The Blair Witch Project has a bad reputation these days. People think it’s cool to throw around words like boring and anticlimactic and lacking any recognizable story structure.

All of those complaints are true. But they ignore a more fundamental understanding of The Blair Witch Project. It’s a hell of a lot better when you’re an impressionable thirteen-year-old who is tricked into thinking this was actual found footage.

Rewatching the film for the first time in over twenty years, I have a far different opinion. Especially now that I’m a practicing witch, and have a better understanding of what might have been happening in those woods.

Just the facts

The Blair Witch Project premiered in 1999. It’s a well-known found footage movie about a team of film students who head out into the woods of Maryland to make a movie about a local myth. Years before, children were murdered in the woods. Ever since then, people say they see things and hear things in the woods. Sometimes people don’t come back. The creature believed to be behind these things is called the Blair Witch.

Our three main characters, Heather, Mike and Josh, head out into the woods to shoot their movie and find an old abandoned cemetery. They soon get lost. Adding to the overall horror of being lost in the woods without food or water, someone is harassing them in the night. They hear strange things, footsteps following them. They also find strange collections of rocks and symbols made of sticks hanging from trees.

While none of this is exactly enough to keep us up at night, it did revolutionize the found footage genre. In other words, Blair Witch walked so Paranormal Activities could run.

What Blair Witch got right

Surprisingly, the Blair Witch Project got a lot of things right. To start with, the story takes place in Maryland, in a fictional town that is probably in Appalachia. And while it’s never said in the movie, much of what’s happening is familiar to people who have heard Appalachian woods stories. Or, like me, grew up with them.

If you heard it, no you didn’t. This is sage advice that Heather, Mike and Josh never heard. Because they are responding to every little sound in those woods. Especially when those start to sound like their missing friends.

It also makes sense that the Blair Witch Woods would be a hotspot for bad vibes. Places where horrible things have happened often feel icky, for lack of a better term. It’s often said that places like this hold onto the memory of evil actions. Whether because this is true, or because we associate a place with these terrible things, I imagine most people would be uncomfortable in those woods.

Finally, I’d like to offer a PSA. If you find some small collection of rocks in the woods, or hanging sigils, or a weird bottle filled with weird stuff, please don’t mess around with it. I’m not even saying anything negative or dark will happen to you. But I am saying that if a witch like myself left something like that in the middle of the woods, we probably had a reason. Maybe it’s a part of a spell or a gift for some local land spirit. If it’s not hurting you, and it’s not hurting the wildlife, please leave it alone.

What Blair Witch got wrong

While The Blair Witch Project did get a lot of things right, there’s one large issue with this movie. And it matters maybe more than anything else.

Whatever was happening in the Blair Witch Woods wasn’t the work of a witch.

Every bit of this sounds like the actions of mimics, a dark entity, or even demonic activity. And while this is, of course, fictional, it seems much more like a fictional depiction of a demonic episode and not witchcraft at all.

Again, this wouldn’t bother me if it wasn’t called The Blair Witch Project. As far as I can tell, there wasn’t a witch in sight.

All in all, the Blair Witch Project wasn’t really about witches at all. But if you’re ever lost in the Appalachian woods, you might be sorry to find out how realistic this movie was.

Remember, if you heard it, no you didn’t. And if you hear a familiar voice call your name, don’t look back, just walk away.

(2.5 / 5)

By the way, if you like this you might enjoy my haunted apartment novella, Quiet Apocalypse. The main character is a modern witch, and I share some real magic in this fictional story of an unexpected end of the world.

Practical Magic is a warm, cozy, feel-good movie for most people of, um, a certain age. This has always amused me since the main story is about a woman accidentally murdering her abusive boyfriend and then having to kill him again when he comes back as a horrifying, soulless monster.

Just a cozy movie for a girl’s night.

Practical Magic is, however, a strangely accurate movie regarding modern witchcraft. And with a sequel in the works (no, there isn’t a release date yet) now seemed like a good time to talk about what they got right from the point of view of a modern witch.

Just the facts

Based on the classic novel of the same title by Alice Hoffman, Practical Magic premiered in 1998. It’s the story of the Owens family. Maria Owens, our main characters’ ancestor, cursed her family line to never fall in love after being left alone by the father of her child. Ever since then, generation after generation has been haunted by this curse.

