One Body Too Many, is an approved old dark house film from 1944 staring Jack Haley, Jean Parker, Douglas Fowley, Blanch Yurka, and the count himself Bela Lugosi. Directed by Frank McDonald, written by Winston Miller (of A Private’s Affair and other light classics) and Maxwell Shane (of The Invisible Killer fame) both writers with a number of suspense, horror, mystery, and comedy titles under their belts penned this under-loved gem of a flick. Horror and comedy are the strangest of bedfellows for when done right it becomes the thing of legend; think Abbott and Costello, American Werewolf in London, Evil Dead II, Cabin in the Woods and many-many-more…(sorry my late night infomercial alter ego peered his Hyde-ian head out for a moment) but when done poorly it becomes obscure almost after viewing, I’d give you the name of one but that would undermine the point I’m attempting to make.
I use the word, ‘approved’ when describing this film as it was made before the Jack Valenti ratings system swap of ’68. We’re talking Hays Code days there, kids. When a movie was held for review of approval by a board to determine whether or not it’s morally acceptable or vulgar beyond belief, ‘cus ‘member nuance didn’t exist before the sixties got swingin’. Though you may not be likely to find this on anyone’s top ten or labeled as ground breaking, other than coining the word of being a ‘drip’ as an insult for a needlessly fastidious person, it still exists in the public eye and is easily accessible. You don’t have to go hunting for archived footage in the back of that haunted abandoned video store or visit obscure streaming sites to find while a virus spirits away your bank info. I can’t recall the first time I saw it, or why, perhaps in my pirate days I was backtracking the filmography of Jack Haley or Bela Lugosi, or maybe it was in with those early-to-mid-2000’s collection of 50 horror films that were mainly filled with creature features or forgotten films with no plots, but in those lots-of-fifty did have a notable jewel or two a la William Castel or Ed Wood, but either way this one has always stuck with me.
The plot is your classic Old Dark House set up, a stranger finds their way into a manner where they do not belong that may or may not be haunted, some times alone, sometimes with others, and due to the necessity of plot they are unable to leave for whatever reason. The formula is simple, and it can, on occasion, be executed quite well. This I also, personally feel, is the easiest to blend horror and comedy. It’s a two for one; a creepy setting and a fish out of water tale. The vulnerability and personality of the protagonist are the defining features of whether the film is intended to give chills or get laughs. Here’s where we meet Albert L. Tuttle played by Jack ‘The Tinman’ Haley, who is an insurance agent trying to sell a 200K life insurance policy to an eccentric millionaire, Cyrus J. Rutherford. Jack’s had the meeting scheduled for over a month. Well, Cyrus died, at his will reading the lawyer notes a stipulation that states he must be buried in a glass mausoleum where he can be overlooked by the stars for all eternity or else the ratios of who gets the most and who gets the least of his estate would be flipped. No one is supposed to know the distribution amounts until he is entombed to keep things fair, but some people have an inkling. Thus comes in our protagonist who is confused, frightened, and aroused (no not by the body, well… not Cyrus’s). Tuttle is persuaded to stay and guard the body by the deceased niece Carol, played by Jean Parker, and hilarity ensues.
The movie establishes the characters well and quickly. Tuttle, in the first few minutes is shown to be a clever and determined individual by getting the account that no other insurance man in the business could, by appealing (or pandering) to the eccentrics interest in astrology. The family isn’t Knives Out levels of character depth, but you get to meet the rest of the ensemble and find out who Cyrus liked and who he didn’t. Cyrus’s testimonial preamble reads like something I would write, just roasting his family from beyond the grave. The acting is done well, no one goes against the motivation of their characters. The humour isn’t misplaced; it’s a situational comedy just a little macabre with a hint of a, ‘who done it’. Lugosi is not wasted, though I think it takes multiple viewings to see his possible poisoning subplot. The effects for it’s time; the angle and devil shoulder gag, some of the transitions, film distortion to simulate being under water, are all very good. The writing is quick, poking fun at over used tropes in the pulp genre that Tuttle seems to be in, or the showing of hypocrisy in pseudoscientists, an astrologer calling palm reading hokum was funny.
