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The second film of Red Christmas was the gloriously insane Jack Frost; and no, it’s not the Michael Keaton snow-dad movie. The movie is absolutely wacky as Hell and has the distinguishment of being Shannon Elizabeth’s feature film “debutt.”

Also, this movie introduces an ultimate betrayal of our good host, and of us, the viewers. Even now, I still feel the sting of the horror host community’s betrayal of Joe Bob.

Jack Frost (1997)

Opening Rant: Joe Bob promises some guests, and that we will get “nasty with a snowman.”

1997’s Jack Frost is a direct-to-video horror-comedy. It was written and directed by Michael Cooney. The film features a town called Snowmonton under siege by a serial killer named Jack Frost. Oh, also, Jack Frost is a mutant snowman resulting from a genetic accident. The movie is every bit as ridiculous as you’d expect.

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The film stars a smorgasbord of character actors and was shot in Big Bear, California. The film features Christopher Allport, Scott MacDonald, Stephen Mendel, and F. William Parker. The film’s largest claim to fame is that it is the debut, of course, of Shannon Elizabeth. Shannon Elizabeth would really explode onto the scene for teenage males everywhere in 1999’s American Pie a couple of years after.

The film is 90-minutes of black comedy insanity and has developed quite the cult following.

Given the low budget, there are some genuinely solid effects at times.

Review

Drive-In Fashion Show: Darcy wears an extremely low-cut Christmas-red ensemble with black trim hood and high-laced boots.

Joe Bob, perhaps not so surprisingly, gave Jack Frost a half-star higher rating than Black Christmas. The film is far better drive-in fare than Black Christmas and fits firmly within the insane wheelhouse that is The Last Drive-In. Jack Frost comes in, officially, at three and a half stars.

There is a lot to admire about Jack Frost given its low-budget and ridiculous premise. It has some truly ingenious deaths, swerves, and generally screwed up moments that satisfy a lot of those drive-in cravings that we seek.

For example, here is a snowman murdering a nude Shannon Elizabeth:

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As a whole, this might be the most fun film that has been on The Last Drive-In since season one’s DEATHGASM. Everything about the movie clicks from the outrageous cartoony writing and killings to the clever usage of Christmas Carols for a score. We even get a nice segment around the third break with Joe Bob Briggs regaling us about the British farces. This second feature of the night basically offered everything.

Where’s the carrot? WHERE IS THE CARROT?!

There was also the continual tease of guest horror hosts, which was a bit of an impish trick on Joe Bob’s part. But the brand new musical number, “Lonely Red Christmas,” was a wonderful holiday treat.

Now, this was my first experience watching Jack Frost. I only knew it from its amazing lenticular VHS cover I kept seeing on the shelf at my local video store as a kid. I am sure you’ll recognize it from the Blockbuster Video days too, even if you’ve never seen the movie.

My parents were never cool enough to let me rent this movie as a kid and I weep for the amazing childhood I could have had.

Jack Frost might be one of the best experiences I’ve had on The Last Drive-In yet and I fully believe it is a four-star film. Joe Bob clearly deducted a half star due to actual breasts that aren’t made of snow, but I’m not as picky. Basically, I had a complete blast. The movie is ridiculous as all hell, and there were some genuinely cringe-inducing kills that really stand out for me. The scene with the Christmas ornaments, for example, is already on my list of the best kills in horror films ever.

Also, any film that features an anti-snowman firing-line with hair-dryers is clearly worth three stars at the minimum. It just helps that the rest of the film is so goddamn insane.

Best Line: “Well it ain’t fucking Frosty!” – Jack Frost

Snowmen: Now with Bologna-filling.

Haunted MTL Drive-In Totals

As has become a tradition, let’s turn to Shudder’s handy-dandy Drive-In tweet for those official totals.

  • 1 Darcy Costume Change (SnowTran Darcy!)
  • 2 “Snowballs” Jokes
  • 18 Days of Shooting this Movie
  • Darcy Jailing
  • Christmas-Pig Joking
  • Darcy Impalement Threatening
  • Silver Bolo Awarding
  • Gratuitous Character Actors
  • Gratutitous Farce Lecturing
  • Sled-Decapitation Fu
  • Yuki Pasty Fu

Jack Frost was pretty much exactly what I would personally want in a Drive-In experience. There was a huge sense of fun throughout the entire experience, even if Joe Bob’s party plans, cruelly, did not seem to pan out throughout the evening. Poor guy.

One big surprise was the beginning of the Silver Bolo Awards, which will seem to be a feature of The Last Drive-In going forward. It is an award representing excellence in horror blogging and the horror community. The first recipient was, of course, Dinosaur Dracula, which is well-deserved. I’ve been following Matt, the blogger behind Dinosaur Dracula clear back to the X-Entertainment days and his work made me interested in blogging.