Sally and Gillian Owens see this curse in their own lives when their father is killed. Sent to live with their aunts, each girl reacts in a wildly different way. Sally tries to cast a spell for the perfect man, believing that she will never find him and therefore never fall in love. Gillian decides to have wild relationships with terrible men. This leads her to an abusive relationship with a sexy asshole named Jimmy. This leads to Sally accidentally poisoning Jimmy with belladonna.

Sally and Gillian try to bring Jimmy back to life so they don’t get arrested for murder. While they’re doing that, a detective comes to town looking for Jimmy. And he happens to look just like the man Sally wished for as a child.

What Practical Magic got right

A lot of the magic in Practical Magic is very familiar to most modern practitioners. Not all of it, of course. Real magic work doesn’t make for good movies, and there are some fantastical aspects to the Owens sisters’ world. None of us can blow on candles to light them, though that would certainly save me money on matches. We can’t send letters to each other on the wind or stir our coffee with thought alone. And any witch dumb enough to jump off their roof with an umbrella is going to end up in the hospital where they belong.

But there was a lot of good magic in here. Starting, of course, with the famous quote from the film.

But there are some things I know for certain: always throw spilt salt over your left shoulder, keep rosemary by your garden gate, plant lavender for luck, and fall in love whenever you can.

Yes, yes to all of that. Rosemary, salt and lavender are all staples for a kitchen witch. These are things that most witches agree heal the body and soul.

Sally is the picture of an herbal witch. She is clearly most at home in the greenhouse. And she makes herbal remedies that the town clearly values.

This rings true for most witches. We usually have some tea or simmer pot or herbal tincture for most everyday ailments. Even the way Sally kills Jimmy is accurate. On that note, don’t take belladonna. Just don’t do it. Because that’s another thing this movie sure as shit got right, and it will kill you if you don’t actually know what you’re doing with it.

Another thing Practical Magic got right is generational curses. Not in the big, scary way that leads to an innocent man getting hit by a car and leaving his wife and children alone way. But in the, we tend to make the same mistakes as our parents because that’s how we were taught to deal with life sort of way. That’s why a lot of witches practice shadowwork. It’s just spicy therapy, making a consistent effort to recognize unhealthy patterns and try to break those cycles.

Of course, the generational cycles of pain are healed in the movie by the women of the town coming together to stand with the Owens sisters. More broadly, the curse is broken when Sally and Gillian trust the town’s women and let them in. When they build a community instead of building a wall. When they find their sisterhood.

Covens and community are important for everyone. And it’s wonderful when you find people who are just as weird as you are. And, as I mentioned in my review of Sabrina the Teenage Witch, magic is stronger when worked among many people.

Finally, I want to talk about the spell that Sally casts as a child. She says she wants to wish for a man who is perfect in every way, too perfect to exist. And the universe brings that impossibly perfect man to her.

This is a huge part of casting spells. Be specific, and ask for exactly what you want. It’s not one hundred percent, not every spell we cast is going to come true. But most witches agree that you don’t get what you don’t ask for. So, if there’s something you want, ask for it specifically. Maybe you’ll get it.

What they got wrong

My only real issue with Practical Magic is that it isn’t what I’d call inclusive. There aren’t any male witches. There are no witches of color. I’m not entirely sure there’s a person of color in the whole movie.

So, that isn’t great. This isn’t that old of a movie.

Not only is this just bad form, bad storytelling and bad casting, but it also reinforces a nasty stereotype that modern witches only look one kind of way. That way being a white cisgender woman. And that’s just not true. Witchcraft is a big community where everyone is welcome. I would love to see that represented in one of the most iconic witch movies of all time. Hopefully, this is something they fix with the sequel.

In conclusion, it’s not hard to see why generations of fans still hold this movie so close to their hearts. And while it could certainly use more inclusion, I don’t see the magic of Practical Magic fading anytime soon.

(4.5 / 5)

By the way, if you like this you might enjoy my haunted apartment novella, Quiet Apocalypse. The main character is a modern witch, and I share some real magic in this fictional story of an unexpected end of the world.

Witchcraft has always been a go-to for creatives. Books, movies, TV shows, songs and even comic books have included depictions of witches going back to Grendel and Lilith.

