Review: Dogs Don’t Wear Pants is a twisted love story about broken souls
If there’s anyone who watched Fifty Shades of Grey and was unsatisfied with…well, everything, then I advise you to check out the Finnish film Dogs Don’t Wear Pants. Co-written and directed by J.-P. Valkeapää, it’s the BDSM love story that people (or maybe just a few select people) have been waiting for.
I’ll be blunt here; this film is not for everyone. It would be shunned by “normies”. The village people will come with their torches and pitchforks if recommended to them. It’s not only extremely sexual in nature but also a bit grotesque, small stuff that will make you squirm (nail pulling, wax melting on a person’s skin). However, don’t let that or the leather-clad woman that could be Pinhead’s niece on the front cover fool you. This is not a horror movie.
I know some might assume that it is because it’s on Shudder and deals with sadomasochism, but Dogs Don’t Wear Pants is not horror. Although it is exceptionally dark. The horror presented in the story comes from emotional turmoil and mental anguish.
The lost connection
A widower, Juha (Pekka Strang) is unable to move on after his wife’s death. Years of loneliness makes him desperate for an intimate connection with another human being. The film opens with his wife (Ester Geislerová) going for a swim in a lake outside their house while he’s sleeping. He’s awoken by their crying daughter and realizes that his wife has gotten trapped in their fishing net.
By the time he realizes this it is too late. She’s drowned, and he almost drowns trying to save her. Suffocating underwater, tangled in both her hair and the net, he imagines swimming beside her as he drifts towards death. That’s the moment a fishing boat hauls him up, saving his life.
His existence then comes to a halt. Not just because he’s lost his wife, but because he feels that he should have died with her. Even though he has their daughter to care for, death becomes an anesthetic fantasy for Juha.
Here, pain isn’t pleasure but a reminder
In the beginning, Juha is very robotic. He cleans the house, does his job, and speaks to his daughter as if he’s never 100% present; he has forgotten how to feel. Although he continues to crave his wife’s presence, he’s grown accustomed to life without her. He’s losing more and more and soon, there’ll be nothing left. Things change, however, when he meets Mona (Krista Kosonen), a mysterious dominatrix that, at her core, is as vulnerable as Juha. By the way, if the title doesn’t make sense to you, it will once you see Mona and Juha’s first “session”.
Through Mona, Juha is able to temporarily reunite with his wife to the point where the lines start to blur. His mind and heart begin to see Mona as the woman that he’s lost. It’s an extremely unusual form of therapy. Mona is no dummy by the way. She can see that Juha wants to die, that he misses someone, and it breaks her heart. They’re two broken souls looking for love.
Their relationship is treated almost like an addiction, and just like any other addiction, the question of their next fix is always on their minds. More so in Juha’s case, but there’s a complication in the form of his alienated daughter Elli (Ilona Huhta). He tries to maintain an aura of normalcy around her but he fails spectacularly. Hard to act normal when you come home every day covered in bruises.
Elli is actually the one thing I would change about this movie. A potentially vital character reduced to a background display. She’s a lonely teenager with a father who skips her music concert to be strangled by a dominatrix. She’s used only to further deepen the weight of Juha’s home life.
Wicked but beautiful
This is a twisted movie. There is no other way to say it, though it’s not what I expected. The same way you’d break away a shell to see what’s inside, the characters tear away their former identities to get at the untouched being hiding underneath in a most uncomfortable way.
The force behind Mona and Juha’s connection is almost overbearing. Just the way the heroine slaps her clients, Dogs Don’t Wear Pants slaps you hard across the face, or whips you across the face. Whichever you prefer. In the end, Juha doesn’t reunite with his wife, but he gets a proper goodbye. A way to move on.
Aside from Elli, the only other character the film should have spent more time on is Mona. She’s the center of Juha’s world but we hardly know anything about her. She has her own troubles. That much is clear, but the film keeps her at a distance. Treating her like a mythical creature that Juha comes across and worships. The rest of the film is great though. A true arthouse production.
(3.5 / 5)
All photos are property of Shudder and the Helsinki Filmi production company
I’ve just finished watching the sixth episode of season three of American Horror Stories, titled Clone. In which a young man has to live with the clone of his lover after said lover has health complications. And, well, that’s 47 minutes of my life I’ll never get back.
The story
Our story begins with a quiet birthday celebration between our two main characters, John and David. David is a billionaire who’s getting on in years. He’s frustrated by what he perceives to be a lack of drive in his younger partner. But when David has a stroke and needs to seek serious medical care, he sends a clone of himself to keep John company.
At first, John is incredibly put off by the clone. Until he realizes that the clone might just be the real love of his life.
What worked
This wasn’t a completely terrible episode. There was a lot about the premise that I enjoyed.
Most of the tension in this episode comes from John feeling like he isn’t in control of his life. He feels, rightfully so, that David is simply telling him how to live. And this is something that I don’t think we talk about enough.
