Notes from the Last Drive-In: Joe Bob Ruins Christmas
Welcome to “Notes from the Last Drive-In,” Haunted MTL’s review and recap series of The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs on Shudder. This December we received a Christmas treat in the form of a new special, “Joe Bob Ruins Christmas” which brings back the telethon format of the last Christmas special with a few fun surprises and two decidedly un-holiday films.
Nothing quite like spending the holidays with the Mutant Fam taking in the delights and horrors of Ice Cream Man (1995) and Gator Bait (1974).
Ice Cream Man
Ice Cream Man is a 1995 direct-to-video slasher produced and directed by Norman Apstein/Paul Norman. The film was written by Sven Davison and David Dobkin. It stars Clint Howard, Olivia Hussey, and David Naughton. David Warner, Jan-Michael Vincent, and Lee Majors II make brief appearances.
The plot of the film is pretty simple: a man, Gregory Tudor, is released from a sanitarium and reopens a childhood favorite ice cream factory. However, soon enough the secret ingredient of the ice cream “hardpack” is every other customer. As a result, a group of local kids, fueled by the story of the Pied Piper, seek to stop Gregory’s murderous sourcing of ingredients.
Ice Cream Man is not a good movie, but it is a fun movie. It is entirely possible to enjoy something while pointing out it is not very well made. The movie hits the sweet spot (pun intended) between awful and awfully funny, and it makes for a great selection for The Last Drive-In. I mean, any film you could reasonably define as a “Clint Howard vehicle” is pretty much going to have some laughs. The guy is fantastic and made some strange, strange films, such as last season’s Evilspeak. If there is peak Clint Howard, however, Ice Cream Man is it, and we’re all the better for it.
The film is very 1990s and direct-to-video. It doesn’t look particularly good. The quality of the lighting is muddy. Cinematography is virtually absent as well. At no point does the film introduce a shot that is unique or visually interesting. The music is budget for even 1995, cheesy synthesized plinks.
And yet it is a movie you can’t walk away from because of the sheer magnetism of whatever the Hell Clint Howard is doing with the character. Most of the performances are functional at best. The only real stinkers of the bunch are Jan-Michael Vincent and Lee Majors II as the one-note cops. David Warner shows up for about five minutes of screentime and does his thing (excellently), but beyond that, nobody stands out, especially when in a scene with Clint Howard’s Gregory Tudor.
The story can be non-sensical at times, the character motivations a mystery, and the film is full of strange, offputting moments. The special effects are low-budget mid-90s at the best of times. Yet something about this film is compelling. It’s exactly the sort of cheesy, direct-to-video material that horror fans will watch at 2 AM. The comedy, while largely unintentional, buoys the film and makes it a great drive-in movie.
Joe Bob-servations
This movie was Joe Bob’s gift to Darcy. He initially gave it three stars, but gave it an extra star bump due to the spirit of the season, making Ice Cream Man a four-star Drive-In movie.
Joe Bob did a lot to contextualize this movie for me. I had only seen it once before when I was a teen, and it didn’t really draw me in. Having watched it now with some guiding words from our venerable movie host, I have a better appreciation for it. The movie is very much a mess, as Joe Bob points out that the film was originally going to be a children’s film. That changed, however. That does explain the strange tonal shifts in the movie. It feels like a knockoff of The Goonies young cast set-up, only with Clint Howard manhandling the ice cream instead of treasure hunting.
Part of the odd tonal shifts in the film is also explained by the director, Norman Apstein/Paul Norman. A former pron director most known for Edward Penishands, he might be the last choice you would expect for a horror film, let alone what was to be a children’s film. But considering the amount directors who started in porn and moved onto horror, such as Wes Craven, this isn’t that odd. Regardless, the shift in tone within the movie stems from some of these elements, undoubtedly, as well as the fact that the director was going through a painful separation from his family during the production. It’s a pretty crazy story.
The film is just filled with some bizarre little moments that Joe Bob Briggs points out in the host segments. Whether it be the pillow stuffed under the shirt of child-actor Jojo Adams to make him look fatter, David Warner showing up to film for a day or two, or the rather bonkers nature of the scene at the asylum, which feels like another movie entirely. There are, of course, rumors that the asylum scene was a troubled shoot due to Jan-Michael Vincent being wasted. Plus, with Clint Howard being the focus we also heard a wonderful little bit about his screaming out the window of his car on the drive to the set to get that graveled voice for Gregory.