There’s nothing in this movie I can say I hated or didn’t like. This is far from a perfect movie, but that adds to the charm; the audio has some issues, what do you expect it’s from the 40’s. Though it is a quick watch, less than 80 minutes, the way in which some shots linger disrupt the pace and make it feel longer. I hesitate to call some of the gags cliché since it predates most of the famous movies that reused the jokes. A few scenes are a little too dark. The constant putting down of coffee, I don’t care if it keeps you up or you’re a drip, you take the damn cup and enjoy that delicious dark liquid energy.
The ugly- my opinion
It’s a quick watch, entertaining, with mood and humour. The writing and acting are good and it’s not too scary to put on if you’re a lightweight or have kids. Put it on your watchlist if you want a good lark. See Jack outside of the silver makeup. He’s far more reserved than the likes of his comedic contemporaries but I feel that uniqueness plays in his favour. Throw it in your rotation if you like House on Haunted Hill, Abbot and Costello, And Then There Were None, or just like classic movies it’s worth the view.(3.5 / 5)
Goosebumps, The Haunted Mask
Based loosely on the 1993 story of the same name, The Haunted Mask begins sort of partway through the first episode.
We’re introduced to a character we haven’t seen much of so far, named Isabella.
Isabella’s life doesn’t seem great. She’s all but invisible at school. She is responsible for taking care of her little brother. It seems like her only real joy is bullying people online. She was the person who tried to get Allison’s party canceled by sending the invite to her parents. Why? Because she is a very unhappy person.
Despite trying to get the party canceled, she decides to go anyway. At the Biddle house, a voice calls her down to the basement. There, she finds a mask.
The mask inspires her to do wild things. She wanders around the party, flirting with everyone. And she has a great time.
Several days later, after Isaiah breaks his arm, Isabella brings an expensive drone to school to get shots of the football team’s practice. Unfortunately, Lucas breaks it fooling around. And Isabella, tired of being ignored, says some awful things to him.
When her mother grounds her because she took the drone without asking, the mask compels her to do some awful things.
I would first like to talk about the storytelling structure in this season. It appears that we’re going to be getting the events of Halloween night multiple times, from multiple points of view.
I love this structure. It’s unique, and it allows for more mystery in a shorter period. It’s also more complex, showing just how much madness was happening, while just showing one part of the story at a time.
Another thing I appreciated was the evolution of the character Lucas.
On one hand, it’s easy to be angry at Lucas. Even if he thought the drone belonged to the school, it’s still kind of a selfish move to break it.
But Lucas just lost his father. We don’t know how yet, but we know from Nora that his death caused Lucas to start doing things like jumping on drones and skateboarding off the roof from his bedroom window.
We all mourn differently. Losing a parent as a teen is awful. So while we can all agree that he’s being a problem, he’s also being a sad kid working through something hard.
And the same can be said for Isabella.
Look, we still don’t know what the adults of this town did to make Harold Biddle haunt them. But we do know that these parents are messing up in all sorts of other ways. And Isabella is suffering from parentification. She’s being forced to play mom at home while being ignored by her classmates at school. Even without the mask, I could see her lashing out and trashing the house.
Finally, I love Justin Long in this series. His visual comedy was fantastic here, as he falls through the hallways. But he also manages to be scary as hell. His creepy smile and jerky movements are enough to make anyone’s skin crawl. I honestly can’t think of a living actor who could have played this better.
What didn’t work
If I have one complaint about this episode, it’s the music. It’s not terrible, but it’s not great. Every song seems like it’s just screaming what the characters are thinking. Which isn’t really what I’d consider the point of a soundtrack.
Maybe it’s just a curse on RL Stine. None of his projects can ever have good soundtracks aside from the theme song.
Unlike the original Goosebumps series, there were moments in this episode that did startle me and unnerve me. Which is wonderful. And while it’s still clearly for kids, it’s something anyone can sit down and enjoy. I’m very excited for the rest of the season. But what do you think? Let us know in the comments.
