Patricia Wants to Cuddle: The Bachelor Meets Sasquatch
Patricia Wants to Cuddle by Samantha Allen is a queer summer thriller for the ages. Released by the New York publishing company Zando in June 2022, Allens novel debut is a goofy, sympathetic tale of womanhood and body autonomy. It is guaranteed to make your jaw drop and keep you on your toes until the very last page.
The Final Four: A Synopsis
Our story begins with four contestants on a Bachelor-esqe show called The Catch. Women with varied intentions are competing for the proposal of of sleazy tech tycoon Jeremy. They are filming the latest episode on Otters Island, a once famous tourist attraction in the Pacific Northwest that now rarely receives visitors. The women competing for Jeremy’s hand in marriage are Amanda, Renee, Vanessa and Lilah-Mae, and they couldn’t be more different from each other or the island’s residents.
Photo Source: Crosscut
The Catch producers have found a nice bed and breakfast owned by a long-time local named Maggie Davies, but right away things go awry. A hairy giant local named Patricia lurks around the island, taunting the cast and crew. When one of the contestants disappears, shit hits the fan and it is every person for themselves. All is fair in love and bloodshed on The Catch.
It’s Patricia’s World, We’re All Just Living In It: An Overview
Allen’s voice shines in this novel. She uses various forms of narration; each chapter is from a different woman’s point of view, and there are various side dialogues to fill in the plot from an online chat forum dedicated to The Catch, a blog by a woman whose sister went missing at Otter’s Island, and a series of love letters by a singular author. Her vivid imagery transport you to the Pacific Northwest, and it feels like you are on this chaotic adventure on The Catch. Queer representation is also pivotal in the novel, as most of the characters are lesbian or bisexual, and Allen approaches this topic refreshingly. Additionally, her combination of reality TV show and slasher movie tropes is so successful in that it is simultaneously hilarious, cringeworthy and gruesome. It is like an eloquent depiction of a train wreck you can’t look away from.
The Verdict
Patricia Wants to Cuddle is a unique and beautifully written queer horror novel that provides a new take on the story of Sasquatch. The characters are very flawed yet lovable, perhaps because they are all well aware of their flaws (well, most of them are, at least). This book was hilarious and delightful as well as creepy and sophisticated; a truly essential read this summer.
(5 / 5)
You know you wanna read Patricia Wants to Cuddle, so grab a copy for yourself and your friends down below!
And don’t forget to check out what else we’re reading here at Haunted MTL.
Book Reviews
Barrowbeck: The History of a Cursed Valley
“All this would be theirs, he said. The gods wanted nothing in return. Only that the marsh-folk – or the valley-folk now – should always remember that they were custodians here.
No.
Servants.”
After the acclaimed Starve Acre and its film adaptation, Andrew Michael Hurley extends his exploration of place with Barrowbeck, a collection of short stories published in October 2024. This new folk horror work charts the unsettling history of a town nestled in a secluded Yorkshire-Lancashire valley. From the first footsteps on its soil to a disquieting glimpse into 2041, Barrowbeck’s 13 tales trace a chilling narrative of time and place, where the past and future intertwine with eerie consequences.
- For centuries, the inhabitants of Barrowbeck, a remote valley on the Yorkshire-Lancashire border, have lived uneasily with forces beyond their reckoning
- They raise their families, work the land, and do their best to welcome those who come seeking respite
- But there is a darkness that runs through the village as persistently as the river
Last update on 2025-02-17 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon Product Advertising API
The Plot.
The initial, undated story, “First Footing,” sets the stage: a band of survivors, their village destroyed, seek sanctuary guided by their deity, Arfon, along a mysterious river. They eventually discover an untouched valley, destined to become Barrowbeck. Following this are twelve time-stamped tales that chronicle the valley’s unsettling evolution. From the haunting melodies of spectral choirs to the bizarre creation of seed-born babies and a girl possessed by the river’s essence, these stories reveal a place steeped in the strange and uncanny.
Highlights.
