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The second film of Red Christmas was the gloriously insane Jack Frost; and no, it’s not the Michael Keaton snow-dad movie. The movie is absolutely wacky as Hell and has the distinguishment of being Shannon Elizabeth’s feature film “debutt.”

Also, this movie introduces an ultimate betrayal of our good host, and of us, the viewers. Even now, I still feel the sting of the horror host community’s betrayal of Joe Bob.

Jack Frost (1997)

Opening Rant: Joe Bob promises some guests, and that we will get “nasty with a snowman.”

1997’s Jack Frost is a direct-to-video horror-comedy. It was written and directed by Michael Cooney. The film features a town called Snowmonton under siege by a serial killer named Jack Frost. Oh, also, Jack Frost is a mutant snowman resulting from a genetic accident. The movie is every bit as ridiculous as you’d expect.

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The film stars a smorgasbord of character actors and was shot in Big Bear, California. The film features Christopher Allport, Scott MacDonald, Stephen Mendel, and F. William Parker. The film’s largest claim to fame is that it is the debut, of course, of Shannon Elizabeth. Shannon Elizabeth would really explode onto the scene for teenage males everywhere in 1999’s American Pie a couple of years after.

The film is 90-minutes of black comedy insanity and has developed quite the cult following.

Given the low budget, there are some genuinely solid effects at times.

Review

Drive-In Fashion Show: Darcy wears an extremely low-cut Christmas-red ensemble with black trim hood and high-laced boots.

Joe Bob, perhaps not so surprisingly, gave Jack Frost a half-star higher rating than Black Christmas. The film is far better drive-in fare than Black Christmas and fits firmly within the insane wheelhouse that is The Last Drive-In. Jack Frost comes in, officially, at three and a half stars.

There is a lot to admire about Jack Frost given its low-budget and ridiculous premise. It has some truly ingenious deaths, swerves, and generally screwed up moments that satisfy a lot of those drive-in cravings that we seek.

For example, here is a snowman murdering a nude Shannon Elizabeth:

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As a whole, this might be the most fun film that has been on The Last Drive-In since season one’s DEATHGASM. Everything about the movie clicks from the outrageous cartoony writing and killings to the clever usage of Christmas Carols for a score. We even get a nice segment around the third break with Joe Bob Briggs regaling us about the British farces. This second feature of the night basically offered everything.

Where’s the carrot? WHERE IS THE CARROT?!

There was also the continual tease of guest horror hosts, which was a bit of an impish trick on Joe Bob’s part. But the brand new musical number, “Lonely Red Christmas,” was a wonderful holiday treat.

Now, this was my first experience watching Jack Frost. I only knew it from its amazing lenticular VHS cover I kept seeing on the shelf at my local video store as a kid. I am sure you’ll recognize it from the Blockbuster Video days too, even if you’ve never seen the movie.

My parents were never cool enough to let me rent this movie as a kid and I weep for the amazing childhood I could have had.

Jack Frost might be one of the best experiences I’ve had on The Last Drive-In yet and I fully believe it is a four-star film. Joe Bob clearly deducted a half star due to actual breasts that aren’t made of snow, but I’m not as picky. Basically, I had a complete blast. The movie is ridiculous as all hell, and there were some genuinely cringe-inducing kills that really stand out for me. The scene with the Christmas ornaments, for example, is already on my list of the best kills in horror films ever.

Also, any film that features an anti-snowman firing-line with hair-dryers is clearly worth three stars at the minimum. It just helps that the rest of the film is so goddamn insane.

Best Line: “Well it ain’t fucking Frosty!” – Jack Frost

Snowmen: Now with Bologna-filling.

Haunted MTL Drive-In Totals

As has become a tradition, let’s turn to Shudder’s handy-dandy Drive-In tweet for those official totals.

  • 1 Darcy Costume Change (SnowTran Darcy!)
  • 2 “Snowballs” Jokes
  • 18 Days of Shooting this Movie
  • Darcy Jailing
  • Christmas-Pig Joking
  • Darcy Impalement Threatening
  • Silver Bolo Awarding
  • Gratuitous Character Actors
  • Gratutitous Farce Lecturing
  • Sled-Decapitation Fu
  • Yuki Pasty Fu

Jack Frost was pretty much exactly what I would personally want in a Drive-In experience. There was a huge sense of fun throughout the entire experience, even if Joe Bob’s party plans, cruelly, did not seem to pan out throughout the evening. Poor guy.

