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[NOTE: I may “spoil” some details about the movie. At the same time, that’s a risk of reading reviews to begin with. There, I said it]

Every once in a while, one sees a film which is hard to either condemn or praise. Sebastián Cordero’s Europa Report is one such creation. Released in 2013 and certified fresh at Rotten Tomatoes, the film is about an obviously ill-fated trip to Jupiter’s moon, Europa. In fact, it seems any such trip would be a harrowing journey, and tough to return from. One would be headed to Jupiter, after all. Nevertheless, Europa Report will likely keep a viewer’s interest, if they’re into films about space journeys where things go wrong. Otherwise they may struggle with it.

While this has some vague aspects of a sci-fi horror movie, it’s very much a soft-pedaled thriller. There is tension, and one may care for the characters (unlike many straight up horror films where, frankly, you might be glad when some characters go). The result is that Europa Report has more muted drama tension than thrills.

It should come with a fair warning, though: You will not want to watch this film if you are tired, as it is not exactly a fast-paced thrill ride. It’s not a tedious movie, either, but one should be in a certain mindset to appreciate it. There are more daunting situations than haunting ones. It’s about sacrifice more than some endless array of action and horror tropes.

Is it a Monster Movie? Just Ask the Blair Witch

A basic premise of Europa Report is that they are seeking intelligent, alien life, and it may be hostile. However, this movie plays it really subtle. Even as the characters are in panicky situations, they try to be as calm as possible (just as they would be trained). Really, the point isn’t that there’s some fierce presence looming at all times.

It’s sort of the Blair Witch style anticipation, and the feeling of being in a tight situation. This is, in a way, another slight homage to that great (and often hated) ’90s film. Just like with The Blair Witch Project, there are suggestions of a possible menace, but much of Europa Report is about that feeling of being lost, or in a situation far bigger than ourselves.

Okay, So Who’s In It?

Embeth Davidtz is Dr. Unger, or the primary narrator. Horror fans might know her from Army of Darkness. Specifically, she’s the lady Ash says “Give me some sugar baby” to. Also, fans of Dexter‘s first season will recognize Christian Camargo as Daniel Luxembourg. Obviously, Camargo played Dexter’s brother, or the Ice Truck Killer. Here he is not a maniac, but an intrepid hero-type hoping to inspire faith in humanity’s ingenuity.

Of course, there’s a sense that, even if we do discover sentient (or intelligent) life, it might not make that much difference. After all, we have intelligence, but just look at what we’re doing with it (it isn’t all good, folks). Also, are we all going to Jupiter’s moon in the future? Is that part of the plan? Not sure. Anyway, Europa Report also features Anamaria Marinca as Rosa Dasque, Daniel Wu as William Xu, Sharlto Copley as James Corrigan, and a few others (including a surprise appearance by Neil deGrasse Tyson, in archival footage form).

Final Thoughts on Europa Report

I like “Europa Report” mostly because it doens’t try to do anything special. At the same time, that’s probably a mark against it (oddly enough). It’s one of the weird struggles of artists anywhere. You want to essentially be yourself in the vision you present, yet you still must cater to an audience. This film, while well done, could have maybe benefited from more conventional, blockbuster-style action.

I actually hate typing those words, yet nevertheless honestly feel that way. It seems like it could have been more epic in scope somehow, and maybe should have had a less restrained, less somber tone. Again, I feel like a real jerk for saying it, but there it is. It honestly seems like more could have been done with it It’s by no means a bad movie, and I’ll probably even watch it again at some point to see if I missed something. Nevertheless, I doubt this will be most people’s favorite, even among space movie fans.

What are your thoughts on Europa Report? Have you ever fought a space octopus? Let us know in the comments!

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Movies n TV

“How to Split an Atom,” a Scientific Return to Evil

The assessors return to investigate a particle accelerator with a damning history in “How to Split an Atom.” Season 4 Premiere of Evil.