(4.5 / 5)
If you’re a fan of my work, please check out my latest story, Nova, on Paper Beats World. New chapters launch every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Goosebumps Say Cheese and Die
Released in 2023, Goosebumps is the latest in a line of content based on the insanely popular children’s book series with the same name. And if you’re here, I’m guessing I don’t have to tell you a lot about Goosebumps. Most horror fans are at least passingly aware of the colorful covers, dark plotlines, and surprise twist endings. Some of us even have a few of the original books lying around.
With so many good and bad versions of the original stories floating around, I was unsure how to feel about this brand-new series. I was sure, however, that I had to watch all of it. Especially with the infamous Slappy appearing so prominently in the advertising.
So, how was the first episode?
We start this episode with a flashback to 1993, and a young man named Harold Biddle. We don’t spend a lot of time with him. He comes home from school and goes right to the basement. There he starts writing some concerning notes in his journal. This is interrupted when a fire consumes the basement, killing him.
We then flash forward thirty years to the real start of our story. The Biddle house has just been inherited by a man named Nathan Bratt, played by the delightful Justin Long. He adores the place but is less than thrilled when a bunch of teens crash it for a Halloween party.
The teens end up not being thrilled either.
Now we come to our real main characters, Isaiah, Margot, Allison, and James. It is the four of them that planned the ill-fated party.
While in the house, Isaiah finds a Polaroid camera. He starts taking pictures of his friends, only to find that they don’t come out right. One of them, Allison, shows her on the ground in the woods, terrified for her life. Another shows Margot in a panic next to a snack machine.
Of course, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that he eventually sees both of the girls in those exact situations. The real trouble comes when Lucas takes a picture of him, and it shows him on the football field, horribly injured.
All of these near-death experiences seem to be caused by the flaming spirit of Harold Biddle. And it soon becomes clear that the adults of the town likely know more than they’re willing to tell about what went down at the Biddle house thirty years ago.
For someone who grew up with the series, and is therefore of a certain age, the first scene of the episode was a lot of fun. It oozed 90’s vibe in a way that’s immediately recognizable to most, and familiar to my generation. Well, insomuch as wearing flannel and coming home to an empty house is the pinnacle of being a 90s kid.
It was also fun for the constant references to books in the original series. Blink and you missed them, but I saw the Cuckoo Clock of Doom, Haunted Mask, and Go Eat Worms. These make sense, as they each have their episode this season. But I’m sure I missed a few. Please let me know in the comments.
That was a lot of fun for someone who grew up with the series. But it wasn’t so constant and all-consuming as to distract from the story. Someone could have never read a Goosebumps book in their lives and just enjoy this episode of television.
More importantly, younger viewers can watch this and feel like it’s for them. The main characters aren’t the parents, they’re the kids. And it’s clear even in this first episode that, even if it was the grownups who caused this horror, it’s going to be the kids that fix it.
This is a series that is for kids. And that’s great. It’s introducing a whole new generation to a series in a way that feels like it can be theirs just as much as it was ours when we were kids.
What didn’t work
All that being said, the story also felt a little dumbed down. A little too predictable. There was one line that particularly irritated me in this regard. When Nora goes to see Isiah’s dad in the hospital, she just flat-out says, “The children will suffer for the sins of the fathers.”
Not only is that just a bad line, it’s also a lazy one. It’s awkward and unrealistic. People simply do not talk that way. And we frankly didn’t need this information dropped on us. It was pretty clear during the football game that at least some of the grownups in town were going to be involved with this when we saw Nora recognize what was happening to Isaiah and try to stop the game. Kids are smart. They would have figured this out by themselves.
It’s also a really tired trope. Freddy and Jason after all, are both killing young people for the sins of their parents. It was a big part of the storyline in Hide. And while I get that this might feel relevant to the next generation who are all paying for the mistakes of Boomers that Gen X and Millennials have not done enough to solve, it’s also a bit lazy. I just feel like, if this is going to be our main story, it could have been a better one.
