Notes from The Last Drive-In: Joe Bob’s Halloween Hideaway
We are blessed on the spookiest of months with a new Joe Bob Briggs special! How fortunate we are for this Fall bounty. Welcome to The Last Drive-In‘s “Halloween Hideaway,” filmed on location in a very familiar location in New Jersey.
The trailer park crew at Shudder brings us two movies for the night, Haunt, and Hack-O-Lantern. So, how did it go? Let’s find out.
Haunt
Opening Rant: In between the night’s skit regarding employee dissatisfaction, Joe Bob talks about fresh fruit and vegetables and agricultural exports.
Haunt was a new experience for me but surprisingly worth it. This 2019 slasher, directed by Scott Beck and Bryan Woods, stars Katie Stevens, Will Brittain, and Lauryn McClain. The film was produced by Eli Roth and very much fits under his horror umbrella: The movie follows a group of young folks who, after a Halloween party, find an isolated haunted house attraction. They give up their cell phones, sign liability waivers, and quickly get separated inside the maze. It turns out the house is a trap and the mysterious group running it has homicidal intentions.
The movie is very sleek, very modern, and very good overall. It has some surprisingly fun kills, and in a refreshing change from current horror standards, the filmmakers choose not to cut away from them. Many modern horror films do quick cuts before points of impact for various purposes, most often to ensure a larger audience, but Haunt does not shy away from showing this kills with very good special effects work. The number of skull penetrations is impressive.
The movie also handles the issue of cell-phones in a horror movie in a very clever way, even subverting the idea that a cell-phone can essentially save the day. The film even has a very cool version of “the final girl” in Katie Steven’s Harper who, despite one glaring lack of logic that may be hard to attribute to fear alone (seriously… dump the damn bucket), ends up ending the film in a rousing fashion.
The film isn’t perfect though, but few films are: the influences in the script may be glaringly obvious at times, to the point of distraction. The film also does have its coincidences that ultimately work, but the hands of the writers laying out the pieces still feel too contrived. Performances are suitable with only a couple of standouts, such as Katie Stevens and Damien Maffei as the Devil-masked killer. Overall though, these aren’t enough to tank what is an otherwise solid slasher.
Joe Bob’s praise of the film was pretty strong, but he had his issues with the movie. He also addressed horror-bloggers (such as myself) by calling out complaints about the contrivances of the film. Among some of the reveals in his segments, between the increasing ire of the crew, he talked about the unrevealed backstory development of the antagonists. Producer Eli Roth pushed for directors Beck and Woods have a background in mind of the villains, but they had no obligation to share it.
The other fun segment revealed the directors were also the writers of the mega-horror-hit A Quiet Place. With that and Haunt among their credits, which are rapidly growing, Joe Bob suggests we’re likely to see more of them in the future. Joe Bob is right. These are two people worth keeping in mind, especially as horror fans.
Haunt is a largely smart and satisfying slasher that may wear its influences a little too obviously.
(4 / 5)
Best Line: “It’s a bit of a work in progress, but I think you’ll like it.” – Ghost (about his face)
Hack-O-Lantern
Opening Rant: Joe Bob talks Ouija boards in a skit that sets up an increasingly dark night for the venerable host.
Haha, oh boy. So, Hack-O-Lantern is not a good movie. We’ll just establish that first. This 1988 satanic slasher is a mess of half-baked ideas, pointless nudity, and incredibly inconsistent logic. So yeah, not a good movie, but still very much fun. Hack-O-Lantern, directed by Jag Mundhra, stars Hy Pyke, Gregory Scott Cummins, and Katina Garner. I use the term “stars” very loosely, here. Not a non-laughable performance in the bunch.
The movie is about a rural community that is the home of a satanic cult that causes all sorts of murderous trouble on Halloween night. Tommy, the lead character, becomes a thrall for his grandfather, the man who runs the satanic cult that seems to meet in a barn and brand bare asses. There’s not much going on in this movie. There’s more backstory than an actual story, as it just ends up being a costumed slasher movie with some very PG-13 Satanic worship and rituals. None of the deaths are particularly memorable, either.