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The assessors return to investigate a particle accelerator with a damning history in “How to Split an Atom.” David (Mike Colter) can’t seem to shake off the dire warning of his vision. Kristen (Katja Herbers) reaches her breaking point. Ben (Aasif Mandvi) sees the light and faces some uncomfortable realizations.

“How to Split an Atom” is the first episode of season 4 of Evil, created by Michelle King and Robert King. The central cast includes Katja Herbers, Mike Colter, Aasif Mandvi, Michael Emerson, Christine Lahti, and Andrea Martin. As of this review, it’s available through Netflix and Paramount+ and its add-ons.

Four appear as the top of the image. Three look at the viewer, but the fourth on the right looks at the other three. Around them are creatures. Below all of this reads "Evil." Underneath reads "Paramount+" and finally "Season 4"
Evil Season 4 Cover

What I Like about “How to Split an Atom”

While “How to Split an Atom” does start in season 3’s conclusion, it’s still a satisfying introduction through Kristen’s reaction alone. While it’s less effective and necessary in the era of streaming services, it reminds viewers of the last season’s execution to re-establish tension. 

“How to Split an Atom” sets Kristen and Ben to face their most personal challenges. While Kristen often gets a good amount of material to explore, Ben receives the least development of the three assessors. Now that the titular scheme suggests a scientific focus, Ben seems to earn more attention.

Evil: The Final Season
  • In the final season, Kristen, David, and Ben continue to assess cases that involve wayward technology, possessed pigs, demonic oppression and infestation, a dance muse conjured by alleged witches, and an evil relic
  • Throughout, Leland attempts to lure Kristen into raising a baby antichrist who was conceived with her ovum
  • David is recruited by the Vatican’s secret service to remote view a paranormal ability to see the unseen to detect evil
Sale
Evil: The Complete Series
  • From creators Robert King and Michelle King (The Good Wife), Evil is a critically acclaimed psychological mystery series that examines the origins of evil along the dividing line between science and religion
  • A skeptical female psychologist (Katja Herbers) joins a priest-in-training (Mike Colter) and a contractor (Aasif Mandvi) as they investigate the Church’s backlog of unexplained mysteries, including supposed miracles, demonic possessions, and hauntings
  • This 13-disc collection includes all 50 episodes, along with deleted scenes and more!

Last update on 2025-03-03 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon Product Advertising API

In comparison, David takes a step back, but the performance shows a man haunted by his vision. You see this conflict in his performance as he seems more held back and reserved throughout the episode.

Though far from unique to this episode, I haven’t yet found the opportunity to dive into the opening credits. These credits embody the idea of evil as an intrusive force against the good. It visibly displays the famed “problem of evil,” showing how the darkness intrudes against the light. 

“How to Split an Atom” prepares the viewer for a new norm across every character. While that doesn’t evoke a truly haunting experience, it remains effective in building the foundation for the final season of Evil. 

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Disclaimer Kimberley Web Design

Tired Tropes and Triggers

Andy (Patrick Brammall) spirals in this episode, induced by trauma and manipulation. His interactions with Kristen showcase several toxic behaviors. While these issues hold merit and other forces manipulate him, this might not matter to some.

Though not directly stated, a minor character seems to suffer a psychotic break, leading to their death. “How to Split an Atom” doesn’t confirm if this is a suicide, a demonically assisted act, or a complete accident.

A nun leans close to a man, both looking at something unseen.
Sister Andrea & Father Acosta

What I Dislike about “How to Split an Atom”

“How to Split an Atom” explores a similar titular scheme as last season, but it doesn’t resonate as well. It feels like it retreads season 3, focusing instead on science but still lingering in a similar design.

There’s a strange scene where Sister Andrea and David speak in a low whisper despite being alone in her room. If “How to Split an Atom” wants to imply that spies listen in, “How to Split an Atom” doesn’t show this idea effectively. However, I think it’s intended to parallel Catholic confession, but it still doesn’t make logical sense in execution.

