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One of the first mentions of Bill and Frank in HBO’s The Last of Us is in episode one, when Ellie discovers that Joel and Tess communicate with men over the radio via 60’s-80’s pop songs. Rewind to the end of the episode, when Depeche Mode’s 80’s hit “Never Let Me Down Again” plays. Bill and Frank are in some sort of trouble. In the third episode of this series, “Long, Long Time,” we find out what that trouble was.

*WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS HEAVY SPOILERS*

The Dead Can’t Get Infected

Let me preface by saying that however you think this episode is going to be, you’re most likely very, very wrong.

“Long, Long Time,” begins shortly after Joel and Ellie are forced to leave Tess and escape the Boston capitol building. They are in the forest, prepping for another long journey ahead of them. As they walk, we learn more backstory on the origin of the Cordyceps pandemic. “Who was the first to bite? Was it monkeys? I bet it was monkeys,” Ellie says. But Joel explains no, it wasn’t monkeys. Rather, the disease spread through basic food products, like flour or sugar. Then the cordyceps mutated as flour, sugar, biscuit and pancake batter hit the store shelves that Thursday before the outbreak, infecting everyone who purchased those products. “That makes more sense,” Ellie somberly admits.

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Joel explains the origin of the burnt up dead bodies of non-infected people

Eventually, they find a picked-over abandoned grocery store, where Joel hides his assault rifle and green toolbox underneath the floorboards. While Joel is looking around the store for supplies, Ellie heads to a room in the back and finds a hidden basement. Unbeknownst to Joel, she crawls inside and comes face to face with an infected. Luckily, Ellie has the advantage; the infected is crushed by a pile of rocks and has no chance of escaping. Ellie walks over to it, cuts her knife across its face, then stabs it to death. Her first kill.

Once the two are done with the store, they continue on their journey to Bill and Frank’s, whom we finally get to meet.

Meet Bill

It’s September 30, 2003, four days after the outbreak. Bill (Nick Offerman), a burly survivalist, is hiding in his bunker, watching the cameras planted outside his house. FEDRA is taking survivors to a Quarantine Zone (QZ). Once Bill confirms he is alone, he makes the town his own.

Four years of isolation pass and we witness all the work Bill has put in to protect his home from infected and raiders alike. He is a hardened man who is afraid of nothing. He has safe-proofed his home with trip wires, high voltage electric fences and trap holes. When an uninfected man on his way to Boston suddenly falls into one of the holes, Bill’s entire world changes. The man is named Frank (Murray Bartlett), and he and Bill quickly become infatuated with one another. Before we know it, another three years have passed and Frank is still living with Bill. Their contrasting personalities compliment each other as they protect the neighborhood together. And Frank’s desire to meet knew people overcomes Bill’s tenacity for seclusion. Thus, the origin of their partnership with Joel and Tess.

PlayStation vs. HBO

“Long, Long Ride” is brutal in the most unexpected ways. In the playstation game, we meet Bill after he saves Joel and Ellie from a swarm of infected after Joel gets caught in one of Bill’s traps. He takes them back to a hideout, where Joel picks up ammo, can update his weapons at a workbench, and receives a shotgun and nail bomb recipe. Meanwhile, Bill and Ellie, being the stubborn characters that they are, are at odds with each other throughout their entire journey together.

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It is in this saga with Bill that we come across a Bloater, the most aggressive infected character in the first Last of Us game. Finally, the trio make it to Bill’s home, where they find Frank’s lifeless body hanging from a ceiling. He became infected and chose to end his life before turning into an unrecognizable monster.

Bill and Frank bond over Linda Ronstadt.

None of this happens in “Long, Long Time.” While the game hints at Bill being gay through Frank’s suicide note and a male porn magazine that Ellie stole from Bill’s hideout, there is not any other mention of it. He refers to Frank as his “partner” and nothing else. While it is clear that Frank and Bill were in a relationship, it was not a very loving one judging by the hatefulness toward Bill in Frank’s suicide note.

However, in the HBO show, Bill and Frank’s relationship is healthy and loving, including their fights. “Long, Long Time” presents a refreshing depiction of healthy masculinity and sexuality that stays authentic to the characters and their stories.