One big surprise was the beginning of the Silver Bolo Awards, which will seem to be a feature of The Last Drive-In going forward. It is an award representing excellence in horror blogging and the horror community. The first recipient was, of course, Dinosaur Dracula, which is well-deserved. I’ve been following Matt, the blogger behind Dinosaur Dracula clear back to the X-Entertainment days and his work made me interested in blogging.

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Our Snow Queen of the evening.

So yes, congratulations, Matt. It is well deserved. It also gives me something to shoot for with Haunted MTL.

Anyway, stay tuned for our final post on Red Christmas, due later this week. Until then, please check out all the other content our new writers have been posting.

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Movies n TV

American Horror Stories, The Thing Under The Bed

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We’ve reached the final episode of American Horror Stories, season three. After the ups and downs of the season, I didn’t know what to expect. I felt that we were due a big finish, Killer Queens. But I feared we were in for a big letdown.

As it turns out, The Thing Under The Bed was neither.

The story

We begin our story with a little girl named Mary, who is scared of something under her bed. She sneaks out of her room, only to be caught by her father and sent back to sleep. And of course, there is something horrible waiting for her under her bed.

Debby Ryan in American Horror Stories.

This scene cuts away to a woman named Jillian. She has strange dreams, including one about Mary. But her husband, Mark, doesn’t want to hear about it. He’s only interested in a little lovemaking because he wants a baby. Jillian doesn’t, which makes total sense because she’s already married to one. But her irritation with her childish husband goes away when he goes away. And by goes away, I mean he’s sloppily devoured by something vicious under their bed.

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What worked

In short, this episode just worked. The acting was professional and believable. The cinematography and lighting work were wonderful, adding spooky effects and startling moments without impairing visibility.

Best of all, the story was solid. There were no plotholes to be found. Our main character, Jillian, was relatable and sympathetic.

This was maybe my favorite part of the story. I thought Jillian was a remarkably sympathetic character. She was dealt a hand she never asked for, having her husband slaughtered in their bedroom. I don’t think she missed him, so much as she was afraid of the legal ramifications of being caught with literal blood on her hands.

Then, when it would have been safest for her to just lay low and save up for a good defense attorney, she instead goes into unlikely hero mode. She does her best to save people, putting herself in legal and physical danger. It’s hard not to root for her.

It’s also a little hard not to root for the antagonist, too. I don’t want to ruin the twist for you, so I’m going to tread lightly here. But it’s great when you have an antagonist who might be off their rocker, but also maybe has a point.

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What didn’t work

I can only really think of one complaint with this episode. And that is how frequently one character says the word Chickadee. And if you’ve seen the episode, you know what I am talking about.

I get it, he has a pet name for his daughter. It’s adorable. It’s meant to convey that the two of them have a healthy loving relationship and I get it. We all get it. Blind monks get it. But the fact remains that no parent on Earth calls their kid by their pet name every single time they speak an individual sentence to them. It was just too damn much.

All in all, this was a good episode. It was a classic story, turned on its head, told by professionals from start to finish. And I hope that if there is another season, we see more stories like this one. But after the efforts put into this season at large, I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the last we see of American Horror Stories.

4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

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Movies n TV

American Horror Stories, Leprechaun

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If you’ve watched enough short-form horror anthology shows, you’ll notice that some stories are mainstays. Each show seems to put on the same sort of episodes, with the occasional surprising storyline that we’ve never (or at least rarely) seen before.

Leprechaun was an example of a repeated story—the story of a greedy thief whose punishment far outweighs the crime.

The story

We begin our story in 1841, with a drunk man leaving the bar one late night. He’s distracted by something glowing at the end of the well. When he reaches down for the glowing thing, he falls in. Moments later, he screams.

We then cut to the modern day. The well is still there, and now it’s surrounded by a dying town. In this town lives a young man named Colin. He’s married, his wife is pregnant, and he’s out of work. Like many of his friends.

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Hudson Oz in American Horror Stories Leprechaun.