As streaming shows become standard practice, starting a new season in the prior season’s conclusion makes the episode more dependent and repetitive. While the execution remains effective in “How to Split an Atom,” I can’t help but linger on that thought.

A kraken emerges from the ocean, attacking a ship. The tint suggests the image is a map icon.

Final Thoughts

“How to Split an Atom” establishes a definitive timeline where all the forces of Evil will collide. It has its strengths but doesn’t haunt the viewer. The ramifications of Ben’s descent and Kristen’s breaking point keep this episode from blending into the background, but only slightly.
3.5 out of 5 stars (3.5 / 5)

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Movies n TV

Goosebumps The Vanishing Ends, Damned With Faint Praise

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We’ve reached the end of Goosebumps, The Vanishing. And after eight episodes of quality going up and down, I’m sad to say that the finale held to that theme.

Cover for Goosebumps, Invasion of the Body Squeezers.

The story

We begin this episode with the teens getting ready to go down into the fort to save their dad. Dr. Pamani gave them serum injections to keep them from being turned into pods. Then she locks them in, intending to never let them out again.

Through a series of quick thinking and bravery, everyone makes it out of the fort, though. Including Matty, Nicole, Hannah and Sameer.

For a time it looks like everything is going to be alright. Until Anthony tells Jen that they’ve got to do something about the alien ship that’s still trapped within the fort.

By the way, watch this with the caption on. It’s fantastic.

Jen and Anthony go back to Dr. Pamani’s lab in time to realize that no one is safe. Least of all, their kids.

Ana Ortiz and David Schwimmer in Goosebumps The Vanishing.

What worked

You might notice that the ‘rescuing Dad from the pod’ part of this episode was over pretty fast. That’s because the actual story of this episode was about what came out of the facility rather than what was going on down there. And that was a surprising misdirect. I enjoyed that I didn’t see this misdirection coming. Well done.

I will also say that this episode was fun to watch. The critters were equal parts creepy and kind of cute. The dialog was fun and there were a lot of laughs.

This ending was also satisfying. All the questions are answered. Everyone gets a happy ending and all the people you want to get together do. It was a solid ending with no loose threads.

What didn’t work

Unfortunately, that’s all the good things I can say about this episode.

Let’s start with the continued superficiality of the whole story. I just didn’t feel much of anything for any of these characters. I had a little twinge of bittersweetness when Matty looked through the box of his old things. But that was about it.

Francesca Noel, Stony Blyden and Galilea La Salvia  in Goosebumps The Vanishing.

The problem here was that everything was going too fast. We jumped from chaos to chaos so fast that the emotions didn’t have time to sink in. It was like rain on a dry field. No matter how much falls, if it can’t be absorbed it’s not going to do much good.

Here’s the real problem I have with this episode, though.

You’ll recall that in the last episode, I was irritated by how quickly Dr. Pamani decided to help the kids. It should surprise exactly no one that she didn’t decide to help them, but to trap them in the facility to be podded forevermore.

Invasion of the Body Squeezers: Part 1 (Goosebumps Classics #41) (Classic Goosebumps)
  • Goosebumps now on Disney+!Jack Archer is convinced something strange is going on at his neighbor’s house
  • Mr
  • Fleshman always wears all black, hardly ever leaves his house, and never says hello to anyone

Last update on 2025-02-28 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon Product Advertising API

While I’m thrilled that Dr. Pamani didn’t just change her mind, I still think it was dumb as shit that anyone, especially our main characters, thought she did. These teens aren’t dumb. Kids aren’t dumb. We shouldn’t be portraying kids as dumb in a show for kids.

I’m not saying this series was pure garbage. I’m not saying it was dangerous or unwatchable. I’m just saying that, if it didn’t have the name Goosebumps, I probably never would have watched it. This story just doesn’t have the same staying power that the original stories do. It was fine to watch, but in the end, just didn’t have enough substance to warrant a rewatch.