Hurley’s signature strength lies in crafting folk horror deeply rooted in place, and Barrowbeck is no exception. The opening chapter’s immersive descriptions of the woods and river establish a rich foundation. This is then meticulously layered upon in each subsequent story. As Barrowbeck evolves, we are drawn into its very fabric, witnessing the gradual emergence of road names, family homesteads, and sacred spaces. The setting itself seems to breathe and expand, mirroring the town’s growth with palpable presence.
Hurley’s skill extends beyond the setting, encompassing the intricate development of Barrowbeck’s people. The collection demonstrates a striking commitment to familial continuity, inviting readers to trace the subtle genealogies woven through recurring names. This depth of world-building adds a compelling layer of realism to the fantastical tales.
- An atmospheric and unsettling story of the depths of grief found in an ancient farm in northern England—now a major motion picture starring Matt Smith and Morfydd Clark
- The worst thing possible has happened
- Richard and Juliette Willoughby’s son, Ewan, has died suddenly at the age of five
Last update on 2025-02-17 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon Product Advertising API
Drawbacks.
Though billed as folk horror, Barrowbeck leans more towards the fantastical, presenting strange occurrences rather than outright scares. Hurley’s commendable effort to adapt his writing style to each time period creates a strong sense of place. However, this approach backfires in the early chapters, notably the first, which echoes the dense prose of Tolkien’s The Silmarillion. This stylistic choice risks alienating readers seeking a horror experience, potentially leading to early abandonment.
The Final Take.
I hate to say it but I was disappointed in Barrowbeck. After Starve Acre and The Lonely, I had high expectations of Hurley as a folk horror author, but this missed the mark. That being said some of the later stories were at least interesting if only for their strangeness.
(2 / 5)
Imagine feeling powerless. Imagine feeling alone and scared. Imagine having everyone blame you for something that isn’t your fault. And then, imagine someone gave you a book that could give you your power back.
That is the story told in Witchcraft For Wayward Girls.
As a warning, this book deals with heavy issues like child SA, teenage pregnancy and forced adoptions. My review will, by necessity, touch lightly on those topics.
The story
Released in January, Witchcraft For Wayward Girls is the story of a girl named Fern. At fifteen, she’s pregnant and unmarried. Her father takes her to a Home for girls in her situation. The plan is simple. She’s to have her baby, give it up for adoption, then go home and move on with her life.
But that’s not how things work out.
When visiting a mobile library, Fern is given a book of witchcraft. She and her friends try one of the spells, and it works. Soon they find themselves doing amazing things like flying in the air and seeking revenge on those who abused them. But magic has a price. And it’s a high one.
What worked
Witchcraft For Wayward Girls was infuriating in the best way possible. From the first few pages, you can feel your blood boiling at the injustice of the situation. It starts with Fern’s father, abandoning her at the Home and just gets worse from there. It’s impossible not to be angry at him, at the boy who impregnated Fern, at the doctors. Pretty much everyone who’s not one of the pregnant girls is unfair and horrible at least some of the time.
It’s astounding how much one can desire vengeance against a person who technically doesn’t exist.
- “Superb
- a perfect horror for our imperfect age
- ” – The New York TimesAN INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES AND USA TODAY BESTSELLERThere’s power in a book…They call them wayward girls
Last update on 2025-02-17 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon Product Advertising API
I also appreciated the depth of detail in the story. This is something that can be said about all Hendrix books. Witchcraft For Wayward Girls is set in Florida in the summer. And you can feel the sticky, damp heat on every page. You can feel what it must be like to be pregnant in that heat without air conditioning, swimming pools or salt. Even reading this book in chilly Western PA during January, I felt the heat and smelled the wet air.
The best thing about Witchcraft For Wayward Girls, though, is its honesty. This book deals with some hard topics. Well, one hard topic. Teenage pregnancy happens for a lot of reasons. None of them are pleasant to think about. Some are worse than others. And yes, at least one girl in this book is pregnant because she was being abused.
But even the girls who got pregnant through voluntary activities are mistreated in a very realistic way. In each situation, the girls are expected to upend their entire lives. They’re miles from home and treated like they’re the only ones responsible for their current situation. They are treated like foolish children who have truly messed up, while at the same time expecting them to shoulder the burden of women while letting the boys who impregnated them continue to be boys. It’s sick, and it’s all too real.