Desperate for cash, Colin and his friends decide to rob a bank. They put together an Equate version of Ocean’s Eleven, and break in one night. But, of course, they find that the gold is nothing more than bait. And the creature waiting for them is something they never expected.

What worked

The first thing I want to point out is how real this episode felt. At least to anyone currently living in the same small town they grew up in. These characters felt like guys I went to school with. Guys I would see at the bar.

I appreciated the real anger and frustration these characters are feeling. Especially Colin. He’s bitter, and maybe he has a right to be. He did exactly what he was supposed to do to succeed. He went to school and invested in his career, and yet now he’s out of work and struggling to support his family. I probably don’t need to tell you how that feels. Because of this, we can all kind of understand why he was tempted to rob a bank.

I also want to talk about the fact that this was, as I said, an often-explored story. That can be a bad thing, but it can also be a good thing. This story is told over and over because it’s a good story. A relatable story. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

What didn’t work

That being said, this version didn’t try to do much to break out of the mold.

Because we have seen this story so many times, most of us could tell the story themselves. I would have expected something new, or some twist. But, in the end, the story didn’t bring anything new to the discussion.

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Maybe because of this, the ending left a lot to be desired. Trapped in the basement of the bank, everyone just sort of stares at everyone else, until the thieves give up. And that’s it. The ending wasn’t scary, shocking, or funny. It was just sad, on multiple levels.

Overall, this was an okay story. It was entertaining, if not surprising. I would compare this episode to homemade macaroni and cheese. Everyone’s got their own version, they’re all pretty good, and none of them are exciting.

There’s just one episode left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope they’ve saved the best for last.

3.5 out of 5 stars (3.5 / 5)

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Movies n TV

American Horror Stories, X

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It happened. It finally happened. We got another good episode of American Horror Stories.

The story

We begin our story late at night, with a hospital security guard named Malcolm. He is frightened one night when he sees a woman with a distorted face in the hospital parking lot.

We then joined an RN named Claire. She’s doing her best to explain to a struggling mother that the hospital will not be able to treat her son with cancer because she can’t afford the treatment.

Mia Isaac in American Horror Stories.

Not like she’s happy about it.

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Fortunately, Dr. Nostrum, played by the legend Henry Winkler, swoops in at the last moment to tell the mother that her son qualifies for a special place in his cancer treatment clinic.

Claire is lamenting the fact that she became an RN to help people, but it feels like she isn’t doing anything good. Then, she and her friend Lilly stumble upon the same woman who menaced Malcom the night before.

While Claire is trying to figure out what’s wrong with this woman, she brutally slaughters an orderly and vanishes into the hospital. But not before struggling to say two words to Claire. Ward X.

What worked

I want to start by praising the effects of this episode. Because they were fantastic. Aided by the black and white filming, the bloody and distorted faces of Alice and her fellow victims are nightmarish. They look like a horrific version of Lockjaw taken to a terrifying extreme.

I also want to discuss the fantastic work of Henry Winkler. He is an absolute legend and never has a bad project.

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Henry Winkler and Mia Isaac in American Horror Stories.

Winkler’s character in this episode was exactly what we’d expect from him. He seems genuinely warm and kind, concerned about others’ well-being. Even when he’s planning to kill Claire, he comes off as such a caring guy.

Finally, I want to talk about the historical significance of this story. Because, like I always say, the scariest stories are the ones based on truth. And I’m sorry to say, this story has a basis in truth.

Mankind has a dark and twisted history when it comes to medical advances. Most doctors and scientists are good, moral people who abide by the first line of the Hippocratic oath, to first do no harm. Some, historically, are little more than monsters in white coats. Consider the Tuskegee Experiment, Unit 731, and the horrific acts of Josef Mengele. If you’re going to look up that middle one, be warned that it is NSFL.

While this episode of American Horror Stories was a work of fiction, it wasn’t that far off. I don’t think many of us want to admit how close to real life it was. This is the gift of good horror, to force us to come face to face with the worst aspects of humanity. To acknowledge them, accept them, and change them.

All in all, this was a perfect episode. The acting, the effects and the story were all top-shelf. And it’s certainly a story that will stick with you.

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There are just two episodes left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope that they reach closer to the quality of X, and away from the dull and dismal episodes that began the second half of this season.

5 out of 5 stars (5 / 5)

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