We did it, Mutants! The Last Drive-In has been renewed by Shudder for a second season! Plus, we survived a bunch of crazy, creepy movies in this first season. Good job everyone.
Tonight’s theme seems to be “one for Joe Bob” and “one for Darcy.” You’ll see why.
Blood Harvest (1987)
Opening Rant: Hipster hotels.
It is strange that the only film Tiny Tim ever starred in is a low-budget slasher film. He was a figure in popular culture who you would assume would have been more present in the movies. Blood Harvest is a 1987 slasher film that follows a young woman who is back home from college. She discovers things are amiss at home and finds herself stalked by a pair of siblings. Meanwhile, her friends are also being picked off by a mysterious killer – oh – and one of the brothers is dressed like a clown.
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Directed by Bill Rebane and written by Frank Kinnikin, Blood Harvest stars Tiny Tim as “The Marvelous Mervo,” Itonia Salchek, and Peter Krause.
Review
Joe Bob Briggs was particularly enthused by Blood Harvest. He tried on his previous shows to expand the audience and notoriety of the film to mixed results. With The Last Drive-In, Joe Bob was quite generous with the score of the film, awarding it three stars. The movie is certainly distinct among the films we’ve seen over the course of the season; mostly because of the novelty of Tiny Tim. The singer infused the entirety of Joe Bob’s host segments and led to some incredible moments.
The show featured two guests in Justin Martell and Bucks Burnette. Martell was on to promote his biography of Tiny Tim. He was kind enough to show Joe Bob video footage of Tiny Tim watching Joe Bob talking about Blood Harvest back in the 1990s. It was an incredibly sweet moment and definitely a highlight for the season. Burnette, Tiny Tim’s manager towards the end of his life, also shared a great many insights about the performer.
While Blood Harvest is not a great film, but we here at Haunted MTL appreciate how earnest it is. Of course there is the novelty of Tiny Tim who, naturally, sings several songs. The Haunted MTL rating of the film is two and a half stars. One problem is that the film has an incredibly small cast and is very much set in a single location. Ultimately this makes it feels like a very small-scale project. There is also the issue of Tiny Tim himself. Obviously a fantastic performer, he feels disconnected overall from what else is going on in the movie. This makes a lot of a sense, though, as he did not share the “stage” well, reportedly. Many of his scenes have him in isolation from the other characters.
Best Line: “How about some meaningless sex?”
Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II (1987)
Opening Rant: Joe Bob has zero tolerance for zero tolerance.
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We’re in Darcy’s ballpark with the final film of the season. Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II is a 1987 Canadian horror film that is only considered a sequel to the original Prom Night through marketing. Whereas the first Prom Night was a slasher film with no supernatural angle, Hello Mary Lou is the story of a high school that is tormented by the possession of a teenager by the ghost of a former student from the 1950s named Mary Lou. The titular ghost takes control of a student and proceeds to seduce and murder her way through archetypal teenagers and adults alike.
Directed by Bruce Pittman, Hello Mary Lou stars Michael Ironside, Wendy Lyon, Louis Ferreira, and Lisa Schrage.
Review
Joe Bob was particularly generous with Hello Mary Lou. It is a solid film, but given Darcy’s love of it, Joe Bob awarded it four stars. While the host segments did provide a great deal of information about the origins of the film and the talents behind it, the little subplot about The Last Drive-In prom was a season highlight. Of the factoids, what was most substantial was the revelation of the film originally being titled The Haunting of Hamilton High and the fact that many of the characters were given surnames referencing key horror directors.
The real highlight of the episode, and the finale of the show revolved around a special prom for Darcy. Darcy, of course, was dressed up in a prom gown as Mary Lou, and Joe Bob looked dapper as hell in a shiny black and silver coat. The show finished with John Brennan and Bigfeet performing and the rest of the crew coming out to dance and share in the prom fun. It was a touching and hilarious moment.
Hello Mary Lou is a very good supernatural slasher film with some impressive kills, effects, and a surprisingly amount of full frontal nudity. It is honestly the perfect sort of movie for The Last Drive-In and is a four star film. The performances in the movie are also pretty impressive, especially Wendy Lion as both Vicki and Mary Lou’s possessed form who is able to channel oversexed menace quite effectively. Some of the special effects are quite fascinating, such as a liquid chalkboard and maybe the creepiest rocking-horse ever put on film. Also, there is a kill involving a locker that might be an all-time-best in the season. It’s that good.
