Arch Hall Sr.’s Eegah! is undeniably one of the worst films of all time. Nevertheless, if you have watched it with MST3K accompaniment, you’ll at least get some enhanced, humorous commentary. Frankly, that’s probably the best way to approach this hunk of junk film. However, rather than just dwell on the bad acting, pointless story and awkward moments (“Watch out for snakes!”), I’d like to address an issue rarely mentioned: Eegah! is yet another movie promoting negative stereotypes of cavemen.
I’ve reviewed another movie that characterizes someone at 6′ 7″ as a giant. At least in the case of Richard Kiel (who plays Eegah, the aptly named caveman), he stood at 7 ft 2 in. That obviously comes closer to reaching genuine giant status. Still, when I watch Eegah!, I notice the lack of intelligence conveyed in his character. It’s as if every big and bulky human must be of lower intelligence, right?
The Caveman Life
He supposedly lived an extremely long life, thanks to his consumption of horrible-tasting “sulphur water.” However, none of that translates to intelligence, as he only has that in rudimentary form. That sulfur water just happens to be what’s available in his cave. He also keeps all his relatives with him in the cave, not seeming to fully comprehend the finality of death. He’s not much better at manners, either. Although he is capable of being gentle, he struggles to maintain his dignity when Roxy Miller (Marilyn Manning) rejects his advances. Basically, Eegah barely knows that no means no.
While this might be blamed on his social isolation, it remains implausible that such a character would have been so isolated when, in fact, he was discovered by Roxy while she was out driving around. What are the odds that this could’ve been his only interaction with people in so many years? Slim to none. So, basically, Eegah’s ability to hide undetected for extended periods stands as his primary form of intelligence. Everything else seems to be pure luck.
What Does This Say About Eegah?
There’s no way around it: Eegah! wants us to believe cavemen were likely all stupid, marauding brutes. If someone like Tom (Arch Hall Jr.) can outwit him, you know Eegah’s just about the dullest club in the cave. In fact, it’s surprising Eegah would even capture food, with the way he’s depicted. On that note, one assumes the caveman survived mostly due to dumb luck and that crappy water. Animals stupider than he must have occasionally wandered into his reach because there’s no sign that Eegah had much hunting or trapping skills. While real-life cavemen may have been mindless brutes at times, it’s likely that they would demonstrate a broader skill set in order to survive.
However, am I being too tough on this brute? Is he actually more intelligent than this film gives him credit for? It is possible that I’m totally off-base, or missing something about this throwback. If nothing else, someone made a movie about him. The character has definitely lived way longer than I ever will, and that’s something. Also, the scene where he tastes shaving cream with his freakish tongue could inspire nightmares, which is cool in its own right. So watch this terrible film and ponder these questions during such bizarre moments…but definitely also do it with the Mystery Science Theater 3000 commentary. It’ll be a rough ride without Joel Hodgson and the bots!
What do you think of Eegah!? Has it inspired you to watch out for snakes? Let us know in the comments!
What Lies Below (2020) is a horror film written and directed by Braden R. Duemmler. This TV-MA film stars Ema Horvath, Trey Tucker, and Mena Suvari. The film is available on Hoopla, Tubi TV, Peacock Premium Plus, the Roku Channel, History Vault, and Amazon Prime Video.
Libby (Ema Horvath) returns to her family’s lake house before leaving for college. Her mother (Mena Suvari as Michelle Wells) uses this opportunity to have Libby meet her boyfriend (Trey Tucker as John Smith). Despite the draw of a handsome scientist, the more Libby learns about the man, the stranger he seems.
What I Like about What Lies Below
The film balances the line between sci-fi and supernatural horror. One of those options seems to fit slightly better, but What Lies Below doesn’t feel the need to tell its audience some objective truth. Instead, it respects the viewer to come to their own conclusion.
Ema Horvath has the most to work with and provides an interesting character in Libby. Libby remains a reserved and shy character, displaying an unhealthy dose of longing that requires subtle habits and glances to communicate her thoughts. Yet, the viewer often knows what she’s thinking.
