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It’s a happy horror holiday as we get another Joe Bob Briggs Christmas special on Shudder with Joe Bob Saves Christmas. This night has everything! Killer Santas! Home invasions! Charity auctions! QVC-stylings! It makes for a nice, full night of heartwarming horror fun. Between Dial Code Santa Claus, Christmas Evil, and heartwarming auctions, there is something worth stuffing into every mutant’s stocking.

On another note, however, I may have gone a bit overboard with Christmas puns during the live tweets throughout the night…

Dial Code Santa Claus

Opening Rant: “Shut the fuck up.”

My experience with Christmas horror films has been fairly limited and because of this, 1989’s Dial Code Santa Claus (also known as 3615 code Père Noël, Game Over, and a billion other titles) was not on my radar. It turns out that I have been missing out. This French holiday horror film is such an odd but wonderful movie.

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The movie follows perhaps the bougiest child protagonist since Richie Rich who, eager to contact Santa Claus, uses the internet to reach out to who he thinks is Saint Nick, only to get the attention of a disturbed Santa Claus wannabe who sets his deadly sights on this child and begins a fairly low-key murder spree. The film is an odd sort of artifact for horror fans and has some striking similarities to the holiday classic Home Alone. Both films climax with a home invasion, and while Home Alone‘s is far less lethal, Dial Code Santa Claus does not shy away from deadly consequences and disturbing revelations. The revelation of the state of mind of the pseudo-Santa Claus upon gaining the upper hand in this Christmas battle is absolutely terrifying.

It’s a gorgeously shot movie and the craftsmanship is readily apparent. René Manzor’s stylish approach to the material creates such a wonderfully messed up story that explores growing up in the absolute worst way possible during the Christmas holiday. Manzor still mostly works in French cinema, but as Joe Bob Briggs reveals during the host segments (in between hawking wares) that he directed some installments of various series such as The Red Shoe Diaries and The Adventures of Young Indiana Jones. At times earnest, horrific, and that special sort of late-1980s cheesy, Dial Code Santa Claus is a holiday horror film that deserves to be seen and is a perfect sort of film for the spotlight of The Last Drive-In.

As for the inter-film shenanigans we come to expect from The Last Drive-In, the coronavirus is still wreaking havoc with the production dynamics of the show. I felt that it hurt the last Halloween special, feeling oddly isolated and melancholy, but this time around the gimmick does a lot of work to keep the proceedings light, funny, and also allowed for friends of the Drive-In to leave behind holiday wishes. For this special, the team does a sort of QVC-cum-horror network experience, complete with requisite graphics and title cards. It’s a lot different from the usual experience but in a way that fits the tone of the night, particularly given the film selections.

Throughout the night 18 different auctions were dropped on a special website and the proceeds of the bids which climbed throughout the night were designated for four distinct charities. These charities were very much right in the wheelhouse of hosts Joe Bob and Darcy, including The Trevor Project, The National Women’s Law Center, The Peaceful Valley Donkey Rescue, and the Organization for Autism Research. One of the highlights throughout the night was seeing the bids climb both on social media and the occasional reference on show to the impressive numbers. Bidding continues until the 22nd of December, so if you are interested in some incredible swag for good causes, be sure to take a look.

As far as the first half of the night goes, one couldn’t ask for a better holiday horror film; Dial Code Santa Claus was funny, thrilling, incredibly French, and had a requisite out-of-place Bonnie Tyler sad music montage. Joe Bob Briggs gave the film three stars, but I’d argue he scored it a little low. It is easily worth an extra half-star for the wide-eyed beard-flocking sequence alone. The movie is a great Christmas experience, surely nothing could be better… You’d think that, but you’d be wrong. The second film of the night is even better than the first. But don’t let that detract from the pure, unadulterated joy of Dial Code Santa Claus. I give the movie the four Cthulhu treatment.

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4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

Best Line: “I don’t like your face.” – One perceptive little girl

Not the worst Reindeer Games I’ve ever seen.

Christmas Evil

Opening Rant: Crystal chakras or some insanity in the desert.

The second film of the night, also a new experience for me, was my favorite: Christmas Evil. A film adored by John Waters is always a great sign. Released in 1980 on the heels of Halloween and Friday the 13th, one would expect the film to be just another sort of holiday-themed slasher copycat, but this is far from. Lewis Jackson’s film is relatively tame in violence, skewing more psychological than a slasher, but the film benefits all the more from the approach, crafting an ultimately heartbreaking chronicle of a man drifting further into madness over the holidays.

