty party full of unlikable and irritating people, all lying to each other and trying to gain the upper hand.
And these are supposed to be our heroes?
But I’m getting ahead of myself.
The Story
We begin the episode with Geralt and Yennefer walking into the ball before the Conclave. They flutter around, having conversations with all of the big players of the season so far. Then, they retire to their bedchambers.
Allow me now to sum up each of these conversations. “You cannot trust anyone in this room. Trust me!”
Ah, but wait! When it looks like we’ve reached the end of the night, we go back to the beginning again. We again see Geralt and Yennefer go into the ballroom and are treated to another round of repetitive conversations with people who are too full of themselves in dark corners. But this time Geralt creates a diversion by getting into a fist fight with Istredd. As though anyone thought for a moment that was real.
But wait! We have to go back a third time and start the party all over again. Because it turns out there were yet more conversations we missed, with no one saying anything very interesting. At least this time Stregobor’s arrested for kidnapping the missing novices, so that was something interesting.
But wait! All is not, as the song says, as it seems. And as Geralt and Yennefer think back through their conversations, they realize that Stregobor isn’t the one behind the novices disappearing after all.
Shocking.
What works
Here’s the one and only thing that I think was done well in this episode. Ciri wasn’t in it at all.
This isn’t to say that the character is so irritating that her absence was the only thing to like about the episode. Ciri’s a fine character. The season has been at its best when it focuses on her, Yennefer and Geralt.
But this episode left me with just one question that couldn’t be answered by a genre-savvy twelve-year-old.
Where is Ciri, and why didn’t we hear from her all night?
To be clear, if it turns out that we didn’t hear from her because there was nothing to tell, I’m going to feel cheated. If she spent all night playing cards with Jaskier, instead of being kidnapped, I feel like that was a missed opportunity on the writer’s part.
What didn’t work
Nothing else in this episode worked for me. I hated the repetition. I see what they were trying to do, adding layer after layer to the story. Showing us parts of conversations that we missed before. But in the end, it’s still just conversations. It’s still just unlikable people standing around talking, trying to score points off each other.
Then, there is the bloody song that keeps playing in the background. It’s a repetitive song to start with, so having to hear it over and over didn’t help. And frankly, it was insulting. Did we need someone singing in the background that all is not as it seems? Frankly, the twists and revelations in this episode were about as surprising as a politician at a strip club.
I especially hated the fight between Geralt and Istredd. I know it was supposed to be a distraction, playing to the low attention span of the people at this party, but it was just gross.
And keep in mind, we are supposed to like the kings of the North. At least some of them. We’re supposed to want them and the mages to win against Nilfgaard. But I don’t like any of these people. I have yet to be presented with a compelling reason why Nilfgaard shouldn’t wipe them off the face of the Earth. And I sure as hell don’t see why Geralt and Yennefer don’t just take Ciri and walk away.
Because at this point, I’m just ready to walk away from the whole series.
The last three episodes of the season will be released on July 27th. I honestly can’t say that I’ll be looking forward to them.
(What you should be looking forward to is the second season of AA, our original dark scifi podcast, coming August 15th. You can listen to season one right now.)
(2 / 5)
Smile 2, a psychological supernatural horror, released in October 2024 just in time for Halloween, sees director Parker Finn (Smile, Laura Hasn’t Slept) return with a sequel starring Naomi Scott (Aladdin) as pop star and recovering addict Skye Riley. While Smile 2 boasts a talented cast, it ultimately falls short of its predecessor, offering a familiar storyline with minor variations and a predictable finale. The film attempts to introduce a new method to combat the parasitic ‘Smile Entity’, but this addition fails to elevate the sequel beyond a pale imitation of its chilling predecessor.
The Plot.
Smile 2 begins shortly after the end of the original; just six days after Rose Cotter’s death. During a short interlude scene, we watch as the now cursed Joel attempts to pass the Smile Entity on by killing one criminal in front of another. The plan backfires spectacularly, inadvertently passing the curse onto an innocent bystander named Lewis Fregoli.
