Alright, you sick puppies, gather ’round for a tale of family bonding, teenage angst, and good old-fashioned murder. “Bloody Axe Wound” is here to tickle your funny bone and possibly remove a few other bones while it’s at it.

The Gist: Serial Killing as a Family Business

Picture this: a video store that’s actually a front for some seriously messed up snuff films. The twist? The owner’s a serial killer who’s been slicing and dicing teens faster than you can say “late fees.” But wait, there’s more! His daughter, Abby Blake Cut (yeah, that’s her name, deal with it), wants in on the family business. Talk about bring-your-daughter-to-work day gone horribly wrong!

“Bloody Axe Wound” is like “90210” decided to do a crossover with “Halloween” – Jim Phoenix, HauntedMTL

Daddy’s Little Monster

So, Daddy Dearest isn’t too keen on his baby girl following in his bloody footsteps. I mean, come on, it’s 2024 – girls can be anything they want, even psychopathic murderers! But our guy’s stuck in the past, probably still thinks women belong in the kitchen (chopping vegetables, not people).

Jennifer’s Body [Blu-ray]

• Factory sealed DVD
• Megan Fox, Amanda Seyfried, Johnny Simmons (Actors)
• Karyn Kusama (Director) – Diablo Cody (Writer) – Mason Novick (Producer)

$11.95

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A Feminist Slasher? You Bet Your Ass!

Abby’s not just fighting for her right to party (and by party, I mean brutally murder people). She’s breaking down barriers in the male-dominated field of serial killing. Move over, Jason and Freddy – there’s a new blade in town (no, not Mahershala Ali…only one real Blade…), and she’s got a point to prove (several points, actually, all of them sharp).

Horror Tropes Galore

This flick’s got more tropes than a teenager’s got hormones:

• Awkward sexual exploration? Check.
• That one friend who’s way too old to be hanging with high schoolers? You betcha.
• A cursed town where everyone’s oblivious to the killer in their midst? Oh, honey, it’s all here.

It’s like “90210” decided to do a crossover with “Halloween,” and somehow it works!

Sale

Ginger Snaps (Collector’s Edition) [Blu-ray]

• Factory sealed DVD
• Kristopher Lemche, Emily Perkins, Katharine Isabelle (Actors)
• John Fawcett (Director) – Steven Hoban (Producer)

$19.99

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The Verdict: 4.5 out of 5 Bloody Thumbs Up

Look, I’m not saying “Bloody Axe Wound” is gonna win any Oscars (unless they finally add that “Best Dismemberment” category I’ve been lobbying for). But hot damn, it’s a fun ride. It’s got laughs, it’s got gore, it’s got a weirdly heartwarming father-daughter story if you squint hard enough. This one is a rewatchable movie and probably a cult classic for many of us.

So, grab your popcorn, leave your sensitivity at the door, and get ready for a movie that’ll make you laugh, cringe, and possibly reconsider your family dynamics. Just remember: the family that slays together, stays together!

(4.5 / 5)

P.S. Don’t bring the kids. Unless you want them to have a very awkward conversation with their school counselor.

P.P.S. Sorry, once again, for killing your name in our podcast…

Episode five of Original Sin was surprisingly light. At least, as light as a show can be when it involves murder, teenage drug use, and the anniversary of the death of a beloved parent.

The story

We begin this episode right where the last one left off. Mad Dog, Dexter’s latest victim, is hit by a car and killed. This leaves Dexter with the unpleasant chore of cleaning up a crime scene but not being able to actually kill someone.

Meanwhile, Harry is getting ready for the trial of Levi Reed. This trial seems like it will be a slam dunk, except for one terrible surprise. Turns out Harry messed up and hid what probably wouldn’t have been evidence strong enough to dismiss the case until he hid it.

What worked

One of the reasons why Dexter is so popular is that it’s funny. While it is a show that deals with very heavy subject matter, it’s also managed to be funny most of the time.

This episode is funny. It starts with Dex cursing over and over while he frantically and meticulously cleans up his crime scene, then hiding in a corner with a bag of incriminating trash. We later see him eat way too many pot brownies and get high as a kite, then eat two pizzas while laughing at I Love Lucy with Deb.

These are funny scenes that fit into the heaviness of the show. It doesn’t feel like emotional whiplash when we go from the kids getting high to Harry having a mental breakdown because that makes sense. Rather than forcing humor where it doesn’t belong, the writers made this comedy make sense.

I also loved that we’re seeing Dexter become who he will be. He’s terrified of losing control. He’s always learning how to kill more efficiently. And for someone who claims to not have regular human emotions, he already seems to understand a lot more about how the people around him are likely to act.

At least, he gets how Harry’s going to respond.

I like that he’s not just a teen version of the same character. I like that we’re seeing how this young mentally ill man changed into the adult mentally ill man we all know and love.

Finally, we are really seeing the depths of how bad of a cop, and frankly a person, Harry is. Because Harry isn’t a good person.

He withheld evidence in a murder trial because he just didn’t consider it valid.

He ignored his kids, especially Deb when they needed him.

