It’s good to be back at the drive-in, isn’t it? The MutantFam has been eagerly anticipating the return of The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs in whichever form Shudder felt was fit to bestow onto us. We know that a second season of the double-feature series is set to happen. Haunted MTL was quick to figure out the Myers-centric nature of the Halloween Hootenanny with a few clues. We were even told just before the event that there will be yet another Christmas marathon.
To celebrate the return of The Last Drive-In, Haunted MTL allowed me to take over the Twitter account for live tweeting-purposes, and boy was it a blast. You’ll see some of these tweets peppered throughout the upcoming 3-part review and recap.
Halloween (1978)
Opening Rant: I lost track somewhere from the transition from Dia De Los Muertos to Niagra Falls. Basic takeaway? Seven spookhouses in Niagara Falls, Canada. Seven.
Look, we all know Halloween. It is a Halloween staple. Surprisingly, though, this was the first time Joe Bob Briggs ever showed in one of his shows. Yes, we’re even talking back in the MonsterVision days. How crazy is that?
Anyway, in case you were born on another planet and just somehow managed to teleport onto Earth this moment, desperate to learn about Halloween, here you go:
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Halloween is the 1978 film by John Carpenter about a very scary man named Michael Myers. Michael killed his sister when he was six years old on Halloween night and spent 15 years locked up, studied by Dr. Samuel Loomis. Michael escapes the sanitarium and travels back to Haddonfield. Through sheer, dumb misfortune, Michael fixates on a teenager and her friends. Can Laurie Strode, an everygirl, survive the murderous intentions of The Boogyman? Can Dr. Samuel Loomis stop Michael Myers from killing again?
The movie is one you know, as well as the talent behind it. This watershed moment in the slasher-horror genre was directed by the incredible John Carpenter. Debra Hill co-wrote the film with Carpenter, and also served as producer. The film stars Donald Pleasence, Jamie Lee Curtis, and P. J. Soles.
Review
Look. John Carpenter’s Halloween is a classic and deserves the heaps up praise put upon it. It’s a great film, and still terrifying to this day. Of course, Joe Bob is going to give the movie the 4-star treatment. There are concerns, naturally, about showing such a well-known movie on a Halloween marathon. It is incredibly on the nose. Could the selection of films for the marathon be a little more unorthodox, like the Joe Bob Christmas? Sure, but there is just something classic to diving into the story of Michael Myers. It’s comfort food.
Joe Bob’s praise of the film is not a surprise, nor is any of the information hugely new to anyone who has really studied the film. Halloween is one of those movies that has been so analyzed and studied that the conversations around it are ones that have existed since it practically came out. Take, for example, the running gag of the night: why does Michael do what he does? Throughout all three films during the night, Twitter users consulted and pitched over 25 different theories as to why Michael is the way he is.
Few of them were new.
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But that’s okay. Nothing about watching Halloween on The Last Drive-In is a new experience, but that is fine. Sometimes you just want to see Michael Myers chase Laurie Strode through a house. It seems pretty much that is exactly what Joe Bob was aiming for that night.
Haunted MTL‘s take? It’s obvious that Halloween is like a holy text of horror film; the film is about as canonical to horror movies as Dante’s Inferno is to literature. Halloween obviously is a 4-star film. We’ll need to really do a critical assessment of it later. It isn’t really a film you can so much review these days, but instead analyze. Even 40 years later the film still has incredible power. Despite the series as a whole sinking to some real low points, John Carpenter’s original Haddonfield story still awes.
Best Line: “Can I get your ghost, Bob?” – Lynda, seconds from disaster.
Haunted MTL Drive-in Totals
As the night was stretched over a triple feature, there were a lot of drive-in totals. Shudder, helpfully, tweeted out some of the movie-specific totals.
We hope that this is a trend for the next marathon and second season.
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As for our own? We’re gonna let them all hang out right here. The next couple of review installments will not include these.
