Review: ‘A Ghost Waits’…for your pizza!!!
Don’t you just hate it when a ghost ruins all your plans and makes you fall for her indie-music singin’ ways AFTER she’s stolen your precious pizza?! I hate that the worst of all! And so does our main character in this week’s movie, A GHOST WAITS.
Thanks to Arrow:
This film is brought to us by ARROW – a true indie SVOD service created and run by people that love cult films of all kinds. ARROW is building on our decades of experience in the Cult film and physical media worlds. They believe in film, from horror to action to westerns to the truly bizarre and use their experience as a distributor and our recent digital presence to deliver a very different SVOD service in ARROW.
Their approach to supporting each release on ARROW includes looking to supplement the feature films with hours of additional content that paints a fuller story of the filmmakers, genres and the movies themselves. They commission stunning artwork from some of the best illustrators and artists from around the world and work as closely as they can with the filmmakers themselves in how their film is released.
Check out ARROW today at https://arrowfilms.com/!
I want to put a trigger warning on this one for suicidal ideation/themes. So, if that’s not in your wheelhouse, I’d suggest skipping this, especially the end with “Brain Roll Juice”. Thanks and be well. – J.M.
The Plot: (spoiler-free)
Jack (MacLeod Andrews) is your typical half-neurotic, half-sweet-as-apple-pie handyman. He’s often neglected and shit on by others, including his own friends and his boss, but it’s really through no fault of his own. He likes his job and enjoys the simplicity of fixing the broken, maintaining houses, and rocking out to indie bands. He’s the kind of guy who talks to toilets while cleaning them, and making them talk back.
He’s also the type of guy who is slow on the uptake when he begins to be haunted by a dark and mysterious ghost, Muriel (Natalie Walker). So, chairs rocking on their own, lights going out, and strange dreams don’t bother him much. But push comes to shove when this ghostly apparition STEALS HIS GODDAMN PIZZA!
He then starts losing his shit before realizing what’s happening and why so many previous tenants of the house have moved out (ghost on both accounts).
However, frustrated, he confronts the ghost, shocking her and piquing her curiosity in him. They start to form a bond and maybe even…love?
But ghosting is a serious business and if she can’t get him to leave the house, then her ghost license is revoked, or something, and she becomes a “shadow” (which is bad news).
But as just they begin to understand their feelings, the ghost agency sends another ghost to get the job done. Can their love survive? And if so, at what cost?
Thoughts: (spoiler-free)
This is one that hurt because there were a lot of right steps done for a low-budget horror-comedy, but there were also problematic areas that could have been avoided.
They lowered the effects and made it more down-to-earth, including makeup and the very slight gore. These are effects that I could probably do if given some YouTube videos and an afternoon, but that actually enhances the indie feel of this movie.
Same with the black and white. It’s not really needed, but it adds to the flavor and the atmosphere, and reminds me of old indie horrors of the early 60’s. There are some fun shots, but for the most part, it’s pretty straight-forward.
The music is filled to the brim with indie bands, which can get a bit tiring after a while because they blur together. But I enjoyed that they were mostly diegetic and a plot point. And I was also happy to see that they were actually used by the characters instead of just blaring in the background.
Okay, let’s get to the really good and the really…not-good.
The really good were the shoulders of MacLeod Andrews because he f***ing carried this thing. His portrayal of Jack was actually sweet, endearing, and relatable. Honestly, it was weird seeing a character that I related so much with during the first act especially. Yes, I have talked to toilets. Yes, I have made them respond to me. We’re friends, get over it. But seriously, his acting was tremendous in this, as were his line reads because it could have gone completely the opposite and he could have sounded like a “nice guy” instead of an actual nice guy. So, I tip my hat, sir.
And here comes the not-good, which I’ll talk more about in the next segment, too. The writing, mostly.
When we get to the second act, it begins to unravel. Once our two mains meet, it becomes a mess. We don’t get enough character from Muriel (not backstory, character) to make her memorable or his actions justifiable. The ghost bureaucracy just muddled and slowed the story down. When you add bureaucratic rules to supernatural, it usually gets tiresome unless really well done (i.e. Beetlejuice). It’s like playing a complex role-playing game – suddenly you’re arguing about THAC0 for an hour when you just wanna go kill orcs with your bikini-clad barbarian babe.
If they wanted to add it, we (as the audience) should have learned about it before Jack, so it didn’t feel tagged on and it felt more a part of Muriel’s character. The stakes would have felt higher and we could have connected to her more as a character.
Their flirting/meeting each other was, like, an hour or two at most. They are just sitting at the table and talking for half an afternoon. This equates as love in the movie. Do we need to revisit Frozen?
