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Trigger warnings: animal abuse and gore mentioned

So, I wish that I had seen the original cover because that would have answered some of my questions. Not all of them, oh heavens no, but a good lot of them. Like, what time period are we in? I asked myself this over and over because it was unabashedly unclear. With references to Dick Tracy, Lana Turner, and MTV – it could be anywhere from the 1930’s to 1990’s (let’s get real, after the 90’s there really wasn’t an MTV anymore). With kids going to the corner store to get a coke and ride around town, it sounds like the 1960’s. But in one instance, it makes fun of the 1950’s, as if it were an era from a hundred years ago. It is both in the past and in the future. It is a paradox!

Oh wait, here’s the original cover:

Does evil accumulate interest? Because I have some student loans…

Okay, great. Late 80’s, early 90’s – got it. Poof, I’m there. And I’m deducing that it was written by an older person because, again, a nine year old boy doesn’t know what the hell a Dick Tracy is in the late 80’s-early 90’s (trust me, no one saw that film and everyone who has has long since blocked it from their memory).

Oh, what, you want to know about the book? Oh, yes, I should review it since I read it. Or rather, listened to it, via Audible. This is the Audible cover:

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When evil makes a deal, it collects…in stock pictures

I have to say, it doesn’t do it any justice at all. Even for a book that I’m about to give two Cthulhus to, it deserves the original cover because it explains the book so much better and is just a beautiful image. It primes you for what the book is truly about and what to expect – white people problems witchcraft.

All the characters…from the first three chapters…

The Plot:

There are a million characters, I’m going to narrow them down to three: Nancy, Lana, and Spiro.

Lana is the new girl in town, just moved from Texas after her mother’s messy divorce and work relocation. She is beautiful, but down-to-earth, and trying to find new friends while her mother resettles and her younger brother is a straight-up asshole. She is just the girl next door, literally.

Next door lives Spiro, a boy Lana’s age, with developmental and intellectual disabilities. He is shy, awkward, and horrendously bullied at school, regardless of his enormous stature. Growing up fatherless, his mother is cruel and archaic, punishing him for every imagined slight and then often neglecting him. He becomes infatuated with Lana, due to her kindness.

Nancy is a popular girl in the school, brash and unafraid of anything, she goes into the crypt one night of the local cursed family and finds a book. The local legends say that the family were witches and had sacrificed a baby to the devil for powers and immortality, and intrigued, Nancy begins to dabble with the book, to see if the rumors are true.

All three of their lives interweave when mysterious things around town keep happening – could Nancy be the cause of it? Or perhaps the family isn’t as dead as everyone thought?

Thoughts:

Okay, first off, the beginning 3/4ths of this book are pretty uninteresting; it’s mainly setting up “character” where there just isn’t any. As stated, there are so many characters that it’s ridiculous, even the parents of the kids are introduced, and then other characters are introduced half-way in. It’s a mess. Honestly, a lot of it could have been cut down and wouldn’t be missed.

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Won’t someone look past her Texan accent and just give her a chance?

To boot, all of the characters (except for Lana) are awful, insufferable people. It’s hard to listen to them when they are moldy garbage people who are just as interesting as the little bits of toilet paper stuck to the tp roll. Lana is constantly surrounded by young men who want to sexually harass her, her brother who literally wants to ruin her life, and the clique-ish girls at the school. But at the same time, it’s hard to identify with her because we’re constantly reminded how utterly smoking hot she is.

Most of the reviews I’ve read love the first part and hate the second, or never even get to the second. The “second” is the last 1/4th and was infinitely better because it went bawls-to-the-walls insane and gory. Fowler is actually very good at writing gore and, hoo boy, there needed to be 80% more gore and spooky and 120% less talking about nothing and getting Cokes at the burger shop.

MAJOR bummer, your insides are out – how will you go to prom now?

The gore is mostly body horror, but there’s plenty of animal murder (which a lot of people found offensive by the comments I read) and…I’m not sure how to put this…gross baby-making-type stuff. You could find it vulgar, I mostly just found it erring on the side of sexist (and yes, I know this was a lady writer). Eyeballs do explode. I found that delightful. I also was entertained when a character’s naughty-bits started “spraying blood all over the living room like an unmanned firehouse”.