Another difference from the game is that the only interaction between Bill and Joel in episode three is when they meet for the first time, almost ten years after the outbreak, at a small dinner party at Bill and Frank’s house. While it would have been fun to see more interaction between Bill and Joel in the show, their lack of shared screen-time doesn’t downplay the importance they have in each other’s lives. This is pertinent to a decision Joel makes about whether to keep traveling with Ellie, and it happens in the end of the episode, when Bill and Frank are both dead.

“I hope he never lets me down again.”

Bill is a character who means business and doesn’t care much for the people with whom he shares this world. Nick Offerman took this characterization and ran with it, transforming into the most believable performance of Bill any Last of Us fan could ask for. He is a delightful live-action version of this bitter, coldhearted character.

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And yet, there is so much to Bill we don’t know about that HBO was determined to show us. Yes, Bill is an angry reclusive survivalist who was “happy when the world ended.” He is not afraid to shoot down trespassers, infected or not, and exhibits a “Don’t Tread On Me” flag in his bunker that is filled floor to ceiling with an array of guns and other weaponry. But after he meets Frank, it turns out that Bill is also sensitive, sweet and filled with unwavering protective love.

Offerman and Bartlett’s chemistry with one another is beautiful. Bartlett brings Frank to life as more than just a man who hated Bill. He has a rich, cultured personality, is full of love and hope. Perhaps the most heartwarming part of the episode is when Frank surprises Bill with a garden of strawberries in their backyard. After a decade of rations and frozen meals, one can only imagine the bliss of eating freshly picked fruit for the first time since the world’s end. With the sun’s rays beaming through the trees and small bugs floating around them, Offerman and Bartlett performed this scene with such sincerity and love that it felt like we, the audience, were right there with them.

“Long, Long Time” ends with Joel and Ellie finally making it to Bill and Frank’s home. Here, all the flowers are dead, an unfinished dinner is caked with mold and a note to Joel is left on the kitchen table. Bill left all his belongings to Joel, including his beloved truck.

The Verdict

“Long, Long Time” is devastating. Offerman and Bartlett’s performances, coupled with the heartbreaking score and thoughtful film editing, create an unexpected love story in a gruesome, ruthless world. All the while, the world-building continues, the story progresses and Joel and Ellie’s bond slowly grows stronger. While there are moments of dialogue identical to the game, this episode is ultimately original. In other words: it is tv filmmaking at its finest. It asks audiences to trust the writers with any creative liberties they’ll take with the show. I would say this request for trust is justified. 5 out of 5 stars (5 / 5)

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It is in this part in the game where Joel and Ellie meet Sam and Henry. Will we meet them in the next episode? We won’t find out until next week. So until then, make sure you check out the other shows and games we’re consuming at HauntedMTL.

CourtCourt is a writer, horror enthusiast, and may or may not be your favorite human-eating houseplant.

Movies n TV

Goosebumps, You Can’t Scare Me

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Episode eight of Goosebumps felt more like a season finale. Frequently when shows do this, it leads to a lackluster final episode in which it feels like everything has already been said, the monster is already vanquished, and we’re just tidying everything up. But hopefully, the creators remember the number one rule of a horror franchise. The monster is never really dead.

Cover for Goosebumps You Can't Scare Me!

The story

We begin our story with everyone in hot water. Well, at least in a notebook that’s just been damaged by cold puddle water.

After a frankly hilarious battle between Biddle and Bratt for the body, Nathan manages to draw a door in the notebook for the teens to escape. Unfortunately, he is sucked back into the notebook.

Back in the real world, the kids head to Nora’s cabin to save her. But Biddle reaches her first. Possibly because a helpful sheriff tells him right where her cabin is.

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ACAB.

Biddle finds Nora before she can hide Slappy somewhere in the deep woods. She takes off but is having a difficult time losing him. He does eventually take Slappy, leaving Nora in a dangerous position.

Luke and Margot manage to find her but lose Isaiah in the process. Isaiah has fallen down a cliff face and is clinging to it for dear life.

And this is where he is when Slappy and Biddle find him.

What worked

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The first thing I have to mention is that this was a great episode for parent/child relations. I loved that Harold’s parents knew he wasn’t to blame. I loved that they’d been waiting for him all this time, so they could go into the afterlife together.