The film then shifts gears, introducing Skye Riley, a singer and performer making a triumphant return to the spotlight with a comeback tour after a tumultuous past. During a candid interview on the Drew Barrymore Show, Skye opens up about her struggles with addiction and the devastating loss of her boyfriend in a car accident. Her sobriety journey, however, faces a severe setback when she seeks pain relief from her old high school friend, the unwitting Lewis Fregoli. In a chilling turn of events, Lewis takes his own life while Skye watches, passing the Smile Entity onto her.
Unaware of her new cursed existence Skye gets on with rehearsing for her tour, but she begins to notice that strange things are happening. People are smiling at her in an unnatural way and she becomes the target of anonymous attacks and aggressions. When text messages begin to arrive from an unknown number, Skye decides to get some answers.
Highlights.
Let’s not beat about the bush. I found Smile 2 difficult to finish and was struggling at about the hour-and-a-half mark to stay awake. That being said it’s worth watching because everyone needs to see the 3-minute scene of the ‘smilers’ chasing Skye through her apartment. This was possibly the creepiest thing I’ve seen on a screen. The buildup, the synchronicity of the movement of the actors and their positioning, the camera work, and the lighting. I have rewatched it several times and it doesn’t get old. If you are only interested in watching this, fast forward to the 123-minute mark and get ready to be impressed.
Drawbacks.
Where do I start?
My primary concern with Smile 2 is its striking resemblance to its predecessor. The narrative follows a familiar pattern: an attractive woman fleeing a supernatural force, grappling with hallucinations, experiencing a mental health decline, and culminating in the revelation someone close to Skye was the Smiling Entity after all. This repetitive structure diminishes the film’s impact.
- Sosie Bacon, Jason T. Usher, Kyle Gallner (Actors)
- Audience Rating: R (Restricted)
Last update on 2025-01-23 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon Product Advertising API
While the introduction of a new method for shedding the entity initially offered a glimmer of hope this concept wasn’t fully realized. It just served to add names to the line of people that the entity has infected in the past.
Furthermore, the film’s pacing suffers from excessive focus on Skye’s musical career. Scenes showcasing her stage rehearsals and music videos, while intended to establish her identity as a performer, feel unnecessary and detract from the narrative momentum. Yes, we understand she’s a performer, you told us, you don’t need to prove it. These scenes appear to artificially inflate the film’s runtime, suggesting a lack of confidence in the core story.
The Final Take.
Ultimately, Smile 2 fails to expand upon the established lore of the franchise. The film’s conclusion feels contrived, with a blatant setup for a third installment. Hopefully, if a ‘Smile 3’ is inevitable, the creative team will bring fresh ideas and avoid simply retreading familiar ground.
(2 / 5)
Both Cthulhu’s granted for that one scene.
- Amazon Prime Video (Video on Demand)
- Kyle Gallner, Naomi Scott (Actors)
- Parker Finn (Director) – Parker Finn (Writer) – Parker Finn (Producer)
Last update on 2025-01-23 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon Product Advertising API
We’re back again with Goosebumps The Vanishing, episode two. A story too big for one episode, apparently.
Or, maybe this is just a nod to the fact that Stay Out Of The Basement was a two-part episode in the original 1995 show. Either way, after seeing this episode, we could have kept it to one.
The story
We begin this second episode with Anthony investigating the parasitic plant taking over his body. Rather than, I don’t know, going to the hospital, he’s decided to phone a colleague and send her some samples from the bulb he pulls out of his arm with a handheld garden trowel.
Meanwhile, Devin is having his own worries. He’s haunted by what he saw in the sewers. So, he gets CJ to go with him to investigate. What they find is more of the tendrils of the plant that dragged him down through the manhole last episode.
I sure would have liked to see more about that.
Instead, we see Devin pivot to flirting with a newly single Frankie. Because teenage hormones I guess.
Meanwhile, Trey is having a terrible day. First, his girlfriend leaves him. Then, Anthony breaks his car window.