There are a few clever ideas that I won’t let spoil the story but, lightly, I think how some of the demons manifest and are different characters would have been more terrific if better explored and savored. I always find demons as characters interesting; unfortunately, these were the typical, standard issue demons, which is almost ironic because there’s a point when someone does a bit with The Exorcist, and then Fowler just kind of copies it later. It would have been great to set up the human characters in the first part, slowly trickle the demons in with their own personalities so that we’re acquainted with them, and then go to the climax of the story with everything mixed.

Just a demon

Honestly, I think this would have worked better as a short story or novella. There was too much fluff to get to where we wanted and needed to be.

Brain Roll Juice:

I’m going to get this out of the way first because it didn’t sit well and now that I have a timeline I can say, “Don’t give me ‘it was just different times’ bull-hockey.” It was, indeed, different times. Different, racist and sexist times. But before those fun times, let’s get to that other thing stuck in my craw – the treatment of Spiro. And I’m not talking about the kids in the book.

I am well aware, thank you

Spiro has some kind of developmental and/or intellectual disability, brought on from when his mother contracted German measles/Rubella and he, in utero, suffered from encephalitis (inflammation of the brain). He is seventeen, over six feet and two hundred pounds, and physically and mentally abused by his peers, teachers, and mother. He is in the same classes without additional support as his peers. He is punished with detention for “daydreaming”. He is called “’Tardo” and “freak” within earshot of teachers and authority figures. He is often physically abused by his mother.

He also turns into a disgusting creep and is painted in so broad and stereotypical a brush that I found it offensive.

From “gentle giant” stereotype to “creeper of the only nice girl to me” stereotype to “snapping from repression” stereotype to “spoiler spoiler spoiler” stereotype. There isn’t anything clever or sincere about the character and that chips my paint. He is the only diverse character in the whole bunch and he has absolutely nothing of substance to say or do. I was furious because I was excited to see a rare neuro-diverse character in horror as, what I thought, was a lead role (the first chapter starts with him – he introduces the story), or at least a sympathetic role.

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And no, that ending doesn’t factor in. Without going into details, let’s just say that his send off was very similar to the classic moment in TV history:

And then Spiro still had to do the runway show, even though he had been eliminated

The same sentiment can be said with the wildly racist comments that drop out of flipping nowhere, like, “that’s why Japanese people’s eyes are slanted…all the books they read”, “Is an African’s hair kinky?” (used like “does a bear sh– in the woods?”), and “ghetto blaster” as a sobriquet for a boombox. Or the introduction to the only black character at the end of the book that actually calls his peers, “chillun”.

Poor Michael Reaves, the narrator, for having to cough out these lines and make the best out of it. He’s even had to narrate a gastric sleeve cookbook and probably had a better time with that.

Pictured: More fun than racist old horror

But let’s take a look back – this was published in 1992. The year that Dr. Mae Jemison became the first African American woman to travel into space; that the Kentucky Supreme Court held that laws criminalizing same-sex sodomy are unconstitutional (and accurately predicted that other states and the nation would eventually rule the same way); and a TWO full years after Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 was signed into law.

So, what am I saying? I’m saying that you’re right. The times were different and changing. This book has aged and will continue to do so. Even if this is just a pulp horror novel, it’s also a time capsule. I can read this and watch a movie like “Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark” and see how far our narrative focus has changed. Call it SJW-appeasement or diversity-pandering, but it has changed. It’s no longer just 311 pages filled with average high school melodrama with occasional exploding eyeballs, but showing new facets from new perspectives to keep the same stories we keep telling each other fresh and engaging to more people.

And that leads me to wonder, what would these characters look like now? How would we react to them? How would they change the narrative if they were written today? And do people even know who Dick Tracy is anymore?

Is this Dick Tracy?

Bottom-line:

If you like gore, it’s drudgery to get through the first part. If you like character development, there isn’t much of any. If you like late-80’s to early-90’s nostalgia…I’d still advise against it. It’s not great and aged even worse. 2 out of 5 stars (2 / 5)

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When not ravaging through the wilds of Detroit with Jellybeans the Cat, J.M. Brannyk (a.k.a. Boxhuman) reviews mostly supernatural and slasher films from the 70's-90's and is dubiously HauntedMTL's Voice of Reason. Aside from writing, Brannyk dips into the podcasts, and is the composer of many of HauntedMTL's podcast themes.