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Our Snow Queen of the evening.

So yes, congratulations, Matt. It is well deserved. It also gives me something to shoot for with Haunted MTL.

Anyway, stay tuned for our final post on Red Christmas, due later this week. Until then, please check out all the other content our new writers have been posting.

Movies n TV

Goosebumps, Stay Out Of The Basement Pt 2, could have just been one part

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We’re back again with Goosebumps The Vanishing, episode two. A story too big for one episode, apparently.

Or, maybe this is just a nod to the fact that Stay Out Of The Basement was a two-part episode in the original 1995 show. Either way, after seeing this episode, we could have kept it to one.

The story

We begin this second episode with Anthony investigating the parasitic plant taking over his body. Rather than, I don’t know, going to the hospital, he’s decided to phone a colleague and send her some samples from the bulb he pulls out of his arm with a handheld garden trowel.

David Schwimmer in Goosebumps The Vanishing.

Meanwhile, Devin is having his own worries. He’s haunted by what he saw in the sewers. So, he gets CJ to go with him to investigate. What they find is more of the tendrils of the plant that dragged him down through the manhole last episode.

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I sure would have liked to see more about that.

Instead, we see Devin pivot to flirting with a newly single Frankie. Because teenage hormones I guess.

Meanwhile, Trey is having a terrible day. First, his girlfriend leaves him. Then, Anthony breaks his car window.

Needing a way to deal with his frustration, Trey decides to break into the Brewers’ basement. There, he starts wrecking up the place. Until he meets the plant creature and has an unfortunate accident.

What worked

The big difference between this episode and the last is the increased gross-out factor. This episode had some straight-up cringy moments. From the tendrils waiving from Anthony’s arm to the whole goat he brings home to feed his new pet, this episode was skin-crawling gross in the best way possible.

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The series is called Goosebumps, after all.

What didn’t work

Unfortunately, that’s where my praise ends. This episode, unlike the last, just wasn’t that great.

To start with, there was a lot of unnecessary drama between characters who are not in danger of being eaten by a plant from the inside out.

 Francesca Noel in Goosebumps The Vanishing.

I especially disliked the focus on the Frankie/Trey/Devin love triangle.

Now, I don’t hate it. This part of the story adds extra emotional depth to the show. We can see why Trey would be especially incensed by his girlfriend falling for the son of the neighbor he’s feuding with. But it would be more enjoyable if it wasn’t so cliche and dramatic.

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I hate the way Trey tried to gaslight Frankie. It makes me dislike him when he should be a sympathetic character. I hate how whiny Devin is every time he talks to Frankie. And I hated the impassioned speech Frankie gives after Devin asks her why she was with Trey.

Listen, I understand what we’re going for here. Devin and Cece are not struggling financially. They’re doing alright, and their new friends here in Gravesend are not. We kind of got that without Frankie claiming that her socioeconomic status is why she’s dating a bully and gaslighter. It felt out of place. It felt like pandering. It certainly didn’t feel like something an eighteen-year-old would say. I hated it.

Finally, there was a moment near the end of the episode that irritated me. I don’t want to give too much detail because I wouldn’t dare ruin an R.L. Stine cliffhanger. But, well, it doesn’t make a lot of sense.

I get that we’re watching a show about a carnivorous plant that is going to wreak havoc on this family and neighborhood. I understand the suspension of disbelief. Some might even say I am a little too generous with it. So I can buy into a teenager being absorbed by a plant and turned into a monstrous version of himself.

I can’t buy into what happens at the end of this episode. It doesn’t make sense with the rules established. It certainly doesn’t make any sort of scientific or logical sense. It is a lazy moment meant to further the storyline but threatens the structural integrity of the season.

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All in all, this wasn’t the best episode of Goosebumps. But it’s only the second episode. Honestly, the season has plenty of time to go either way.

2.5 out of 5 stars (2.5 / 5)

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Movies n TV

Thriller Nite, Poem by Jennifer Weigel Plus

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So, this is a convoluted post, not going to lie. Because it’s Thriller Nite. And we have to kick it off with a link to Michael Jackson in homage, because he’s the bomb and Vincent Price is the master… (If the following video doesn’t load properly, you can get there from this link.)

The movie monsters always approach so slowly.
Their stiff joints arcing in jerky, erratic movements
While the camera pans to a wide-eyed scream.
It takes forever for them to catch their victims.
 
Their stiff joints arcing in jerky, erratic movements
As they awkwardly shamble towards their quarry –
It takes forever for them to catch their victims.
And yet no one ever seems to get away.
 
