Sharkula
Sharkula is a 2022 film where two men take jobs in an isolated seaside town. The town is revealed to be ruled by Dracula and a vampire shark.
I wanted to like Sharkula. As soon as I heard the concept, I was hooked. I love vampires. I love Dracula. I love bad shark movies. All bundled together with some Lovecraftian vibes? Yes. Absolutely. I was completely here for it.
This poster? Look at it. Beautiful. Amazing. Surely this is the perfect film!
But alas, it was not to be.
Look, I love bad movies, but this movie is worse than bad. It’s boring.
It starts off so strong! We’ve got cheap special effects. A silly shark puppet. A few hilarious deaths. But it goes downhill so quickly. The movie becomes a snoozefest.
Pacing Problems in Sharkula
I get what they were going for. I really do. I could see the beats they were trying to hit. But the pacing was off. Too much of the movie is spent on the buildup & there isn’t enough room for the payoff. In other similar vampire movies (particularly Dracula adaptations) the plot flows a bit like this: we start with the investigation, a buildup of strange incidents that rouse the suspicions of the protagonists, who then try to figure out what’s going on. Then the protagonists finally figure out there’s a vampire involved, and thus begins the hunt- a cat and mouse game between the protagonists and the vampire, which generally culminates in the vampire’s demise.
The movie is an hour and ten minutes long. The protagonists figure out that vampires are involved about 46 minutes into the movie. That leaves less than 24 minutes for the hunt and confrontation. Almost immediately after the remaining protagonist finds out about Dracula, Dracula teams up with him against Sharkula. In fairly rapid succession, they move against Sharkula, defeat Sharkula, get betrayed by Dracula, plan to kill Dracula, then kill Dracula.
The investigation drags on far too long, and the hunt is rushed through far too quickly.
There were several places they could have made cuts during the investigation section to make room for more of the hunt. For instance, Renfield’s bra-sniffing scenes didn’t add anything to the film and could go, along with the several scenes of what appears to be stock footage that ultimately hurt the film. Putting glossy, professional footage right next to the more low-budget fair makes it look a lot worse than it otherwise would.
Especially when that glossy professional footage is shot at night.
It Was (Not) A Dark & Stormy Night
It seems that only one of the scenes in the film that takes place at night was actually filmed at night. For the rest it’s clearly broad daylight, and they simply put this ugly blue color grading over the footage to make it look like night. It does not work. It feels particularly unforgivable in a vampire movie.
What About The Shark?
Sharkula also doesn’t feel a whole lot like a shark movie. The shark parts aren’t really balanced with the vampire parts, and the fact that Sharkula is a shark doesn’t feel significant to the film. You could swap Sharkula for Snakeula or Bearcula and it wouldn’t really affect the film a whole lot. It feels like it’s mostly just a shark ‘cause they needed it to be some kind of sea creature to help maintain the Lovecraft vibes, and to try and make bank off the popularity of bad shark movies.
If you come into Sharkula expecting a bad shark movie, you’re probably not gonna get what you’re looking for.
The Acting in Sharkula
Despite the material they were given to work with, I think the actors did fairly decent jobs. It’s definitely not Oscar-worthy acting, but the actors were making deliberate choices with their characters and I liked what they were doing. Jamie Morgan, who played Mina, was my favorite; her over-the-top performance brought much-needed energy to the film and she was the highlight of every scene she was in.
Verdict
Conceptually, this movie was the culmination of basically everything I love, but in execution it does not deliver. Unfortunately I was let down. I must regretfully give this film 1.5 cthulhus. If you’d like to watch this movie, it’s currently available on Tubi. You can also buy it on Amazon. Remember that we are an Amazon affiliate and if you buy anything using the Amazon links provided we will get some money back.
(1.5 / 5)
Smile 2, a psychological supernatural horror, released in October 2024 just in time for Halloween, sees director Parker Finn (Smile, Laura Hasn’t Slept) return with a sequel starring Naomi Scott (Aladdin) as pop star and recovering addict Skye Riley. While Smile 2 boasts a talented cast, it ultimately falls short of its predecessor, offering a familiar storyline with minor variations and a predictable finale. The film attempts to introduce a new method to combat the parasitic ‘Smile Entity’, but this addition fails to elevate the sequel beyond a pale imitation of its chilling predecessor.
