Ouija House is a film that makes me die inside quicker than high fiving Pence after a P90X3 CVX marathon with his staff. I was intrigued by the recommendation by Amazon Prime–a horror movie with Mischa Barton and Tara Reid? How can you go wrong?

Ouija House poster featuring three girls on top of poster with the middle girl looking dead and a house on the bottom of the poster
Unfortunately for us, most of the production budget went into making this poster.

Ouija House fails at every step from writing to editing to casting to acting. I’m pretty sure I turned down this script before and I’ve done shit that made Charlie Sheen go ‘Wtf man..dial it back a notch’.

The kindest thing I can say about Ouija House is it’s like watching a student film–no, not a university student film or even a tik tok made by a drunk frat boy–but a high school freshman student film…in a backwoods part of america…filming exclusively in some ghetto-engineered betamax recorder taped to Tara Reid’s forehead.

Pretty sure Tara Reid lists this film as one of the top 10 things she regrets ever being in–and she’s allegedly fisted Ron Jeremy in a movie. Come to think of it, I rather take that alleged RJ fisting scene and loop that for an hour forty instead of watch another minute of this ‘thing’.

Much like Bluto’s GPA, this movie earned a Zero Point Zero.

0 out of 5 stars (0 / 5)
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