The film is a b-movie at heart, however, and for however subtle and nuanced it can be, it also delights in the absolute insanity of creating a Christmas-themed horror story. It delivers on multiple levels. The movie follows a man, Harry, who has grown up traumatized by a childhood witnessing of his parents engaged in sexual acts while his father is dressed as Santa Claus. As an adult, Harry has grown obsessed with Christmas, decorating his home with various seasonal decorations and knick-knacks and working at a toy factory. At home, he engages in dressing as Santa and taking on the requisite duties of observing and recording the local children, documenting their behavior in his book.

Harry, put upon by his coworkers and his frustrated younger brother, begins to spiral and believes himself to be Santa Claus, acting oddly but harmlessly, donating stolen toys from the factory to the local children’s hospital. This doesn’t last long, however, and soon Harry’s actions turn to murder and the film’s final act echoes the horror classic Frankenstein in several surprising ways. The film is a bit slow, however, and lacks a certain visual punch, but that’s no dealbreaker.

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The film is ultimately a sad story about a broken man who truly needs help and doesn’t get it. It’s actually fairly fitting for a movie set in a season of high suicides and melancholy. This is also the more interesting when paired with a trans allegory, as Joe Bob reveals was theorized by John Waters. Given the time the film was made, the theory slides into place; it would be hard to do a trans movie, but burying the message in a movie about a man who thinks he is Santa Claus is a bit easier to swallow. General audiences didn’t really respond to the film though, so much of this discourse feels newer and in a way a little more timely. It all clicks, however, and whether or not it was intended, is worth discussing further given today’s trans community discourse.

As for the rest of the festivities throughout the night, however, one of the great treats of the host segments was the video Christmas cards featuring Drive-In favorite guests and Silver Bolo winners. Whereas the recent Halloween special felt more isolated, there was a certain level of togetherness presented in this special’s festivities, and those video Christmas cards went a long way towards that. The more live nature of the bidding on the auction also helped out quite a bit, really letting viewers feel like they were a part of something in the now.

While it was a great night for holiday horror, the standout of the films is most certainly Christmas Evil, both as a sort of holiday horror classic, but also on a more intellectual level. Sometimes the Last Drive-In pokes fun at the more scholarly side of the film world in the pursuit of blood, breasts, and beasts, but sometimes Santa Joe Bob gives unto us good little children a little something to chew on for a while, even awarding it that coveted four stars; Christmas Evil gives me just the sort of film I want to gnaw on for a bit. Happy holidays indeed! Definitely the full five Cthulhu sort of film I adore. 5 out of 5 stars (5 / 5)

Best Line: “But now I want you to remember to stay good boys & girls. Respect your mothers & fathers and do what they tell you. Obey your teachers and learn a whooooole lot! Now if you do this, I’ll make sure you get good presents from me eeeevery year. Ha ha ha… but if you’re bad boys & girls, your name goes in the ‘Bad Boys & Girls’ book, and I’ll bring you something… horrible.” – “Santa” Harry

Santa’s a blade-man, man. Santa’s gonna cut ya.

Haunted MTL Drive-In Totals

As always, we begin with the official Drive-In totals, courtesy of the Shudder twitter account:

As for my own totals? Here is what I have:

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  • 1 Yuki sighting
  • 1 Dead dog
  • 2 Bad Santas
  • 3 holiday themes
  • 3 alternate titles
  • 3 instances of holiday aardvarking
  • 18 auction items
  • 25k eBay monthly earning limit
  • 23 minutes of exposition
  • 36.15
  • Globe Crushing
  • Overly French holiday traditions
  • Child endangerment
  • Open-eyed beard flocking
  • Christmas terrorism
  • Terror train
  • Suspiciously rich family
  • Mansplaining QVC
  • Child slapping
  • Child spooking
  • Eye gouging
  • Santa transitioning
  • Catholic Joking
  • Gratuitously elaborate handshaking
  • Gratuitous Frankensteinesque torch pursuit
  • Gratuitous “Hogzilla” chanting
  • Gratuitous Bonnie Tyler sad Christmas sequence
  • Minitel Fu
  • Video Christmas Card Fu
  • Silver Bolo Award: Geeks Who Eat
  • #MOSSGARCIA4LIFE
Bonus Yuki Action Shot!

Episode Score

In a world beset by a plague, nothing can be business as usual, and the Last Drive-In is no exception. The show continues to be fun, but after the relative disappointment I felt from the Halloween special, I was concerned that coronavirus was going to take yet another toll on a show I love. I am pleased that is not the case with Joe Bob Saves Christmas. The show found a great gimmick this time around that worked in the necessary COVID 19 restrictions while also delivering on a sense of community that is more vital than ever.

It’s good to be a mutant. 5 out of 5 stars (5 / 5)

Well, that’s it for The Last Drive-In until the start of the new season, or another special. What comes first? It doesn’t really matter… we’ll still be covering it and doing our live-tweet sessions here at Haunted MTL.

… the drive-in will never die.