Final Thoughts on Ice Cream Man
Ice Cream Man is fun as Hell. It is not a good movie by any stretch of the conventional definition, but the Mutant Fam is not obligated to derive enjoyment based on the quality of a movie. In fact, collectively we tend to value the rougher films. Ice Cream Man was a lovely little treat for fans of The Last Drive-In, and the culmination of what’s been a fun little joke over the past couple of years regarding Darcy’s love for Clint Howard. While I did have a lot of fun, the movie does have some significant flaws. I can’t award it anything more than three Cthulhus.
(3 / 5)
Best Line: “Trolling for Tuna!” – Ice Cream Man, grabbing Tuna from his bicycle
Gator Bait
The 1974 hicksploitation film Gator Bait was a special treat from Darcy to Joe Bob for the telethon. Gator Bait, directed by the married Beverly and Ferd Sebastian, is most famous for starring former Playboy Playmate Claudia Jennings. The film also stars Douglas Dirkson, Bill Thurman, and Sam Gilman. The film was written by Beverly Sebastian with Ferd responsible for the music.
Gator Bait is set in the swamps of Louisiana and follows poacher Desiree Thibodeau (Jennings) who lives in the swamps with her kin. One day, two men seek to rape her while trapping alligators and in the pursuit, one of the men dies. Soon the sheriff, the surviving, the serving deputy, and the incestuous family of the dead would-be rapist hunt her down for revenge.
Gator Bait is a rough film. It is pretty good, all things considered, but it can be quite graphic and disturbing for the unprepared. It is in many ways an ugly, brutal film. It is also a prime example of what a hicksploitation film is and makes wonderful use of the setting, which coincidentally was in the same area as another Drive-In favorite, The Legend of Boggy Creek. The violence of the movie, more specifically sexual violence is what will generally cause most people to reject it as too far, but it is worth powering through for a strong string of revenge sequences from Desiree.
The writing of the film is the greatest strength, crafting interesting characters that I found myself really hating or intrigued by. Specifically, T. J Bracken, played by Sam Gilman, is a fairly complex antagonist who leads a rather horrific brood that he can’t keep in check. While a great deal of credit goes to Sam Gilman, such characters are a collaborative art and Beverly Sebastian’s writing creates a compelling and ugly situation that spirals out of control. It’s a feel-bad movie that creates some genuine interest in the destruction of three families brought on by an attempted rape and a cowardly lie.
Claudia Jennings is also a strong performance. Largely silent, her dialogue is a bit childish and simple, constructed of short sentences in creole, befitting her nature as a child of the swamp quite effectively. It may take a moment to let that idea set in as you watch, but it comes across quite well. She also has a certain physicality in her performance as well. Obviously, there is sex appeal, but there are moments of genuine strength where her demeanor and the framing of the shot establish that she will have her revenge in no uncertain terms.
The movie is cruel, perhaps the cruelest that has been on The Last Drive-In since Cannibal Holocaust, but that cruelty does serve a point. Gator Bait, beneath the trappings of sex, violence, and the assumed stereotypes of swamp people is a morality tale in which nobody really wins. It’s worth a watch if you can make it through a couple of particularly brutal scenes.
Joe Bob-servations
When he wasn’t expressing utter shock and dismay at triathletes, Joe Bob regaled Darcy and the rest of the telethon crew with his love of Gator Bait. He is a fan of the movie for a couple of reasons, and at least two of them involve the presence of Claudia Wells. it can be fun when the show dives into the more exploitative nature of sex. Audiences love a sexy actor or actress, and it is one of those things that the show highlights as part of the Drive-In appeal. While this is mostly revolving around the male gaze, the show is as evenhanded as possible when it has to be.
