The Advent Calendar
Released in 2021, The Advent Calendar is a French Christmas horror film. Full disclosure, I didn’t realize it was a French film when I started watching it on Shudder. But the story was well worth the subtitles.
Our tale revolves around Eva. She used to be a ballet dancer until an accident left her paralyzed. Now, she’s a bitter woman living alone with her dog, working at an insurance firm with a dick for a boss. Her dad’s in the late stages of Alzheimer’s, and her stepmom is a monster.
It’s not a great time to be Eva.
Her friend Sophie just came back from Germany, though, and brought Eva a gift from a German Christmas market. It’s a beautiful wooden advent calendar.
But the calendar comes with rules. They’re pretty simple.
Don’t dump it, or I’ll kill you.
If you eat one candy, you have to eat them all, or I’ll kill you.
Follow the rules until the last day or I’ll kill you.
The I in those sentences seems to be Ich, the little demon that pops out of the top of the advent each day. If you don’t remember your basic German, Ich means I.
Eva and Sophie don’t take these warnings too seriously. Eva pops the first chocolate in her mouth, and they open the next two boxes as it’s already December third. One of the candies is a little white chocolate Jesus who comes with a Bible verse about the lame walking.
Sophie feels pretty lame after her paraplegic friend sees that note, I’m sure.
The days go by, and Eva starts seeing some pretty awesome things happening. Well, awesome for her. Not so awesome for the asshole who tries to date rape her. Or her boss who fired her the first chance he got. It’s also maybe not great for William, the guy Eva drugs into loving her with one of the chocolates. But she also gets to talk to her dad, so that’s heartwarming I guess.
Of course, with the sweet comes the bitter. The advent calendar will give her what she wants, the use of her legs back. But it will demand sacrifices. Sacrifices of the people that she loves.
I enjoyed this movie. It was dark but beautiful. And the ending was a gut punch, let me tell you. Eva is left with a choice. She can regain the use of her legs, and restart her life. But if she does that, all of the people who died during December will stay dead.
Now, some might say that the ending is open-ended. But I think, if you’ve paid careful attention to the rules, the answer is clear.
Click here for my review of Gremlins, and whether or not it’s a Christmas movie.
Overall, the only thing I think could have been done to improve the movie is this. There is almost no musical background throughout the whole movie. Near the end, Eva dances to music from Swan Lake. If this is a Christmas movie, and it most certainly is, why wasn’t this Nutcracker?
That aside, The Advent Calendar was a lot of fun. Check it out on Shudder for a quietly horrifying time.
(4 / 5)
Breaking News
The Last Drive-In: Joe Bob’s Vicious Vegas Valentine Special Live Watch Party February 10th!
The sweet putrid stench of love lingers through the air which can only mean one thing…Valentine’s Day and its annoying little winged cherub, Cupid, is fast approaching. Soon, partners will be spoiling one another with extravagant bouquets of roses, heartfelt Hallmark cards, obnoxiously large teddy bears, glistening diamond jewelry, and heart-shaped candies or boxes filled with assorted mediocre chocolates. You know? Normal things couples do. I tend to prefer my chocolate boxes filled with bleeding hearts, à la ‘My Bloody Valentine’ but, beggars can’t be choosers, right? All jokes aside, Valentine’s Day is special for many couples, however, there are also many others who find themselves celebrating this day without a significant other. Luckily, Shudder, along with drive-in king Joe Bob Briggs and co-host Darcy the Mail Girl (Diana Prince) will graciously be keeping us lonely mutants’, and yes, all you horror fanatic couples’ company on Friday, February 10th as they return with The Last Drive-In: Joe Bob’s Vicious Vegas Valentine, premiering live at 9pm EST.
We're headed to Vegas for the Mutant Wedding of the Century! Joe Bob's Vicious Vegas Valentine. . . . Friday the 10th 9pm . . . And you will not BELIEVE what movie the happy couple has approved for the wedding itself! #twistedlove #thelastdrivein pic.twitter.com/buzOvGkytI
— Joe Bob Briggs (@therealjoebob) February 2, 2023
Love Spells Abound…
Back in 2021, Joe Bob and Darcy invited us to a gruesomely passionate night of spell-binding love witches and animatronic dinosaurs infused with teenage human brains during The Last Drive-In: Joe Bob Put a Spell on You. Many, including myself, were introduced to the tantalizing 70’s inspired retro throwback ‘The Love Witch’ and the graphically goofy cult classic ‘Tammy and the T-Rex’, providing the perfect viewing pleasure to mend any broken heart. While the two films for this year’s morbid love-induced special have yet to be announced, as a special treat, Briggs has announced for the first time on The Last Drive-In, he will be marrying one lucky couple during the live showing. We here at HauntedMTL are eagerly awaiting the return of the ghoulish duo so, as is tradition, we will be proudly hosting a watch party on Twitter during the broadcasting of The Last Drive-In: Joe Bob’s Vicious Vegas Valentine. Be sure to follow us on Twitter and tag us @hauntedMTL as well as @shudder, @therealjoebob, and @kinky_horror to partake in this night of unholy love.