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Movies n TV

Fallout, The Past

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Episode four of Amazon’s Fallout wasn’t the best-liked. Of course, that’s relative to the rest of the season. While this is the second-to-last-ranked episode, it’s still an 8.1 on IMDB.

So let’s talk about why it might have slipped a bit but was still a great episode of TV.

The story

Let’s start our discussion of this episode with Maximus.

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After he and Thaddeus successfully retrieved the head from the Gulper, they’re in high spirits. Together they celebrate around a fire, giving a lovely impression of two people who have been drinking despite not seeing a bottle in sight. Thaddeus even convinces Maximus to brand him.

Still from Amazon's Fallout.

While having a good time, Maximus’s consciousness gets the better of him. He admits to Thaddeus that he’s not Knight Titus, but he is Thaddeus’s old punching bag.

Rather than responding to this act of honesty with an equal measure of grace and brotherhood, Thaddeus immediately disables Maximus’s suit, taking the power source and the head. He then leaves Maximus trapped in the suit that he wanted so much, doomed to die in it.

Lucy isn’t in a much better place. If you’ll recall, last episode she drank radiated water out of desperate thirst. She’s now suffering from radiation poisoning. Fortunately, before she succumbs to this poison, she finds Maximus. He has the medicine she needs, and she can free him from his suit before he’s eaten by giant cockroaches. It seems like a win/win. If that is, the two of them can trust each other. And haven’t they both learned that trusting other people might be the most dangerous thing in this very dangerous world?

Ella Purnell and Aron Moten in Fallout.

What worked

The first thing I want to draw attention to is the relationship between Lucy and Maximus. A lot has happened since the last time the two saw each other when there were some sparks but no time to do anything about them. Both have been betrayed and hurt. So while they’re instinct is clearly to trust each other, it’s also to be cautious. And that makes sense. They are both good people, driven by the desire to help others. But both are cautious of being hurt again.

This was not only relatable, but it gave a much different feel to a standard will they/won’t they relationship. Will they be able to trust each other enough to let their feelings out is the real question. Which is a lot more interesting, in my opinion.

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I also found the giant, mutated bugs to be fantastic. They were the perfect blend of cute and terrifying. At first glance, they seem like a larger version of Hal from Wall-E. Then, you realize how few of them it would take to eat someone trapped in place. And how little time it might take.

And how long it might feel like while it’s happening.

We don’t need to see that happen to feel the terror there. And to feel some concern about the tiny pests that sometimes share our homes.

Of course, the highlight of this episode was the political intrigue surrounding Vault 33, and how its leaders always seem to be from Vault 31. This storyline is quickly becoming my favorite part of the season. It’s a dark and creepy mystery, which is always fantastic. But it’s also fascinating to see the character of Norm blossoming into someone whose life has meaning. Because at the start of the season, he was lacking that.

All in all, while this was a slower episode it was still a good one. And its ending certainly left me excited for what was to come.

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4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

If you like my work, you can check out my latest science fiction/horror novel, Nova, launching on May 17th. Pre-orders are available now on Amazon.

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Movies n TV

Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022), a Film Review

Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022) is a horror comedy directed by Halina Reijn. This R-rated horror film stars Amandla Stenberg and Maria Bakalova.

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Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022) is a horror comedy directed by Halina Reijn. This R-rated horror film stars Amandla Stenberg, Maria Bakalova, Myha’la, Rachel Sennott, Chase Sui Wonders, Pete Davidson, Lee Pace, and Conner O’Malley. The film is currently available on fuboTV, Netflix, Hoopla, and Showtime.

Sophie (Amandla Stenberg) brings her girlfriend (Maria Bakalova as Bee) to her friend’s hurricane party. Lasting resentment and toxic relationships infest the group, leaving Bee to witness increasingly uncomfortable situations. Soon after, bodies start dropping.

Three Bodies written in white text. Three characters atop the text. Two carry phones while the other carries a sword.
Alternate Cover

What I Like about Bodies

The chemistry between these toxic friends gives me anxiety. If toxic friendships aren’t a universal experience, toxic traits certainly make themselves apparent in any friend group, and this film maximizes this experience. It’s not revolutionary, but effective and uncomfortable.

Several subtle clues hint at the relationships of these friends, building up as the story progresses and chaos ensues. I love these moments, though the film doesn’t seem confident that the viewer picks up these clues. This decision hinders execution, an unfortunate point for later.

While the performances are strong throughout, Amandla Stenberg and Maria Bakalova remain the main characters and receive the most opportunities to perform. However, almost every character has a moment, or several, and lives up to those moments once given.

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The twist seems obvious, but that doesn’t hinder the viewing experience. While not the biggest fan of the execution, I enjoy the spiraling chaos it creates.