The film’s largest problem is one of identity: the film was apparently intended to evoke the John Carpenter classic, Halloween, but director Jag Mundhra ended up creating something that borrows less from American sensibilities about Halloween and instead grafts on some of Mundhra’s Indian background, such as an extended musical number with a dancer referencing the deity Kali for… reasons. The movie is very thin in the story and stuffed to the gills with such odd padding, including a multi-minute standup routine in the middle of a night full of massacres.
The whole film just feels amateur. Everything from the lack of research in the “Satanic” hand gesture (it’s literally the ASL sign for “I Love You”), to the hilariously inept and non-threatening cult scenes, to the non-sensical ending. Nothing about the film makes sense. But that’s actually okay. The movie can be hilarious and it’s very much like a precursor to The Room. A film that was intended to be something far different from what it became. While there is fun to be had, it is kind of hollow.
Joe Bob has his usually assemblage of factoids about the production of the film. As always, these were entertaining breaks where we learned interesting things, for example, the producer pushed for full frontal nudity, and it seems the movie was happy to deliver on that front, casting adult actress Jeanna Fine as the platinum blond cult girl. There was also much fun to be had in discussing the inexplicable top-billing and scene-chewing of Hy Pyke.
The storyline that ran through the host segments was fun but also felt a bit off. The segments were shot on location at the Camp No-Be-Bo-Sco grounds in Hardwick, NJ, and led to a great little homage to Friday the 13th. But it was a lot of effort for what felt like a progressively lonelier and lonelier night on set. It’s a clever way of keeping socially distant, yes, and it’s obvious the crew was still around, yet it still felt oddly isolated for little gain. For a show that has grown a dedicated community, there was something that rubbed me the wrong way about the choices made for the host segments, especially for a Halloween special, something that brings the horrorfam together between seasons.
This Halloween film is mid-season material that worked its way into the special.
(2 / 5)
Best Line: “But mom, I like the taste of blood. Grandpa said it’s good for me.” – Tommy to his mother
Haunted MTL Drive-In Totals
We start, of course, with the official Drive-In Totals, provided, as always, by the Shudder Twitter account.
Here is our traditional Haunted MTL Drive-In Totals, enjoy!
- One Darcy Jail Trip
- Two Skull Penetrations
- Two new Musical Numbers
- Body Branding
- Nail in the Foot
- Odd Number Breast Count Red Flag
- Awkward Stand-Up Bit at a Halloween Party
- Gratuitous Adult Actress Full Frontal
- Unfortunate Incest
- Terrifying Music Producer
- Hy Pyke Dialogue Croaking
- Throwback Joe Bob Costume Fun
- Tactical Joe Bob Briggs F-Bomb
- Hindu Joking
- Leprechaun Joking
- Hillbilly Incest Horror
- Graveyard Aardvarking
- Diminishing Film Crew
- Yuki Sighting: In a tree blind!
- Silver Bolo Award: StabbyTime TV
- Darcy Cosplay: Devil Cultist Darcy
Episode Score
While a fun night overall, the cabin in the woods theme felt a bit hollow, ultimately stripping out some of the communal fun we’re used to on the show. The addition of the wildcard selection of Hack-O-Lantern, as well, kind of created a mid-season episode vibe rather than a special Halloween event. Had this pairing been episode 4 or 5 of the next season I probably wouldn’t be as critical, but for an event as big as a Halloween special, I expected something a little more celebratory.
Where’s the love, man? 🤟
(3.5 / 5)
Well, that wraps up the “Halloween Hideaway.” What did you think of the pairing of Haunt and Hack-O-Lantern? Do you think I am a bit too critical of this special? Was the increasing feeling of isolation worth it for the cute Friday the 13th homage? How terrifying is John Brennan when he stomps across the front of the cabin?