The Plot.
Smile 2 begins shortly after the end of the original; just six days after Rose Cotter’s death. During a short interlude scene, we watch as the now cursed Joel attempts to pass the Smile Entity on by killing one criminal in front of another. The plan backfires spectacularly, inadvertently passing the curse onto an innocent bystander named Lewis Fregoli.
The film then shifts gears, introducing Skye Riley, a singer and performer making a triumphant return to the spotlight with a comeback tour after a tumultuous past. During a candid interview on the Drew Barrymore Show, Skye opens up about her struggles with addiction and the devastating loss of her boyfriend in a car accident. Her sobriety journey, however, faces a severe setback when she seeks pain relief from her old high school friend, the unwitting Lewis Fregoli. In a chilling turn of events, Lewis takes his own life while Skye watches, passing the Smile Entity onto her.
Unaware of her new cursed existence Skye gets on with rehearsing for her tour, but she begins to notice that strange things are happening. People are smiling at her in an unnatural way and she becomes the target of anonymous attacks and aggressions. When text messages begin to arrive from an unknown number, Skye decides to get some answers.
Highlights.
Let’s not beat about the bush. I found Smile 2 difficult to finish and was struggling at about the hour-and-a-half mark to stay awake. That being said it’s worth watching because everyone needs to see the 3-minute scene of the ‘smilers’ chasing Skye through her apartment. This was possibly the creepiest thing I’ve seen on a screen. The buildup, the synchronicity of the movement of the actors and their positioning, the camera work, and the lighting. I have rewatched it several times and it doesn’t get old. If you are only interested in watching this, fast forward to the 123-minute mark and get ready to be impressed.
Drawbacks.
Where do I start?
My primary concern with Smile 2 is its striking resemblance to its predecessor. The narrative follows a familiar pattern: an attractive woman fleeing a supernatural force, grappling with hallucinations, experiencing a mental health decline, and culminating in the revelation someone close to Skye was the Smiling Entity after all. This repetitive structure diminishes the film’s impact.
- Sosie Bacon, Jason T. Usher, Kyle Gallner (Actors)
- Audience Rating: R (Restricted)
Last update on 2025-01-23 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon Product Advertising API
While the introduction of a new method for shedding the entity initially offered a glimmer of hope this concept wasn’t fully realized. It just served to add names to the line of people that the entity has infected in the past.
Furthermore, the film’s pacing suffers from excessive focus on Skye’s musical career. Scenes showcasing her stage rehearsals and music videos, while intended to establish her identity as a performer, feel unnecessary and detract from the narrative momentum. Yes, we understand she’s a performer, you told us, you don’t need to prove it. These scenes appear to artificially inflate the film’s runtime, suggesting a lack of confidence in the core story.
The Final Take.
Ultimately, Smile 2 fails to expand upon the established lore of the franchise. The film’s conclusion feels contrived, with a blatant setup for a third installment. Hopefully, if a ‘Smile 3’ is inevitable, the creative team will bring fresh ideas and avoid simply retreading familiar ground.
(2 / 5)
Both Cthulhu’s granted for that one scene.
- Amazon Prime Video (Video on Demand)
- Kyle Gallner, Naomi Scott (Actors)
- Parker Finn (Director) – Parker Finn (Writer) – Parker Finn (Producer)
Last update on 2025-01-23 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon Product Advertising API
We’re back again with Goosebumps The Vanishing, episode two. A story too big for one episode, apparently.
Or, maybe this is just a nod to the fact that Stay Out Of The Basement was a two-part episode in the original 1995 show. Either way, after seeing this episode, we could have kept it to one.
The story
We begin this second episode with Anthony investigating the parasitic plant taking over his body. Rather than, I don’t know, going to the hospital, he’s decided to phone a colleague and send her some samples from the bulb he pulls out of his arm with a handheld garden trowel.
Meanwhile, Devin is having his own worries. He’s haunted by what he saw in the sewers. So, he gets CJ to go with him to investigate. What they find is more of the tendrils of the plant that dragged him down through the manhole last episode.
I sure would have liked to see more about that.
Instead, we see Devin pivot to flirting with a newly single Frankie. Because teenage hormones I guess.