Mafia movie funding (Texas Chain Saw Massacre)
Pumpkin Be-hatting
Suspiria mentioning
Pussy stretching
Set destroying
Mad Max-ing
Redneck Rustling
Expendable Hobo reshooting
Lord Byron mentioning
Child actress endangering
Sombrero Stapling
Native Joking
Redneck Joking
Clipboard Fu
Picture in Picture Fu
Sombrero Fu
Chris Jericho Fan Fiction Fu
Tom Atkins Fu
Darcy Piñata Fu (“That’ll fucking do it.”
0 Twitter Jailbreaks for Darcy (!)
1 Sonny Chiba mention
3 dead dogs
3 cuts in the iconic “one-shot” opening
5 Darcy Outfits
7 Canadian Spookhouses
7 Quickies
10 Standards of Tourism
13 O’s in the word “No” in my notes when the third film was going to be Halloween 5.
25 Myers psychology theories from Twitter
Please stay tuned for the second installment of the recap and review focusing on the diminishing returns of Halloween IV: The Return of Michael Myers.
In the meantime, why not check out some of our other great content here at Haunted MTL?
We’ve reached the final episode of American Horror Stories, season three. After the ups and downs of the season, I didn’t know what to expect. I felt that we were due a big finish, Killer Queens. But I feared we were in for a big letdown.
As it turns out, The Thing Under The Bed was neither.
The story
We begin our story with a little girl named Mary, who is scared of something under her bed. She sneaks out of her room, only to be caught by her father and sent back to sleep. And of course, there is something horrible waiting for her under her bed.
This scene cuts away to a woman named Jillian. She has strange dreams, including one about Mary. But her husband, Mark, doesn’t want to hear about it. He’s only interested in a little lovemaking because he wants a baby. Jillian doesn’t, which makes total sense because she’s already married to one. But her irritation with her childish husband goes away when he goes away. And by goes away, I mean he’s sloppily devoured by something vicious under their bed.
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What worked
In short, this episode just worked. The acting was professional and believable. The cinematography and lighting work were wonderful, adding spooky effects and startling moments without impairing visibility.
Best of all, the story was solid. There were no plotholes to be found. Our main character, Jillian, was relatable and sympathetic.
This was maybe my favorite part of the story. I thought Jillian was a remarkably sympathetic character. She was dealt a hand she never asked for, having her husband slaughtered in their bedroom. I don’t think she missed him, so much as she was afraid of the legal ramifications of being caught with literal blood on her hands.
Then, when it would have been safest for her to just lay low and save up for a good defense attorney, she instead goes into unlikely hero mode. She does her best to save people, putting herself in legal and physical danger. It’s hard not to root for her.
It’s also a little hard not to root for the antagonist, too. I don’t want to ruin the twist for you, so I’m going to tread lightly here. But it’s great when you have an antagonist who might be off their rocker, but also maybe has a point.
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What didn’t work
I can only really think of one complaint with this episode. And that is how frequently one character says the word Chickadee. And if you’ve seen the episode, you know what I am talking about.
I get it, he has a pet name for his daughter. It’s adorable. It’s meant to convey that the two of them have a healthy loving relationship and I get it. We all get it. Blind monks get it. But the fact remains that no parent on Earth calls their kid by their pet name every single time they speak an individual sentence to them. It was just too damn much.
All in all, this was a good episode. It was a classic story, turned on its head, told by professionals from start to finish. And I hope that if there is another season, we see more stories like this one. But after the efforts put into this season at large, I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the last we see of American Horror Stories.
If you’ve watched enough short-form horror anthology shows, you’ll notice that some stories are mainstays. Each show seems to put on the same sort of episodes, with the occasional surprising storyline that we’ve never (or at least rarely) seen before.
Leprechaun was an example of a repeated story—the story of a greedy thief whose punishment far outweighs the crime.
The story
We begin our story in 1841, with a drunk man leaving the bar one late night. He’s distracted by something glowing at the end of the well. When he reaches down for the glowing thing, he falls in. Moments later, he screams.
We then cut to the modern day. The well is still there, and now it’s surrounded by a dying town. In this town lives a young man named Colin. He’s married, his wife is pregnant, and he’s out of work. Like many of his friends.
