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Sharkula is a 2022 film where two men take jobs in an isolated seaside town. The town is revealed to be ruled by Dracula and a vampire shark.

I wanted to like Sharkula. As soon as I heard the concept, I was hooked. I love vampires. I love Dracula. I love bad shark movies. All bundled together with some Lovecraftian vibes? Yes. Absolutely. I was completely here for it.

This poster? Look at it. Beautiful. Amazing. Surely this is the perfect film!

Sharkula film poster. A vampire great white breaches out of an ocean of blood in front of a spooky castle.
Sharkula film poster

But alas, it was not to be.

Look, I love bad movies, but this movie is worse than bad. It’s boring.

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It starts off so strong! We’ve got cheap special effects. A silly shark puppet. A few hilarious deaths. But it goes downhill so quickly. The movie becomes a snoozefest.

Sharkula, depicted as a shark puppet with bat wings.
Said shark puppet

Pacing Problems in Sharkula

I get what they were going for. I really do. I could see the beats they were trying to hit. But the pacing was off. Too much of the movie is spent on the buildup & there isn’t enough room for the payoff. In other similar vampire movies (particularly Dracula adaptations) the plot flows a bit like this: we start with the investigation, a buildup of strange incidents that rouse the suspicions of the protagonists, who then try to figure out what’s going on. Then the protagonists finally figure out there’s a vampire involved, and thus begins the hunt- a cat and mouse game between the protagonists and the vampire, which generally culminates in the vampire’s demise.

The movie is an hour and ten minutes long. The protagonists figure out that vampires are involved about 46 minutes into the movie. That leaves less than 24 minutes for the hunt and confrontation. Almost immediately after the remaining protagonist finds out about Dracula, Dracula teams up with him against Sharkula. In fairly rapid succession, they move against Sharkula, defeat Sharkula, get betrayed by Dracula, plan to kill Dracula, then kill Dracula.

The investigation drags on far too long, and the hunt is rushed through far too quickly.

There were several places they could have made cuts during the investigation section to make room for more of the hunt. For instance, Renfield’s bra-sniffing scenes didn’t add anything to the film and could go, along with the several scenes of what appears to be stock footage that ultimately hurt the film. Putting glossy, professional footage right next to the more low-budget fair makes it look a lot worse than it otherwise would.

Especially when that glossy professional footage is shot at night.

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It Was (Not) A Dark & Stormy Night

It seems that only one of the scenes in the film that takes place at night was actually filmed at night. For the rest it’s clearly broad daylight, and they simply put this ugly blue color grading over the footage to make it look like night. It does not work. It feels particularly unforgivable in a vampire movie.

Two shots from Sharkula, with a bright yet blue shot of the film's characters on the left, and a shot of a fire dancer at night on the right.
These shots are from the same movie.

What About The Shark?

Sharkula also doesn’t feel a whole lot like a shark movie. The shark parts aren’t really balanced with the vampire parts, and the fact that Sharkula is a shark doesn’t feel significant to the film. You could swap Sharkula for Snakeula or Bearcula and it wouldn’t really affect the film a whole lot. It feels like it’s mostly just a shark ‘cause they needed it to be some kind of sea creature to help maintain the Lovecraft vibes, and to try and make bank off the popularity of bad shark movies.

If you come into Sharkula expecting a bad shark movie, you’re probably not gonna get what you’re looking for.

The Acting in Sharkula

Despite the material they were given to work with, I think the actors did fairly decent jobs. It’s definitely not Oscar-worthy acting, but the actors were making deliberate choices with their characters and I liked what they were doing. Jamie Morgan, who played Mina, was my favorite; her over-the-top performance brought much-needed energy to the film and she was the highlight of every scene she was in.

Verdict

Conceptually, this movie was the culmination of basically everything I love, but in execution it does not deliver. Unfortunately I was let down. I must regretfully give this film 1.5 cthulhus. If you’d like to watch this movie, it’s currently available on Tubi. You can also buy it on Amazon. Remember that we are an Amazon affiliate and if you buy anything using the Amazon links provided we will get some money back. 1.5 out of 5 stars (1.5 / 5)

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Movies n TV

Street Trash: A Mind-Melting Masterpiece of Mayhem

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Holy crow, folks! Buckle up, because we’re about to dive headfirst into the gloriously gooey world of “Street Trash” – the 2024 remake that’ll make you question your life choices and possibly your sanity. Trust me, this ain’t your grandma’s horror flick (unless your grandma’s into melting hobos and alien smurfs, in which case, I probably swiped right on that one and you’re out of milk.)

Street Trash still courtesy of Lightbulb Films

What’s the Deal with Street Trash?