The big punchline to this is that Joe Bob established the idea of Darcy replicating the iconic look of Claudia Jennings from the poster for the film, which does happen, of course. That’s not until after Darcy subverts the gag by wearing an alligator costume. Over the past couple of years, Darcy and Joe Bob have established a wonderful rapport and in my estimation, the show is very much equally Darcy’s at this point, as she serves as the sexy angel and devil on our host’s shoulders. The Last Drive-In makes good use of their back and forth as well as the expanding roster of the guests, such as Felissa Rose, and contributors to the show such as John Brennan and Yuki Nakamura.
The host segments for this section of the film were full of fascinating information, of course. One example includes a very funny, bizarre connection to Walt Disney that I don’t believe happened, but is just odd enough to be true. There was also a lot to discuss regarding the married team who made the movie possible, particularly Beverly, who sounds like a real badass. Beverly and Ferd Sebastian strike me as representatives of the drive-in spirit we celebrate through the show, so it was particularly fun for Joe Bob to give them their due and to put these two filmmakers on more people’s radars. This was my first experience with Gator Bait, and I am happy that Joe Bob’s show was able to put this challenging yet compelling movie on my radar.
Final Thoughts on Gator Bait
Gator Bait isn’t my favorite movie that has been shown on The Last Drive-In, nor is it my favorite movie that has been introduced to me through the show. But the movie has stuck with me quite a bit since I watched it. It is a visceral film, for sure, and likely to be as divisive with the Mutant Fam as Cannibal Holocaust. As far as shock pictures go, I’d argue Cannibal Holocaust is the stronger one and features a more compelling theme, but Gator Bait is quite good. Joe Bob, being a fan of redneck pictures, gave the film four stars. I am not as enthused by it, but I did enjoy it, rough spots and all. I give Gator Bait three-and-a-half Cthulhus.
(3.5 / 5)
Best Line: “She ain’t got no choice. She either screws us, or she gets behind bars. Puttin’ a wildcat like that behind bars is bad.” – Deputy Billy Boy, immediately raising concerns in us all about the nature of law enforcement
Haunted MTL Drive-In Totals
Here are the official tallies from Shudder.
As for our own tally, we have…
- One Dead Dog
- Two Darcy Cosplays
- Four Causes Championed
- Thirteen Items Auctioned
- One Dozen Snakes
- Christmas Joking
- Jesus Joking
- Incestuous Son Whipping Fu
- Drunken Stumbling Through Asylum Set Fu
- Zoom Call Yuki Fu
- Gratuitous Holiday Musical Verses
- Gratuitous Musical Number
- Gratuitous “Reason of the Season” Lecture
Episode Score
I do appreciate the telethon format for the previous Christmas special that has carried through into this one. I also really like that the items up for auction were also a little more substantial than last year’s. I just wish I could have afforded to bid. But even then, allowing flat donations in exchange for merch was an excellent tough and with luck, the telethon has raised a substantial amount of money for each of the organizations and causes selected this time around. The selections were all themed around the nativity story of the three wise men, and throughout the night the show had a welcoming, encouraging atmosphere.
This was probably best punctuated by the recurring gag where everyone would burst into a line from a spontaneous Christmas song, to which Joe Bob would play the bah-humbug role. Of course, that led to Joe Bob taking us into a full musical ending, which is always welcome. I am always impressed with the show’s embracing of original songs and how good John Brennan and his crew are at putting them together.
After a long stretch of episodes dealing with the isolation that reflected the world struggling with COVID and all-around suck, this Christmas special felt like a great example of the togetherness that The Last Drive-In can bring for horror fans.
Plus, there was the Chili Bandit again. I love that little hog.
(4 / 5)
And that is where we leave you until The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs returns to Shudder in 2022. I would love to read your thoughts on the special and the films chosen. I’d also like to read your thoughts on the reviews. Are they too long? Not long enough? Please, let us know.
Otherwise, please, have a Merry Christmas, and may all your gators be baited safely.
“There’s room for everyone at the Drive-In. Everyone pays the same price to get in. We’ll make room for you.”
Joe Bob Briggs
Episode two of Wheel of Time felt like the beginning of a long journey. Stories are unfolding, lives are changing, and blood is spilling.
Let’s discuss.
The story
We begin this episode in the past with Elayne’s mother, Queen Morgase. It turns out her rise to the throne was a bit, shall we say, cutthroat. So when she shows up at the White Tower, Siuan is concerned.
