Hey-yo, kids. Recently I “went to” the Trans Steller Film Festival (Nov 26-Dec 3, 2023). And by went to, I mean I sat in my home like a grump, eating kettlecorn popcorn and a lukewarm diet soda.
It was heaven.
So, of course, being a horror critic (or something like that), I bought tickets to the Horror section of their short films, which included three shorts – THE SHACK – An Atmos-Fearic Thriller; THEYSUCK; and MICHAEL AND THE DRAGON.
Backstory, I didn’t read the small print and only watched the first one. Then the next day went to watch the other ones but my ticket expired so I had to pay again. So, that’s the REAL LGBTQ agenda…making me read the small print when I buy shit!
The Shack is about is a guy who has very loud music in his head, probably from drinking all the Cthulhu beer. He has a buddy come up into his hunting blind and then bonks the buddy on the head and drags him away. You think in some kind of caveman courtship, but no, it’s for a demon dressed in a raincoat to feed upon the friend.
Next he brings his son (who looks about the same age as he is) to the blind- er, shack? It’s not really a shack. It’s a hunting blind. And it’s really not all that creepy. And it does NOT look like it’s 100 years old like the son says. It looks like it was from the 70’s. It needs more centerfolds in it, like, of 70’s demons or something…
Anyway, spooky things happen and tentacle monsters. Things go downhill.
The issue I took (besides the music, because turn down that racket!) is that the ‘son’ is too old. If he were a twelve or thirteen year old, it would have been more emotionally impactful. The story would have been more interesting. Instead, the son looks old enough to drink Cthulhu beer with dad and it lowers the stakes. Especially as this hunting trip is meant to be a rite of passage.
The high points come from the demon itself – the tentacles and the actor. The makeup for the demon was good and the actor’s presence was appropriately creepy. I enjoyed the atmosphere of the woods and the mystery it was unfolding (although it’s been played out before). Otherwise, it was…good. Mostly. It was fine.
(2.5 / 5)
Man, I wanted to like this one so much. UK NB vampires. Sounds incredible, right?
And some parts were incredible. The editing (while sometimes off, like the clothes washing scene) was stylized and crisp, as well as the cinematography. The music, when not rattling in my ears, was well-paced and energetic. Some of the scenes were clever and the locations were interesting.
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The problem that bugged me the most was the writing, actually. It just…was bland. For a short about trans vampires. Like, how is that possible?
Truth be told, I think the largest reason for this was that the story didn’t really focus. It tried to be too many things all at once – friends falling out, falling in love, sexual identity, gender identity, uh…vampire identity? Looking for an apartment. Killing humans. Dancing. Dressing up like ghosts. Washing clothes dramatically.
I guess now’s the time to talk about the actual plot. Vampire Toy and their vampire roommate/romantic partner/friend (?), Novah, have a bit of a falling out. Toy is falling in love with a human! Hiss! A human realtor. Double hiss!! A human realtor cis-woman!!! Eternity amount of hisses!!!
As Toy gets more enraptured with this human, Adele, Novah figures enough is enough. Something drastic must be done. Is love enough to win the day? Or at least can Toy find their dream apartment?
Okay, so first – the names of ‘Toy’ and ‘Novah’…are so on point. I was chuckling. I mean, these are the stuff of Reddit NB memes.
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And there was a love of spit and love put into THEYSUCK, don’t get me wrong. I think the reason why I’m picking on this one so much is because of its potential. With a few tweaks and re-writes, this could have been a much stronger narrative and short film (possibly even as part of an anthology).
And I like Toy, but with the time and space we’re allotted with them, they usually end up looking sleazy with Adele or manic-pixie-dream-vamp literally dancing to their own tune. I was so looking for more vulnerability from them like in the first scene with Novah. I wanted to see that side of them. In fact, the parts with Novah and Toy were the strongest. They had good chemistry and were natural together.
The love angle with Adele and the chemistry there just felt flat and honestly…was unnecessary to Toy’s journey in their search for independence and perhaps sexual rediscovery.
All in all, I hope Lisbon Mombellet continues to make films. As I’ve said, the editing and cinematography were fun and stylish, with infectious energy. I was never bored while watching THEYSUCK and I enjoyed the parts of the whole. I think if Mombellet tightens up the writing, we’re in for some real treats in the future.
(3 / 5)
Michael and the Dragon
Oh…
My God…
Interpretive dance…horror!
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Interpretivedancehorror!!! OMG!
I love it.
Micky Waickman plays both Michael and the Dragon – both equally masculine and feminine in the most beautiful ways. Cait Rowe, cinematographer, pulled an utterly impressive job and took my breath away with the shots. MICHAEL AND THE DRAGON is the proof of how much an experimental piece horror with very little cast and crew can achieve with clever camerawork, ingenuity, and talent.
Shooting in black-and-white was the correct choice and I’m not just saying that because it’d probably be on the now-defunct High Art Camp, but because it added to the horror and distortion of the film. Dreamlike and nightmarish, the dance and bodywork of Waickman was itself a juxtaposition of the story it wove.
And yes, I’m showing my bias of experimental horror, but THERE IS A FINE LINE between pretentious weirdness and actual art. This one was the latter and Director/Writer Ella Price should be incredibly proud. I sincerely hope to see more of her work in the future.
