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It was an evening of chills, spills, and colonial ills for the sixth episode of The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs. What a night. We had two divisive features: Dead Heat and Cannibal Holocaust. I think we can all agree that maybe there was a little too much Piscopo. That and filmed animal deaths are pretty terrible.

So, lets dive in, shall we?

Dead Heat (1988)

Opening Rant: Can one loiter in a Starbucks?

We all know how this goes, two cops are investigating a conspiracy, one cop dies in the line for fire, and then is revived as a zombie to continue his work with his smart-aleck partner. Welcome to Dead Heat: It’s like Lethal Weapon meets My Boyfriend’s Back. The first movie tonight was kind of a light, airy aperitif to Cannibal Holocaust‘s main course. Dead Heat was goofy, overproduced, but still pretty fun.

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The movie is an interesting product of late 1980s Hollywood trying to ape the spirit of the kind of trash coming from low-budget indie projects. The elements are all there but not handled appropriately. The film feels like a Troma release with too much money and lazy execution. There is stuff in this movie to love, though, and even a more scaled-down one or two films buried in this overly-plotted mess of the movie.

It’s strange that what should be a momentous occasion, the presence of Darren McGavin and Vincent Price in the same movie, does not really wow as it should. That’s kind of the movie as a whole: it should be way better than it is. Less time spent on Joe Piscopo one-liners and an amusing but ultimately pointless reanimated Chinese butcher shop inventory and Dead Heat could have been really good.

That being said, Treat Williams hurling himself off a motorcycle through a glass door, guns-blazing was certainly worth the watch. The film is fun, but that is about it.

Joe Bob’s assessment of Dead Heat is pretty middle of the road for a film on The Last Drive-In, coming in at two and a half stars. Of course, our host had a lot to say about the film and a lot of it was interesting, but it also felt like Joe Bob just wasn’t feeling it. This might be the most ambivalent he has ever been on a movie since his debut on Shudder. Perhaps it is a recognition of squandered potential in concept and execution?

Then again, Dead Heat was definitely not the draw for the evening. Cannibal Holocaust stole the show even before the episode aired.

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Dead Heat could have been a better movie. I can only give it two and a half Cthulhus out of five. If the film hadn’t been as crazy as it ended up by the end I would have rated it lower. 2.5 out of 5 stars (2.5 / 5)

Best Line: “God wants us to live forever. And even if he doesn’t, you could always buy him off.” – Loudermilk

Guess who the zombie is… you may be surprised!

Cannibal Holocaust

Opening Rant: Vegan Meat

The buzz around this week was already huge in the MutantFam as this was the rare time that Joe Bob revealed a movie early on. Cannibal Holocaust (1980) is a lightning rod of controversy and emotions in the horror community. I won’t say it is a “love it or hate it” film as my own feelings are fairly ambivalent, but it is most assuredly polarizing.

So, the thing about Cannibal Holocaust is, in my estimation, that any weight we attach to the film in the form of messages is in spite of director Ruggero Deodato’s efforts. The film is an exploitation piece, through and through, and it’s pretty good at that. It is a cannibal mondo and delivers some pretty gruesome stuff. Yet, the anti-colonial reading of the film is definitely more attributable to critics and viewers. Deodato has said a lot about the film since and has said the “right” things about intent, but the production of the film feels otherwise. I won’t relay the long, convoluted history of Cannibal Holocaust, but others have.

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The film is largely ham-handed in messaging. Violence is swift, exploitative, and animal cruelty is a real issue. Joe Bob did verify that the animals slaughtered on camera were used to feed local indigenous actors, which doesn’t quite make it acceptable by any means but eases the sting of it a bit. Yet there are moments of brilliance.

The score is one of the haunting and iconic audio accompaniments to grotesque violence and exploitation shown on the screen. The score is downright beautiful and the juxtaposition of a romantic melody set against the slaughter of human beings works incredibly well in promoting unease in the whole on-screen enterprise.

