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So, in the span of four hours, I watched Maniac and Heathers and I absolutely loved it. This week’s films come from that Last Drive-In impulse of pairing tonally different movies together. This is similar to the premiere and I hope it is a sign to come for the rest of the season: The Last Drive-In is at its best when it is offbeat.

As I did last week, I encourage you to follow the Haunted MTL Twitter feed and join in on the fun during the live stream. We’d love to have you.

Maniac (1980)

Opening Rant: Joe Bob talked a lot about similarities between Maniac and Joker, but transition more toward the panic around the clown.

We get more sleazy seventies this week with Maniac. Yes, the movie came out in 1980, but the work of making it and the whole aesthetic is pure 1970s. The movie is incredibly fun and grimy and has an absolutely legendary performance from Actor’s Actor Joe Spinell. Spinell is absolutely magnetic as Frank Zito, one of the great slasher characters who is also incredibly charming. The fact this absolute, well, maniac, is at all sympathetic is an incredible feat, especially given some of those really creepy elements of the character. You’ll see.

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William Lustig’s direction is strong and the film and the film absolutely soars during the sequence where Frank is stalking a woman in the subway. This scene is where the movie absolutely clicks and the paranoia and anxiety of this chase is fantastic. The scene is only second to a great photography scene where viewers have the pleasure of watching Spinell morph from charming-Frank to monster-Frank. It’s masterful. Too bad the ending (not the art-house death-scene, but rather the final shot) kind of cheapens the overall quality of the movie.

Joe Bob has a lot of praise for the film, but I am less enamored of it. Joe Bob awarded the film the full 4-star treatment. The film is good, do not get me wrong. It can be creepy, the effects are fun, and the killer is fascinating. Hell, the movie has the big daddy of gore effects, Tom Savini. Speaking of whom, having Savini on The Last Drive-In is an all-time-great get for the show. Savini was affable, charming, and had many great stories. He was like the world’s coolest uncle and it was fun to hear he and Joe Bob swap insider knowledge of film. The conversation surrounding Maniac’s infamous “exploding head” is definitely going to be posted on YouTube in the coming week.

Ultimately, though, I found Maniac kind of tame. Yet, something about the film just doesn’t work for me. For as much as Maniac gets for being controversial, I don’t find it all that intense. It’s fine. The film works, very well even, yet it’s something that I feel I could just pop on for fun than anything that would necessarily creep me out. It just does not have the same effect on me as it does others, but that’s okay. It’d be a while since I saw it, but compared to Blood Sucking Freaks it was just kind of… cozy. And even then, Blood Sucking Freaks didn’t really cross any lines for me, either.

Basically, what I am trying to say is… don’t hang out with me.

I thought about it a lot, but when it comes down to it I could only give Maniac 3 and 1/2 Cthulhus. It’s a fun movie, but the eye-rolling ending just burns away so much goodwill I have for it. Had the ending not made me roll my eyes I’d have given it an extra half Cthulhu.

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3.5 out of 5 stars (3.5 / 5)

Best Line: “I know, but to me things change. People die. But in a picture or painting, they’re yours forever.” – Frank Zito

You don’t want to see his “oh”-face.

Heathers (1989)

Opening Rant: Joe Bob takes on San Francisco.

We get to the best movie of the night after a brief break. Heathers is a pitch-black high school comedy, with the ultimate irony being that it’s not really the kind of Drive-In movie that one expects from a Joe Bob Briggs selection. But that’s okay. One of my favorite moments of season one was the artsy The Changeling, and it’s nice to have something a little outside the norm of the show. A couple of these films a season are welcomed.

As for Heathers, its not really a horror film, though it makes several horrific statements about teenagers, society, and high school. The situations presented are awful and there is no way in hell to make Heathers today given America’s continuous trauma of mass-gun violence in schools. Yet, as screwed up a world as Heathers presents, we have to laugh because it also feels just so true to life.

Heathers made Winona Ryder a star, despite claims to the contrary by Beetlejuice fans. Sure, perhaps Beetlejuice was a mainstream hit, but Heathers was a bold choice of role that put her on the radar of darker film fans. Of course, this is all opinion, but it’s hard not to see how iconic Winona Ryder comes across in the film in so many scenes. She obviously was not alone, however, and her work was balanced by the absolutely manic energy of Christian Slater who seems to be channeling the spirit of Jack Nicholson. Slater’s JD might be one of the best Holden Caufieldesque shitheads committed to film and to watch the “bad boy” facade wash away into the pathetic, ineffectual dweeb he ends up at the end of the film is so, so satisfying. It’s explosive, even.

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Really, though, Heathers is one of those writerly movies. It’s oft-quoted, it’s marveled at for its structure, and it is a tight movie. Its incredible work by a first-time screenwriter in Daniel Waters. He absolutely nails the teenage voice that would continue to thrive in future teen films. A lot is said about John Hughes having influenced film regarding teenage characters. Waters is right up there with him, full stop. If the film has a weak spot, it might be Michael Lehman’s direction; it’s not bad, but barring a couple of scenes it doesn’t really stand out either. Lehman would go on to direct a lot of television.