And it’s exactly this sort of powerlessness that makes witchcraft so appealing. There is a reason why witchcraft tends to be practiced by women and men who are not straight white men. We tend to be women, queer and people of color. We tend to come from poverty. We find ourselves in a world where we have little to no power over our own lives, so we make it for ourselves. Witchcraft For Wayward Girls understands this. And it is that understanding that will make this story so enduring.
Witchcraft For Wayward Girls is another in a long list of fantastic horror from Hendrix. It’s eloquent, inspiring and passionate. If it’s the first book you read by Hendrix I can almost guarantee it won’t be the last.
(5 / 5)
Book Reviews
My Best Friend’s Exorcism: Experience the 80’s, demons and all.
“By the power of Phil Collins, I rebuke you!”
Yeh, okay. I did the thing everyone tells you not to do.
I WATCHED THE MOVIE FIRST!
And I have regrets. But in my defense, when I impulse-watched My Best Friend’s Exorcism, I didn’t realize it was based on a book by the great Grady Hendrix. If you haven’t seen the film I would recommend reading Zeth’s review of it here.
But I am here to talk about the book.
- Hendrix, Grady (Author)
- English (Publication Language)
Last update on 2025-02-10 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon Product Advertising API
Plot.
My Best Friend’s Exorcism, published in 2016, is a campy 80’s nostalgia-driven take on the possession horror genre. In the opening chapters, we meet fourth-grader Abby. She loves ET: The Extra-Terrestrial, roller-skating and, it seems, any song in the top 10 charts. When the new weird kid, Gretchen, shows up to Abby’s roller-skating party, the two bond and so begins a life-long friendship.
Fast forward to high school in the year 1988. Abby and Gretchen, along with the other half of their girl group, Margaret and Glee, decide to try LSD. Not entirely sure if the stuff is working or if they’re just high on the moment, Gretchen takes off at a run, deciding to skinny dip in the inlet behind Margaret’s house. The girls run after her but when they get to the dock, Gretchen is gone. The frantic search through the woods yields nothing, and Gretchen’s reappearance marks a chilling transformation. As Gretchen’s behavior becomes increasingly erratic and disturbing, Abby suspects something far more sinister than teenage rebellion. Over the course of a terrifying year, Abby must confront the possibility that her best friend is possessed, testing the limits of their friendship and forcing her to face unimaginable horrors to save Gretchen’s soul.
Highlights.
I’m an 80’s baby and this book was like a walk through my childhood. From the landline telephones to the overly zealous hair sprayed hair. A particular highlight for me was the frequent mention of bands, songs, and lyrics. This book triggered nostalgia for me in a big way. I admit that Phil Collins has been in rotation on my playlist since I finished the opening chapter.
Another aspect of My Best Friend’s Exorcism that needs to be noted is the way Hendrix has given his own spin on the ending. The typical possession horror usually ends with the exorcist making a breakthrough with his beliefs and casting out the demon, spirit, or devil (depending on what you’re reading/ watching) This story though does something different and I won’t reveal how because spoilers, but it was a really uplifting and hopeful way to end a book without getting all spiritual.
Drawbacks.
In order to maintain authenticity to the setting and time period, Hendrix has included the not-so-nice aspects of the 80’s. So, there are some racial slurs, and homophobic and non-inclusive language in My Best Friend’s Exorcism. I know this was part of the era and I get why he’s included this, but it didn’t sit well with me. But perhaps that was the point, to remind people that the 80’s was not all neon spandex and high pony tales.
- Amazon Prime Video (Video on Demand)
- Elsie Fisher, Amiah Miller, Rachel Ogechi Kanu (Actors)
- Damon Thomas (Director) – Jenna Lamia (Writer) – Lindsay Williams (Producer)
Last update on 2025-02-10 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon Product Advertising API
The Final Take.
I know you’ve heard it before, the book is better than the movie. This statement has become a bit of a cliche but in the case of My Best Friend’s Exorcism, there has never been a truer statement spoken. This book was a joy to read, it was a camp, body horror, demonic rollercoaster. But at its core, it is the story of two girls whose friendship withstands the devil.
(4.5 / 5)