The opening scene shows the two leads making out for viewer engagement. However, I think the contract toward the end gives this scene added context and plot relevance beyond simply sex appeal. While it is unavoidable that so well, many films will go no further. So, added relevance deserves a nod.

Far from the bloodiest film out there, but it doesn’t hesitate to bleed its cast. It uses this blood and limited gore to add weight to the deaths as opposed to haunting or nauseating its audience.

White background, rubber stamp with disclaimer pressed against the white background.
Disclaimer Kimberley Web Design

Tropes, Triggers, and Considerations

As previously hinted, toxic relationships remain key points in the plot. Falling in line with this are points of spousal abuse (physically and mentally) that should remain a consideration.

Idiocy to push the plot along certainly plays a role in the plot. In this case, I consider it a feature. However, it’s still a required taste for viewer consideration.

Addiction and recovery drive several characters. I’ll avoid pointing to them so as not to give away plot details. However, usage and relapse deserve a mention in this section.

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If any of these are deal breakers, give this film a skip.

A group of friends screaming outside. They all are dressed in swim suits or robes.
The Whole Crew

What I Dislike, or Food for Thought, about Bodies

Bodies shifts between a mindless and clever horror comedy, never comfortably sticking to one or the other. It pulls off elements of both with expertise, but the tugging and pulling of these different elements limits the execution of either. Because of the above friction, Halina Reijin gives us all the clues to piece everything together and still tells us. Pick an audience and trust them.

As a horror comedy, this film leans on the humor over the horror. The unraveling of characters certainly earns respect but expect a comedy for a better experience. It’s not a particularly scary film, and it doesn’t try to occupy that space.

Final Thoughts

Bodies Bodies Bodies spirals into a chaotic horror comedy, banking on the toxic chemistry of its cast to deliver both. The film never makes a strong stance in either claiming a mindless or clever horror comedy, shifting between both at the expense of the whole. It remains a bumpy but engaging viewing experience, nonetheless.
3 out of 5 stars (3 / 5)

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Fallout, The Ghouls

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Episode four of Amazon Prime’s Fallout was a great one for character development. It was also great because one of my personal favorite actors was involved.

Let’s discuss.

The story

This episode’s story revolved largely around Lucy and The Ghoul. He’s still dragging her about on a rope, but we aren’t sure why. While she can track the Head, she certainly hasn’t shared that information with the Ghoul.

What he wants her for soon becomes clear, when he barters her for vials of the medication that keeps him from losing himself to the ghoul illness.

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Ella Purnell in Fallout.

At first, Lucy thinks this is a step up. She’s taken by a robot surgeon named Snip Snip to get a new thumb. Since, you know, The Ghoul shot her thumb off.

However, after stitching a new thumb on, Snip Snip takes her to his masters. Who then say they want him to cut her up for her organs.

Lucy manages to escape and even frees the other people trapped by these organ brokers. In doing so, she comes into the possession of many, many of those vials that The Ghoul needs so desperately.

Meanwhile, Norm is starting to suspect that all is not what it should be in Vault 33. While the rest of the vault is preparing to elect a new overseer, he takes Chet and sneaks off to Vault 32. There, they find some horrific sights. Long dead bodies, next to messages scrawled in blood. There are especially bodies around the door that leads to Vault 31, where someone has written We Know What’s in There on the wall.

Of course, we don’t know what’s in there. But I’m sure we’re going to find out.

Moises Arias and Dave Register in Fallout.

Norm continues to dig, checking for information on the old Overseer’s computer. And he finds that the door to Vault 32 was opened by a Pip-Boy. To be specific, it was a Pip-Boy owned by Norm and Lucy’s mother.

I’m sure that won’t be relevant later.

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What worked

The more I see of this season, the more I like Lucy. She is growing and evolving as a person, just like Wilzig told her she would have to do. She is becoming harder. But her kindness and values haven’t changed yet. She is still a good person. I love that.

I also love the dark, creepy storyline with Norm. I love how serious he is, especially when compared to the rest of his community. I especially love that, even as emotionally disturbed he is by what he’s learning, he seems passionate. And from what we’ve seen of this character, this is possibly the first thing he’s felt passionate about his entire life. I am impressed with the writing and acting that have allowed us to see his lack of passion with minimal focus. He is a fun, well-written character.

Finally, I’d like to shine the spotlight on Matt Berry. He is a delightful actor known for What We Do in the Shadows and IT Crowd. And he is playing the remarkably funny role of Snip Snip, the robot surgeon. His voice lends an extra level of humor to an already funny premise. This was another example of the great casting we’ve seen so far on Fallout.

In the end, this was a great episode from all points. It was fun, heartfelt, and dark. In short, I have no notes. I’m only excited to see what happens in the next episode. 4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

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