What started off as a one-time special premiering on Shudder July 13, 2018, ‘The Last Drive- In’ was originally meant to be Brigg’s swan song; one last special before hanging up the bolo tie in retirement. However, due to so many mutants, excuse me…viewers tuning in and breaking the Shudder servers, it was only natural to announce an official full season of ‘The Last Drive-In‘, which would make its explosive debut March 19, 2019. Since then, Darcy and Briggs have spawned many exclusive holiday specials, have graciously donated to many charities within the community, and have accumulated 4 seasons of ‘The Last Drive-In’, with a fifth currently in production premiering on Shudder’s 2023 schedule sometime this year, let’s hope sooner rather than later.
Movies n TV
Horror Noire, a Film Review
Horror Noire is a horror collection that includes “Daddy,” “The Lake,” “Brand of Evil,” “Bride Before You,” “Fugue State,” and “Sundown.”
Horror Noire is a horror collection brought by the combined efforts of AMC+ and Shudder. The collection includes “Daddy,” “The Lake,” “Brand of Evil,” “Bride Before You,” “Fugue State,” and “Sundown.” Horror Noire boasts Black directors and screenwriters, providing six unique stories.
As this collection explores six stories, I will skip the usual synopsis to assess the genres and ideas explored, albeit limited as needed. Expect to find supernatural horror, creature features, and psychological thrillers. Many short films deal with these genres while exploring Black issues, but this isn’t universal for the collection.
The directors and writers include Zandashé Brown, Robin Givens, Rob Greenlea, Kimani Ray Smith, Steven Barnes, Ezra Clayton Daniels, Tananarive Due, Shernold Edwards, Victor LaValle, and Al Letson.
What I Like
Each story remains unique, holding different strengths and weaknesses that highlight drastically different perspectives. Collections like VHS hold a similar premise to create their collection, but Horror Noire gives more creative freedom to its talent to be independent.
My personal favorite short film is Zandashé Brown’s “Bride Before You.” This period piece unravels a fable set in the Reconstruction Era. The entry feels Fabulistic in approach, which happens to be my preferred niche.
However, the best example of horror goes to Robin Givens’ “Daddy,” providing an existential horror tied directly to the characters involved.
What I Dislike
As mentioned, all have a particular style and idea. The downside of this approach always remains to keep the viewer interested long enough to find their favorite. If you find several underwhelming choices, this becomes a chore. But I imagine that is rare as the variety makes the options refreshing.
Personally, “Brand of Evil” had an interesting premise, but the execution fell short. On paper, it might have sounded like my favorite, which makes the lackluster execution a bigger letdown.
Final Thoughts
Horror Noire gives power and control to Black creators, providing a formula for a unique collection against others in the space. While the various subjects and approaches mean you aren’t likely to love them all, there should be a short film for everyone.
(3.5 / 5)
Episode six of Netflix’s Dahmer was not, honestly about our title character. Instead, it was about one of his victims, a man named Tony. We’ve actually seen Tony a few times during this series. We just didn’t know it was him.
And, well, he wasn’t exactly alive the first time we saw him.
Tony was born into a supportive, loving family. This is good because soon after he was born a viral infection took his hearing. He is black, deaf, and gay in the early 90’s.
Tony has a dream of becoming a model. And he certainly has the looks for it. He is beautiful, body and soul. He has lots of opportunities for romance, but it’s not what he’s looking for. He wants a real relationship.
Eventually Tony moves to Madison, trying to pursue his dream. He gets a job and starts getting modeling work.
Then, he meets Jeff Dahmer at a bar.
At first, we can almost believe that it’s going to be alright. Jeff seems happy. He’s taking care of himself. He’s not drinking as much. He even has his dad and stepmom over for dinner. It seems like his life is getting on track. Even better, he’s treating Tony right.
Then, of course, things go bad.
One thing that has always bothered me as a true crime fan is that we know so much about the killers, but not as much about the victims. Not so much if we don’t know who the killer is, of course. But the names that are part of our pop culture are those of the killers. Dahmer, Manson, Jones, Bundy, Holms. The names we don’t know are Roberta Parks, Beth LaBiancas, Leno LaBiancas, and Tony Hughes. And clearly, we should know them.
If Tony Hughes was half the shining, positive person that the show Dahmer made him out to be, I’m so sad that he isn’t with us anymore. We need so many more people like him. And many of Dahmer’s victims were likely just like him. After all, he was attracted to them for a reason.
This was a significant episode, and I understand why it’s the highest-rated episode of the series. I finished it with a heavy heart, saddened by the loss of a man who should still be with us today.
(5 / 5)