She might have reason to be, too.
Meanwhile, Rand, Egwene, Moiraine, Lan and Aviendha are in the Spine of The World. As they travel through some of the most breathtaking lands I have ever seen on a TV show, Egwene is plagued with nightmares. We think at first that’s just her trauma working itself through her system. But we soon find out that it might not be that straightforward.
Finally, Perrin returns home to heal after his hand is almost cut in half. But when he gets there he finds the town has been infested by Children of The Light. And they’re looking for him.
What worked
There was something heartwarming in this episode about political espionage and choking religious persecution. And that is Elayne’s relationship with her family.
I have consumed a lot of fantasy content with royal families. And I have never once heard a princess call her mother ‘Mum’. I’ve never seen royal siblings get along. And I have sure as hell never seen a princess have a good relationship with her step-parent.
This was refreshing. Even though Queen Morgase is kind of a horrible person she seems like a good mother. And that’s an unexpected delight.
Of course, this is just one storyline among many. And while this can sometimes be overwhelming, in this case it wasn’t.
I’ll be honest, some of these storylines are going to drag for me. I know this because I’ve read some of the Wheel of Time books and I have an idea that not all the characters exactly pique my interest.
No one likes all the characters. No one likes all the storylines. While I am here for the political espionage between Queen Morgase and Siuan, not everyone likes it. While others might be fascinated with Selene trying to win Rand back, I couldn’t care less.
Having multiple storylines keeps everyone’s attention better. So long as things don’t get out of hand. Things can easily get out of hand. But this seems to be managed well.
So far.
What didn’t work
As I mentioned above, I’m not thrilled with Rand’s story at this point. And while it’s fine to not like a storyline when there are this many to choose from, it’s not fantastic that the one I like the least is the one involving our two main characters. And anytime we were with the team at the Spine of The World, the only thing that brought me joy was Moirain’s hat. It reminded me of Stockard Channing’s hat in Practical Magic.
The problem is that Rand is Charlie Brown with controversial magical powers. He is boring, serious, and pessimistic.
And yes, I understand that he has a heavy emotional burden and he’s the Dragon Reborn and that’s quite taxing and all. But let’s be fair, there isn’t a single person in this show that doesn’t have a heavy burden. And most of them manage to be fun occasionally.
All that being said, this episode of Wheel of Time did exactly what it needed to do. It set up conflicts at each of the three locations. It established emotional ties between the characters and the events. And it established goals for everyone.
This was, in short, a solid episode. Not groundbreaking, not mind-blowing or life changing. It was simply good. It was entertaining and moved the plot forward.
Well done.
(3.5 / 5)
Wheel of Time is back for season three. There are mixed feelings regarding this. Last season, there were some serious pacing issues. And some serious sticking to the book’s storyline issues. But we’re two seasons in, and we don’t give up so easily. So let’s dive into episode one, To Race the Shadow.
By the way, I highly recommend watching this episode with the subtitles on. You’ll see why.
The story
We begin this episode with Liandrin facing a trial of sorts for her rampant betrayal. She does her best to gaslight her Aes Sedai sisters into thinking that Siuan Sanche is the real traitor.
When that doesn’t work, she reveals how many Black Aes Sedai have actually infiltrated the tower.
Spoiler, it’s a lot.
In the aftermath, our whole team gathers to drink and enjoy one night of relaxation before they head out to the Tear to form an army for Rand. All is going well until they’re attacked by myriad creatures and a sentient axe.
What worked
This episode was long. It had a run time of an hour and eleven minutes. And a lot of that run time was spent in heavy dialog scenes.
Fortunately, these were well-done scenes.
If you’re going to have a lot of talking scenes, there are good ways and bad ways to do it. Last season, we saw lots of examples of the bad way to do it. But this episode did it well. For one thing, other things were going on while conversations were taking place. The characters are drinking, playing games, walking through an interesting city. And the scenes themselves didn’t stretch out. They weren’t repetitive. We heard what the character had to say, then we moved on.
It was also nice that the point of these scenes wasn’t just info dumps. We had character development. We had romantic interactions. We had plot development and foreshadowing.
Overall, this episode felt like what it was. A moment of calm before a storm.