Let us know in the comments. See you in season three!
Featuring Shannon LeGro and author Aaron Deese, Dogman Territory: Werewolves in The Land Between the Lakes follows the pair in search of what many believe to be a real-world monster. Small Town Monsters investigates one of the darkest urban legends in North American history.
Well, even though this screener is late by…(checks watch) a few months, that doesn’t mean that I don’t have anything to say about it. That is to say, I DO have something to say about this new edition about dogman cryptids by STM.
So, welcome to another episode of ‘Brannyk talks about Small Town Monsters’! We’ve explored the Joisey Devil, aliens giving boo boos to cows, totally Bigfoot, a big ol’ stinky doggo, your tea-spilling ghost-witch, an alien Bigfoot with a hankering for a good peanut butter sandwich, Cowboy Werewolves, ‘The STM Which Will Not Be Named‘, and Native skinwalking creeps. We have a new screener from Small Town Monsters.
Plot of Dogman Territory: Werewolves in The Land Between the Lakes
We follow Aaron Deese on his quest to find out the mystery of the massacre that happened at the Land Between the Lakes, a recreational area bordering on Kentucky and Tennessee.
With Shannon LeGro by his side, the two investigate the strange encounters locals have reported. Gathering modern day and older accounts of super stinky dogmen, Deese ventures deeper into the lore and history of the site to see is there’s any truth to the massacre accounted there or if they’re all just campfire stories…
Thoughts on Werewolves in The Land Between the Lakes:
Nope. The “massacre” accounts are completely bogus third-rate creepy pasta stories. The one guy that they found from the internet won’t even be interviewed on camera and has…lacking testimony, and I say that generously.
Thankfully, Deese gets right to it and even he himself seems disappointed by what he discovers. And he just kind of blows past it, not really spending much time on the whole “massacre”. It’s a smart move and I appreciated it because instead of draaaaawing it out, he chose instead to focus on what matters – the locals and the history.
And, as always, with Breedlove at the helm, the historical facts of this recreation area are highlighted, such as the area being designated a recreation area by President Kennedy and the Tennessee Valley Authority exercising imminent domain. By this action, approximately 800 families were displaced from their land, causing protests and outrage by some of the families. Shining a light on a history that most don’t realize or possibly have forgotten.
And one last thought: this sewer-juice-smelling dogman is a massive dick. He, like, tries to kill you and then teleports out just for shits and giggles. Massive douche.
Brainroll Juice:
I’m not sure exactly why cryptid investigator Martin Grove became such a turning point for me in the documentary, but boy, he sure did. Martin is an absolute delight and I will bare-knuckle fight anyone who disagrees (I’m not saying that I’d win, keep that in mind, just that I would).
He’s just so genuine and curious that, even though I’m still a skeptic, I’d 100% go looking for a super smelly, translucent alien/demon dogman with him. You can tell that Martin Groves has no doubt in what he does and tries his very best to figure out the mystery behind the dogman between the Lakes. Often at his own expense and safety.
It was the Texas dogman STM that talked about people being depressed after they’ve had a cryptid experience, often finding themselves isolated from friends and family who just…don’t understand. They feel like people think they’re crazy and that they’re alone in their experiences and feelings. Many times becoming withdrawn and, well, traumatized.
Martin talks like he’s seeking proof just so people who had dogmen experiences don’t have to feel alone or crazy. That people can take comfort that what they saw is real and true. He’s standing up to that stanky-ass dogman and risking his own health by going into the creepy woods at night and searching for what he believes in.
And it doesn’t matter if you or I believe in a garbage-sludge, asshole dogman because what Martin is doing is beautiful. It’s the American dream. Believing in yourself and fighting for those who can’t.
And THAT is what Small Town Monsters is all about.
Bottomline:
If you’re here for the people and less for the dogmen, this is a great snapshot of the history and people of the region. Also, when is Martin Groves going to get his own paranormal show?
