Shark Warning! Review: Attack of the Lake Shark
In an age of climate change and mass extinction, the character of the murderous great white shark has never been more sympathetic. The production company behind Sharknado puts forth another shark-centric creature feature with Shark Warning!, directed by James Gadd, this time with its jaws set on human greed… and alcoholism?
Two Men Face the Shark in their Past
As a child, Alan witnessed his brother get killed by a shark while their Uncle Ron drank beer on the beach instead of watching them. Filmed on Lake Havasu in Arizona, the movie features striking shots of the desert reservoir, and the extras genuinely look sunburnt, sweaty, and near heat stroke. Twenty years after the tragedy, Alan returns to the town where his brother was killed. He walks into a bar, refuses a drink, and immediately gets into an altercation with the older Uncle Ron.
Alan, played by Andrew Katers, has the stiff awkwardness of a former theater kid, which lends itself to his wounded yet stoic persona, but not so much to his sex appeal. Ron, played by Baywatch alum David Chokachi, while sexier, gives off the vibe of an aging pretty boy rather than a rugged man of the seas (or the lake, for that matter).
The bar owner, Lisa, played by Angela Cole, coaxes the men into a tentative truce and discusses the town’s upcoming fishing competition. Thus, “The Mayor” comes into play. As does her brother, self-proclaimed shark hunter, who first spots the shark in the lake after twenty years. Deriving its conflict from Jaws, The Mayor refuses to cancel the fishing tournament (the best in the county!), despite news of the murderous shark in the waters. Now, Alan will have to figure out how to forgive Ron. And Ron must forgive himself so the two can join forces and take down the shark together. Good thing Ron gave up drinking all those years ago.
Slasher for a Television Audience
My mom once pointed out how you could tell if a soap opera character was evil just by looking at them, and The Mayor’s drunken, money-hungry performance, played by Rebecca Ritz, hits exactly that note. The long scenes of expository dialogue also plant the movie firmly in soap-opera territory. The TV-feel means there’s little gore, yet somehow the kills don’t get repetitive or redundant, and a few times the shark even manages to kill its hunters with their own weapons, giving the movie a slasher-like feel.
Notable characters include Lisa, the obligatory love interest, who is suspiciously insistent in convincing Alan to eat the bar’s fish sandwich, The Mayor’s clueless assistant who shows up two-thirds of the way through the movie in a Zara suit and confidently bumbles all of the Mayor’s evil plans, and my favorite, an over-excited fisherman named Bobby, played by James Dash, whose performance left nothing on the table.
The Final “Sharkdown”
The final confrontation arrives without much firepower, leaving the men to fight the shark through only the strength of their grief and vengeance. It rings true in a movie where everyone else dies in the middle of a monologue about how much they love money, guzzling whiskey, or both. By the end, it’s clear who the real villains are.
Shark Warning! is a shark movie that decisively takes place on a lake instead of an ocean. Absurd, a little dinky, but still a good time. 3 Cthulhu out of 5.
(3 / 5)
We’ve reached the end of Goosebumps, The Vanishing. And after eight episodes of quality going up and down, I’m sad to say that the finale held to that theme.
The story
We begin this episode with the teens getting ready to go down into the fort to save their dad. Dr. Pamani gave them serum injections to keep them from being turned into pods. Then she locks them in, intending to never let them out again.
Through a series of quick thinking and bravery, everyone makes it out of the fort, though. Including Matty, Nicole, Hannah and Sameer.
For a time it looks like everything is going to be alright. Until Anthony tells Jen that they’ve got to do something about the alien ship that’s still trapped within the fort.
By the way, watch this with the caption on. It’s fantastic.
Jen and Anthony go back to Dr. Pamani’s lab in time to realize that no one is safe. Least of all, their kids.
What worked
You might notice that the ‘rescuing Dad from the pod’ part of this episode was over pretty fast. That’s because the actual story of this episode was about what came out of the facility rather than what was going on down there. And that was a surprising misdirect. I enjoyed that I didn’t see this misdirection coming. Well done.
I will also say that this episode was fun to watch. The critters were equal parts creepy and kind of cute. The dialog was fun and there were a lot of laughs.
This ending was also satisfying. All the questions are answered. Everyone gets a happy ending and all the people you want to get together do. It was a solid ending with no loose threads.