Rachael Harris in Goosebumps.

Luke and Nora had a good moment as well. Honestly, it appears that everyone had an honest discussion with their kids or parents at some point because of this.

I also really loved the musical choices in this episode. This has been a bit of an issue this season so far, but this was a great example. I especially enjoyed the instrumental version of Sweet Dreams played during high-conflict moments. Honestly, has there ever been a bad version of that song?

Overall, this was a satisfying episode. Nora was finally vindicated. Nathan finally has his body back, and Harold Biddle is free.

It makes me wonder what they’re going to do with the rest of the season. Or at least it would if the next episode wasn’t titled Night of The Living Dummy Two.

What didn’t work

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One thing about this episode did irritate me, though. Once it’s established that Biddle and Nora are in the woods, everyone takes off after them. And for some reason, no one remembered that cell phones existed. We know the teens have their phones, that was made painfully clear in the car scene. Why did no one, not one soul, consider calling Nora instead of running around in the snow yelling for her? And when Isaiah vanished, why didn’t he call someone? Why didn’t they call him?

This would have been an easy fix. There’s a snowstorm. We could have just mentioned that someone tried to call and cell lines were down. Instead, every character seemed to have just forgotten that modern technology exists and we don’t have to run around shouting for people if they get lost in the forest with their phone.

All in all, though, this was a good episode. I’m not sure yet how I feel about there being two episodes left, I’ll admit. But I guess we’ll have to wait and see what happens. This has been a good season so far. Let’s hope they stick the landing.

4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

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Goosebumps, Give Yourself Goosebumps

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This episode of Goosebumps is named after the Choose Your Own Adventure spinoff books. Also known as my favorite way to spend an afternoon as a kid.

Cover from Give Yourself Goosebumps

I still have some of these. I can tell you what they smell like. They smell like childhood joy.

It was nice to be reminded of these wonderful times. It was even better that I was reminded in this wild ride of an episode.

The Story

We begin our tale with the revelation that Mr. Bratt is actually Harold Biddle. And to make sure these meddling kids don’t spoil his plan, he’s trapped them inside of his notebook. The notebook looks very much like the living room of the cabin.

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There, the teens find the real Mr. Bratt. He’s been trapped in the notebook since Biddle took over his body. And he hasn’t made much headway in escaping.

Meanwhile, Nora is finally being released from the psych ward. And she is not thrilled with Victoria. Seeing as how Victoria has been drugging her, this is understandable.

But Nora is done being passive now. She heads right to her garage and packs Slappy up in a canvas sack. Why Slappy was in her garage, where her child hangs out, is beyond me. But here we are.

As she’s trying to leave, Colin finds her. He’s rightfully looking for some answers. But he’s not going to get it from her. She informs him that she has to handle something, and she cannot explain what’s going on. Then she drives off with Slappy.

Poor Colin, looking for some support, goes to see Isaiah’s dad, Ben. He lays out the whole situation, looking for support.

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But Ben hears something else in Colin’s tale of woe. He hears that Slappy is free. And so he takes off, leaving Colin sitting in his living room alone with no answers.

Colin has got to be wondering why he’s still living in this town at this point.

Back in the notebook, Nathan and the teens realize that if Nathan is hurt, he goes back into his own body. This leads to a wonderfully funny scene of the kids taking turns punching him in the face.

Still from Give Yourself Goosebumps.

Eventually, he gets partial control of his body. But Biddle is still there, and still ready to do battle. And when the notebook is tossed out the window and lands in a puddle, the kids find themselves in an even worse situation.

What worked

I want to start by praising a subtle detail that absolutely blew me away. Right before the teens realize they’re no longer in the real world, there’s a color shift. The whole picture becomes a bit browner. Again, it was subtle. But it was such a wonderful transition.

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I also want to bring attention to Justin Long, again. His acting in this season has been so laugh-out-loud funny. In this episode, we saw him jumping back and forth between Nathan Bratt and Harold Biddle in the blink of an eye. Or, the time it took Isabella to punch him. The way he flops around, is clearly either not comfortable or not in control of his body. It’s a delight.

