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Published in August of this year, Delicate Condition by Danielle Valentine comes with some major recommendations. Andrea Bartz called it the feminist update to Rosemary’s Baby. And Ryan Murphy was so impressed with the story that he based the next season of American Horror Story on it.

With endorsements like that, of course I needed to read it. With endorsements like that, it had better be good. 

The Story

Our main character is named Anna Alcott. She’s an actress who’s just gotten her big break in her late thirties. Of course, this couldn’t come at a worse time. She and her husband Dex are trying to have a baby. They’re struggling through painful IFV procedures. But Anna starts to feel like someone’s trying to sabotage this. Her appointments start vanishing from her calendar. Her medicine is left out on the counter after she’s sure she put it in the fridge. She starts to feel a little like she’s losing her mind. This just gets worse when she finally does get pregnant. 

Phantom pains and mysterious events plague her. Anna feels like someone’s harassing her, leaving messages and dolls that look like her. Soon, she finds reason to distrust almost everyone around her. But what she might really need to distrust is the thing that’s growing in her womb. 

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What worked

Delicate Condition is a tightly plotted novel. It’s one of those stories where nothing makes sense until it all makes perfect sense. Where you think you know what’s going on, until you realize that you very much do not.

As much as this story was fiction, it wasn’t really as fictional as most of us would have liked. Most of the paranoia and fear comes from Anna feeling like she’s lost complete control of her body. Everyone around her is making decisions about her body without her. No one is willing to listen to her, no matter how many times she’s proven right. No one is willing to accept that she might be a reliable narrator to her own story. And I think that’s something that a lot of us, especially women, can relate to. 

I think we can also relate to feeling let down by the medical profession, especially when it comes to having children. Anna mentions multiple times in our story that women have been having babies since the beginning of time. Why aren’t we better at it? Why do so many women and babies die in childbirth? Why is it still so agonizing? Why is it so hard to figure out infertility? Why are we still arguing about whether women should have safe and easy access to abortions? 

Wait, that didn’t come up much. More on that in a moment.

What didn’t work

Yeah, so why didn’t that come up more? Abortions, I mean. There’s little to no mention of that in the book.

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I get that maybe this wasn’t the story Valentine wanted to tell. But in my opinion, infertility and unwanted pregnancies are two sides of the same coin. It feels disingenuous to me to at least not bring it up. 

Now, let’s talk about Anna. I can honestly say that I didn’t love the main character, Anna. I didn’t hate her. I did feel bad for her. But I didn’t love her. She just came off as spoiled. Lots of women suffer from infertility. Most women don’t have multiple rounds of IVF money. 

Fortunately, liking the main character has never been a requirement for enjoying a book. For me, that’s just a bonus.

What does this mean for American Horror Story Delicate?

This is the question, after all, that I read Delicate Condition to answer. What kind of season do we have coming our way. 

And the honest answer is that we can’t say anything for sure. I can tell you how the book Delicate Condition ends (but I won’t.) I can tell you that there are witches involved, which makes me very excited. I’d love to see the Coven witches again. I can tell you that the character names are the same on IMBD. 

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But we have no guarantee that AHS Delicate is going to end the same way as Delicate Condition. That feels like it would be in the spirit of American Horror Story, to flip the whole tale on its head just to startle everyone who read the book. 

So I’d like to leave you with this word of caution. If you chose to read Delicate Condition, be aware that it might or might not spoil the ending of AHS. If that matters to you, maybe wait until after the season ends. If you chose to read it, don’t be surprised of AHS doesn’t stick to the same telling. 

And if you don’t give a damn about American Horror Story at all, read Delicate Condition anyway. It’s well worth the ride. 4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

Don’t miss the latest episode of our scifi/horror podcast AA every Tuesday. 

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Movies n TV

American Horror Stories, The Thing Under The Bed

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We’ve reached the final episode of American Horror Stories, season three. After the ups and downs of the season, I didn’t know what to expect. I felt that we were due a big finish, Killer Queens. But I feared we were in for a big letdown.

As it turns out, The Thing Under The Bed was neither.

The story

We begin our story with a little girl named Mary, who is scared of something under her bed. She sneaks out of her room, only to be caught by her father and sent back to sleep. And of course, there is something horrible waiting for her under her bed.

Debby Ryan in American Horror Stories.

This scene cuts away to a woman named Jillian. She has strange dreams, including one about Mary. But her husband, Mark, doesn’t want to hear about it. He’s only interested in a little lovemaking because he wants a baby. Jillian doesn’t, which makes total sense because she’s already married to one. But her irritation with her childish husband goes away when he goes away. And by goes away, I mean he’s sloppily devoured by something vicious under their bed.

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What worked

In short, this episode just worked. The acting was professional and believable. The cinematography and lighting work were wonderful, adding spooky effects and startling moments without impairing visibility.

Best of all, the story was solid. There were no plotholes to be found. Our main character, Jillian, was relatable and sympathetic.

This was maybe my favorite part of the story. I thought Jillian was a remarkably sympathetic character. She was dealt a hand she never asked for, having her husband slaughtered in their bedroom. I don’t think she missed him, so much as she was afraid of the legal ramifications of being caught with literal blood on her hands.

Then, when it would have been safest for her to just lay low and save up for a good defense attorney, she instead goes into unlikely hero mode. She does her best to save people, putting herself in legal and physical danger. It’s hard not to root for her.

It’s also a little hard not to root for the antagonist, too. I don’t want to ruin the twist for you, so I’m going to tread lightly here. But it’s great when you have an antagonist who might be off their rocker, but also maybe has a point.