This also comes up when John’s horrible friend, Jordan, tries to assault him. Once again, John feels entirely out of control of his life. He feels like a victim, and rightfully so.
I enjoyed the scene in which the David clone kills Jordan and chops him up in little pieces. This was a delightfully bloody romp, funny and dark.
What didn’t work
Unfortunately, that’s where the good part of the story stops. And most of the good acting stops with it.
Look, I usually have high expectations for acting in American Horror Story. I was especially expecting good things when I saw that David was played by Victor Garber. And that man has never acted badly in his life.
While I won’t say that Garber did a bad job here, he’s far too professional for that, I will say that it felt like he was phoning it in. He just didn’t seem like he was having fun. And that’s the kindest thing I can say about the acting.
No one else knew what the hell they were doing. It’s impossible to tell whether the main character John, played by Guy Burnet, is emotionless or just high the whole time. He can barely seem to work up any emotions, even when being almost assaulted.
The poor acting plays a part in this story being very, very dull. There are a few fun scenes, like the slaughter of Jordan. But they are shoved between long boring scenes where characters talk to each other about nothing interesting and chop onions.
I’d also like to complain about the ending. I’m going to try not to spoil it, like I did for the last episode. So I’ll be as vague as possible. Yes, it’s true that I didn’t see the ending coming. But that’s because the ending makes no sense.
Look, we all want to be surprised by an ending. But that surprise only works if it makes sense. If we can look back on the story and see the breadcrumbs that brought us here, then it’s great. But if you just throw in a twist that doesn’t fit, just to have a surprise ending, then that just feels cheap. This ending felt cheap.
Finally, and this isn’t just a complaint about this episode, I am so sick of stories about rich people walking around their rich houses with their rich problems. I am, in short, sick of rich main characters.
Killer Queens, I am starting to feel discouraged. This episode of American Horror Stories was not good television. Neither was the last one. In fact, the whole last season of American Horror Story was pretty terrible. But there are three episodes left in this season. So I’m going to hold out hope that this season has some good chills and gore waiting for us still.
Hopefully, they won’t let me down.
(2 / 5)
Movies n TV
Juju Stories (2022), a Film Review
Juju Stories (2022) is a horror anthology of Nigerian folklore, evoking the directorial visions of C.J. Obasi, Abba Makama, & Michael Omonua.
Juju Stories (2022) is a horror anthology following tales of Nigerian folklore and juju, evoking the directorial visions of C.J. Obasi, Abba Makama, and Michael Omonua. This unrated film stars Belinda Agedah Yanga, Paul Utomi, Elvis Poko, Don Ekwuazi, Nengi Adoki, and Bukola Oladipupo. As of this review, the film is only available on Amazon Prime.
Mercy (Belinda Agedah Yanga) uses a juju potion to entice her lover (Paul Utomi as Leonard). Amos (Don Ekwuazi) wanders the streets, unaware his life will change forever. Chinwe (Bukola Oladipupo) suffers misfortune as others claim her friend is a witch (Nengi Adoki as Joy).
Thoughts on Juju Stories’ “Love Potion” by Michael Omonua
The first “chapter” of Juju Stories follows a story of false love and manipulation. While not a particularly scary story, it earns recognition as the most unsettlingly real. The juju empowers a type of manipulation that we find in too many relationships. Of the three short films, “Love Potion” provides an intimate cinematography, perfectly feeding into the delusion of the characters. This entry appeals to me most, though I admit it’s likely not the entry that haunts a viewer. It’s the least concerned in horrifying the audience, with only one moment of body horror that might get some level of engagement in said area. A final note of approval is Belinda Agedah Yanga’s Mercy. Her performance seems the strongest of the three shorts, though “Love Potion” gives her more to work with as the central character.
A few considerations for viewers are the concept of a love potion in general, forcing a victim to love the owner of said potion. Another consideration is the brief moment of body horror. Though, a more accurate description leans toward bodily horror. It intentionally indulges in the grotesque to solidify the dark implications. However, it’s not proper body horror or particularly grotesque for most horror fans.
Thoughts on Juju Stories’ “YAM” by Abba Makama
“YAM” provides the most politically charged entry of Juju Stories, following characters of different economic classes as they live their lives. This entry provides a fabulism to its horror that leans towards metaphor or symbolism. The focus feels too scattered for my liking, but I recognize my own ignorance of juju or Nigerian culture might make the social critique misfire for me. However, it balances three plotlines within its time frame. A full-length feature might better explore the message of “YAM.”
The only consideration that comes to mind is that of mental illness. However, the examples in question lean more toward the fabulism aspects of the short film. Still, the story does show a character’s breaking mental state.
