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Take a look at this picture. A nice, long look.

Does this picture:

A) Bore you

B) Bore you

C) Intrigue you

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D) Bore you

If you picked C, then you’re gonna love, “Séance on a Wet Afternoon”!

Brought to you by Beaver Films.

A very professional and fancy beaver

The Plot:

Two British people, husband and wife, talk for a long time. There are long, dramatic close-ups. There’s opera being played on vinyl. It’s raining outside (I mean, it’s England, so…just a typical day). They talk some more. The scene ends.

The next scene begins and they have a discussion. It’s now by the stairs, so…

Dramatic talking is about to being…AGAIN!

Okay, okay, no more wise-cracks. But for real, the first eighteen minutes are just long discussions to tell us, A) the wife is a medium and off her rocker, B) the husband will play along to some kind of scheme the wife is plotting, and C) something happened to a child at some point.

The ultimate ploy is revealed to be kidnapping the little girl of some fancy businessman. But in a twist, it’s not for the ransom money, but so that the wife can be the psychic who finds the girl and…big profits? Okay, so some of it seems half-baked, but it starts going according to plan. The girl is kidnapped, the wife insinuates herself into the parents’ lives, and there’s tons of nervous smoking that only the 60’s can get away with. 

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However, things start to unravel when the wife now demands that her husband kills the kidnapped child. How’s this poor dude going to handle this? How’s he going to play this? By giving in to her wild demands? By listening to his own rational and conscience?

Or by secretly farting at the séance table

Thoughts:

Séance on a Wet Afternoon has great British/60’s atmosphere in all the best ways. It feels claustrophobic and stiff. It’s dreary and hopeless. The acting is tight, especially from the incredible Richard Attenborough, who also produced it.

Spare no expense on the dreariness!

The music (although I have to admit could be jarring, sorry) was created by the talented John Barry (Dances with Wolves, Chaplin, and…yes, Bond). And it was directed by the triple-threat, Director-Writer-Producer, Bryan Forbes (The Stepford Wives, Chaplin, and The Man Who Haunted Himself).

Actually, this movie is full to the gills with heavy hitters of the British film and entertainment industry. 

So…why did it flop so damn hard?

Honestly, in its time, it was beloved by critics. Leading actor Kim Stanley was nominated for the Academy Award as Best Actress and only lost out to Mary-Flippin’-Poppins.  Richard Attenborough won the BAFTA Award for Best Actor, and there were other awards and accolades for this film, but it took a direct nose-dive at the box office and was considered a commercial failure. 

And in a way, I can understand why.

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ALL of the dreariness!!! Pack it all in!

Don’t get me wrong, I liked this film, but the pacing is too slow. I love slow-burns, but this slow just didn’t burn…it just kind of molded from the wet afternoon. The actors were terrific, the scenes were beautiful, but it just sludged around the plot and never really reached that pinnacle of suspense it was trying so desperately for. 

Brain Roll Juice:

So, child kidnapping. Whoo, that’s a very loaded topic, innit guv’na? 

I feel like the movie is very careful at portraying child abduction and I appreciated that fact. The husband is conflicted as much as he’s, well, a criminal. We see his struggle and hardship. He is extremely sympathetic and honestly, my favorite scenes were with him and the child. Seeing him fumble with her sharp questions and intuition at being kidnapped (coughAshLynxcough), and then marveling at her intelligence was an interesting and awkward concept. 

I only wished I saw more of it, or had more of her, really. Because the story is not about their child victim, but about the criminals, the villains. And that’s a neat twist and fun concept, but I needed more of the child to understand more about them. I wanted to see the girl dig into his conscience deeper and deeper, driving him mad.

But she eventually is written off without much climax, which is a shame and missed opportunity. 

Anyway, I’ll just add this ‘ere, mate: https://www.missingkids.org/HOME

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Maybe give them some money and save some children?

Bottomline:

Do you like dreary, claustrophobic scenes with British people talking for 18 minutes? If you’ve answered “yes”, then this is the movie for you. 3.5 out of 5 stars (3.5 / 5)

My review brought to you by Beaver Films

When not ravaging through the wilds of Detroit with Jellybeans the Cat, J.M. Brannyk (a.k.a. Boxhuman) reviews mostly supernatural and slasher films from the 70's-90's and is dubiously HauntedMTL's Voice of Reason. Aside from writing, Brannyk dips into the podcasts, and is the composer of many of HauntedMTL's podcast themes.

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Movies n TV

Smile 2: A Poor Rate Second.

