The concept of 1…2…3…SCREAM (A.K.A. End of the Road) is part of what drew me in. It’s an early 2000’s romp into a group of people coming together to create a pilot for a paranormal investigation show when things eventually take a turn for the ghastly. It’s not a found footage film, but more a step up from the Sci-Fi Channel originals from that era.
In fact, our opening scene is basically just that. In the beginning we get our bulk of talent in quick cameos, Michael Dorn from Star Trek: The Next Generation (and Star Trek: Deep Space 9), Robert Picardo from Star Trek: Voyager (and Star Trek: First Contact), and also director/actor of the horror film, Restoration(Zack Ward). And then they’re gone. Poof, bye bye. Movie magic!
Much like these fajitas:
1…2…3…SCREAM – The Plot
Enter our actual stars, Morgan (Michael Chandler) a cameraman and Cricket (Dick Spenneberg), his right hand and tech manager who I thought was Nick Swardson for about ten minutes (sorry).
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They’ve been hired to shoot a pilot for a new ghost hunting show in the middle of nowhere (but a pretty nowhere – with a cabin, lake, mountainside view, and running toilets). Along with them is director, D.J. (Jerome Murdock); hosts Stephanie and Nina; attractive female Eve (Danielle James); and (hold onto your hats) a rare out-of-makeup Doug Jones with a clumsy British accent!
Doug Jones plays a character with a Ph.D. of Exposition– I mean, of the paranormal. It is an adorable performance without the usual “British paranormal-expert snobbery” that’s basically standard issue for the role. We’ll talk about this more later.
But, as our team sets up and begins to get acquainted, strange and spooky things begin to happen. Maybe the tales are true. Maybe the ghosts are real!
But after one major accident, they begin to uncover the truth and nothing will ever be the same…
1…2…3…SCREAM – Thoughts:
As cheesy early 2000’s as it was (“cool-guy” rock soundtrack blaring, dick jokes, corny one-liners and all), I liked the set up and first act of the movie. I was in it. Rarely we see a movie from just a studio perspective when it comes to paranormal shows and the in’s and out’s of the job. I liked the idea that something more could be out there and these ‘jaded Los Angeles’ types could find something to shake their core.
It was the second act that led to disappointment and by the third act I was checking my watch. The twist at the end was the last straw and, honestly, felt like a slap in the face.
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I don’t mind twist endings. I like them, actually, especially when I don’t see them coming. But this one…man…it just took the wind out of my sails. It felt like watching the end of a Full House special episode and I shouldn’t feel that in a horror movie; I shouldn’t feel that cloying, oozing saccharine nonsense forced down my protesting throat.
It would have worked better if trimmed majorly down and used as an episode to a show or as a part in an anthology, or just cut the ending entirely. Sure, it’s a good bookend, but it doesn’t give much to the story and characters. On paper, it works; on the actual screen, it’s painful to watch and endure.
1…2…3…SCREAM – Brain Roll Juice:
Why am I so excited about Doug Jones?
If you don’t know who Doug Jones is, the sad fact is that you probably do but don’t know it. He’s actually mostly known for his bodywork. That is to say, he’s usually under pounds of unrecognizable makeup. From everything from Hocus Pocus to Pan’s Labyrinth to The Bye Bye Man to Hellboy. He was also the creature in The Shape of Water (mad props for fish ballroom dancing, btw).
His usual bodywork acting is amazing, so to see him just playing a normal dude is refreshing and a treat. He takes the character out of the holier-than-thou Ivory Tower that we usually see with this trope, and gives him actual warmth, compassion and honesty. Like a less stuck up Giles from Buffy the Vampire Slayer show.
He has lines! He has exposition! He has facial expressions! Watch him go! Lovely.
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1…2…3…SCREAM – The Damage
I don’t want to EVEN talk about it. No, no, I hate it. The damage is on the viewer, not the characters.
Bottomline:
It might be fun for a group drunk-movie-night, but plan on being very drunk and playing on your phone for most of it.
(2 / 5)
When not ravaging through the wilds of Detroit with Jellybeans the Cat, J.M. Brannyk (a.k.a. Boxhuman) reviews mostly supernatural and slasher films from the 70's-90's and is dubiously HauntedMTL's Voice of Reason.
Aside from writing, Brannyk dips into the podcasts, and is the composer of many of HauntedMTL's podcast themes.
To a lot of fans, this is the film that killed the franchise. It says a lot that the next installment is yet another retcon. Halloween VI: The Curse of Michael Myers attempts to explain Michael’s unrelenting evil, which lead to mixed opinions from longtime fans. There are two cuts of the film, theatrical vs producer’s. For a lot of people, the latter is the only one worth mentioning. Aiming to be as accurate as possible, I will be talking about the producer’s cut. Let’s begin!
Plot
We start Halloween VI with a six-year time jump from part five. Jamie is now barefoot and recently pregnant, running away from Michael as he wants her baby. While she manages to hide the little one away, Michael finally gets his hunger satiated by killing her. The moment is one of the most brutal ways in the franchise up until that point. Rest in peace, Jamie, you held your ground for as long as you could, the sequels were just too relentless.
The movie then cuts to a whole different scene going on. We have a new family living in the Myers house and their youngest child is hearing voices telling him to kill his loved ones. Tommy Lloyd is watching the family, played by none other than Paul Rudd in his first-ever theatrical role. Tommy still carries trauma from the events all those years ago when Laurie Strode was babysitting him. So when he finds Jamie’s baby, his part in the story becomes even more essential.