Joe Bob’s assessment of the film comes off as perhaps the biggest surprise of the night. Of course, it’s not odd that Joe Bob would like Heathers. It’s a good movie. But the fact Joe Bob gave Heathers the full 4-star treatment is very interesting, especially given his usual half-star deduction for a lack of breast. The overall exuberance of the film carried throughout the host segments, however, and his insights into the cast were particularly welcome. This was especially interesting when he was discussing Shannen Doherty and her experience on the set, but his bit on the insanity that was Christian Slater was also quite fun.

I really don’t throw the word “perfect” out there a whole lot, and usually, when I do it is usually irony. I can safely say that, without irony, Heathers is a perfect teen-centric movie. It’s not at all flawless and in today’s climate elements of it are fairly antiquated. But none of that matters because it is darkly funny, well-plotted, and probably is one of the better representations of high school out there. With that said, it only makes sense that I’d give Heathers the Five Cthulhus treatment. 5 out of 5 stars (5 / 5)

Best Line: “My son’s a homosexual, and I love him. I love my dead gay son.” – Kurt’s Father, at the Funeral.

#Queen

HMTL Drive-In Totals

As usual, we start with the official Drive-In Totals in handy tweet form!

Here are our totals for this week!

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  • $30,000 porn dollars
  • 6 Scathing Review Excerpts
  • 7 Beer Cans
  • 2 Darcy Cosplays (Frank Zito and
  • 1 Darcy Imprisonment
  • 1 Yuki Sighting
  • 250 Page First Draft
  • Stalking Fu
  • Dwarf Porn Discussion Fu
  • Vomit Fu
  • Croquet Fu
  • Gratuitous Flopsweat
  • Gratuitous Cliffsnotes
  • Gratuitous Disco
  • Joe Bob Cosplaying
  • Texas Joking
  • Chinese Joking
  • “That Guy Award” for Glenn Shadix
  • “Silver Bolo Award” for Cousin Barnabas of the Collinsport Historical Society
Darcy’s bulge could have been bigger.

Episode Score

The best Drive-In pairings tend to be the most bonkers. Nobody in a sound state of mind would pair Maniac and Heathers, but here we are, and we’re all the better for it. Again, another solid episode, but that’s pretty much the standard. The minute the show has a bad episode then we’re all in trouble. That begs the question though, what would a bad episode be? 4.5 out of 5 stars (4.5 / 5)

One a final note, we’re trying to get Joe Bob and Darcy verified on Twitter. Join us, won’t you?

David Davis is a writer, cartoonist, and educator in Southern California with an M.A. in literature and writing studies.

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Movies n TV

American Horror Stories, The Thing Under The Bed

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We’ve reached the final episode of American Horror Stories, season three. After the ups and downs of the season, I didn’t know what to expect. I felt that we were due a big finish, Killer Queens. But I feared we were in for a big letdown.

As it turns out, The Thing Under The Bed was neither.

The story

We begin our story with a little girl named Mary, who is scared of something under her bed. She sneaks out of her room, only to be caught by her father and sent back to sleep. And of course, there is something horrible waiting for her under her bed.

Debby Ryan in American Horror Stories.

This scene cuts away to a woman named Jillian. She has strange dreams, including one about Mary. But her husband, Mark, doesn’t want to hear about it. He’s only interested in a little lovemaking because he wants a baby. Jillian doesn’t, which makes total sense because she’s already married to one. But her irritation with her childish husband goes away when he goes away. And by goes away, I mean he’s sloppily devoured by something vicious under their bed.

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What worked

In short, this episode just worked. The acting was professional and believable. The cinematography and lighting work were wonderful, adding spooky effects and startling moments without impairing visibility.

Best of all, the story was solid. There were no plotholes to be found. Our main character, Jillian, was relatable and sympathetic.

This was maybe my favorite part of the story. I thought Jillian was a remarkably sympathetic character. She was dealt a hand she never asked for, having her husband slaughtered in their bedroom. I don’t think she missed him, so much as she was afraid of the legal ramifications of being caught with literal blood on her hands.

Then, when it would have been safest for her to just lay low and save up for a good defense attorney, she instead goes into unlikely hero mode. She does her best to save people, putting herself in legal and physical danger. It’s hard not to root for her.

It’s also a little hard not to root for the antagonist, too. I don’t want to ruin the twist for you, so I’m going to tread lightly here. But it’s great when you have an antagonist who might be off their rocker, but also maybe has a point.

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What didn’t work

I can only really think of one complaint with this episode. And that is how frequently one character says the word Chickadee. And if you’ve seen the episode, you know what I am talking about.

I get it, he has a pet name for his daughter. It’s adorable. It’s meant to convey that the two of them have a healthy loving relationship and I get it. We all get it. Blind monks get it. But the fact remains that no parent on Earth calls their kid by their pet name every single time they speak an individual sentence to them. It was just too damn much.

All in all, this was a good episode. It was a classic story, turned on its head, told by professionals from start to finish. And I hope that if there is another season, we see more stories like this one. But after the efforts put into this season at large, I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the last we see of American Horror Stories.