(3.5 / 5)
And now a word from Small Town Monsters
Dogman Territory: Werewolves in The Land Between the Lakes
Now Streaming Exclusively on Prime Video
Available on Blu/DVD from Small Town Monsters
Massilon, OH– Venture deep into the Land Between the Lakes as Small Town Monsters investigates one of the darkest urban legends in North American history. Featuring Shannon LeGro and author Aaron Deese, Dogman Territory: Werewolves in The Land Between the Lakes includes interviews with witnesses, researchers and long-time locals of the Tennessee and Kentucky borders, all in search of what many believe to be a real-world monster. Dogman Territory: Werewolves in The Land Between the Lakes is now available exclusively on Amazon Prime Video. A Blu-ray (SRP $19.99) and DVD (SRP ($14.99) will be available exclusively from the Small Town Monsters shop.
Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3w3T8ZFUhck
Supernatural is not strictly a show about witchcraft. Or, is it?
Sam, Dean and John Winchester are not witches.
Or, are they? When you watch Supernatural as a modern witch, you realize that a lot of what the Winchester boys do during their battles to protect the world from monsters are things we do as part of our witchy routines.
Just the facts
Starting in 2005 and running until 2020 for fifteen seasons, Supernatural tells the stories of Sam and Dean Winchester as they protect the world from the forces of darkness. Together with a collection of human and otherworldly allies, they battle demons, ghosts, cryptids and all manner of horrifying dark creatures. It was one of many CW shows that delved into the darker side of the world before committing entirely to bad DC content.
What Supernatural got right
The first thing that jumps out when watching Supernatural is the metric ton of salt used in the show. Specifically, salt is used to protect against any number of ghastly things.
This is very familiar to any modern witch. We have so much salt. Black salt, red salt, blessed salt. Salt to cleanse, salt to banish, salt to protect. When I saw Dean and Sam with massive containers of kitchen salt, I felt like I’d found my people.
Then there is of course John Winchesters notebook. Or, dare I say, grimoire. This also felt familiar. And it’s one of the things I loved the most about Supernatural.
Look, we all want the big family grimoire with the lovely, flowing artwork and beautiful handwritten spells like in Charmed. But in reality, most grimoires look a lot more like the Winchester notebook, with sketches and notes shoved in and held in place with gum bands and paperclips. And while I’m not going to say that my grimoire has daring notes about demonic beings I’ve battled, it certainly has more quick sketches (mostly of plants) than it does beautiful calligraphy. This is supposed to be a useful document full of information we can reference quickly, not an art piece.
Longtime viewers of the show will point out that not only do the Winchesters not call themselves witches, but they often interact with witches. Sometimes as allies, and sometimes as enemies.
The witches in the show are pretty true to life. They are good and bad. They can be anyone, from any walks of life.
The witches use many tools modern practitioners use, including crystals, scrying mirrors and protection symbols. Honestly, they are pretty spot-on. Except for the spectacular TV magic they implement.
Finally, I want to discuss the question I asked at the start. Are the Winchesters witches?
No, they’re not. Because they don’t claim the title. Even if someone does magic, they’re not a witch unless they say they’re a witch. The whole point of witchcraft, after all, is personal power and personal choice.
What Supernatural got wrong
All of that being said, Supernatural was of course not a perfect depiction of witchcraft. For one thing, there is no grand coven of witches. I don’t think enough of us could agree on enough to create one.
But if we did, Stevie Nicks would be the Supreme.
Witches also don’t have to come from a long line of witches or be taught by other witches. Many of us are self-taught from books. And sadly, many of us live in communities where we might be the only witches around.
Thankfully, there are online communities from which to learn and grow. You don’t need to be a generational witch, or even have a close witch mentor. It’s a practice, and practice is all that’s required.
All in all, Supernatural is a fairly good example of modern witchcraft. The show might not be about witches, but it’s a great representation.