What didn’t work
Unfortunately, that’s all the good things I can say about this episode.
Let’s start with the continued superficiality of the whole story. I just didn’t feel much of anything for any of these characters. I had a little twinge of bittersweetness when Matty looked through the box of his old things. But that was about it.
The problem here was that everything was going too fast. We jumped from chaos to chaos so fast that the emotions didn’t have time to sink in. It was like rain on a dry field. No matter how much falls, if it can’t be absorbed it’s not going to do much good.
Here’s the real problem I have with this episode, though.
You’ll recall that in the last episode, I was irritated by how quickly Dr. Pamani decided to help the kids. It should surprise exactly no one that she didn’t decide to help them, but to trap them in the facility to be podded forevermore.
- Goosebumps now on Disney+!Jack Archer is convinced something strange is going on at his neighbor’s house
- Mr
- Fleshman always wears all black, hardly ever leaves his house, and never says hello to anyone
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While I’m thrilled that Dr. Pamani didn’t just change her mind, I still think it was dumb as shit that anyone, especially our main characters, thought she did. These teens aren’t dumb. Kids aren’t dumb. We shouldn’t be portraying kids as dumb in a show for kids.
I’m not saying this series was pure garbage. I’m not saying it was dangerous or unwatchable. I’m just saying that, if it didn’t have the name Goosebumps, I probably never would have watched it. This story just doesn’t have the same staying power that the original stories do. It was fine to watch, but in the end, just didn’t have enough substance to warrant a rewatch.
(3.5 / 5)
After a shaky start, Goosebumps The Vanishing is still on shaky ground with this penultimate episode. While there were some surprises, a lot of them were rather disappointing.
I feel like I say this a lot, but if you’ve read the original book then you might have a hint about where this is going. But it won’t tell you the whole story. So let’s take a trip to Camp Nightmare and see what’s waiting for us.
The story
We begin this episode with a flashback to the Fort before it was a fort. A group of Camp Nightmoon campers is hiking there with the worst camp counselor ever. It was almost a relief when the mysterious monster reached up from the cliffside and grabbed him.
Back in the present, the teens are putting the pieces together. They track down Dr. Pamani’s father and even find a book he published. They then locate the address of her lab and break in. There, they find her journals that chronicle the discovery of the monster, and how it managed to kill her entire team.
What worked
In this episode, and in fact this season, scientists are not the bad guys. Which is a relief. Science fiction and horror tend to hold up a mirror to society, showing us what we’re really scared of using monsters and ghosts as allegories. So often, when people are wary of science and scientists, we have horror movies that demonize them.
But that’s not what happened here. The scientists are not necessarily the good guys, but the ones who tried to save the world. Even though they failed, they tried.
One good example of this was Dr. Pamani telling her father, “We’re scientists, not soldiers.” This is a great line. And this episode had a lot of great lines. The dialog was on point. Nothing felt forced, but it also felt polished and impactful. It was just overall well done.
I also enjoyed, to a point, the flashback scenes to 1969. It was interesting to see the people who tried to contain this entity. To learn from it. The flashback was also ominous. Because never did the characters explain how this entity got there. They didn’t seem interested in that, only in how to destroy it. Since we don’t know why or how it came to New York, we don’t know if there are more of them somewhere else. And since everyone’s being so secretive, we might never know.
Until it’s too late.
What didn’t work
Unfortunately, this episode failed more than it succeeded.
Let’s start with the sudden change of heart Dr. Pamani has. For decades, she’s been controlling and containing this creature. She’s been careful to never take risks that might release it into the world. So when Cece and Devin want to go save their dad, she says no.
At first. Then, after a not-so-passionate plea by Cece, she changes her mind and agrees to help them save Anthony.
Which seems like a really quick departure from her stance just moments before. Honestly, this wasn’t believable at all. It was lazy. It felt like they just didn’t have a good enough reason for her to change her mind, so they just handwaved it away.
This wasn’t the only part of the story that was too easy. This whole investigation went smoothly for them. They wanted to find the book by Dr. Avi Pamani, and they found it at the library. They didn’t even find it. The librarian found it for them. They wanted to find Dr. Pamani’s address. They found it in seconds and also found her credit score. They got into her lab by doing nothing more than cutting a chain holding the door shut. And we’re supposed to believe that no one ever thought to do any of this? Four teenagers vanished in the 1990s, and none of their family members were ever able to put all this together. That just doesn’t make sense to me.