“Break a leg out there.”

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Smile 2, a psychological supernatural horror, released in October 2024 just in time for Halloween, sees director Parker Finn (Smile, Laura Hasn’t Slept) return with a sequel starring Naomi Scott (Aladdin) as pop star and recovering addict Skye Riley. While Smile 2 boasts a talented cast, it ultimately falls short of its predecessor, offering a familiar storyline with minor variations and a predictable finale. The film attempts to introduce a new method to combat the parasitic ‘Smile Entity’, but this addition fails to elevate the sequel beyond a pale imitation of its chilling predecessor.

The Plot.

Smile 2 begins shortly after the end of the original; just six days after Rose Cotter’s death. During a short interlude scene, we watch as the now cursed Joel attempts to pass the Smile Entity on by killing one criminal in front of another. The plan backfires spectacularly, inadvertently passing the curse onto an innocent bystander named Lewis Fregoli.


The film then shifts gears, introducing Skye Riley, a singer and performer making a triumphant return to the spotlight with a comeback tour after a tumultuous past. During a candid interview on the Drew Barrymore Show, Skye opens up about her struggles with addiction and the devastating loss of her boyfriend in a car accident. Her sobriety journey, however, faces a severe setback when she seeks pain relief from her old high school friend, the unwitting Lewis Fregoli. In a chilling turn of events, Lewis takes his own life while Skye watches, passing the Smile Entity onto her.
Unaware of her new cursed existence Skye gets on with rehearsing for her tour, but she begins to notice that strange things are happening. People are smiling at her in an unnatural way and she becomes the target of anonymous attacks and aggressions. When text messages begin to arrive from an unknown number, Skye decides to get some answers.

Highlights.

Let’s not beat about the bush. I found Smile 2 difficult to finish and was struggling at about the hour-and-a-half mark to stay awake. That being said it’s worth watching because everyone needs to see the 3-minute scene of the ‘smilers’ chasing Skye through her apartment. This was possibly the creepiest thing I’ve seen on a screen.  The buildup, the synchronicity of the movement of the actors and their positioning, the camera work, and the lighting. I have rewatched it several times and it doesn’t get old. If you are only interested in watching this, fast forward to the 123-minute mark and get ready to be impressed.

Drawbacks.

Where do I start?

My primary concern with Smile 2 is its striking resemblance to its predecessor. The narrative follows a familiar pattern: an attractive woman fleeing a supernatural force, grappling with hallucinations, experiencing a mental health decline, and culminating in the revelation someone close to Skye was the Smiling Entity after all. This repetitive structure diminishes the film’s impact.

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While the introduction of a new method for shedding the entity initially offered a glimmer of hope this concept wasn’t fully realized. It just served to add names to the line of people that the entity has infected in the past.

Furthermore, the film’s pacing suffers from excessive focus on Skye’s musical career. Scenes showcasing her stage rehearsals and music videos, while intended to establish her identity as a performer, feel unnecessary and detract from the narrative momentum. Yes, we understand she’s a performer, you told us, you don’t need to prove it. These scenes appear to artificially inflate the film’s runtime, suggesting a lack of confidence in the core story.

The Final Take.

Ultimately, Smile 2 fails to expand upon the established lore of the franchise. The film’s conclusion feels contrived, with a blatant setup for a third installment. Hopefully, if a ‘Smile 3’ is inevitable, the creative team will bring fresh ideas and avoid simply retreading familiar ground.

2 out of 5 stars (2 / 5)

Both Cthulhu’s granted for that one scene.

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Movies n TV

Goosebumps, Stay Out Of The Basement Pt 2, could have just been one part

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We’re back again with Goosebumps The Vanishing, episode two. A story too big for one episode, apparently.

Or, maybe this is just a nod to the fact that Stay Out Of The Basement was a two-part episode in the original 1995 show. Either way, after seeing this episode, we could have kept it to one.

The story

We begin this second episode with Anthony investigating the parasitic plant taking over his body. Rather than, I don’t know, going to the hospital, he’s decided to phone a colleague and send her some samples from the bulb he pulls out of his arm with a handheld garden trowel.

David Schwimmer in Goosebumps The Vanishing.

Meanwhile, Devin is having his own worries. He’s haunted by what he saw in the sewers. So, he gets CJ to go with him to investigate. What they find is more of the tendrils of the plant that dragged him down through the manhole last episode.

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I sure would have liked to see more about that.

Instead, we see Devin pivot to flirting with a newly single Frankie. Because teenage hormones I guess.