(4 / 5)
By the way, if you like this you might enjoy my haunted apartment novella, Quiet Apocalypse. The main character is a modern witch, and I share some real magic in this fictional story of an unexpected end of the world.
Movies n TV
Evil: Genesis 1 (S1E1)
Evil: Genesis 1 (S1E1) is a supernatural drama created by Michelle King and Robert King, starring Katja Herbers & Mike Colter.
Evil: Genesis 1 (S1E1) is a supernatural drama created by Michelle King and Robert King. The central cast includes Katja Herbers, Mike Colter, Aasif Mandvi, Michael Emerson, and Christine Lahti. It originally aired under CBS before moving to Paramount+. As of this review, it’s available through Netflix and Paramount+ and its add-ons. Though this series will earn nominations and awards, I’ll bring them up in relevant points or the end of the season review.
Dr. Kristen Bouchard (Katja Herbers) is a forensic psychologist struggling to financially support four daughters after losing her contract with the prosecution. When a Catholic seminarian (Mike Colter as David Acosta) offers her an opportunity to become an assessor for the Catholic church, she’s in no position to argue. Little does she know; this decision will put her in the crosshairs of Evil.
What I Like about Evil: “Genesis 1”
The cast includes heavy hitters and niche delights, such as Aasif Mandvi and Michael Emerson. Mike Colter, recently coming off of Luke Cage, brings his own star power to the cast.
Evil’s Genesis 1 starts strong with its supporting villain, Darren Pettie’s Orson LeRoux, who gives a calm and flowery account of his horrible crimes. Evil balances a light tone with dark material, and this performance does an expert job of setting that standard.
However, Katja Herbers’s Dr. Bouchard brings the central performance to life. Genesis 1 does a great job of planting the seeds of this complex character. From her ability to get shit done to her unsatisfying life, Bouchard has plenty of traits that easily allow for empathy and understanding.
Evil balances the line between real and supernatural horror, allowing viewers to assess a situation with plausible deniability. Seeing through the eyes of a skeptic, Dr. Bouchard, amplifies the fear and trauma a demon’s appearance ought to bring.
In terms of direct horror, Genesis 1 sets up what will come. It often provides an unsettling experience, building tension for future episodes. Where Genesis 1 becomes terrifying are those moments of juxtaposition, such as the initial monologue.
Tired Tropes and Triggers
While little is shown in the show of Orsen’s crimes, he is a rapist and murderer. To clarify, any depictions mentioned focus more on the murder.
As David aims to become a Catholic priest and the central trio act as assessors on behalf of the Catholic church, there will be religious elements that might rub some the wrong way. An example is the shady history of the church briefly mentioned as a throwaway jab by the antagonists. However, these elements are only lightly touched upon here.
A brief seed remains planted between Kristen and David, an attraction that might indicate an infidelity. This tension plays a role within the series. In my opinion, it’s handled well and adds to the complexity of the characters, but it’s a point worth mentioning for those troubled by such things.
What I Dislike about Evil: “Genesis 1”
Truthfully, there’s nothing I disliked. The only potential weakness worth mentioning is that the focus on Kristen remains so dominant one might easily assume it’s her story alone. Eventually, Mike Colter’s David becomes a co-lead for the show. While there remains a clear purpose for this decision, it’s the one gripe worth mentioning in terms of fully living up to the premise.
Another nitpick is the court procedure. Kristen gives her statement and is meant to return after new evidence to reaffirm her given statement as if they paused her testimony. Evil doesn’t explain its version of court procedure here.
Final Thoughts on Evil: “Genesis 1”
Genesis 1 provides a great foundation for Evil to thrive, sowing the seeds for future episodes to build upon. The only area that falls short remains communicating its leading cast, which future episodes aim to fix. If you’re hesitant about the series, Genesis 1 provides a great glimpse of what to expect.
(5 / 5)