We never really understand why he even likes Muriel as more than a cool undead chick to sometimes hang with. The love doesn’t feel real or genuine. It feels really forced, in fact.
And also, just a BIG no for the line from Muriel, “What’s a movie?”
This is from a ghost who has claimed to understand people’s deepest fears from observing them and you’re telling me she’s never seen a couple people plop down and watch a freakin’ video on Tubi (please Tubi, respond to my voicemails, I love you, please notice my love!)? I call Bull Shenanigans. Hard B.S.
Brain Roll Juice: (spoilers ahead)
Okay, I’m not going to beat around the bush. This is a movie where a guy who has shitty friends feels lonely, meets a ghost for an afternoon, she pays attention to him so he thinks he’s in love, she likes him or whatever, but they can’t be together, SO HE COMMITS SUICIDE.
Let that seep into every crack of your soul. I’ll wait…
Suicide is the answer to this love story.
She doesn’t say, “Hey, wait a minute. Like, you have your whole life…”
Nope, she’s all smiles and thumbs-up as he sits in his car, garage doors closed, waiting to die. He even calls his boss to thank him for everything and we see a scene of his boss finding his lifeless body.
In the next scene, we see the two of them haunting the house together because true love wins and they chose not to fear the reaper.
Yeah, so…
Honestly, I am still not sure what to even say to this ending.
I keep seeing reviews calling A GHOST WAITS heart-warming and charming, and I’m just beside myself. I keep thinking I’m the only one who sees the damn gremlin on the wing of the plane and that gremlin is the alarming rise of suicides in the world.
In the United States, suicide was the tenth leading cause of death overall, claiming the lives of over 48,000 people per year. Suicide was the second leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 10 and 34, and the fourth leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 35 and 54. Males are at a higher risk than females, just as rural areas are higher risk than urban.
And if we still believe the theory of Durkheim’s extensive study on suicide (I know it was like forever and a day ago), Le Suicide, we can see a pattern that Jack fits into, which Durkheim called the Egoist Suicide. The Egoist suicide is usually enacted when one feels severely disconnected from their family, friends, community and society. Jack basically even says this at one point, that his life doesn’t matter because his friends don’t want him, his boss doesn’t respect him, and we never hear from his family. He is alone and lonely. He thinks he has no reason to live and one reason to die, so he chooses death.
This is depressive, not happy. The ending glorifies his decision and is played off like it was the right decision. There is no hint of hesitation from him or Muriel.
This, surprisingly, goes back to Beetlejuice, when Lydia is planning on suicide to be with the people who care about her and they tell her that life is hard, but it’s hers to live. They will always love her and be there for her especially when she lives through those challenging times. It’s Barbara and Adam’s love that supports her and drives her to keep living, and not to pull her into the bureaucratic eternity of being a ghost.
Because otherwise the relationship would be selfish and toxic.
Bottom Line:
You might enjoy this romp. There were moments that I truly did. But when it gets down to the nitty-gritty, it falls flat with its mission (a genuine romance) and it’s message (Jack completing suicide = love beats all).
(2 / 5)
It happened. It finally happened. We got another good episode of American Horror Stories.
The story
We begin our story late at night, with a hospital security guard named Malcolm. He is frightened one night when he sees a woman with a distorted face in the hospital parking lot.
We then joined an RN named Claire. She’s doing her best to explain to a struggling mother that the hospital will not be able to treat her son with cancer because she can’t afford the treatment.
Not like she’s happy about it.
Fortunately, Dr. Nostrum, played by the legend Henry Winkler, swoops in at the last moment to tell the mother that her son qualifies for a special place in his cancer treatment clinic.
Claire is lamenting the fact that she became an RN to help people, but it feels like she isn’t doing anything good. Then, she and her friend Lilly stumble upon the same woman who menaced Malcom the night before.
While Claire is trying to figure out what’s wrong with this woman, she brutally slaughters an orderly and vanishes into the hospital. But not before struggling to say two words to Claire. Ward X.
What worked
I want to start by praising the effects of this episode. Because they were fantastic. Aided by the black and white filming, the bloody and distorted faces of Alice and her fellow victims are nightmarish. They look like a horrific version of Lockjaw taken to a terrifying extreme.
I also want to discuss the fantastic work of Henry Winkler. He is an absolute legend and never has a bad project.
Winkler’s character in this episode was exactly what we’d expect from him. He seems genuinely warm and kind, concerned about others’ well-being. Even when he’s planning to kill Claire, he comes off as such a caring guy.