This paragraph will have spoilers, so please skip it if you intend to watch the movie. I do not want to ruin two particular scenes. With that out of the way, it feels strange to say, but the best moment of the film could go to two scenes: In the first, the manipulative filmmakers burn down a hut full of trapped indigenous people and in the aftermath, the lead producer and his co-producer have sex near the smoking ruins in a scene of excess cruelty. So much interpretive work can be done based around this scene. It’s masterfully executed in establishing the Green Inferno-crew as the” real cannibals,” a sentiment delivered at the end of the film. The second scene is equally cruel: the three men of the camera crew rape and indigenous woman and the sole woman member of the crew protests, not about the rape, but the waste of film; after all, they can’t show this to the public.

These scenes of cruelty are intended as set up for why the events of the film play out, but they come off as so much more because of the cultural cachet of the film. Cannibal Holocaust is just one of those movies that carries a certain weight. Few people would straight up say itis their all-time favorite among certain company, though it certainly is an all-time favorite for some.

The problem is that, ultimately, Cannibal Holocaust just isn’t that good as a movie. It’s not exactly “fun,” though fun is not necessarily the be-all measure of quality. It’s not exactly deep, either, as it is a blunt metaphor that was sharpened by viewers after the fact. Most of the horror of the film stems from animal slaughter and barring a couple of moments, most of the gore is passable at best. The film’s most iconic shock is often displayed right on the cover of the DVD or on the theatrical poster. The film offers little besides novelty and is an interesting footnote in the debate of films and obscenity.

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Yet, I firmly believe that any serious advocate for film should see this film. It is a strange contrast I must deal with; it’s not good, but it is also something to be seen.

Joe Bob’s assessment of the film, to me, seemed a bit mixed. There was a fair and justified amount of criticism regarding elements of the film, but what was interesting was the way he had handled the aspect of animal cruelty. Yes, animals were harmed in the making of the film and committed to celluloid, but those animals were also used as food. It’s an ugly bit of filmmaking but it is also something that has been overblown, to a degree.

The majority of the criticism revolved around the direction, and I definitely found myself in agreement in that regard. In my own estimation, Ruggero Deodato is an inconsistent center to such a touchstone in the horror community, and his on-set choices and antics are equally as problematic as the animal abuse. I cracked this joke during the live-tweet, but I think it summed up my feelings pretty succinctly.

Joe Bob has talked at length about the (hard “I”) Italian film industry of the 60s, 70s, and 80s. It was nuts. Imagine how crazy a person is to be considered too crazy for the Italian film industry.

The real highlight of the evening, however, was the sense of care for viewers that the crew of The Last Drive-In places into their show. The disclaimers were frequent, one at the end of the break between films, Shudder’s own disclaimer, the film’s disclaimer, the social media disclaimers in the lead up to the film, and Darcy’s own trigger-warning tweets as the film aired. It reflects well on Joe Bob Briggs and those with whom he has surrounded himself in this stage of his career.

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Given the film, it is ironic that I can use the word heartwarming to describe the night as beyond the many warnings meant to protect those who may be unable to handle the content of the film there was something new. Something fans have wanted for a while: Host segments with timestamps, detached from the film. More are on the way for previous movies that have long slipped the grasp of Shudder, but rolling them out starting with Cannibal Holocaust is incredibly fitting. The ongoing BBQ gag throughout the host segments in the latter half of the night was incredibly cute as well.

Ultimately, Joe Bob’s score for Cannibal Holocaust is a reflection of polarization. It’s either four stars or one star. It just depends on how you approach it. As for me, the film scores three Cthulhus. It’s important but it’s not necessarily good. 3 out of 5 stars (3 / 5)

Best Line: “Ah, yes, that’s typical Western thought. Civilized, isn’t it? That’s what Alan thought and that’s why he’s dead. The Yacumo Indian is a primitive, and he has to be respected as such. You know, did you ever think of the Yacumo point of view, that we might be the ones who are savages?” – Monroe

A man who has seen some serious shit.

Haunted MTL Drive-In Totals

As always, Shudder shares those wonderful recaps. Cannibal Holocaust‘s are, as expected, pretty wild.

As for the Haunted MTL tally?

