Black Christmas (1974) is a Uncomfortably Sweaty Piano Solo (4 Cthulhus)
Hello people, welcome to the holiday season! Hanukkah is on its third light, I believe. Kwanzaa still has a few days before it kicks off. Diwali…well, has been over for a while (sorry). And, it’s Christmas Eve (for the next hour). I’ve unwrapped my gift, finally.
That’s right. I’ve finally made it to the original, the first-born, Bob Clark’s 1974 Black Christmas. The chain-smoking, binge-drinking, constantly-swearing older sister that the other remakes watched in glazed envy and adoration at family gatherings.
Let’s get right into this because Santa brought me just what I wanted – a horror classic.
The Plot:
As with the remakes, we have a sorority house getting ready for their holiday break. Without their knowledge, someone slips into their attic and begins stalking them from within. They begin getting obscene phone calls, which they first take as a sick prank.
After one of the women goes missing, her father and the other sorority sisters try to find her and who could be behind her disappearance. Tensions rise as one of the sisters drinks and pushes the crisis, while another one of the women is at a crossroads in her life and dealing with an emotionally unstable boyfriend.
While they try to uncover the truth, will they realize that they are not alone before it’s too late?
The Good:
The lighting is exceptional, especially when used emphasized certain aspects (the features of the house, the women, and the décor) and hide others (namely the killer). The use of shadow and light were so cleverly crafted; it shows the time and effort that went into the shots and their planning.
The music and, maybe more importantly, the absence of music were also spot on. There were times that it would have been easy to put in cheap music to superficially heighten the effect of the scene, but not having it made it more memorable and suspenseful (especially the scene when Jess and Phyl were downstairs talking alone).
And the most important thing – the characters had character. I could tell you about Jess, Barb, Phyl, Clare, and Mrs. Mac because they had something to tell. Barb may have been difficult to personally like, but she has clear motives and actions. You might not agree with Jess, but you understand her. So, when we got to the last girls, it was difficult to watch because we established a connection.
The Bad:
Maybe I’ve watched too many video nasties and splatter films, but I was surprised at how tame the death scenes were. Not that that’s intrinsically bad. I guess I was just was expecting more.
Brain Roll Juice:
There’s a good amount of juice to roll that brain around in. Many reviewers have discussed at length about Jess and her firm decision to have an abortion as a very powerful statement, which it certainly is. It’s also super rare to find in a horror movie, especially a slasher movie. Women having agency over their bodies in an art-form where they often don’t is surprising. The sad note is that this is before the boom of the slasher genre in which the art-form (horror) created the tropes that this film didn’t participate in. It seems like Bob Clark was trying to give women a voice, even in horror, before it was muddled into the annals of, well….
But actually, I want to talk about character for one more second, or at least identity. Again, as this was fresh and free from the land of some of tropes that would come to be, it was refreshing to see that each girl was not just a Spice Girl-type representative. They had depth. They had character. Even the girl that was murdered first was still part of the story, the main story. She wasn’t just forgotten, not by the characters and not by the viewer.
Comparison and Bottom-Line:
It’s hard not to compare all three films, but I’m only human (mostly). Creating a remake is difficult because you often lose what made the first one so good. Sometimes even with the most precise planning and plotting, you just can’t create what was and replicate why it struck a nerve with people.
And however it happened, be it everything just falling into place and creating a Festivus miracle, the first movie worked and still works. The screams of Jess on the landing are just as heartbreaking. The fumbling of an old man trying to find his glasses just knocked off from a snowball, while waiting for a daughter who will never arrive, is still unnerving. Just as the ending is still effective and haunting.
These are the moments that will stay with us long after it’s over, not the incomprehensible snarky mess of 2006, and not the well-meaning but detached addition to the legacy in 2019. Real moments, real human emotions and empathy, felt between us.
And isn’t that what the holidays are supposed to be about?
Probably.
(4 / 5)
Episode two of Wheel of Time felt like the beginning of a long journey. Stories are unfolding, lives are changing, and blood is spilling.
Let’s discuss.
The story
We begin this episode in the past with Elayne’s mother, Queen Morgase. It turns out her rise to the throne was a bit, shall we say, cutthroat. So when she shows up at the White Tower, Siuan is concerned.