Finally, I want to talk about the historical significance of this story. Because, like I always say, the scariest stories are the ones based on truth. And I’m sorry to say, this story has a basis in truth.
Mankind has a dark and twisted history when it comes to medical advances. Most doctors and scientists are good, moral people who abide by the first line of the Hippocratic oath, to first do no harm. Some, historically, are little more than monsters in white coats. Consider the Tuskegee Experiment, Unit 731, and the horrific acts of Josef Mengele. If you’re going to look up that middle one, be warned that it is NSFL.
While this episode of American Horror Stories was a work of fiction, it wasn’t that far off. I don’t think many of us want to admit how close to real life it was. This is the gift of good horror, to force us to come face to face with the worst aspects of humanity. To acknowledge them, accept them, and change them.
All in all, this was a perfect episode. The acting, the effects and the story were all top-shelf. And it’s certainly a story that will stick with you.
There are just two episodes left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope that they reach closer to the quality of X, and away from the dull and dismal episodes that began the second half of this season.
(5 / 5)
The Substance is 2024’s body horror film that does not exhale until it’s final scene. It is a saturated and gory creation from French writer-director Coralie Fargeat, the creator of the 2018 movie Revenge. Fargeat created The Substance’s from her own personal experiences with body dysmorphia and unmet societal expectations. To be a woman or woman-presenting is to have one’s entire autonomy challenged and dissected. The Substance uses satire and classic movie references — ranging from Kubrick to Hitchcock — to dramatize female aging a one big body horror.
You Can’t Escape from Yourself
Elisabeth Sparkle (Demi Moore) turns 50 and is no longer relevant to a world that once loved her. Her boss, Harvey (Dennis Quaid), fires her from her long-running aerobic TV show and crudely decides to go with someone younger, all while shoving fish in his mouth. A breaking point comes when Elisabeth is in a near-fatal car accident after being distracted by construction workers tearing her face off a billboard. When she gets back home from the hospital, she realizes a young male nurse slipped a USB drive labeled THE SUBSTANCE in her pocket with a note that reads “It changed my life.” After a moment of reflection and realizing she is something of a has-been, Elisabeth decides to sign up for the Substance.
The Substance, much like Fargeat’s Revenge, relies heavily on visuals. The characters rarely speak, instead conveying their thoughts through their body language. The male gaze is its own character in the predominately male-casted film; exposition is conveyed through the character’s actions more than their words.
In one dialogue-free scene, Elisabeth is about to go on a date, but cannot stop fretting over her appearance. She looks at her younger self, Sue (Margaret Qualley), whose perfect body and makeup and hair and face only add to the turmoil. Several times, Elisabeth redoes her makeup, changes her outfit, then exasperatedly wipes her makeup and tears off her lashes, ultimately missing the date. Elisabeth sits on her bed, alone, captive by her insecurities. It is a quandary that drags her down a rabbit hole of self-destruction and hatred. This scene is particularly heartbreaking, because rather than being satirical and disgusting like the rest of the film, it is honest and real.
Elisabeth, in a desperate attempt to treat herself with love, only hates herself more.
Bring On the Practical Effects
The Substance is a practical effects and sound design goldmine. From the birth of Sue to Elisabeth’s devolution to the climactic Monstro Elisasue, makeup and prosthetics are the key to the movies shock value. Makeup artist Pierre-Olivier Persin and his team used an array of materials like plastic and silicone models to bring the Substance’s gruesome side effects to life. Practical effects are noticeably becoming more common in modern horror movies again; Terrifier 3 and Smile 2 are recent popular examples of such. Practical effects add an impact of surprise and awe, that, let’s face it, CGI does not produce. CGI is of course an impressive and important medium in movie making, but had Fargeat decided to go with CGI over practical, The Substance would have been an entirely different and less entertaining viewing experience.
Is The Substance a Feminist Horror Movie?
Feminism in horror is a concept that will continuously be examined and theorized, especially when the film is created by a woman. If you look at the script and cast of The Substance, one can view it as a feminist horror movie. But it is important to keep in mind that the movie is very, very white. Of course, no artistic medium will please or include everyone. But it is worth noting that The Substance‘s approach to female aging and womanhood is specifically a white perspective, about white womanhood and white aging. There are Black and POC actors in the movie, but they are either minor characters or men or silent extras. The fact that Elisabeth, Sue and Harvey are all rich, cishet, white characters is not unnoticeable.