But this isn’t to say I didn’t enjoy this episode. Overall, it was a fun start that left me with lots of questions. I’m excited to see where the rest of the season takes us.
(4 / 5)
If you’re a fan of my work, please check out my latest story, Nova, on Paper Beats World. New chapters every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
The Dead Take the A Train Review: Queer Magic and Monster Mayhem
“Julie crawled onto the table, straddling her intern, both hands around the knife. She torqued it downward, cursing. Brad shrieked harder.” -pg 57, The Dead Take the A Train by Cassandra Khaw & Richard Kadrey
The Dead Take the A Train is the first book in a duology by authors Cassandra Khaw and Richard Kadrey. It was published in 2023 by Tor Nightfire (like the Scourge Between Stars, which I reviewed here). I was not previously familiar with Kadrey’s work, which most notably includes the Sandman Slim series. However, I was introduced to Khaw through The Salt Grows Heavy (review here), which I absolutely adored in all its twisted, gory glory. Therefore, I was thrilled to pick-up The Dead Take the A Train, which promised similar heart in a modern cosmic horror package.
In The Dead Take the A Train, a magical fixer named Julie must hunt down eldritch monstrosities threatening the lives of those around her. To do this, she has to go up against her shitty ex, a questionable angel, finance executives, and her own sobriety. When an old friend shows up, Julie is terrified to find herself making a retirement plan that doesn’t involve getting murdered by a demon.
The Dead Take the A Train is reminiscent of N.K. Jeminsin’s The City We Became, with both featuring queer characters tackling eldritch horror plots in New York City. In the same way, the novel was reminiscent of a gorier version of Dimension 20’s Unsleeping City actual play series. However, it clearly carves out a space for itself among the droves of cosmic-horror inspired love letters to New York City. For one, it is mostly unconcerned with borough beef, which (not to sound like a curmudgeonly Midwesterner), is so refreshing. The book also has a relatively novel way the world works, which helps it stay memorable.
Overall, I really liked The Dead Take the A Train. First off, the characters are fun and easy to root for. Julie is a mess in pretty much every aspect, but her bad decisions are understandable and she is charismatic. Her romance with her friend, Sarah, also serves to make Julie more likable. It helps that the villains are so easy to hate too. What’s not to hate about rich Wall Street assholes engaging in human sacrifice? Speaking of which, I liked the juxtaposition of corporate Wall Street and cosmic cultists. The actions taken were evil, but more importantly, they were just business.
The prose was flowery, but not quite as much as in The Salt Grows Heavy. So, if you struggled with Khaw’s other works for that reason this may be a much easier read. Personally, I enjoyed the prose in both. There is quite a bit of gore in The Dead Take the A Train, but I didn’t find it to be overwhelming. I think you could still enjoy the book if you don’t love gore, though maybe not if you have a weak stomach.
One of the largest issues I have with The Dead Take the A Train, is the lack of clarity in power levels of the various characters. Especially since all their forms of magic work in different ways, it is sometimes unclear the level of danger present. This can also sometimes create room for plot holes. For example, Julie has a friend who is tapped into anything and everything happening online. This is an absurdly powerful ability (and is used as such). But there were moments where the main conflict probably could have been avoided or solved using that power. It also felt odd that no one else in this thriving magic community felt strongly about stopping a world-ending catastrophe. Because of this, the magic underground of NYC could feel smaller than I think was intended.
Having been familiar with Khaw’s work previously, The Dead Take the A Train clearly feels like a mix of Khaw’s style with someone else’s. This could be a boon or a hindrance, depending on your view of Khaw’s distinct prose and storytelling. Either way, if you are interested in learning more about the process or the authors, check out the interview they did for SFF Addicts Podcast!
I recommend The Dead Take the A Train, especially for those who are fans of modern urban eldritch horror. The book is an even bigger steal if you are looking for danger, gore, and queer characters. Check it out! And keep your eyes peeled for the next book in this duology.