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Best Line: ” I can’t believe this. I’m 18, I’m stunningly good looking, prom’s like a week away, and I don’t have a date. “
Haunted MTL Drive-In Totals
1 Ancient Artifact (hello VHS tape!)
6 seconds of a stunt-woman being on fire
9 horror director references in character names
10 Twitter Bans for Darcy
22,000 dollars to license the rights to the song “Hello Mary Lou”
Brick Fu
Foreclosure Fu
Volleyball Fu
Trapper-Keeper Fu
Human Pinatas
Double Dose of Chloroform
Gratuitous Layers of Reality
Forcible Clown Ejection
Gratuitous Leg Lotioning
Blood Harvesting
Scottish Joking
Prom Pranking with Fiery Death
Locker Squishing
Chest Bursting
Well, with that we wrap up the first season of recaps for The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs. Before we go, I just wanted to share what a pleasure this season has been for me as a fan of horror. I also wanted to share how wonderful the experience of writing these recaps has been for me.
As always, please share your thoughts with us about The Last Drive-In. Also, please check out our other great content here at Haunted MTL.
We’ve reached the final episode of American Horror Stories, season three. After the ups and downs of the season, I didn’t know what to expect. I felt that we were due a big finish, Killer Queens. But I feared we were in for a big letdown.
As it turns out, The Thing Under The Bed was neither.
The story
We begin our story with a little girl named Mary, who is scared of something under her bed. She sneaks out of her room, only to be caught by her father and sent back to sleep. And of course, there is something horrible waiting for her under her bed.
This scene cuts away to a woman named Jillian. She has strange dreams, including one about Mary. But her husband, Mark, doesn’t want to hear about it. He’s only interested in a little lovemaking because he wants a baby. Jillian doesn’t, which makes total sense because she’s already married to one. But her irritation with her childish husband goes away when he goes away. And by goes away, I mean he’s sloppily devoured by something vicious under their bed.
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What worked
In short, this episode just worked. The acting was professional and believable. The cinematography and lighting work were wonderful, adding spooky effects and startling moments without impairing visibility.
Best of all, the story was solid. There were no plotholes to be found. Our main character, Jillian, was relatable and sympathetic.
This was maybe my favorite part of the story. I thought Jillian was a remarkably sympathetic character. She was dealt a hand she never asked for, having her husband slaughtered in their bedroom. I don’t think she missed him, so much as she was afraid of the legal ramifications of being caught with literal blood on her hands.
Then, when it would have been safest for her to just lay low and save up for a good defense attorney, she instead goes into unlikely hero mode. She does her best to save people, putting herself in legal and physical danger. It’s hard not to root for her.
It’s also a little hard not to root for the antagonist, too. I don’t want to ruin the twist for you, so I’m going to tread lightly here. But it’s great when you have an antagonist who might be off their rocker, but also maybe has a point.
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What didn’t work
I can only really think of one complaint with this episode. And that is how frequently one character says the word Chickadee. And if you’ve seen the episode, you know what I am talking about.
I get it, he has a pet name for his daughter. It’s adorable. It’s meant to convey that the two of them have a healthy loving relationship and I get it. We all get it. Blind monks get it. But the fact remains that no parent on Earth calls their kid by their pet name every single time they speak an individual sentence to them. It was just too damn much.
All in all, this was a good episode. It was a classic story, turned on its head, told by professionals from start to finish. And I hope that if there is another season, we see more stories like this one. But after the efforts put into this season at large, I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the last we see of American Horror Stories.
If you’ve watched enough short-form horror anthology shows, you’ll notice that some stories are mainstays. Each show seems to put on the same sort of episodes, with the occasional surprising storyline that we’ve never (or at least rarely) seen before.
Leprechaun was an example of a repeated story—the story of a greedy thief whose punishment far outweighs the crime.
The story
We begin our story in 1841, with a drunk man leaving the bar one late night. He’s distracted by something glowing at the end of the well. When he reaches down for the glowing thing, he falls in. Moments later, he screams.