Needing a way to deal with his frustration, Trey decides to break into the Brewers’ basement. There, he starts wrecking up the place. Until he meets the plant creature and has an unfortunate accident.
What worked
The big difference between this episode and the last is the increased gross-out factor. This episode had some straight-up cringy moments. From the tendrils waiving from Anthony’s arm to the whole goat he brings home to feed his new pet, this episode was skin-crawling gross in the best way possible.
The series is called Goosebumps, after all.
What didn’t work
Unfortunately, that’s where my praise ends. This episode, unlike the last, just wasn’t that great.
To start with, there was a lot of unnecessary drama between characters who are not in danger of being eaten by a plant from the inside out.
I especially disliked the focus on the Frankie/Trey/Devin love triangle.
Now, I don’t hate it. This part of the story adds extra emotional depth to the show. We can see why Trey would be especially incensed by his girlfriend falling for the son of the neighbor he’s feuding with. But it would be more enjoyable if it wasn’t so cliche and dramatic.
I hate the way Trey tried to gaslight Frankie. It makes me dislike him when he should be a sympathetic character. I hate how whiny Devin is every time he talks to Frankie. And I hated the impassioned speech Frankie gives after Devin asks her why she was with Trey.
Listen, I understand what we’re going for here. Devin and Cece are not struggling financially. They’re doing alright, and their new friends here in Gravesend are not. We kind of got that without Frankie claiming that her socioeconomic status is why she’s dating a bully and gaslighter. It felt out of place. It felt like pandering. It certainly didn’t feel like something an eighteen-year-old would say. I hated it.
- Howard, Ms. Kate (Author)
- English (Publication Language)
- 272 Pages – 02/04/2025 (Publication Date) – Scholastic Inc. (Publisher)
Last update on 2025-01-23 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon Product Advertising API
Finally, there was a moment near the end of the episode that irritated me. I don’t want to give too much detail because I wouldn’t dare ruin an R.L. Stine cliffhanger. But, well, it doesn’t make a lot of sense.
I get that we’re watching a show about a carnivorous plant that is going to wreak havoc on this family and neighborhood. I understand the suspension of disbelief. Some might even say I am a little too generous with it. So I can buy into a teenager being absorbed by a plant and turned into a monstrous version of himself.
I can’t buy into what happens at the end of this episode. It doesn’t make sense with the rules established. It certainly doesn’t make any sort of scientific or logical sense. It is a lazy moment meant to further the storyline but threatens the structural integrity of the season.
All in all, this wasn’t the best episode of Goosebumps. But it’s only the second episode. Honestly, the season has plenty of time to go either way.
(2.5 / 5)
So, this is a convoluted post, not going to lie. Because it’s Thriller Nite. And we have to kick it off with a link to Michael Jackson in homage, because he’s the bomb and Vincent Price is the master… (If the following video doesn’t load properly, you can get there from this link.)
The movie monsters always approach so slowly.
Their stiff joints arcing in jerky, erratic movements
While the camera pans to a wide-eyed scream.
It takes forever for them to catch their victims.
Their stiff joints arcing in jerky, erratic movements
As they awkwardly shamble towards their quarry –
It takes forever for them to catch their victims.
And yet no one ever seems to get away.
As they awkwardly shamble towards their quarry –
Scenes shift, plot thickens, minutes tick by endlessly…
And yet no one ever seems to get away.
Seriously, how long does it take to make a break for it?
Scenes shift, plot thickens, minutes tick by endlessly…
While the camera pans to a wide-eyed scream.
Seriously, how long does it take to make a break for it?
The movie monsters always approach so slowly.
So my father used to enjoy telling the story of Thriller Nite and how he’d scare his little sister, my aunt. One time they were watching the old Universal Studios Monsters version of The Mummy, and he pursued her at a snail’s pace down the hallway in Boris Karloff fashion. Both of them had drastically different versions of this tale, but essentially it was a true Thriller Nite moment. And the inspiration for this poem.
For more fun music video mayhem, check out She Wolf here on Haunted MTL. And feel free to check out more of Jennifer Weigel’s work here on Haunted MTL or here on her website.