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Book Reviews

Depression + Apocalype = ?: This Is Not a Test Book Review 

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I always had a fascination for horror that explores real-life themes against a supernatural backdrop. Courtney Summers is a very versatile author. Her work ranges from horrors of girlhood to cult thrillers to mixed media ventures. This Is Not a Test was published in 2012 and focuses on a group of teenagers amid a zombie apocalypse. As basic as that description sounds, it is so much more than that and you’ll see why soon. Let’s begin! 

Plot

We begin the story with our protagonist Sloane Price. She suffers from extreme depression and suicidal tendencies as a result of her mother’s death and her father’s subsequent abuse. She is at rock bottom when the action kicks off and observes the end of the world quite nonchalantly. This angle is uncommon in apocalyptic media as we usually see forefront characters who have a lot to live for and go to great lengths to find safety. Sloane not only doesn’t want to live anymore herself but is also putting the others in jeopardy because of it. 

The other characters in This Is Not a Test are fellow teenagers from Sloane’s school. While they are more archetypical, their dynamics provide the right atmosphere to the story. You have Rhys, the popular playboy type who pursues a doomed romance with Sloane. You also have Grace and Trace, the good-nature twins, Cary, the self-appointed leader and Harrison, the baby of the group. In true teenager fashion, there is a lot of bickering and pettiness as they struggle to navigate the situation. Then again, who can blame them? 

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Sloane never quite lets go of her depressive ideation throughout the novel, however, she does learn to see the meaning in life again through her connections with others. Unfortunately, in a true horror fashion, the characters start dropping off one by one. It’s effective as the story draws you in showing why you should care for these characters before ripping them away from you. It’s quite tragic when you think about it – finding a new purpose in life and then losing it because of your circumstances. The deaths of the characters are also quite gory considering technically this falls under YA age bracket. 

Overall thoughts

There is a lot of ground to cover when it comes to This Is Not a Test. The mental health representation is brilliantly executed, however, that doesn’t mean the novel doesn’t have genre-appropriate atmosphere and scares. The character dynamics definitely betray that this is a YA book, however the writing doesn’t feel juvenile. Overall, it’s definitely one of the books that stuck with me the most out of any in the genre. Considering I read it nearly ten years ago, it’s clearly a sign of its impact. 

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Book Reviews

What Feasts at Night: An amble through Romanian folklore.

“Salt on the floor, threads on the walls, and iron under the pillow.”

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Sword Soldier 2: What Feasts at Night, a review.

Published in February 2024, What Feasts at Night is the second book in T. Kingfisher’s Sworn Soldier duology. If you’re curious, you can find my review of the first installment, What Moves the Dead – a chilling reimagining of Poe’s The Fall of the House of Usherhere.

What Feasts at Night into Romanian folklore, weaving a tale that grapples with PTSD and the enduring impact of trauma, or what our main character calls ‘soldier’s heart’.

The Plot.

In What Feasts at Night, Alex Easton returns from his unsettling encounter with the Ushers and sets his sights on a quiet retreat to his Galacian cottage. Accompanied by his loyal companion, Angus, and his faithful steed Hob, he arrives to find the caretaker mysteriously deceased and the local villagers shrouded in fear and silence. Undeterred, Alex presses on, enlisting the aid of the superstitious Widow Botezatu to prepare his home for the arrival of his friend, Eugenia Potter.

As the story moves forward, the tranquility of the cottage is disrupted, and a sinister presence begins to cast its shadow. The Widow Botezatu’s son, Bors, begins to exhibit the same disturbing symptoms that the deceased caretakers suffered through. According to his mother, these symptoms align with the terrifying legend of the moroi.

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Highlights.

Including the traditional Romanian folklore was a real highlight of this story. This is not limited to the presence of the shape-shifting, nocturnal moroi. Kingfisher has also included various superstitions from this region believed to ward off evil, such as weaving red thread and placing knives beneath pillows.

As a sworn soldier, Alex Easton has played his part in many wars. Kingfisher mentioned ‘soldier’s heart’ briefly in What Moves the Dead, in this installation we are able to see how this trauma response affects Alex. There is a beautiful insight into trauma that should not be left out of any review of this book.