Both of these issues feed into the main problem with this episode. The whole thing felt watered way down. Especially after the hints about some horrific medical experiments taking place at the fort. I love a good horrific medical experiment story, so I was looking forward to that.
But that’s not what happened. Instead, it was a watered-down alien invasion story with a bunch of people who did their best and failed. It just felt like, frankly, not enough. It felt like there could have been so much more, should have been so much more. Instead, we got the Great Value version of what we could have had.
At this point, I think I’m too invested to give up. After all, there’s just one more episode left. But I’d be lying if I said that was something I’m looking forward to.
(3 / 5)
This season of Goosebumps has been kind of slow so far. While there have certainly been some fun moments, it’s been more misses than hits. But The Girl Next Door turned that around.
It also felt like it was tailor-made for someone like me. Millennials love nostalgia, and this episode had that in droves. But you know what we also love?
Found footage.
The story
We begin our episode with Anthony in Dr. Pamani’s lab. He’s really gone to pieces. And rather than trying to put him back together, Dr. Pamani seems to want to melt these pieces down.
Meanwhile, the teens gather at Cece and Devin’s grandmother’s nursing home to watch the tape. When they do, they learn more than some of them wanted to about their parents’ childhoods.
Together with them, we see a day or two before Matty and his friends went missing. We see Jen being toxic towards a new girl named Hannah. Yes, this is the same Hannah that Devin is currently spending time with.
Eventually, the rest of the kids realize this too. They go to find Devin, who by that time was very much in need of rescuing.
What worked
Let’s start by talking about the dark comedy in this episode. Because it was legitimately hilarious. Starting with Anthony’s overly calm conversation with our mystery antagonist, Dr. Pamani. He asks her if she killed his brother, and she says no. Then he asks if she’s killing him. Which is a fair question at that time, because she seems to be melting his body parts.
Also, she was smart enough to know about our mystery plant monster but not smart enough to keep her damned face off the doorbell camera. That feels very Boomer and very funny.
As we mentioned earlier, this episode relies heavily on found footage. Namely, the video Anthony and Matty made that caught the final moments of the teens who died at Camp Nightmare. Found footage is catnip for me, so I loved it. But it was also good found footage. It included the lovely little moments we all enjoy, like people asking why someone’s still filming. Or the shocked looks of people recording things they weren’t supposed to hear. And, of course, the sad moments that are only sad in hindsight. Like Anthony and Matty’s last game of table tennis.
I won’t lie, I almost teared up at that one.
- Goosebumps available now on Disney+!”HOW COME I’VE NEVER SEEN YOU BEFORE?”Hannah’s neighborhood has gotten a little
- weird
- Ever since that new boy moved in next door
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Finally, I want to talk about Dr. Pamani. Because so far she’s been great. We have no idea if she’s going to end up as a friend or enemy. And I think it largely is going to depend on the circumstances. She doesn’t have the same goals as the teens, but I don’t know that her goals are bad. She is only interested in containing these monster plants. This is a worthy goal. She isn’t going to care if some kids and their parents die in her efforts to save the world, though. This seems like it would be an acceptable loss for her. So while she isn’t exactly bad, she isn’t good either. And I’m sure if push comes to shove, she’ll shove.
What didn’t work
As much as I loved Dr. Pamani, I am sad to say I wasn’t as pleased with Hannah. Going into this episode, I was expecting her to be a pod person. Creation of the plant creature. I noticed she looked a bit like a mix between Alex and Frankie, and thought the plant might have taken some of their DNA and made a body for itself. But, if you’ve read the book this episode is named after, I bet you know that wasn’t Hannah’s story. But that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.
We haven’t been dealing with ghosts this whole season. And episode six of an eight episode season isn’t when we should start throwing in new world rules. We had an antagonist the characters were dealing with. We didn’t need another one.
There are only two episodes left in the season, so things should be wrapping up. I’m excited to see how they handle it. And interested to see if everyone’s making it out of the basement alive.
(4 / 5)