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That said, there’s a level of camp across all the performances. It’s hard to say if this is an intentional choice but viewing it as an intentional choice adds to these performances. However, it’s worth mentioning this as a hard selling point.
Without diving into spoilers, the ending did surprise me to some degree. I was wrong about how hard What Lies Below would end. In short, this film gets surprisingly dark. It doesn’t linger in that darkness, but What Lies Below doesn’t compromise its plot for a comforting conclusion.
Tired Tropes and Triggers
Body horror seems to be the most obvious trigger to mention. It’s less the body mutating kind of horror and more the parasite growing inside the body kind. Most of this remains implied, or we see only the aftermath, but the points seem clear.
A sexual assault leads to a general shift in the film. Part of this assault is handled with uncomfortable realism as the survivor doubts the severity of the assault and receives pushback when she reveals the truth. While this realism certainly has its place, it also deserves a warning.
What I Dislike about What Lies Below
This film might have been better served diving into its campier side instead of loosely adding those moments. Ultimately, the performances suffer from a lack of commitment, teetering between a serious approach or a campier execution.
What Lies Below is far from a high-budget film. While it can hide its lower budget, there are clear moments that visibly show the strain. If it committed to the camp or creativity of many B-films, it might better haunt its viewers.
What Lies Below only loosely attempts to channel the creature feature. It occasionally introduces something more bestial and inhuman but doesn’t give more than a glimpse. With the revelry given to lampreys and the title, I wrongly suspected something within the watery depths to show.
While the film remains dark, I won’t particularly call it haunting. While the seductive creature isn’t as common as its female counterpart, it’s far from an untested concept. The major problem with What Lies Below is that it doesn’t do enough to stand out or linger in the mind. Instead, it hints at something brewing, smacks you with a dark end, and calls it a day.
Final Thoughts
What Lies Below implements elements of a memorable creature feature but fails to haunt its viewers. While its restraint in explaining its plot deserves respect, it doesn’t supplement that with something terrifying enough to break the surface. It’s hard to recommend this film to eager viewers looking for a creature in its feature. Instead, it might better suit an audience who craves a subtle mystery by the lakeside. (2.5 / 5)
Oh, the 90s, the renaissance of the slasher genre after it crashed and burned in the mid-80s. Halloween H20 is the seventh installment in the Halloween franchise. It hits a reset button on the canon, which utilizes the strong points of the decade. Without any further ado, let’s dive in!
Plot
We start with seemingly random characters as they die at the hands of Michael Myers, who is back for vengeance. He wants to find Laurie and is not willing to let anyone else stand in his way. Here is where the franchise diverges into a different canon that ignores all the movies after the second one.
After a wonderful tribute to the late Donald Pleasance we see Laurie. She is now a headmistress at a boarding school in California, with a new name and a son. Laurie appears functioning on the outside, but she is still traumatized by the past events, medicating both with prescription meds and alcohol. Not even her love interest (a fellow teacher) knows anything about her past.
Her son John doesn’t understand the severity of what his mother has been through. He repeatedly tells her to get over it (not the brightest moment despite him being a teenage boy). More teenage characters are introduced in the form of his girlfriend played by Michelle Williams in her Dawson’s Creek prime, and two friends.
John and the group want to stay at the empty boarding school while everyone else goes on a camping trip. What they think will be a romantic couples’ weekend turns into anything but. Michael catches up to Laurie and finds his way into the premises. What ensues is a blood-shed with some creative kills and full-on suspense.
Laurie takes a stand against Michael as she chases him down axe in hand, ready to finish this once and for all. This leads to a showdown with a glorious finale as Laurie decapitates Michael, seemingly ending his reign for good (or so we think).
Overall thoughts
Halloween H20 is a great overhaul of a franchise that was running out of steam. It encapsulates everything about the 90s, from the camera work to the soundtrack to the cheesy one-liners. It has a star-studded cast of the sweethearts of the decade and who could be mad at Jamie Lee Curtis’s comeback?