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Dr Loomis also stars in what was Donald Pleasance’s final role before his passing. He and Tommy try to stop Michael once and for all before the cycle can repeat itself. As it turns out, Michael is a victim of a druid cult which makes him want to kill his family members every Halloween. Thorn, the cult in question, thinks they can control Michael and make him do their bidding. This results in catastrophe and Michael goes berzerk and kills all the cult members. Once again, it’s one of the most gruesome montages for the franchise up until that point.
Tommy and Kara are left to face Michael on their own which they manage to do with some corrosive liquid and good luck. However, nothing stays dead in this franchise as it’s soon revealed Michael somehow escaped and this time Dr Loomis might not be so lucky…
Overall thoughts
I would say for me personally Halloween VI definitely ranks somewhere near the bottom. The whole point of Michael is that there is no rhyme or reason to his killings and this film tries to go against that. I am glad the mistake was rectified by the upcoming installment. There were still some good things about it, such as Paul Rudd’s acting that reveals some raw talent as far as I’m concerned, as well as some direction choices and musical score. However, I also think it absolutely deserves all the criticism that it gets.
We’ve reached the final episode of American Horror Stories, season three. After the ups and downs of the season, I didn’t know what to expect. I felt that we were due a big finish, Killer Queens. But I feared we were in for a big letdown.
As it turns out, The Thing Under The Bed was neither.
The story
We begin our story with a little girl named Mary, who is scared of something under her bed. She sneaks out of her room, only to be caught by her father and sent back to sleep. And of course, there is something horrible waiting for her under her bed.
This scene cuts away to a woman named Jillian. She has strange dreams, including one about Mary. But her husband, Mark, doesn’t want to hear about it. He’s only interested in a little lovemaking because he wants a baby. Jillian doesn’t, which makes total sense because she’s already married to one. But her irritation with her childish husband goes away when he goes away. And by goes away, I mean he’s sloppily devoured by something vicious under their bed.
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What worked
In short, this episode just worked. The acting was professional and believable. The cinematography and lighting work were wonderful, adding spooky effects and startling moments without impairing visibility.
Best of all, the story was solid. There were no plotholes to be found. Our main character, Jillian, was relatable and sympathetic.
This was maybe my favorite part of the story. I thought Jillian was a remarkably sympathetic character. She was dealt a hand she never asked for, having her husband slaughtered in their bedroom. I don’t think she missed him, so much as she was afraid of the legal ramifications of being caught with literal blood on her hands.
Then, when it would have been safest for her to just lay low and save up for a good defense attorney, she instead goes into unlikely hero mode. She does her best to save people, putting herself in legal and physical danger. It’s hard not to root for her.
It’s also a little hard not to root for the antagonist, too. I don’t want to ruin the twist for you, so I’m going to tread lightly here. But it’s great when you have an antagonist who might be off their rocker, but also maybe has a point.
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What didn’t work
I can only really think of one complaint with this episode. And that is how frequently one character says the word Chickadee. And if you’ve seen the episode, you know what I am talking about.
I get it, he has a pet name for his daughter. It’s adorable. It’s meant to convey that the two of them have a healthy loving relationship and I get it. We all get it. Blind monks get it. But the fact remains that no parent on Earth calls their kid by their pet name every single time they speak an individual sentence to them. It was just too damn much.
All in all, this was a good episode. It was a classic story, turned on its head, told by professionals from start to finish. And I hope that if there is another season, we see more stories like this one. But after the efforts put into this season at large, I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the last we see of American Horror Stories.
If you’ve watched enough short-form horror anthology shows, you’ll notice that some stories are mainstays. Each show seems to put on the same sort of episodes, with the occasional surprising storyline that we’ve never (or at least rarely) seen before.
Leprechaun was an example of a repeated story—the story of a greedy thief whose punishment far outweighs the crime.
The story
We begin our story in 1841, with a drunk man leaving the bar one late night. He’s distracted by something glowing at the end of the well. When he reaches down for the glowing thing, he falls in. Moments later, he screams.
We then cut to the modern day. The well is still there, and now it’s surrounded by a dying town. In this town lives a young man named Colin. He’s married, his wife is pregnant, and he’s out of work. Like many of his friends.
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Desperate for cash, Colin and his friends decide to rob a bank. They put together an Equate version of Ocean’s Eleven, and break in one night. But, of course, they find that the gold is nothing more than bait. And the creature waiting for them is something they never expected.
What worked
The first thing I want to point out is how real this episode felt. At least to anyone currently living in the same small town they grew up in. These characters felt like guys I went to school with. Guys I would see at the bar.
I appreciated the real anger and frustration these characters are feeling. Especially Colin. He’s bitter, and maybe he has a right to be. He did exactly what he was supposed to do to succeed. He went to school and invested in his career, and yet now he’s out of work and struggling to support his family. I probably don’t need to tell you how that feels. Because of this, we can all kind of understand why he was tempted to rob a bank.
I also want to talk about the fact that this was, as I said, an often-explored story. That can be a bad thing, but it can also be a good thing. This story is told over and over because it’s a good story. A relatable story. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
What didn’t work
That being said, this version didn’t try to do much to break out of the mold.
Because we have seen this story so many times, most of us could tell the story themselves. I would have expected something new, or some twist. But, in the end, the story didn’t bring anything new to the discussion.
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Maybe because of this, the ending left a lot to be desired. Trapped in the basement of the bank, everyone just sort of stares at everyone else, until the thieves give up. And that’s it. The ending wasn’t scary, shocking, or funny. It was just sad, on multiple levels.
Overall, this was an okay story. It was entertaining, if not surprising. I would compare this episode to homemade macaroni and cheese. Everyone’s got their own version, they’re all pretty good, and none of them are exciting.
There’s just one episode left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope they’ve saved the best for last.
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