As they awkwardly shamble towards their quarry –
Scenes shift, plot thickens, minutes tick by endlessly…
And yet no one ever seems to get away.
Seriously, how long does it take to make a break for it?
 
Scenes shift, plot thickens, minutes tick by endlessly…
While the camera pans to a wide-eyed scream.
Seriously, how long does it take to make a break for it?
The movie monsters always approach so slowly.

Robot Dance found subverted street art altered photography from Jennifer Weigel's Reversals series
Robot Dance from Jennifer Weigel’s Reversals series

So my father used to enjoy telling the story of Thriller Nite and how he’d scare his little sister, my aunt. One time they were watching the old Universal Studios Monsters version of The Mummy, and he pursued her at a snail’s pace down the hallway in Boris Karloff fashion. Both of them had drastically different versions of this tale, but essentially it was a true Thriller Nite moment. And the inspiration for this poem.

For more fun music video mayhem, check out She Wolf here on Haunted MTL. And feel free to check out more of Jennifer Weigel’s work here on Haunted MTL or here on her website.

Portrait of myself with dark makeup and crow skull headdress, backlit by the sun.
Portrait of myself with dark makeup and crow skull headdress, backlit by the sun.

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Dexter Original Sin sees Dex’s first date and third kill in The Joy of Killing

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Episode six of Dexter Original Sin brings us Dex’s third kill, making him officially a serial killer.

Yay!

The story

This episode dealt with many things. The first, and clearly most interesting, is the kidnapping of Nicky Spencer, the police captain’s son, whom we met a few episodes ago.

This loss has sent the entire police force into an uproar. They need to find the killer fast before Nicky’s found hanging from a bridge.

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Unfortunately, Harry’s still on the sidelines for this one, after horribly messing up the case against Levi Reed. He’s instead working with LaGuerta in a case regarding a dead homeless man. Despite the different victims, types of death, and the fact that they don’t appear to be related at all. Except that Dexter believes they are. They are, in fact, the first murderers of a blossoming serial killer. Just like him.

Before Dex can lean into this investigation, though, he’s drug along on a double date with Deb, Sophia and Gio. And here, we see the first shadows of danger from Gio. Shadows that will almost certainly turn into a monster.

Patrick Gibson and Raquel Justice in Dexter Original Sin.

What worked

I would first like to acknowledge that, despite my irritations, Gellar did well in this episode. She didn’t have Whedon’like one-liners. She didn’t exist to give snappy comebacks with a side of girl boss.

She looked as though she’d aged. She was serious. She behaved like a real person who felt terrible about what was happening.

And, just to shout out the costume department, she looked washed out. Yes, that is a good thing. Let me explain.

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White is not a good color on her. At least not that shade. It made her look bad. This is not something that Sarah Michelle Gellar would choose to wear.

But it is something that Tanya Martin would choose to wear. And I love that. I love when shows and movies let people look bad because they’re more interested in being true to the character and not focusing on everyone looking as hot as possible at all times.

I also want to discuss Gio, Deb’s boyfriend.

Gio scares me. And I think that most women watching this will feel the same way.

Not girls. Not teenagers or even some young women. But adult women, I’m willing to bet, do not like Gio after this episode.

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It was the scene at the bar. The part where he got in the face of the guy who spilled Deb’s drink. There was danger in that scene. Gio didn’t want an apology. He didn’t want to make sure Deb was okay. He didn’t even want the drink replaced. He wanted a reason to hurt that stranger. Because at that moment he was furious. And the only way to handle that fury for him was pain.

Gio is a very dangerous man. I’ll be very surprised if this season doesn’t end with Dexter having to take him out.

What didn’t work

At this point, we have a lot going on. We have Nicky’s kidnapping. We have Dexter finding himself as a serial killer. We have the flashback storyline with Laura and Harry. We have the dangerous Gio and the likely in-danger Sophia. And we have these murders of drifters and homeless people that the team is now investigating.

Christian Slater and Christina Milian in Dexter Original Sin.

That’s a lot. It’s more than what can be followed comfortably. And that doesn’t even consider the one or two-episode arches like Levi, Nurse Mary or Tony Ferrer. A lot is going on, and a lot to keep track of. And it’s hard to believe, seeing what we’ve seen from this franchise and knowing what we know about how they handle endings, that these are all going to have satisfying endings. Especially since I haven’t heard anything about a season two.

We have four episodes left in this season, and I am expecting the storylines to start heating up. As of right now, we have way too many that don’t have enough to do with each other. But as we get closer to episode ten, I would expect these loose threads to knot together and form a noose around the neck of our dashing Dexter.

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3.5 out of 5 stars (3.5 / 5)

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