Meanwhile, Trey is having a terrible day. First, his girlfriend leaves him. Then, Anthony breaks his car window.

Needing a way to deal with his frustration, Trey decides to break into the Brewers’ basement. There, he starts wrecking up the place. Until he meets the plant creature and has an unfortunate accident.

What worked

The big difference between this episode and the last is the increased gross-out factor. This episode had some straight-up cringy moments. From the tendrils waiving from Anthony’s arm to the whole goat he brings home to feed his new pet, this episode was skin-crawling gross in the best way possible.

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The series is called Goosebumps, after all.

What didn’t work

Unfortunately, that’s where my praise ends. This episode, unlike the last, just wasn’t that great.

To start with, there was a lot of unnecessary drama between characters who are not in danger of being eaten by a plant from the inside out.

 Francesca Noel in Goosebumps The Vanishing.

I especially disliked the focus on the Frankie/Trey/Devin love triangle.

Now, I don’t hate it. This part of the story adds extra emotional depth to the show. We can see why Trey would be especially incensed by his girlfriend falling for the son of the neighbor he’s feuding with. But it would be more enjoyable if it wasn’t so cliche and dramatic.

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I hate the way Trey tried to gaslight Frankie. It makes me dislike him when he should be a sympathetic character. I hate how whiny Devin is every time he talks to Frankie. And I hated the impassioned speech Frankie gives after Devin asks her why she was with Trey.

Listen, I understand what we’re going for here. Devin and Cece are not struggling financially. They’re doing alright, and their new friends here in Gravesend are not. We kind of got that without Frankie claiming that her socioeconomic status is why she’s dating a bully and gaslighter. It felt out of place. It felt like pandering. It certainly didn’t feel like something an eighteen-year-old would say. I hated it.

Finally, there was a moment near the end of the episode that irritated me. I don’t want to give too much detail because I wouldn’t dare ruin an R.L. Stine cliffhanger. But, well, it doesn’t make a lot of sense.

I get that we’re watching a show about a carnivorous plant that is going to wreak havoc on this family and neighborhood. I understand the suspension of disbelief. Some might even say I am a little too generous with it. So I can buy into a teenager being absorbed by a plant and turned into a monstrous version of himself.

I can’t buy into what happens at the end of this episode. It doesn’t make sense with the rules established. It certainly doesn’t make any sort of scientific or logical sense. It is a lazy moment meant to further the storyline but threatens the structural integrity of the season.

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All in all, this wasn’t the best episode of Goosebumps. But it’s only the second episode. Honestly, the season has plenty of time to go either way.

2.5 out of 5 stars (2.5 / 5)

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Movies n TV

Thriller Nite, Poem by Jennifer Weigel Plus

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So, this is a convoluted post, not going to lie. Because it’s Thriller Nite. And we have to kick it off with a link to Michael Jackson in homage, because he’s the bomb and Vincent Price is the master… (If the following video doesn’t load properly, you can get there from this link.)

The movie monsters always approach so slowly.
Their stiff joints arcing in jerky, erratic movements
While the camera pans to a wide-eyed scream.
It takes forever for them to catch their victims.
 
Their stiff joints arcing in jerky, erratic movements
As they awkwardly shamble towards their quarry –
It takes forever for them to catch their victims.
And yet no one ever seems to get away.
 
As they awkwardly shamble towards their quarry –
Scenes shift, plot thickens, minutes tick by endlessly…
And yet no one ever seems to get away.
Seriously, how long does it take to make a break for it?
 
Scenes shift, plot thickens, minutes tick by endlessly…
While the camera pans to a wide-eyed scream.
Seriously, how long does it take to make a break for it?
The movie monsters always approach so slowly.

Robot Dance found subverted street art altered photography from Jennifer Weigel's Reversals series
Robot Dance from Jennifer Weigel’s Reversals series

So my father used to enjoy telling the story of Thriller Nite and how he’d scare his little sister, my aunt. One time they were watching the old Universal Studios Monsters version of The Mummy, and he pursued her at a snail’s pace down the hallway in Boris Karloff fashion. Both of them had drastically different versions of this tale, but essentially it was a true Thriller Nite moment. And the inspiration for this poem.

For more fun music video mayhem, check out She Wolf here on Haunted MTL. And feel free to check out more of Jennifer Weigel’s work here on Haunted MTL or here on her website.

Portrait of myself with dark makeup and crow skull headdress, backlit by the sun.
Portrait of myself with dark makeup and crow skull headdress, backlit by the sun.

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