Finally, despite the number of grownups who are now involved, the kids are still clearly the heroes. They are the ones working together, sharing information, and trying to fix their situation before they die. They are not waiting for rescue, like Mr. Bratt. They are not ignoring the problem. They are not working with Slappy, as I suspect one of the parents might be. The kids, in this show, are alright. And they are certainly the good guys.

This season just gets better and better. And the best part is that Slappy isn’t even awake yet. We haven’t released the big bad. And the good guys are already overwhelmed. So what are they going to do when Slappy is back?

4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

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Goosebumps, Night of The Living Dummy

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After the very alluring ending to the last episode of Goosebumps, this one had a lot to live up to. It is also, of course, named for possibly the best-known Goosebumps book. Night of The Living Dummy is the book that gave the series its mascot character, and our primary antagonist, Slappy the Dummy. It’s safe to say that this episode was going to change the course of the season. And I’m happy to say that it lived up to all of those expectations.

If you’re into detailed, elaborate, multigenerational backstories, then this episode is going to be a real treat.

The story

After Biddle/Mr. Bratt invites the kids inside, he sits them down on the couch and starts to tell them an elaborate backstory. This story begins with his great-great-great-grandfather, Ephraim Biddle.

Slappy in Goosebumps

Ephraim was a failing magician until he finds Slappy the Dummy in a magic shop. After accidentally bringing Slappy to life (do not repeat strange words you find on a piece of paper out loud) his act takes off. Eventually, though, he discovers that Slappy has plans to hurt people. And so he bricks him up in the wall of his basement.

Years later, Harold Biddle and his parents move in. And Slappy calls to Harold, who was bullied at his last school. He’s worried that he’ll be bullied again. Slappy talked to those fears. And, as is too often the case, this worked like a cursed charm.

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What worked

I’d like to start with how our main characters responded to Harold Biddle’s tale. Because I loved it possibly as much as he hated it. But they are correct when they say that their parents weren’t to blame for what happened to Harold.

They didn’t bully him. They took him into their group, or at least they tried to. And after Harold stood up on stage and aired out their secrets, Nora was quick to defend him. They even wanted to protect him from Slappy.

And yes, their actions caused his house to catch on fire. But they would have gone back and saved him if it hadn’t been too late.

I felt so bad that Harold’s unhappiness was completely self-fulfilling. He assumed people would hate him, so he didn’t give them a chance. This is a lesson we don’t see much of.

Of course, the bulk of this episode’s greatness came right in the last few minutes. This ending was perfect.

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When Margot asks “How do you know all of this, Mr. Bratt?” And his response is, “That’s right, the twist,” that was it for me. Because of course, Goosebumps books were always known for that last killer twist. And I think we all love a good fourth-wall joke around here.

This, of course, led us to the big reveal. And this was perfect. It was a cool line. The effects were flawless. The kids’ reactions were hilarious and completely understandable.

Oftentimes in horror, when we finally see the monster it can be a bit of a letdown. Stephen King talks about this struggle in Dance Macabre. When we can’t see the monster, it’s the worst thing we can imagine. After we see it, we often realize it isn’t that bad. It might even be unintentionally funny.

Because the point of this scene isn’t really the monster’s revelation to the audience but is instead focused on the revelation to the characters, it works much better.

What didn’t work

Sadly, the rest of the episode didn’t work quite as well. Starting with the flashback to Ephraim Biddle. While I understand the value of this story, it was slow. It wasn’t nearly as interesting as the rest of the episode or the season. It certainly dragged this episode down. Which isn’t to say the actors didn’t do a fine job. It was just that the story itself was a little dull.

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Cover for Goosebumps, Night of The Living Dummy.

Finally, though, I have one primary complaint. And this has been an issue I’ve had with the season so far.

If Slappy was supposed to be a big mid-season surprise, maybe he shouldn’t have been plastered on every single bit of advertising for this season. It took some of the joy away honestly. When we first saw the dummy-sized case, we all knew who it was going to be, because we’d already seen his face. Worse, Slappy’s appearance couldn’t be a surprise, because we saw him as soon as we knew the show was going to happen. It took some potential fun away to have that expectation already established.

That being said, this was still a fun episode. And it certainly left me eager to see what’s going to happen next.

4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

If you’re a fan of my work, please check out my latest story, Nova, on Paper Beats World. New chapters launch every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

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