Picture this: a bunch of homeless misfits discover a sinister plot to wipe out every street dweller in the city. Cue the chaos, the melting, and enough WTF moments to make your brain leak out of your ears. It’s like if “They Live” and Cheech’s “Born in East LA” had a love child, and that child was raised by a family of radioactive dumpsters.

Yes, even the damn credits are worth watching. Marvel, eat your heart out. – Jim Phoenix, HauntedMTL

From the Twisted Mind Behind Fried Barry

Remember “Fried Barry”? That mind-bending trip from 2020 that left you questioning reality? Well, the same madman is back, and he’s cranked the insanity up to eleven. If you thought “Fried Barry” was a wild ride, “Street Trash” is like strapping yourself to a rocket made of hallucinogens and blasting off into a dimension of pure, unadulterated chaos.

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Body Horror That’ll Make You Hurl (In a Good Way)

Let’s talk gore, baby! This flick kicks off with some of the most stomach-churning body horror I’ve seen in years. We’re talking face-melting, blood-spewing, organs-on-the-outside kind of nastiness. It’s so gross, it loops back around to beautiful. You’ll be disgusted, amazed, and possibly a little turned on (no judgment here, folks).

Not Just Gore – There’s Heart (and Other Organs) Too

But wait, there’s more! “Street Trash” isn’t just about turning people into human slushies. It’s got heart, humor, and even some genuinely touching moments. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll wonder why that blue alien demon thing is so damn adorable. It’s an emotional rollercoaster, if rollercoasters were made of meat and powered by existential dread.

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The Visuals: A Trippy 80s Fever Dream

Visually, this movie is like someone took the 1980s, stuffed it into a blender with a bunch of neon paint and psychedelic mushrooms, and hit “puree.” The colors pop, the effects are mind-blowing, and every frame is a work of demented art. It’s the kind of movie that makes you want to lick the screen (please don’t, though – trust me on this one).

Why You Need to Watch This Cinematic Acid Trip

Street Trash still courtesy of Lightbulb Films

It’s batshit crazy: In the best possible way. Every time you think it can’t get weirder, it does.

  1. The effects are insane: Practical effects that’ll make you go “How the fuck did they do that?”
  2. It’s got layers, man: Like an onion, but if that onion was sentient and trying to kill you.
  3. The blue alien thing: Seriously, it’s like if the Smurfs went on a bender and decided to star in a horror movie.
  4. The credits: Yes, even the damn credits are worth watching. Marvel, eat your heart out.

Final Verdict: Five Out of Five Motherfucking Fives

Look, I don’t throw around perfect scores like confetti at a serial killer’s birthday party. But “Street Trash” deserves every single one of those fives. It’s the best way to close out 2024’s cinematic offerings, a tour de force of weirdness that’ll stick with you long after the credits roll (which, again, you need to watch).

5 out of 5 stars (5 / 5)

So, do yourself a favor: grab some popcorn (and maybe a barf bag), turn off your brain, and let “Street Trash” melt your face off. It’s a ride you won’t forget – no matter how hard you might try.

Remember, kids: Stay in school, don’t do drugs, and for the love of all that’s holy, watch “Street Trash.” Your eyeballs will thank you (right before they try to escape your skull).

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Little Shop of Horrors – Musical Madness Review

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So I can’t believe that no one has reviewed Little Shop of Horrors the Broadway musical here on Haunted MTL. We have seen the old 1960 Roger Corman version in a Joe Bob Briggs special here, but not the Broadway smash hit and movie. This surprises me given its cheeky sense of humor and quirky colorful but dark themes. I personally love this musical, but then again I’m probably biased seeing as how I’m a Disney Renaissance kid, and Howard Ashman was influential in that movement as well. And the movie version is directed by Frank Oz, so you know the puppetry is top notch.

Little Shop of Horrors movie poster
Little Shop of Horrors movie poster

Spoiler alert: I hate revealing too much in my reviews but I will touch on some topics that reveal themes from within. So if you somehow managed to completely miss this under whatever rock you’ve been hiding since 1982, I’d recommend watching it. Right now. What are you waiting for, like seriously? Here’s a link to Amazon Prime even. Feel free to come back afterwards and read the rest of this review. And you’re welcome.

Little Shop of Horrors focuses on a flesh-eating plant. Whether it came from outer space or is a weird hybrid of some kind of souped up Venus flytrap is actually not that relevant. Hell, it could be a Burp special, as featured here previously. The plant’s origin story doesn’t actually matter all that much. What’s important is that it convinces protagonist Seymour to care for it, which starts off a little more innocently and ends in a killing spree that claims even the lives of both Seymour and his beloved Audrey by the end. Because it’s a hungry plant and it needs blood and fresh meat.