  • 2 Bolos
  • 2 Ineffectual Zombie Gimp Robbers
  • 2 Dead Monkeys
  • 3 Tribes
  • 3 BBQ Styles
  • 6 Yuki Sightings
  • 700 Cop Cliches
  • Trailer Opening
  • Twin Peaks Connecting
  • Darcy Jailing
  • BBQing
  • Lincoln/Kennedy Joking
  • Nun Joking
  • Woman Melting
  • Tactical Vincent Price
  • Mangled Dick Expert Felissa Rose
  • Course-Correcting Gunfights
  • Gratuitous One-Liners from Joe Piscopo
  • Gratuitous Character Actors
  • Disclaimer Fu
  • Lipstick Fu
  • Deli Fu
  • Launching Off Motorcycle Fu
  • Silver Bolo Award Winner: The Homicidal Homemaker
  • Darcy Cosplay: The Turtle’s Revenge
Darcy is the Turtle’s revenge…

Episode Score

While the energy felt a little lacking surrounding Dead Heat, the crew more than made up for it with the shenanigans surrounding the airing of Cannibal Holocaust. Had the discussion and host segments not delivered I very likely could have dipped below a four here. 4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

As always, join us for live-tweets for the remainder of the season.

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Movies n TV

American Horror Stories, X

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It happened. It finally happened. We got another good episode of American Horror Stories.

The story

We begin our story late at night, with a hospital security guard named Malcolm. He is frightened one night when he sees a woman with a distorted face in the hospital parking lot.

We then joined an RN named Claire. She’s doing her best to explain to a struggling mother that the hospital will not be able to treat her son with cancer because she can’t afford the treatment.

Mia Isaac in American Horror Stories.

Not like she’s happy about it.

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Fortunately, Dr. Nostrum, played by the legend Henry Winkler, swoops in at the last moment to tell the mother that her son qualifies for a special place in his cancer treatment clinic.

Claire is lamenting the fact that she became an RN to help people, but it feels like she isn’t doing anything good. Then, she and her friend Lilly stumble upon the same woman who menaced Malcom the night before.

While Claire is trying to figure out what’s wrong with this woman, she brutally slaughters an orderly and vanishes into the hospital. But not before struggling to say two words to Claire. Ward X.

What worked

I want to start by praising the effects of this episode. Because they were fantastic. Aided by the black and white filming, the bloody and distorted faces of Alice and her fellow victims are nightmarish. They look like a horrific version of Lockjaw taken to a terrifying extreme.

I also want to discuss the fantastic work of Henry Winkler. He is an absolute legend and never has a bad project.

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Henry Winkler and Mia Isaac in American Horror Stories.

Winkler’s character in this episode was exactly what we’d expect from him. He seems genuinely warm and kind, concerned about others’ well-being. Even when he’s planning to kill Claire, he comes off as such a caring guy.

Finally, I want to talk about the historical significance of this story. Because, like I always say, the scariest stories are the ones based on truth. And I’m sorry to say, this story has a basis in truth.

Mankind has a dark and twisted history when it comes to medical advances. Most doctors and scientists are good, moral people who abide by the first line of the Hippocratic oath, to first do no harm. Some, historically, are little more than monsters in white coats. Consider the Tuskegee Experiment, Unit 731, and the horrific acts of Josef Mengele. If you’re going to look up that middle one, be warned that it is NSFL.

While this episode of American Horror Stories was a work of fiction, it wasn’t that far off. I don’t think many of us want to admit how close to real life it was. This is the gift of good horror, to force us to come face to face with the worst aspects of humanity. To acknowledge them, accept them, and change them.

All in all, this was a perfect episode. The acting, the effects and the story were all top-shelf. And it’s certainly a story that will stick with you.

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There are just two episodes left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope that they reach closer to the quality of X, and away from the dull and dismal episodes that began the second half of this season.

5 out of 5 stars (5 / 5)

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Movies n TV

The Substance: The Gnarly Body Horror of Womanhood and Aging

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The Substance is 2024’s body horror film that does not exhale until it’s final scene. It is a saturated and gory creation from French writer-director Coralie Fargeat, the creator of the 2018 movie Revenge. Fargeat created The Substance’s from her own personal experiences with body dysmorphia and unmet societal expectations. To be a woman or woman-presenting is to have one’s entire autonomy challenged and dissected. The Substance uses satire and classic movie references — ranging from Kubrick to Hitchcock — to dramatize female aging a one big body horror.