4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

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American Horror Stories, Leprechaun

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If you’ve watched enough short-form horror anthology shows, you’ll notice that some stories are mainstays. Each show seems to put on the same sort of episodes, with the occasional surprising storyline that we’ve never (or at least rarely) seen before.

Leprechaun was an example of a repeated story—the story of a greedy thief whose punishment far outweighs the crime.

The story

We begin our story in 1841, with a drunk man leaving the bar one late night. He’s distracted by something glowing at the end of the well. When he reaches down for the glowing thing, he falls in. Moments later, he screams.

We then cut to the modern day. The well is still there, and now it’s surrounded by a dying town. In this town lives a young man named Colin. He’s married, his wife is pregnant, and he’s out of work. Like many of his friends.

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Hudson Oz in American Horror Stories Leprechaun.

Desperate for cash, Colin and his friends decide to rob a bank. They put together an Equate version of Ocean’s Eleven, and break in one night. But, of course, they find that the gold is nothing more than bait. And the creature waiting for them is something they never expected.

What worked

The first thing I want to point out is how real this episode felt. At least to anyone currently living in the same small town they grew up in. These characters felt like guys I went to school with. Guys I would see at the bar.

I appreciated the real anger and frustration these characters are feeling. Especially Colin. He’s bitter, and maybe he has a right to be. He did exactly what he was supposed to do to succeed. He went to school and invested in his career, and yet now he’s out of work and struggling to support his family. I probably don’t need to tell you how that feels. Because of this, we can all kind of understand why he was tempted to rob a bank.

I also want to talk about the fact that this was, as I said, an often-explored story. That can be a bad thing, but it can also be a good thing. This story is told over and over because it’s a good story. A relatable story. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

What didn’t work

That being said, this version didn’t try to do much to break out of the mold.

Because we have seen this story so many times, most of us could tell the story themselves. I would have expected something new, or some twist. But, in the end, the story didn’t bring anything new to the discussion.

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Maybe because of this, the ending left a lot to be desired. Trapped in the basement of the bank, everyone just sort of stares at everyone else, until the thieves give up. And that’s it. The ending wasn’t scary, shocking, or funny. It was just sad, on multiple levels.

Overall, this was an okay story. It was entertaining, if not surprising. I would compare this episode to homemade macaroni and cheese. Everyone’s got their own version, they’re all pretty good, and none of them are exciting.

There’s just one episode left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope they’ve saved the best for last.

3.5 out of 5 stars (3.5 / 5)

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American Horror Stories, X

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It happened. It finally happened. We got another good episode of American Horror Stories.

The story

We begin our story late at night, with a hospital security guard named Malcolm. He is frightened one night when he sees a woman with a distorted face in the hospital parking lot.

We then joined an RN named Claire. She’s doing her best to explain to a struggling mother that the hospital will not be able to treat her son with cancer because she can’t afford the treatment.

Mia Isaac in American Horror Stories.

Not like she’s happy about it.

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Fortunately, Dr. Nostrum, played by the legend Henry Winkler, swoops in at the last moment to tell the mother that her son qualifies for a special place in his cancer treatment clinic.

Claire is lamenting the fact that she became an RN to help people, but it feels like she isn’t doing anything good. Then, she and her friend Lilly stumble upon the same woman who menaced Malcom the night before.

While Claire is trying to figure out what’s wrong with this woman, she brutally slaughters an orderly and vanishes into the hospital. But not before struggling to say two words to Claire. Ward X.

What worked

I want to start by praising the effects of this episode. Because they were fantastic. Aided by the black and white filming, the bloody and distorted faces of Alice and her fellow victims are nightmarish. They look like a horrific version of Lockjaw taken to a terrifying extreme.

I also want to discuss the fantastic work of Henry Winkler. He is an absolute legend and never has a bad project.

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Henry Winkler and Mia Isaac in American Horror Stories.

Winkler’s character in this episode was exactly what we’d expect from him. He seems genuinely warm and kind, concerned about others’ well-being. Even when he’s planning to kill Claire, he comes off as such a caring guy.

Finally, I want to talk about the historical significance of this story. Because, like I always say, the scariest stories are the ones based on truth. And I’m sorry to say, this story has a basis in truth.

Mankind has a dark and twisted history when it comes to medical advances. Most doctors and scientists are good, moral people who abide by the first line of the Hippocratic oath, to first do no harm. Some, historically, are little more than monsters in white coats. Consider the Tuskegee Experiment, Unit 731, and the horrific acts of Josef Mengele. If you’re going to look up that middle one, be warned that it is NSFL.

While this episode of American Horror Stories was a work of fiction, it wasn’t that far off. I don’t think many of us want to admit how close to real life it was. This is the gift of good horror, to force us to come face to face with the worst aspects of humanity. To acknowledge them, accept them, and change them.

All in all, this was a perfect episode. The acting, the effects and the story were all top-shelf. And it’s certainly a story that will stick with you.

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There are just two episodes left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope that they reach closer to the quality of X, and away from the dull and dismal episodes that began the second half of this season.

5 out of 5 stars (5 / 5)

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