Taking a step back, I’d be remiss if I didn’t address the fight scene at the start of the episode. Because it was epic.
The magic looked amazing. The martial arts that went along with it looked fantastic. The costumes were beautiful. It was just incredibly fun to watch.
More than that, it was emotional. We lost some characters in that fight that were important. And it was clearly emotionally shattering for many of our characters, who found themselves betrayed by people they trusted.
So many of them.
It was a great way to open the season.
What didn’t work
Despite that, this episode wasn’t without its flaws.
First off, there were a lot of dialog scenes. And they were good scenes, as I’ve already discussed. But it was one after another after another. And when your episode is, again, an hour and eleven minutes, it’s maybe a little much to have so much chit-chat. Couldn’t some of these conversations, important as they were, have been moved to maybe another episode?
Finally, I want to talk about Egwene’s travel through the arches.
I feel like maybe there were some deleted scenes here. Because there must have been more to that visit than what we saw, right?
We could have seen Egwene battle Rand. That would have been badass and emotionally devastating. We could have seen her with a quiet life with Rand back home at the Two Rivers. We could have seen anything except for the quick clip of Rand in a bloody river, followed by Egwene being shoved back out in a bloody shift.
Bad job. But at least it wasn’t an extended scene of Moiraine collecting bathwater, and then taking a bath while looking sad. If we’d started this season with another scene like that, it might have broken my brain.
Amazon dropped the first three episodes at once. So we’ll be back soon to talk about episode two. See you then.
(4 / 5)
Early 2000s is a special era for the industry. It accepts the cheesiness and corniness of movie making, in turn producing some gems in their own right. Eight Legged Freaks starring David Arquette and young Scarlet Johanson is a horror comedy about giant spiders who overtake a small town. As crazy as that premise sounds, the movie surprisingly has a ton of heart and is super entertaining. Let’s review, shall we?
Plot
We start Eight Legged Freaks with a shot of toxic waste spilling into the water supply of Joshua, a spider farm owner. He is friends with Mike, one of our protagonists, who is a science geek and a spider enthusiast. Mike notices something quite right upon visiting Joshua, but no one takes him seriously. We are then introduced to the rest of the crew. Mike’s mother Samantha, the town sheriff, is too busy chasing Ashley, his sister, who is dating the town mayor’s son Bret (something Samantha does not approve of). We also have Chris, who returns to the town to save his father’s legacy in the town mines. He has opposition from Wade, Bret’s father, who wants to use the mines for his business ventures. Lots of drama going on that will only get juicier once the spiders get loose.
The creepy crawlies quickly dispose of Joshua and make their grand appearance after Ashley rejects Bret’s advances, abandoning him in the middle of a desert. A glorious chase sequence ensues as the spiders make their way towards the town, wreaking havoc on its residents. In a true horror fashion (which the movie acknowledges), it takes some convincing from Mike and then from Samantha for the town to take the threat seriously. The tongue-in-cheek style of narrative adds the comedy aspect to a movie that would otherwise burn out fairly quickly.
The remaining characters hide out in a shopping mall as it’s the only somewhat sturdy building in the area. This doesn’t last long as the spiders break in, forcing them to run through the mines. Their resources to fight the creepy crawlies off are limited as the methane gas doesn’t allow them to use firearms. Such conditions require resourceful thinking from Chris, who uses perfume to fend off the leader of the spider group and save himself during the climax of the movie.
Character dynamics are not forgotten once the action kicks in. We have Chris confessing his long-term feelings for Samantha which she knew all along, which provided some comedic relief. Bret also reunites with Ashley and apologises for being an asshole. Mike finally gets the appreciation he deserves as his knowledge saves the townsfolk more than once during the whole ordeal.
We end the movie with the town’s radio show person telling the story as an urban legend during his segment. This brings it into question – how much of it happened the way he said it did? We can only guess…
Overall thoughts
Eight Legged Freaks is a fun creature feature with some self-aware commentary on genre tropes that doesn’t take itself too seriously. The acting is good, the pacing fitting and the characters are likeable enough for you to want them to make it through. Definitely a must watch, if you don’t suffer from arachnophobia, that is.
(5 / 5)