Thoughts on Juju Stories’ “Suffer the Witch” by C.J. Obasi
Of the three entries in Juju Stories, “Suffer the Witch” earns a placement as the most horror-focused short film. As an anthology revolving around juju, it’s only natural a witch occupies space in Juju Stories. “Suffer the Witch” creates a more haunting and horrifying plot, producing a genuinely effective witch horror in a short runtime. However, it’s also the entry that targets the youngest audience, focusing on teens in high school. The tone reflects this target audience.
There is a brief moment of nudity. It’s not particularly exploitative, aside from the target audience being younger. Another point of consideration is the queer coding of the villain added at the end. It’s interpretable, but it’s a point worth mentioning for consideration.
Final Thoughts
Juju Stories provides three short films rooted in Nigerian juju folklore and culture. The concept stands out against other potential competitors. Each entry adds a different interest to appeal to a wider audience, but this decision also means not all will haunt said audience. When there are only three entries to discuss, that could mean one-third doesn’t hit the mark, if not more.
This film earned 4 awards and 1 nomination, making respectable waves with critics.
(2.5 / 5)
Movies n TV
“C is for Cannibal” (Evil: S2E13)
“C is for Cannibal” is the season 2 finale of the supernatural drama Evil. The assessors investigate a man struggling for long pig cuisine.
“C is for Cannibal” is the season 2 finale of the supernatural drama Evil, created by Michelle King and Robert King. The central cast includes Katja Herbers, Mike Colter, Aasif Mandvi, Michael Emerson, Christine Lahti, and Andrea Martin. It originally aired under CBS before moving to Paramount+. As of this review, it’s available through Netflix and Paramount+ and its add-ons.
The assessors investigate a man struggling for long pig cuisine. David (Mike Colter) nears his ordination to become a recognized priest of the Catholic church. Kristen (Katja Herbers) finds her family in danger and struggles not to fall down old cycles. Ben (Aasif Mandvi) throws a party. Leland (Michael Emerson) provides a service to the church.
What I Like about “C is for Cannibal”
While “C is for Cannibal” doesn’t imply a sole direction for season 3, it raises the stakes and shows a new willingness to explore the demonic and supernatural. This direction accumulates with an effective reveal at the midpoint of the episode. Most shows might include that reveal at the end, but Evil displays a growing confidence in its special effects.
The episode ends with a few great reveals, some dark and others optimistic, which will leave room for season 3 to explore. Viewers learn a lot about the forces in Evil, from the purpose of the sigils to demonic rituals. It retroactively contextualizes the last episode, though I won’t say it refutes the goofiness. However, “C is for Cannibal” shows a darker transformation.
Though executed in a different manner, the parallels to last season’s finale and the new responses show growth for all characters. This growth includes Leland taking a more direct approach to his plots. At this point in the series, viewers have seen the characters develop for better or worse.
While not the most haunting episode, “C is for Cannibal” delivers on many plotlines, finally paying off some of the most pressing mysteries. It also increases the stakes, exploring further how the supernatural remains an ever-growing and real threat to the characters involved.
Tired Tropes and Triggers
There are several fantasies that show nude bodies. These scenes are intentionally voyeuristic and exclusively include female bodies. Again, there’s a reason, and these moments are brief, but I’ll note it here.
There are some bad therapy moments for the plot, purposely done to express a low point and bring another character to their own low point. Another story development suggests future manipulations from similar positions of power.
Another point of infidelity might be an issue for some. As the episode ends with this moment, “C is for Cannibal” suggests that this relationship will remain a key plot point for season 3.
What I Dislike about “C is for Cannibal”
When one of her children comments on Kristen’s corpse smell, I find it odd that she jumps into strange assumptions when her assignment provides a good reason for the smell. This decision likely suggests guilt or trauma, but the point is unexplored.
As a finale of a season with an expected season, the ending’s cliffhanger undermines its impact. Now that season 3 is available, the ambiguous ending gets an immediate resolution, making it less effective.
There are 26 letters in the English alphabet and 13 episodes in season 2. Yet, Evil manages to repeat C for two of the episodes. I still love the title gimmick, and it’s the smallest issue, but it seems like a wasted opportunity.
Final Thoughts on “C is for Cannibal”
“C is for Cannibal” concludes season 2 by providing some needed clarity on relevant mysteries. While it ends in an ineffective cliffhanger, the episode raises the stakes for season 3. The procedural plot remains an interesting storyline that ties directly with what season 2 previously built. As a finale, it does lack the finality or direction one might expect.
(3 / 5)
Final Thoughts on Season 2
In 2021, Evil earned nominations for 9 awards, which likely includes some recognition for this season. In 2022, Evil’s Katja Herbers won Best Acting in an Underrated Drama Series from the Pena de Prata, the show and cast earning an additional 26 nominations.
Season 2 shows growing pains, perhaps related to the behind-the-scenes renewal and transfer. Regardless, there are excessively high moments and moderate lows. The biggest letdown comes from how season 1’s focus gets shelved. However, those good moments keep the show continuously engaging.
(4 / 5)