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Desperate for cash, Colin and his friends decide to rob a bank. They put together an Equate version of Ocean’s Eleven, and break in one night. But, of course, they find that the gold is nothing more than bait. And the creature waiting for them is something they never expected.
What worked
The first thing I want to point out is how real this episode felt. At least to anyone currently living in the same small town they grew up in. These characters felt like guys I went to school with. Guys I would see at the bar.
I appreciated the real anger and frustration these characters are feeling. Especially Colin. He’s bitter, and maybe he has a right to be. He did exactly what he was supposed to do to succeed. He went to school and invested in his career, and yet now he’s out of work and struggling to support his family. I probably don’t need to tell you how that feels. Because of this, we can all kind of understand why he was tempted to rob a bank.
I also want to talk about the fact that this was, as I said, an often-explored story. That can be a bad thing, but it can also be a good thing. This story is told over and over because it’s a good story. A relatable story. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
What didn’t work
That being said, this version didn’t try to do much to break out of the mold.
Because we have seen this story so many times, most of us could tell the story themselves. I would have expected something new, or some twist. But, in the end, the story didn’t bring anything new to the discussion.
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Maybe because of this, the ending left a lot to be desired. Trapped in the basement of the bank, everyone just sort of stares at everyone else, until the thieves give up. And that’s it. The ending wasn’t scary, shocking, or funny. It was just sad, on multiple levels.
Overall, this was an okay story. It was entertaining, if not surprising. I would compare this episode to homemade macaroni and cheese. Everyone’s got their own version, they’re all pretty good, and none of them are exciting.
There’s just one episode left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope they’ve saved the best for last.
We begin our story late at night, with a hospital security guard named Malcolm. He is frightened one night when he sees a woman with a distorted face in the hospital parking lot.
We then joined an RN named Claire. She’s doing her best to explain to a struggling mother that the hospital will not be able to treat her son with cancer because she can’t afford the treatment.
Not like she’s happy about it.
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Fortunately, Dr. Nostrum, played by the legend Henry Winkler, swoops in at the last moment to tell the mother that her son qualifies for a special place in his cancer treatment clinic.
Claire is lamenting the fact that she became an RN to help people, but it feels like she isn’t doing anything good. Then, she and her friend Lilly stumble upon the same woman who menaced Malcom the night before.
While Claire is trying to figure out what’s wrong with this woman, she brutally slaughters an orderly and vanishes into the hospital. But not before struggling to say two words to Claire. Ward X.
What worked
I want to start by praising the effects of this episode. Because they were fantastic. Aided by the black and white filming, the bloody and distorted faces of Alice and her fellow victims are nightmarish. They look like a horrific version of Lockjaw taken to a terrifying extreme.
I also want to discuss the fantastic work of Henry Winkler. He is an absolute legend and never has a bad project.
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Winkler’s character in this episode was exactly what we’d expect from him. He seems genuinely warm and kind, concerned about others’ well-being. Even when he’s planning to kill Claire, he comes off as such a caring guy.
Finally, I want to talk about the historical significance of this story. Because, like I always say, the scariest stories are the ones based on truth. And I’m sorry to say, this story has a basis in truth.
Mankind has a dark and twisted history when it comes to medical advances. Most doctors and scientists are good, moral people who abide by the first line of the Hippocratic oath, to first do no harm. Some, historically, are little more than monsters in white coats. Consider the Tuskegee Experiment, Unit 731, and the horrific acts of Josef Mengele. If you’re going to look up that middle one, be warned that it is NSFL.
While this episode of American Horror Stories was a work of fiction, it wasn’t that far off. I don’t think many of us want to admit how close to real life it was. This is the gift of good horror, to force us to come face to face with the worst aspects of humanity. To acknowledge them, accept them, and change them.
All in all, this was a perfect episode. The acting, the effects and the story were all top-shelf. And it’s certainly a story that will stick with you.
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There are just two episodes left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope that they reach closer to the quality of X, and away from the dull and dismal episodes that began the second half of this season.
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