She might have reason to be, too.
Meanwhile, Rand, Egwene, Moiraine, Lan and Aviendha are in the Spine of The World. As they travel through some of the most breathtaking lands I have ever seen on a TV show, Egwene is plagued with nightmares. We think at first that’s just her trauma working itself through her system. But we soon find out that it might not be that straightforward.
Finally, Perrin returns home to heal after his hand is almost cut in half. But when he gets there he finds the town has been infested by Children of The Light. And they’re looking for him.
What worked
There was something heartwarming in this episode about political espionage and choking religious persecution. And that is Elayne’s relationship with her family.
I have consumed a lot of fantasy content with royal families. And I have never once heard a princess call her mother ‘Mum’. I’ve never seen royal siblings get along. And I have sure as hell never seen a princess have a good relationship with her step-parent.
This was refreshing. Even though Queen Morgase is kind of a horrible person she seems like a good mother. And that’s an unexpected delight.
Of course, this is just one storyline among many. And while this can sometimes be overwhelming, in this case it wasn’t.
I’ll be honest, some of these storylines are going to drag for me. I know this because I’ve read some of the Wheel of Time books and I have an idea that not all the characters exactly pique my interest.
No one likes all the characters. No one likes all the storylines. While I am here for the political espionage between Queen Morgase and Siuan, not everyone likes it. While others might be fascinated with Selene trying to win Rand back, I couldn’t care less.
Having multiple storylines keeps everyone’s attention better. So long as things don’t get out of hand. Things can easily get out of hand. But this seems to be managed well.
So far.
What didn’t work
As I mentioned above, I’m not thrilled with Rand’s story at this point. And while it’s fine to not like a storyline when there are this many to choose from, it’s not fantastic that the one I like the least is the one involving our two main characters. And anytime we were with the team at the Spine of The World, the only thing that brought me joy was Moirain’s hat. It reminded me of Stockard Channing’s hat in Practical Magic.
The problem is that Rand is Charlie Brown with controversial magical powers. He is boring, serious, and pessimistic.
And yes, I understand that he has a heavy emotional burden and he’s the Dragon Reborn and that’s quite taxing and all. But let’s be fair, there isn’t a single person in this show that doesn’t have a heavy burden. And most of them manage to be fun occasionally.
All that being said, this episode of Wheel of Time did exactly what it needed to do. It set up conflicts at each of the three locations. It established emotional ties between the characters and the events. And it established goals for everyone.
This was, in short, a solid episode. Not groundbreaking, not mind-blowing or life changing. It was simply good. It was entertaining and moved the plot forward.
Well done.
(3.5 / 5)
Wheel of Time is back for season three. There are mixed feelings regarding this. Last season, there were some serious pacing issues. And some serious sticking to the book’s storyline issues. But we’re two seasons in, and we don’t give up so easily. So let’s dive into episode one, To Race the Shadow.
By the way, I highly recommend watching this episode with the subtitles on. You’ll see why.
The story
We begin this episode with Liandrin facing a trial of sorts for her rampant betrayal. She does her best to gaslight her Aes Sedai sisters into thinking that Siuan Sanche is the real traitor.
When that doesn’t work, she reveals how many Black Aes Sedai have actually infiltrated the tower.
Spoiler, it’s a lot.
In the aftermath, our whole team gathers to drink and enjoy one night of relaxation before they head out to the Tear to form an army for Rand. All is going well until they’re attacked by myriad creatures and a sentient axe.
What worked
This episode was long. It had a run time of an hour and eleven minutes. And a lot of that run time was spent in heavy dialog scenes.
Fortunately, these were well-done scenes.
If you’re going to have a lot of talking scenes, there are good ways and bad ways to do it. Last season, we saw lots of examples of the bad way to do it. But this episode did it well. For one thing, other things were going on while conversations were taking place. The characters are drinking, playing games, walking through an interesting city. And the scenes themselves didn’t stretch out. They weren’t repetitive. We heard what the character had to say, then we moved on.
It was also nice that the point of these scenes wasn’t just info dumps. We had character development. We had romantic interactions. We had plot development and foreshadowing.
Overall, this episode felt like what it was. A moment of calm before a storm.