“I sometimes think the fundamental disconnect with civilians is that they think the war is an event, something neatly bound on either end by dates. What anyone who’s lived through one can tell you is it’s actually a place. You’re there and then you leave, but places don’t stop existing just because you aren’t looking at them. The war’s still there. I don’t live in it anymore, but it’s right over there, just on the other side of… I don’t know.” (87)

Drawbacks.

In comparison with the first installment of this series, What Feasts at Night lacked peaks and troughs, feeling like a slow and steady amble to the final scenes. Although Kingfisher manages to pack her pages with atmosphere and a sense of foreboding, there is a lack of solid action here until the last few pages of the story. For those who enjoy a slow burn, this will not necessarily be a drawback, but I have grown to expect a certain level of movement from Kingfisher’s stories and found it was missing here.

The Final Take.

My love of T Kingfisher is no secret. I find her stories engaging, atmospheric and generally a little brain bending. However, What Feasts in the Night is perhaps my least favourite of those I have read. The plot was a little slow and the characters lack luster. I did still enjoy this story, in particular Kingfishers take on PTSD. I cannot say that this is an original idea but traumatic experience as a place rather than a time period is one that really makes sense to me.

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There are whispers that suggest this series might grow into a trilogy next year. I, for one, am looking forward to seeing what kind of trouble Alex Easton gets into next. 3 out of 5 stars (3 / 5)

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Book Reviews

What Moves the Dead gives depth to Poe’s most famous tale.

“The dead don’t walk. Except, sometimes, when they do.”

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The first of T. Kingfisher’s Sworn Soldier duology, What Moves the Dead was published in July 2022. Shortly after the novella won the 2023 Locus Award for Best Horror Novel and was nominated for the 2023 Hugo Award for Best Novella, this story is Kingfisher’s version of Edgar Allan Poe’s ‘The Fall of the House of Usher’. It offers depth and insight into the original characters and plot of Poe’s short story.

The Plot.

What Moves the Dead is a modern reimagining of Edgar Allan Poe’s classic tale, “The Fall of the House of Usher.”
The story follows Alex Easton, a sworn soldier who receives a disturbing letter from the sister of his childhood friend. Summoned to the isolated Usher mansion, Alex finds the once-grand house in a state of decay. This mirrors the deteriorating health of its inhabitants, Roderick and his twin sister, Madeline.
As Alex delves deeper into the unsettling atmosphere of the mansion, he encounters a series of inexplicable occurrences. Strange noises echo through the halls, eerie lights flicker in the darkness, and wildlife in the surrounding environment does not act as it should. As Madeline’s condition worsens, Alex begins to question the nature of the mysterious illness afflicting the family. Is it a physical malady, or something far more sinister?

Highlights.

Although What Moves the Dead follows the same storyline as ‘The Fall of the House of Usher’, Kingfisher’s version has the advantage of length. As she says in her author’s note, Poe’s story is just too short. Kingfisher names previously unnamed characters and provides them with more complete personalities. We get dialogue from Madeline and the doctor which offers answers and reasoning for the mysterious illness that the Usher twins are suffering from.

What Moves the Dead also provides a much more thorough description of the house and the surrounding natural environment. This becomes important in the identification of the Usher’s illness. We are also gifted an extra character, one Miss Potter, who definitively identifies herself as the aunt of the great Beatrix Potter who was known to be interested in mycology- the study of fungi.

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Drawbacks.

 In Kingfisher’s fictional country,Ruritania, the local language uses over 7 pronouns (ta, tha, than, var, ka, kan, va, van). Some of these are used only for sworn soldiers, others as a gender-neutral way to refer to children. A lot of time is spent explaining these and the reasoning behind each. I enjoyed reading this, but then was disappointed when none of these pronouns were really used in the book itself. The time that Kingfisher spent setting this up, I thought it would be a larger part of the story, but it had no bearing on the story at all.

The Final Take.

Is it wrong to consider a retelling or adaptation superior to a classic? I don’t have an answer for that. However, Kingfisher had gone above and beyond Poe’s original story, providing depth and insight where Poe only left questions. I will never eat mushrooms (in particular the long thready Enoki mushroom) again with complete peace of mind. I look forward to reviewing the second book in this series, What Feasts at Night. 4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

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