He’s having an affair with his CI, which is not only bad because he’s a married man, but because he’s taking advantage of a huge power imbalance between the two of them.

And finally, when he singlehandedly lost a murder trial, he got drunk and almost shot a man. When he couldn’t do it himself, he let Dexter off the leash.

Harry is a bad person. And that’s kind of awesome. That’s the sort of villain origin story that I love to see. He is a more interesting character because of this. And Dexter is more understandable because of what we understand about the man who raised him.

What didn’t work

It took me a while to look over this episode of Dexter Original Sin and find something to complain about. And honestly, there’s one part of this season that’s been bothering me.

I don’t love that Harry is spending so much time with little Dexter. It just doesn’t make sense to me. At least, not with the story of the original show.

Especially in the first season, it’s clear that Dexter doesn’t remember anything before the death of his mother. That makes sense, as he was very very small. But this little Dexter feels like he would have been old enough to remember some of this.

But, you might say, he was traumatized. He watched his mother be brutally slaughtered and was left for days in a shipping crate with his mother’s body. And yeah, it does make sense that he would forget a lot.

But would he never have the slightest inkling that he was now being raised by the man who suddenly showed up in his life, babysat him, and tucked him lovingly into bed?

Overall, this was a great episode. It was funny, touching, and moved along several storylines. I’m excited to see what comes next. (4 / 5)

Holy crow, folks! Buckle up, because we’re about to dive headfirst into the gloriously gooey world of “Street Trash” – the 2024 remake that’ll make you question your life choices and possibly your sanity. Trust me, this ain’t your grandma’s horror flick (unless your grandma’s into melting hobos and alien smurfs, in which case, I probably swiped right on that one and you’re out of milk.)

What’s the Deal with Street Trash?

Picture this: a bunch of homeless misfits discover a sinister plot to wipe out every street dweller in the city. Cue the chaos, the melting, and enough WTF moments to make your brain leak out of your ears. It’s like if “They Live” and Cheech’s “Born in East LA” had a love child, and that child was raised by a family of radioactive dumpsters.

Yes, even the damn credits are worth watching. Marvel, eat your heart out. – Jim Phoenix, HauntedMTL

From the Twisted Mind Behind Fried Barry

Remember “Fried Barry”? That mind-bending trip from 2020 that left you questioning reality? Well, the same madman is back, and he’s cranked the insanity up to eleven. If you thought “Fried Barry” was a wild ride, “Street Trash” is like strapping yourself to a rocket made of hallucinogens and blasting off into a dimension of pure, unadulterated chaos.

Fried Barry [Blu-ray]

• Fried Barry [Blu-ray]
• Product Type: PHYSICAL_MOVIE
• Audience Rating: NR (Not Rated)

$13.93

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Body Horror That’ll Make You Hurl (In a Good Way)

Let’s talk gore, baby! This flick kicks off with some of the most stomach-churning body horror I’ve seen in years. We’re talking face-melting, blood-spewing, organs-on-the-outside kind of nastiness. It’s so gross, it loops back around to beautiful. You’ll be disgusted, amazed, and possibly a little turned on (no judgment here, folks).

Not Just Gore – There’s Heart (and Other Organs) Too

But wait, there’s more! “Street Trash” isn’t just about turning people into human slushies. It’s got heart, humor, and even some genuinely touching moments. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll wonder why that blue alien demon thing is so damn adorable. It’s an emotional rollercoaster, if rollercoasters were made of meat and powered by existential dread.

Surviving Gen X

• Amazon Kindle Edition
• Szewczyk, Jo (Author)
• English (Publication Language)

$9.99

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The Visuals: A Trippy 80s Fever Dream

Visually, this movie is like someone took the 1980s, stuffed it into a blender with a bunch of neon paint and psychedelic mushrooms, and hit “puree.” The colors pop, the effects are mind-blowing, and every frame is a work of demented art. It’s the kind of movie that makes you want to lick the screen (please don’t, though – trust me on this one).

Why You Need to Watch This Cinematic Acid Trip

It’s batshit crazy: In the best possible way. Every time you think it can’t get weirder, it does.

1. The effects are insane: Practical effects that’ll make you go “How the fuck did they do that?”
2. It’s got layers, man: Like an onion, but if that onion was sentient and trying to kill you.
3. The blue alien thing: Seriously, it’s like if the Smurfs went on a bender and decided to star in a horror movie.
4. The credits: Yes, even the damn credits are worth watching. Marvel, eat your heart out.

Final Verdict: Five Out of Five Motherfucking Fives

Look, I don’t throw around perfect scores like confetti at a serial killer’s birthday party. But “Street Trash” deserves every single one of those fives. It’s the best way to close out 2024’s cinematic offerings, a tour de force of weirdness that’ll stick with you long after the credits roll (which, again, you need to watch).

(5 / 5)

So, do yourself a favor: grab some popcorn (and maybe a barf bag), turn off your brain, and let “Street Trash” melt your face off. It’s a ride you won’t forget – no matter how hard you might try.

Remember, kids: Stay in school, don’t do drugs, and for the love of all that’s holy, watch “Street Trash.” Your eyeballs will thank you (right before they try to escape your skull).