We then cut to the modern day. The well is still there, and now it’s surrounded by a dying town. In this town lives a young man named Colin. He’s married, his wife is pregnant, and he’s out of work. Like many of his friends.
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Desperate for cash, Colin and his friends decide to rob a bank. They put together an Equate version of Ocean’s Eleven, and break in one night. But, of course, they find that the gold is nothing more than bait. And the creature waiting for them is something they never expected.
What worked
The first thing I want to point out is how real this episode felt. At least to anyone currently living in the same small town they grew up in. These characters felt like guys I went to school with. Guys I would see at the bar.
I appreciated the real anger and frustration these characters are feeling. Especially Colin. He’s bitter, and maybe he has a right to be. He did exactly what he was supposed to do to succeed. He went to school and invested in his career, and yet now he’s out of work and struggling to support his family. I probably don’t need to tell you how that feels. Because of this, we can all kind of understand why he was tempted to rob a bank.
I also want to talk about the fact that this was, as I said, an often-explored story. That can be a bad thing, but it can also be a good thing. This story is told over and over because it’s a good story. A relatable story. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
What didn’t work
That being said, this version didn’t try to do much to break out of the mold.
Because we have seen this story so many times, most of us could tell the story themselves. I would have expected something new, or some twist. But, in the end, the story didn’t bring anything new to the discussion.
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Maybe because of this, the ending left a lot to be desired. Trapped in the basement of the bank, everyone just sort of stares at everyone else, until the thieves give up. And that’s it. The ending wasn’t scary, shocking, or funny. It was just sad, on multiple levels.
Overall, this was an okay story. It was entertaining, if not surprising. I would compare this episode to homemade macaroni and cheese. Everyone’s got their own version, they’re all pretty good, and none of them are exciting.
There’s just one episode left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope they’ve saved the best for last.
We begin our story late at night, with a hospital security guard named Malcolm. He is frightened one night when he sees a woman with a distorted face in the hospital parking lot.
We then joined an RN named Claire. She’s doing her best to explain to a struggling mother that the hospital will not be able to treat her son with cancer because she can’t afford the treatment.
Not like she’s happy about it.
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Fortunately, Dr. Nostrum, played by the legend Henry Winkler, swoops in at the last moment to tell the mother that her son qualifies for a special place in his cancer treatment clinic.
Claire is lamenting the fact that she became an RN to help people, but it feels like she isn’t doing anything good. Then, she and her friend Lilly stumble upon the same woman who menaced Malcom the night before.
While Claire is trying to figure out what’s wrong with this woman, she brutally slaughters an orderly and vanishes into the hospital. But not before struggling to say two words to Claire. Ward X.
What worked
I want to start by praising the effects of this episode. Because they were fantastic. Aided by the black and white filming, the bloody and distorted faces of Alice and her fellow victims are nightmarish. They look like a horrific version of Lockjaw taken to a terrifying extreme.
I also want to discuss the fantastic work of Henry Winkler. He is an absolute legend and never has a bad project.
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Winkler’s character in this episode was exactly what we’d expect from him. He seems genuinely warm and kind, concerned about others’ well-being. Even when he’s planning to kill Claire, he comes off as such a caring guy.
Finally, I want to talk about the historical significance of this story. Because, like I always say, the scariest stories are the ones based on truth. And I’m sorry to say, this story has a basis in truth.
Mankind has a dark and twisted history when it comes to medical advances. Most doctors and scientists are good, moral people who abide by the first line of the Hippocratic oath, to first do no harm. Some, historically, are little more than monsters in white coats. Consider the Tuskegee Experiment, Unit 731, and the horrific acts of Josef Mengele. If you’re going to look up that middle one, be warned that it is NSFL.
While this episode of American Horror Stories was a work of fiction, it wasn’t that far off. I don’t think many of us want to admit how close to real life it was. This is the gift of good horror, to force us to come face to face with the worst aspects of humanity. To acknowledge them, accept them, and change them.
All in all, this was a perfect episode. The acting, the effects and the story were all top-shelf. And it’s certainly a story that will stick with you.
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There are just two episodes left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope that they reach closer to the quality of X, and away from the dull and dismal episodes that began the second half of this season.
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