As you already know, my father was a dentist. So reactions to Orin Scrivello DDS could go either way. But in the movie version Steve Martin does an excellent job portraying the sadist, and you can’t help but kind of love him for it (especially in the scene with Bill Murray as the masochist patient) for all that you’ll still cheer a little when he gets fed to the carnivorous flesh-eating plant. The Broadway death by laughing gas is his just desserts and well portrayed, and just one of the beautiful dark comedy blossoms within this musical foray into inappropriate humor that ranges into such taboo topics as unintended suicide, relationship abuse, and socioeconomic disparity.

Steve Martin in Little Shop of Horrors
Steve Martin in Little Shop of Horrors

Anyway, I give the musical and movie 4.0 Cthulhus. 4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

The main reason I wanted to review this was actually because the Smoky Valley Theater high school recently presented Little Shop of Horrors in Lindsborg, Kansas in November 2024, and I wanted to give them a shoutout. The actors and actresses did a fabulous job with it. I especially liked that they further explored the Audrey II character of the plant by casting it as an actual actress, saving on large-scale puppeteering and bringing new life to the musical. This worked much better than I had anticipated when I’d heard of the change, with superb adaptive costuming that evolved over time. I would kill for that flytrap cape complete with its red and emerald satin and toothy accent trim. Maybe at the next solar eclipse…

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Dexter Original Sin Fender Bender, The Perfect Mix of Comedy and Sadness

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Episode four of Dexter Original Sin was an interesting one. It was equal parts funny and upsetting.

It also brought up an issue I’ve always had with Dexter.

Let’s discuss.

The story

Our story doesn’t waste any time, starting with the kidnapped boy, Jimmy Powell, hanging dead from a bridge.

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This crime scene turns out to be a little too much even for Dexter. So, he decides to go hunting. He discovers a killer for hire called Mad Dog. And let me save you the Google. Yes, that is Joe Pantoliano who played Cypher in The Matrix.

Christian Slater and Patrick Gibson in Dexter Original Sin.

So desperate to feel better, Dexter maybe rushes things a little bit. Which, it should surprise no one, leads to a hilarious and disastrous result.

What worked

There has always been a part of the later seasons of Dexter that bothered me. Spoilers ahead.

When Deb learns about Dexter’s Dark Passenger, she goes right off the deep end. This includes, among other things, heroin use. Which always seemed out of character for me. Now, finding out she was experimenting with drugs as a teen, that makes more sense. While I won’t say this is as good as Deep Space 9 retconning the infamous stage hand incident in Troubles with Tribbles, it was nice.

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I also really enjoyed Joe Pantoliano’s character, Mad Dog. He was funny in just the right way. Not slapstick. Not over the top, because that never would have fit here. But he’s animated and joyful in a way that no other character is. He’s clearly got his priorities right, as we can see when he begs Dex not to smash his guitar. He was just so fun. And this episode needed this levity since the rest of it was so heavy.

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Joe Pantoliano and Patrick Gibson in Dexter Original Sin.

As we discussed, this episode started with a poor dead boy. This caused both Dexter and Harry to completely ignore Deb. Furious, she shouts what must have been the best and most emotionally devastating line in the series so far.

“How am I supposed to compete with a dead kid?”

Now the question I’m left with, the question that I’m sure the writers intended to leave us with, is this. Does she mean the dead boy her dad’s investigating? Or does she mean her dead brother?

Does she know she has a dead brother?

I felt like these two elements, the levity brought by Mad Dog and the heavy death of the little boy worked really well together. It keeps the story balanced, keeps it from being too much.

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What didn’t work

While this episode cleared up something about Deb for me, it also brought to light something I’ve never appreciated about the character Dexter.

He’s not a sociopath.

A sociopath is a person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience. They would not, generally, have a different response to a child being killed than an adult. But Dexter has always had that issue.

It makes him a better person, but it shows a misunderstanding of the character in the books. And, frankly, a misunderstanding of the condition.

I also need to complain about the melon scene. Normally, everyone knows the point of smashing a melon in forensics. Whether accurate to the real world or not, melons are used to show what might happen if someone’s skull is crushed. The point is to see the difference in different heights, and where the blood splatter might go.

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If one is going to spray blood where they want it to be or put a little metal plate on one melon so that it doesn’t break naturally, then it defeats the whole purpose of dropping them.

Now, some of you might think this was the point of the scene. Dexter is very new at this. Maybe he was doing it wrong, showing a lack of understanding of the process. I have two issues with this. One, Dexter is pre-med, he should have known better. And two, Masuka is not new. And he was standing right there the whole time. Why didn’t he say something? This was just a clumsy and confusing scene in an episode that was otherwise well done.

All in all, this was another good episode. I loved the blend of funny and heartbreaking. I loved the special guest star. And I loved the cliffhanger ending. I can’t wait to see what happens next.

4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)

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