This movie takes an interesting approach to Laurie’s character. She spends the second movie kind of helpless waiting for someone to save her, however this time she takes the lead and faces her trauma head-on. Other characters have just enough development to make you care for their survival. The atmosphere is very reminiscent of the first one as well, with a bit of a slow burn before the big finish.
Ultimately, this is the most entertaining instalment of the franchise and has a lot of rewatchability for those movie nights. Slasher 2.0 at its best.
The New Daughter (2009) is a PG-13 horror film and Luiso Berdejo’s feature-length debut. The film is based on John Connolly’s short story of the same name. The New Daughter stars Kevin Costner, Ivana Baquero, Samantha Mathis, and Gattlin Griffith. As of this review, the film is available on VUDU Free, The CW, Hoopla, Tubi TV, Freevee, and Plex, with additional purchase options.
John James (Kevin Costner) moves his children to a rural South Carolina town to start anew after his wife leaves him. Louisa James (Ivana Baquero) can’t stand this change, and Sam James (Gattlin Griffith) doesn’t understand why his mother isn’t with them. But after finding a burial mound, their attitudes suddenly switch. As John uncovers more of their new home’s history, he realizes there’s much to fear.
What I Like About Luiso Berdejo’s Feature-Length Debut
Despite its 2009 release date, the Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Horror Films nominated it for the Saturn Awards’ Best DVD Release in 2011. As Luiso Berdejo’s feature-length debut, the film manages to hold an audience with a tight script and direction.
The acting sells this ominous mystery, which might otherwise become obscure amongst others in the genre. In particular, Kevin Costner’s John James and Ivana Baquero’s Louisa James center The New Daughter around their characters’ strained father-daughter relationship.
Ultimately, The New Daughter thrives in its atmosphere and execution. If we take the film plot point by plot point, The New Daughter doesn’t break the mold. Between Luiso Berdejo’s direction and the writing of John Travis and John Connolly, however, the film executes this uncomfortable tension that invests viewers.
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It’s in The New Daughter‘s execution where it haunts its audience. There’s this uncomfortable powerlessness as John attempts to protect his family against the horrors in the mound and its corrupting influence.
The ending might seem uncommitted, but I would disagree. The film executes a balance between hope and horror that leads to ambiguity but doesn’t leave the audience dissatisfied. A bolder film might conclude with an unhappy ending, but The New Daughter gives a sliver of hope in its dark ending.
Tired Tropes and Triggers
A cat dies in the film. The act isn’t shown, but I understand this can be a dealbreaker. In loose connection, there are also animal carcasses.
There’s a loose and underdeveloped connection to Native American mythology, following along the idea of “Indian (Native Americans) burial grounds.” While this initial thought proves inaccurate, it still holds familiar plot points that might irk some.
There are some strange decisions revolving around Louisa. Needless to say, a part of the plot revolves around her beginning puberty. While nothing is explicit, the creatures require a mate, which suggests sexual assault.
What I Dislike about Luiso Berdejo’s Feature-Length Debut
The aesthetic of the burial mound doesn’t seem particularly noteworthy. This becomes a problem when it looks like any hill in a forest. I don’t particularly see how the James family recognizes this as something strange and worth fixating on. As the film progresses, there are obvious reasons, but the aesthetic doesn’t execute this strangeness.
As addressed above, the premise remains familiar and safe, perhaps too safe. A family moves into a rural home, escaping a past withheld from the audience. The mother is out of the picture, and the father struggles to connect with his young daughter. I don’t subscribe to the idea that these are lazy points, but it might seem formulaic with how thick it dominates the film’s beginning.
Final Thoughts
The New Daughter is an impressive feature-length debut but one with notable flaws. There’s a familiarity and safety in the plot that hinders what could have been. However, the ominous mystery and acting provide the needed execution to create a haunting experience. If you’re looking for a horror following a terrified family against supernatural creatures, The New Daughter delivers.