In modern times, witches still have a strong foothold in our cultural zeitgeist. We cannot get enough of women in pointy hats, brooms, cauldrons and black cats.

Of course, all of this love for the fictional witch ignores the fact that there are very real witches still around today. You probably know someone who identifies as a witch. And if you don’t, you do now.

I am a modern, practicing witch. When I was growing up in a religion that didn’t allow playing cards or women to wear pants in church, my only real outlet for my witchy interests was the myriad fictional depictions of witches I saw around me. Oh, how I loved them.

That being said, learning more about real witchcraft has changed how I feel about a lot of fictional witchy depictions. Sometimes I like them more. Sometimes I like them much, much less. As if I could have liked the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina less.

So today, we’re starting a series of classic reviews covering witches in modern fiction. We’re going to take a look at what these shows got right about witchcraft, and what they got laughably wrong.

Speaking of laughing, we’re starting with the lighthearted Sabrina The Teenage Witch.

Just the facts

Running for seven seasons from 1996 to 2003, Sabrina the Teenage Witch was based on the much longer-running comic series. It starred Melissa Joan Hart, had a laugh track, and was just the pinnacle of a bad but enjoyable nineties sitcom. The story revolves around Sabrina Spellman, a teenager who just found out that she is a witch. Together with her aunts, Hilda and Zelda, and a wisecracking warlock turned cat named Salem, she experiences the nefarious world of a high school student while trying to learn about her new fantastic powers.

Sabrina the Teenage Witch is a fun show if you need something bright, cheerful and happy. It’s funny, sometimes not on purpose, and has an array of enjoyable characters. The magic is wildly out of the bounds of reality. The only real limitation seems to be the arbitrary (and often plot device-heavy) rules from the Witch’s High Council.

What Sabrina got right

I’m never going to suggest that the witchcraft in Sabrina the Teenage Witch is realistic. Honestly, if someone tells you they can turn you into a pineapple, they’re probably messing with you. But yes, there are some realistic aspects to the way witchcraft is portrayed. And lots to appreciate.

For starters, I appreciate the inclusion of male witches. Sabrina’s father is a witch, and of course, so is Salem. Men who practice witchcraft are often overlooked, or dismissed. So the inclusion of a main character who’s a male witch (even if he is in cat form) was nice.

Another thing I liked was Sabrina’s response the first time her aunts tell her she’s a witch. She laughs it off, thinking they’re a little weird. And honestly, unless you have some weird religious people around you, that’s the normal response. Some people in the community worry that people will judge them, and I get it. But the top response from most people is usually to say, “Oh cool,” and then change the subject.

Finally, there were some magical bits that Sabrina got right. For one thing, there is very little wand waving. And while some witches do use wands to direct energy, many of us just point our fingers. That was good to see.

I also liked the acknowledgment that more witches mean more energy for a spell. Anytime you can rope some friends into doing a spell with you, it’s gonna have more oomph. And sometimes you need that. It’s like moving furniture. You can probably move an end table by yourself. But moving a couch might take a couple of guys.

What Sabrina got wrong

All that being said, of course, Sabrina didn’t get everything right. And I’m not talking about the wild things that aren’t realistic. I’m not going to rebuke the show because no one actually levitates.

But I don’t like the fact that it never seems to cost any of the witches anything to cast a spell. They throw around their powers as though it takes no energy at all to do so.

Magic takes energy. It has a price. Sometimes it’s a small one, sometimes it’s not. Going back to that analogy about moving furniture, if you’re trying to move something too heavy alone and without the proper tools, you’re apt to pull a muscle. Sabrina is just learning about her powers. Using them should make her tired. It could cause a headache, illness, or just the need to sit down and drink a cup of tea.

My biggest pet peeve, though, is the thought that someone has to be born a witch. This is something anyone can do if they want to. And while hereditary witches might have a leg up on those of us who had to figure everything out for ourselves, anyone can be a witch. Anyone, at any time, can start researching and learning about witchcraft.

All in all, Sabrina the Teenage Witch is a fun show with some surprisingly accurate and forward-thinking witchy notions. If you managed to sidestep it so far, consider giving it a watch. I doubt you’ll be disappointed.

If you want to see more of this series, or if you have a piece of witch fiction that you’d like me to review, let me know in the comments.

(4 / 5)