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What didn’t work

I can only really think of one complaint with this episode. And that is how frequently one character says the word Chickadee. And if you’ve seen the episode, you know what I am talking about.

I get it, he has a pet name for his daughter. It’s adorable. It’s meant to convey that the two of them have a healthy loving relationship and I get it. We all get it. Blind monks get it. But the fact remains that no parent on Earth calls their kid by their pet name every single time they speak an individual sentence to them. It was just too damn much.

All in all, this was a good episode. It was a classic story, turned on its head, told by professionals from start to finish. And I hope that if there is another season, we see more stories like this one. But after the efforts put into this season at large, I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the last we see of American Horror Stories.

4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

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American Horror Stories, Leprechaun

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If you’ve watched enough short-form horror anthology shows, you’ll notice that some stories are mainstays. Each show seems to put on the same sort of episodes, with the occasional surprising storyline that we’ve never (or at least rarely) seen before.

Leprechaun was an example of a repeated story—the story of a greedy thief whose punishment far outweighs the crime.

The story

We begin our story in 1841, with a drunk man leaving the bar one late night. He’s distracted by something glowing at the end of the well. When he reaches down for the glowing thing, he falls in. Moments later, he screams.

We then cut to the modern day. The well is still there, and now it’s surrounded by a dying town. In this town lives a young man named Colin. He’s married, his wife is pregnant, and he’s out of work. Like many of his friends.

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Hudson Oz in American Horror Stories Leprechaun.

Desperate for cash, Colin and his friends decide to rob a bank. They put together an Equate version of Ocean’s Eleven, and break in one night. But, of course, they find that the gold is nothing more than bait. And the creature waiting for them is something they never expected.

What worked

The first thing I want to point out is how real this episode felt. At least to anyone currently living in the same small town they grew up in. These characters felt like guys I went to school with. Guys I would see at the bar.

I appreciated the real anger and frustration these characters are feeling. Especially Colin. He’s bitter, and maybe he has a right to be. He did exactly what he was supposed to do to succeed. He went to school and invested in his career, and yet now he’s out of work and struggling to support his family. I probably don’t need to tell you how that feels. Because of this, we can all kind of understand why he was tempted to rob a bank.

I also want to talk about the fact that this was, as I said, an often-explored story. That can be a bad thing, but it can also be a good thing. This story is told over and over because it’s a good story. A relatable story. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

What didn’t work

That being said, this version didn’t try to do much to break out of the mold.

Because we have seen this story so many times, most of us could tell the story themselves. I would have expected something new, or some twist. But, in the end, the story didn’t bring anything new to the discussion.

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Maybe because of this, the ending left a lot to be desired. Trapped in the basement of the bank, everyone just sort of stares at everyone else, until the thieves give up. And that’s it. The ending wasn’t scary, shocking, or funny. It was just sad, on multiple levels.

Overall, this was an okay story. It was entertaining, if not surprising. I would compare this episode to homemade macaroni and cheese. Everyone’s got their own version, they’re all pretty good, and none of them are exciting.

There’s just one episode left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope they’ve saved the best for last.

3.5 out of 5 stars (3.5 / 5)

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American Horror Stories, X

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It happened. It finally happened. We got another good episode of American Horror Stories.

The story

We begin our story late at night, with a hospital security guard named Malcolm. He is frightened one night when he sees a woman with a distorted face in the hospital parking lot.

We then joined an RN named Claire. She’s doing her best to explain to a struggling mother that the hospital will not be able to treat her son with cancer because she can’t afford the treatment.

Mia Isaac in American Horror Stories.

Not like she’s happy about it.

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Fortunately, Dr. Nostrum, played by the legend Henry Winkler, swoops in at the last moment to tell the mother that her son qualifies for a special place in his cancer treatment clinic.

Claire is lamenting the fact that she became an RN to help people, but it feels like she isn’t doing anything good. Then, she and her friend Lilly stumble upon the same woman who menaced Malcom the night before.

While Claire is trying to figure out what’s wrong with this woman, she brutally slaughters an orderly and vanishes into the hospital. But not before struggling to say two words to Claire. Ward X.

What worked

I want to start by praising the effects of this episode. Because they were fantastic. Aided by the black and white filming, the bloody and distorted faces of Alice and her fellow victims are nightmarish. They look like a horrific version of Lockjaw taken to a terrifying extreme.

I also want to discuss the fantastic work of Henry Winkler. He is an absolute legend and never has a bad project.

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Henry Winkler and Mia Isaac in American Horror Stories.

Winkler’s character in this episode was exactly what we’d expect from him. He seems genuinely warm and kind, concerned about others’ well-being. Even when he’s planning to kill Claire, he comes off as such a caring guy.

Finally, I want to talk about the historical significance of this story. Because, like I always say, the scariest stories are the ones based on truth. And I’m sorry to say, this story has a basis in truth.

Mankind has a dark and twisted history when it comes to medical advances. Most doctors and scientists are good, moral people who abide by the first line of the Hippocratic oath, to first do no harm. Some, historically, are little more than monsters in white coats. Consider the Tuskegee Experiment, Unit 731, and the horrific acts of Josef Mengele. If you’re going to look up that middle one, be warned that it is NSFL.

While this episode of American Horror Stories was a work of fiction, it wasn’t that far off. I don’t think many of us want to admit how close to real life it was. This is the gift of good horror, to force us to come face to face with the worst aspects of humanity. To acknowledge them, accept them, and change them.

All in all, this was a perfect episode. The acting, the effects and the story were all top-shelf. And it’s certainly a story that will stick with you.

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There are just two episodes left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope that they reach closer to the quality of X, and away from the dull and dismal episodes that began the second half of this season.

5 out of 5 stars (5 / 5)

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