Taking a step back, I’d be remiss if I didn’t address the fight scene at the start of the episode. Because it was epic.
The magic looked amazing. The martial arts that went along with it looked fantastic. The costumes were beautiful. It was just incredibly fun to watch.
More than that, it was emotional. We lost some characters in that fight that were important. And it was clearly emotionally shattering for many of our characters, who found themselves betrayed by people they trusted.
So many of them.
It was a great way to open the season.
What didn’t work
Despite that, this episode wasn’t without its flaws.
First off, there were a lot of dialog scenes. And they were good scenes, as I’ve already discussed. But it was one after another after another. And when your episode is, again, an hour and eleven minutes, it’s maybe a little much to have so much chit-chat. Couldn’t some of these conversations, important as they were, have been moved to maybe another episode?
Finally, I want to talk about Egwene’s travel through the arches.
I feel like maybe there were some deleted scenes here. Because there must have been more to that visit than what we saw, right?
We could have seen Egwene battle Rand. That would have been badass and emotionally devastating. We could have seen her with a quiet life with Rand back home at the Two Rivers. We could have seen anything except for the quick clip of Rand in a bloody river, followed by Egwene being shoved back out in a bloody shift.
Bad job. But at least it wasn’t an extended scene of Moiraine collecting bathwater, and then taking a bath while looking sad. If we’d started this season with another scene like that, it might have broken my brain.
Amazon dropped the first three episodes at once. So we’ll be back soon to talk about episode two. See you then.
(4 / 5)
Early 2000s is a special era for the industry. It accepts the cheesiness and corniness of movie making, in turn producing some gems in their own right. Eight Legged Freaks starring David Arquette and young Scarlet Johanson is a horror comedy about giant spiders who overtake a small town. As crazy as that premise sounds, the movie surprisingly has a ton of heart and is super entertaining. Let’s review, shall we?
Plot
We start Eight Legged Freaks with a shot of toxic waste spilling into the water supply of Joshua, a spider farm owner. He is friends with Mike, one of our protagonists, who is a science geek and a spider enthusiast. Mike notices something quite right upon visiting Joshua, but no one takes him seriously. We are then introduced to the rest of the crew. Mike’s mother Samantha, the town sheriff, is too busy chasing Ashley, his sister, who is dating the town mayor’s son Bret (something Samantha does not approve of). We also have Chris, who returns to the town to save his father’s legacy in the town mines. He has opposition from Wade, Bret’s father, who wants to use the mines for his business ventures. Lots of drama going on that will only get juicier once the spiders get loose.
The creepy crawlies quickly dispose of Joshua and make their grand appearance after Ashley rejects Bret’s advances, abandoning him in the middle of a desert. A glorious chase sequence ensues as the spiders make their way towards the town, wreaking havoc on its residents. In a true horror fashion (which the movie acknowledges), it takes some convincing from Mike and then from Samantha for the town to take the threat seriously. The tongue-in-cheek style of narrative adds the comedy aspect to a movie that would otherwise burn out fairly quickly.
The remaining characters hide out in a shopping mall as it’s the only somewhat sturdy building in the area. This doesn’t last long as the spiders break in, forcing them to run through the mines. Their resources to fight the creepy crawlies off are limited as the methane gas doesn’t allow them to use firearms. Such conditions require resourceful thinking from Chris, who uses perfume to fend off the leader of the spider group and save himself during the climax of the movie.
Character dynamics are not forgotten once the action kicks in. We have Chris confessing his long-term feelings for Samantha which she knew all along, which provided some comedic relief. Bret also reunites with Ashley and apologises for being an asshole. Mike finally gets the appreciation he deserves as his knowledge saves the townsfolk more than once during the whole ordeal.
We end the movie with the town’s radio show person telling the story as an urban legend during his segment. This brings it into question – how much of it happened the way he said it did? We can only guess…
Overall thoughts
Eight Legged Freaks is a fun creature feature with some self-aware commentary on genre tropes that doesn’t take itself too seriously. The acting is good, the pacing fitting and the characters are likeable enough for you to want them to make it through. Definitely a must watch, if you don’t suffer from arachnophobia, that is.
(5 / 5)