3.5 out of 5 stars (3.5 / 5)

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Goosebumps Sputters along with Camp Nightmare

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After a shaky start, Goosebumps The Vanishing is still on shaky ground with this penultimate episode. While there were some surprises, a lot of them were rather disappointing.

Original cover for Goosebumps Welcome To Camp Nightmare.

I feel like I say this a lot, but if you’ve read the original book then you might have a hint about where this is going. But it won’t tell you the whole story. So let’s take a trip to Camp Nightmare and see what’s waiting for us.

The story

We begin this episode with a flashback to the Fort before it was a fort. A group of Camp Nightmoon campers is hiking there with the worst camp counselor ever. It was almost a relief when the mysterious monster reached up from the cliffside and grabbed him.

Back in the present, the teens are putting the pieces together. They track down Dr. Pamani’s father and even find a book he published. They then locate the address of her lab and break in. There, they find her journals that chronicle the discovery of the monster, and how it managed to kill her entire team.

What worked

In this episode, and in fact this season, scientists are not the bad guys. Which is a relief. Science fiction and horror tend to hold up a mirror to society, showing us what we’re really scared of using monsters and ghosts as allegories. So often, when people are wary of science and scientists, we have horror movies that demonize them.

Sahana Srinivasan in Goosebumps The Vanishing.

But that’s not what happened here. The scientists are not necessarily the good guys, but the ones who tried to save the world. Even though they failed, they tried.

One good example of this was Dr. Pamani telling her father, “We’re scientists, not soldiers.” This is a great line. And this episode had a lot of great lines. The dialog was on point. Nothing felt forced, but it also felt polished and impactful. It was just overall well done.

I also enjoyed, to a point, the flashback scenes to 1969. It was interesting to see the people who tried to contain this entity. To learn from it. The flashback was also ominous. Because never did the characters explain how this entity got there. They didn’t seem interested in that, only in how to destroy it. Since we don’t know why or how it came to New York, we don’t know if there are more of them somewhere else. And since everyone’s being so secretive, we might never know.

Until it’s too late.

What didn’t work

Unfortunately, this episode failed more than it succeeded.

Let’s start with the sudden change of heart Dr. Pamani has. For decades, she’s been controlling and containing this creature. She’s been careful to never take risks that might release it into the world. So when Cece and Devin want to go save their dad, she says no.

At first. Then, after a not-so-passionate plea by Cece, she changes her mind and agrees to help them save Anthony.

Which seems like a really quick departure from her stance just moments before. Honestly, this wasn’t believable at all. It was lazy. It felt like they just didn’t have a good enough reason for her to change her mind, so they just handwaved it away.

This wasn’t the only part of the story that was too easy. This whole investigation went smoothly for them. They wanted to find the book by Dr. Avi Pamani, and they found it at the library. They didn’t even find it. The librarian found it for them. They wanted to find Dr. Pamani’s address. They found it in seconds and also found her credit score. They got into her lab by doing nothing more than cutting a chain holding the door shut. And we’re supposed to believe that no one ever thought to do any of this? Four teenagers vanished in the 1990s, and none of their family members were ever able to put all this together. That just doesn’t make sense to me.

Jayden Bartels, Francesca Noel and Elijah M. Cooper in Goosebumps The Vanishing.

Both of these issues feed into the main problem with this episode. The whole thing felt watered way down. Especially after the hints about some horrific medical experiments taking place at the fort. I love a good horrific medical experiment story, so I was looking forward to that.

But that’s not what happened. Instead, it was a watered-down alien invasion story with a bunch of people who did their best and failed. It just felt like, frankly, not enough. It felt like there could have been so much more, should have been so much more. Instead, we got the Great Value version of what we could have had.

At this point, I think I’m too invested to give up. After all, there’s just one more episode left. But I’d be lying if I said that was something I’m looking forward to.

3 out of 5 stars (3 / 5)

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