You Can’t Escape from Yourself

Elisabeth Sparkle (Demi Moore) turns 50 and is no longer relevant to a world that once loved her. Her boss, Harvey (Dennis Quaid), fires her from her long-running aerobic TV show and crudely decides to go with someone younger, all while shoving fish in his mouth. A breaking point comes when Elisabeth is in a near-fatal car accident after being distracted by construction workers tearing her face off a billboard. When she gets back home from the hospital, she realizes a young male nurse slipped a USB drive labeled THE SUBSTANCE in her pocket with a note that reads “It changed my life.” After a moment of reflection and realizing she is something of a has-been, Elisabeth decides to sign up for the Substance.

Elisabeth holding the substance drive

The Substance, much like Fargeat’s Revenge, relies heavily on visuals. The characters rarely speak, instead conveying their thoughts through their body language. The male gaze is its own character in the predominately male-casted film; exposition is conveyed through the character’s actions more than their words.

In one dialogue-free scene, Elisabeth is about to go on a date, but cannot stop fretting over her appearance. She looks at her younger self, Sue (Margaret Qualley), whose perfect body and makeup and hair and face only add to the turmoil. Several times, Elisabeth redoes her makeup, changes her outfit, then exasperatedly wipes her makeup and tears off her lashes, ultimately missing the date. Elisabeth sits on her bed, alone, captive by her insecurities. It is a quandary that drags her down a rabbit hole of self-destruction and hatred. This scene is particularly heartbreaking, because rather than being satirical and disgusting like the rest of the film, it is honest and real.

Elisabeth, in a desperate attempt to treat herself with love, only hates herself more.

Bring On the Practical Effects

The Substance is a practical effects and sound design goldmine. From the birth of Sue to Elisabeth’s devolution to the climactic Monstro Elisasue, makeup and prosthetics are the key to the movies shock value. Makeup artist Pierre-Olivier Persin and his team used an array of materials like plastic and silicone models to bring the Substance’s gruesome side effects to life. Practical effects are noticeably becoming more common in modern horror movies again; Terrifier 3 and Smile 2 are recent popular examples of such. Practical effects add an impact of surprise and awe, that, let’s face it, CGI does not produce. CGI is of course an impressive and important medium in movie making, but had Fargeat decided to go with CGI over practical, The Substance would have been an entirely different and less entertaining viewing experience.

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Is The Substance a Feminist Horror Movie?

Feminism in horror is a concept that will continuously be examined and theorized, especially when the film is created by a woman. If you look at the script and cast of The Substance, one can view it as a feminist horror movie. But it is important to keep in mind that the movie is very, very white. Of course, no artistic medium will please or include everyone. But it is worth noting that The Substance‘s approach to female aging and womanhood is specifically a white perspective, about white womanhood and white aging. There are Black and POC actors in the movie, but they are either minor characters or men or silent extras. The fact that Elisabeth, Sue and Harvey are all rich, cishet, white characters is not unnoticeable.

Sue walking down a hall that looks like something out of The Shining

Another interesting aspect of the film is its refusal to indicate a specific time period. The internet evidently does not exist, but everyone uses iPhones. Aerobic TV shows are prominent and Harvey’s office looks like it was decorated by an 80’s interior designer. This could either be a simple filmmaking mistake or a metaphor for the timeless degradation of women’s bodies. Whatever time period the film takes place, The Substance proves that, even though being a woman often sucks, white women historically have reached success faster and easier than marginalized women (e.g. Sue immediately lands a role for a new TV show mere moments after her incarnation from Elisabeth’s spine). Is Fargeat’s new movie horror? Yes. Is it political? Definitely. Is it feminist? Yes and no. But that does not make the movie any less worth of a watch.