Meanwhile, Trey is having a terrible day. First, his girlfriend leaves him. Then, Anthony breaks his car window.
Needing a way to deal with his frustration, Trey decides to break into the Brewers’ basement. There, he starts wrecking up the place. Until he meets the plant creature and has an unfortunate accident.
What worked
The big difference between this episode and the last is the increased gross-out factor. This episode had some straight-up cringy moments. From the tendrils waiving from Anthony’s arm to the whole goat he brings home to feed his new pet, this episode was skin-crawling gross in the best way possible.
The series is called Goosebumps, after all.
What didn’t work
Unfortunately, that’s where my praise ends. This episode, unlike the last, just wasn’t that great.
To start with, there was a lot of unnecessary drama between characters who are not in danger of being eaten by a plant from the inside out.
I especially disliked the focus on the Frankie/Trey/Devin love triangle.
Now, I don’t hate it. This part of the story adds extra emotional depth to the show. We can see why Trey would be especially incensed by his girlfriend falling for the son of the neighbor he’s feuding with. But it would be more enjoyable if it wasn’t so cliche and dramatic.
I hate the way Trey tried to gaslight Frankie. It makes me dislike him when he should be a sympathetic character. I hate how whiny Devin is every time he talks to Frankie. And I hated the impassioned speech Frankie gives after Devin asks her why she was with Trey.
Listen, I understand what we’re going for here. Devin and Cece are not struggling financially. They’re doing alright, and their new friends here in Gravesend are not. We kind of got that without Frankie claiming that her socioeconomic status is why she’s dating a bully and gaslighter. It felt out of place. It felt like pandering. It certainly didn’t feel like something an eighteen-year-old would say. I hated it.
- Howard, Ms. Kate (Author)
- English (Publication Language)
- 272 Pages – 02/04/2025 (Publication Date) – Scholastic Inc. (Publisher)
Last update on 2025-01-23 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon Product Advertising API
Finally, there was a moment near the end of the episode that irritated me. I don’t want to give too much detail because I wouldn’t dare ruin an R.L. Stine cliffhanger. But, well, it doesn’t make a lot of sense.
I get that we’re watching a show about a carnivorous plant that is going to wreak havoc on this family and neighborhood. I understand the suspension of disbelief. Some might even say I am a little too generous with it. So I can buy into a teenager being absorbed by a plant and turned into a monstrous version of himself.
I can’t buy into what happens at the end of this episode. It doesn’t make sense with the rules established. It certainly doesn’t make any sort of scientific or logical sense. It is a lazy moment meant to further the storyline but threatens the structural integrity of the season.
All in all, this wasn’t the best episode of Goosebumps. But it’s only the second episode. Honestly, the season has plenty of time to go either way.
(2.5 / 5)
So, this is a convoluted post, not going to lie. Because it’s Thriller Nite. And we have to kick it off with a link to Michael Jackson in homage, because he’s the bomb and Vincent Price is the master… (If the following video doesn’t load properly, you can get there from this link.)
The movie monsters always approach so slowly.
Their stiff joints arcing in jerky, erratic movements
While the camera pans to a wide-eyed scream.
It takes forever for them to catch their victims.
Their stiff joints arcing in jerky, erratic movements
As they awkwardly shamble towards their quarry –
It takes forever for them to catch their victims.
And yet no one ever seems to get away.
As they awkwardly shamble towards their quarry –
Scenes shift, plot thickens, minutes tick by endlessly…
And yet no one ever seems to get away.
Seriously, how long does it take to make a break for it?
Scenes shift, plot thickens, minutes tick by endlessly…
While the camera pans to a wide-eyed scream.
Seriously, how long does it take to make a break for it?
The movie monsters always approach so slowly.
So my father used to enjoy telling the story of Thriller Nite and how he’d scare his little sister, my aunt. One time they were watching the old Universal Studios Monsters version of The Mummy, and he pursued her at a snail’s pace down the hallway in Boris Karloff fashion. Both of them had drastically different versions of this tale, but essentially it was a true Thriller Nite moment. And the inspiration for this poem.
For more fun music video mayhem, check out She Wolf here on Haunted MTL. And feel free to check out more of Jennifer Weigel’s work here on Haunted MTL or here on her website.