Another interesting aspect of the film is its refusal to indicate a specific time period. The internet evidently does not exist, but everyone uses iPhones. Aerobic TV shows are prominent and Harvey’s office looks like it was decorated by an 80’s interior designer. This could either be a simple filmmaking mistake or a metaphor for the timeless degradation of women’s bodies. Whatever time period the film takes place, The Substance proves that, even though being a woman often sucks, white women historically have reached success faster and easier than marginalized women (e.g. Sue immediately lands a role for a new TV show mere moments after her incarnation from Elisabeth’s spine). Is Fargeat’s new movie horror? Yes. Is it political? Definitely. Is it feminist? Yes and no. But that does not make the movie any less worth of a watch.
The Verdict
The Substance is a deeply personal body horror. It picks apart the expectations that come with femininity and aging, then twists it into an amalgamation of terror, quick cuts and uncomfortable closeups, sprinkled with body mutations and all the perverted men you could dream up. Elisabeth and Sue are over-the-top, but honest, illustrations of the damage resulting from generations of men controlling women’s autonomy. It is visually stunning and saturated, and the practical effects are pure fun. The Substance, from beginning to end, is a gnarly body horror absolutely worth the watch.
(4 / 5)
We’ve reached the final episode of Marvel’s Agatha All Along. And after an emotional week for those of us living in the States, it was exactly the heartfelt, funny and inspiring ending I think we all needed.
The story
We begin this episode in the 1700’s, with Agatha in labor. As she struggles in the woods alone, Rio comes to her. It’s clear that she’s there for the baby. But Agatha begs for the life of her child. Rio says she can give her only time.
We then see ten years of Agatha with her son. They play together. They sing together. And they lure witches to their deaths together.
But of course, Rio’s warning hovers over their lives. Because she was clear, Agatha wasn’t going to be able to raise her son to manhood. She only had some extra time. And it could never have been enough.
What worked
I want to start by pointing out that our two main characters, Agatha and Billy don’t exactly get happy endings. One of them, Agatha, is a horrible person so I’m kind of okay with that. And Billy gets a happy enough ending for now.
Jen, on the other hand, gets a happy ending. If you’ve already seen episode eight, I don’t think I’m ruining anything by telling you that she gets what she wanted and can now move on with her life. It isn’t flashy, it isn’t spectacular. But she has her life, and she has her powers. She deserves those things. All the other witches deserved them too, but at least Jen made it out alright.
I also loved the depiction of Rio as Death. While she was certainly not cuddly, she was comforting. I especially liked it when she sent Nick back to kiss his mother goodbye.
I think we like to write Death this way. As a friendly face and a caring companion who will someday come for us all. Think of Death from American Gods or Discworld. Rio felt similar.
There was something I enjoyed about this season that I frankly didn’t think I was going to enjoy. And it was unexpected.
Agatha is not a good person. Agatha has never been a good person. She’s a bad person who happens to have a soft spot for Billy because he reminds her of her son. She loved her son fiercely, but that didn’t stop her from using him to trick innocent witches. She continues to use his song after he dies.
Likewise, Agatha loves Billy and even sacrifices herself to save him. This shouldn’t be surprising, since she literally drank poison earlier in the season to keep him from doing so. But she’s still mean to him. She’s still constantly pushing his buttons.
I kind of love that they didn’t give her a redemption arch. Especially since I know Disney had a hand in this, and they tend to like black-and-white morality characters. Agatha is not a good person. But she is still capable of love. She is still capable of regret. She is, in short, more realistic a character than we tend to see.
Finally, I loved this ending. And let me explain why.
If this is all we get, and there’s a good chance it will be, this is a satisfying enough ending. I can live with this ending. But this ending also leaves the door open for a season two.
We never did find Tommy, after all. And Agatha was too afraid to move into the afterlife and see her son. As far as I’m concerned, that’s a plotline right there.
What didn’t work
Unfortunately, nothing is ever perfect. And this season has had one big plothole as far as I’m concerned.
Why did Billy care so much about Agatha? Right from the start, he wanted her to like him so much.
Part of this is because he wanted something from her. In that way, they are very much alike. Part of it is probably that he remembers her from his past life. But I don’t know that this is enough for him to be almost entirely loyal to her.
Yes, he has his moments. But she always manages to get him back on her side with a smile, or a moment of honesty. It just doesn’t make sense. But then, the show doesn’t work without it.
I think it would have been better to have a scene, or maybe a flashback, of him remembering some kindness from her in Westview. Maybe her tucking him in and singing The Ballad of The Road to him and Tommy. I think that would have gone a long way toward explaining why he always seems to be looking for a reason to forgive her.
All things considered, this was a great mini-series. It was funny, dark and touching. And for having such an unrepentant monster for a main character, it’s surprisingly inspiring. I hope they make another season. But even if they don’t, Agatha All Along was a wonderful journey.
(4.5 / 5)