The Verdict

The Substance is a deeply personal body horror. It picks apart the expectations that come with femininity and aging, then twists it into an amalgamation of terror, quick cuts and uncomfortable closeups, sprinkled with body mutations and all the perverted men you could dream up. Elisabeth and Sue are over-the-top, but honest, illustrations of the damage resulting from generations of men controlling women’s autonomy. It is visually stunning and saturated, and the practical effects are pure fun. The Substance, from beginning to end, is a gnarly body horror absolutely worth the watch. 4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

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Agatha All Along, Maiden Mother Crone

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We’ve reached the final episode of Marvel’s Agatha All Along. And after an emotional week for those of us living in the States, it was exactly the heartfelt, funny and inspiring ending I think we all needed.

The story

We begin this episode in the 1700’s, with Agatha in labor. As she struggles in the woods alone, Rio comes to her. It’s clear that she’s there for the baby. But Agatha begs for the life of her child. Rio says she can give her only time.

We then see ten years of Agatha with her son. They play together. They sing together. And they lure witches to their deaths together.

But of course, Rio’s warning hovers over their lives. Because she was clear, Agatha wasn’t going to be able to raise her son to manhood. She only had some extra time. And it could never have been enough.

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Kathryn Hahn and Abel Lysenko in Agatha All Along.

What worked

I want to start by pointing out that our two main characters, Agatha and Billy don’t exactly get happy endings. One of them, Agatha, is a horrible person so I’m kind of okay with that. And Billy gets a happy enough ending for now.

Jen, on the other hand, gets a happy ending. If you’ve already seen episode eight, I don’t think I’m ruining anything by telling you that she gets what she wanted and can now move on with her life. It isn’t flashy, it isn’t spectacular. But she has her life, and she has her powers. She deserves those things. All the other witches deserved them too, but at least Jen made it out alright.

I also loved the depiction of Rio as Death. While she was certainly not cuddly, she was comforting. I especially liked it when she sent Nick back to kiss his mother goodbye.

Abel Lysenko and Aubrey Plaza in Agatha All Along.

I think we like to write Death this way. As a friendly face and a caring companion who will someday come for us all. Think of Death from American Gods or Discworld. Rio felt similar.

There was something I enjoyed about this season that I frankly didn’t think I was going to enjoy. And it was unexpected.

Agatha is not a good person. Agatha has never been a good person. She’s a bad person who happens to have a soft spot for Billy because he reminds her of her son. She loved her son fiercely, but that didn’t stop her from using him to trick innocent witches. She continues to use his song after he dies.

Likewise, Agatha loves Billy and even sacrifices herself to save him. This shouldn’t be surprising, since she literally drank poison earlier in the season to keep him from doing so. But she’s still mean to him. She’s still constantly pushing his buttons.

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I kind of love that they didn’t give her a redemption arch. Especially since I know Disney had a hand in this, and they tend to like black-and-white morality characters. Agatha is not a good person. But she is still capable of love. She is still capable of regret. She is, in short, more realistic a character than we tend to see.

Finally, I loved this ending. And let me explain why.

If this is all we get, and there’s a good chance it will be, this is a satisfying enough ending. I can live with this ending. But this ending also leaves the door open for a season two.

We never did find Tommy, after all. And Agatha was too afraid to move into the afterlife and see her son. As far as I’m concerned, that’s a plotline right there.

What didn’t work

Unfortunately, nothing is ever perfect. And this season has had one big plothole as far as I’m concerned.

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Why did Billy care so much about Agatha? Right from the start, he wanted her to like him so much.

Part of this is because he wanted something from her. In that way, they are very much alike. Part of it is probably that he remembers her from his past life. But I don’t know that this is enough for him to be almost entirely loyal to her.

Yes, he has his moments. But she always manages to get him back on her side with a smile, or a moment of honesty. It just doesn’t make sense. But then, the show doesn’t work without it.

I think it would have been better to have a scene, or maybe a flashback, of him remembering some kindness from her in Westview. Maybe her tucking him in and singing The Ballad of The Road to him and Tommy. I think that would have gone a long way toward explaining why he always seems to be looking for a reason to forgive her.

All things considered, this was a great mini-series. It was funny, dark and touching. And for having such an unrepentant monster for a main character, it’s surprisingly inspiring. I hope they make another season. But even if they don’t, Agatha All Along was a wonderful journey.

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4.5 out of 5 stars (4.5 / 5)

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