(4 / 5)
Bottomline for the Trans Steller Film Festival:
Was spending twice the amount really worth it?…
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Of course! These small indie film-makers are the lifeblood of solid horror, and bigger and better things to come. I’ve said it before and I’ll say again, indie movies are precious and need to be supported. They are the babies of creators. And whether they fully hit the mark or not is irrelevant. The point is that there is creation, bridled only by lack of funds and resources. And it’s incredible to see what happens when there’s a dream that refuses to be deferred, especially by the minority of creators.
Horror is for minorities. For misfits. For the underfunded and underprivileged. Because that’s when it’s real and authentic. And horror, to be GOOD, desperately requires for it to be authentic. Maybe these won’t blow the door off anything yet. But maybe in a few years. Or maybe they’ll inspire someone else. Or maybe these directors and actors will move on to bigger things.
Yeah, yeah, I’m making it a fireside chat, but it’s true. These film festivals are the lifeblood of our community and we need to support them. I’m glad I’m an idiot and paid twice. They deserve it.
When not ravaging through the wilds of Detroit with Jellybeans the Cat, J.M. Brannyk (a.k.a. Boxhuman) reviews mostly supernatural and slasher films from the 70's-90's and is dubiously HauntedMTL's Voice of Reason.
Aside from writing, Brannyk dips into the podcasts, and is the composer of many of HauntedMTL's podcast themes.
To a lot of fans, this is the film that killed the franchise. It says a lot that the next installment is yet another retcon. Halloween VI: The Curse of Michael Myers attempts to explain Michael’s unrelenting evil, which lead to mixed opinions from longtime fans. There are two cuts of the film, theatrical vs producer’s. For a lot of people, the latter is the only one worth mentioning. Aiming to be as accurate as possible, I will be talking about the producer’s cut. Let’s begin!
Plot
We start Halloween VI with a six-year time jump from part five. Jamie is now barefoot and recently pregnant, running away from Michael as he wants her baby. While she manages to hide the little one away, Michael finally gets his hunger satiated by killing her. The moment is one of the most brutal ways in the franchise up until that point. Rest in peace, Jamie, you held your ground for as long as you could, the sequels were just too relentless.
The movie then cuts to a whole different scene going on. We have a new family living in the Myers house and their youngest child is hearing voices telling him to kill his loved ones. Tommy Lloyd is watching the family, played by none other than Paul Rudd in his first-ever theatrical role. Tommy still carries trauma from the events all those years ago when Laurie Strode was babysitting him. So when he finds Jamie’s baby, his part in the story becomes even more essential.
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Dr Loomis also stars in what was Donald Pleasance’s final role before his passing. He and Tommy try to stop Michael once and for all before the cycle can repeat itself. As it turns out, Michael is a victim of a druid cult which makes him want to kill his family members every Halloween. Thorn, the cult in question, thinks they can control Michael and make him do their bidding. This results in catastrophe and Michael goes berzerk and kills all the cult members. Once again, it’s one of the most gruesome montages for the franchise up until that point.
Tommy and Kara are left to face Michael on their own which they manage to do with some corrosive liquid and good luck. However, nothing stays dead in this franchise as it’s soon revealed Michael somehow escaped and this time Dr Loomis might not be so lucky…
Overall thoughts
I would say for me personally Halloween VI definitely ranks somewhere near the bottom. The whole point of Michael is that there is no rhyme or reason to his killings and this film tries to go against that. I am glad the mistake was rectified by the upcoming installment. There were still some good things about it, such as Paul Rudd’s acting that reveals some raw talent as far as I’m concerned, as well as some direction choices and musical score. However, I also think it absolutely deserves all the criticism that it gets.
We’ve reached the final episode of American Horror Stories, season three. After the ups and downs of the season, I didn’t know what to expect. I felt that we were due a big finish, Killer Queens. But I feared we were in for a big letdown.
As it turns out, The Thing Under The Bed was neither.
The story
We begin our story with a little girl named Mary, who is scared of something under her bed. She sneaks out of her room, only to be caught by her father and sent back to sleep. And of course, there is something horrible waiting for her under her bed.
This scene cuts away to a woman named Jillian. She has strange dreams, including one about Mary. But her husband, Mark, doesn’t want to hear about it. He’s only interested in a little lovemaking because he wants a baby. Jillian doesn’t, which makes total sense because she’s already married to one. But her irritation with her childish husband goes away when he goes away. And by goes away, I mean he’s sloppily devoured by something vicious under their bed.
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What worked
In short, this episode just worked. The acting was professional and believable. The cinematography and lighting work were wonderful, adding spooky effects and startling moments without impairing visibility.
Best of all, the story was solid. There were no plotholes to be found. Our main character, Jillian, was relatable and sympathetic.
This was maybe my favorite part of the story. I thought Jillian was a remarkably sympathetic character. She was dealt a hand she never asked for, having her husband slaughtered in their bedroom. I don’t think she missed him, so much as she was afraid of the legal ramifications of being caught with literal blood on her hands.
Then, when it would have been safest for her to just lay low and save up for a good defense attorney, she instead goes into unlikely hero mode. She does her best to save people, putting herself in legal and physical danger. It’s hard not to root for her.
It’s also a little hard not to root for the antagonist, too. I don’t want to ruin the twist for you, so I’m going to tread lightly here. But it’s great when you have an antagonist who might be off their rocker, but also maybe has a point.
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What didn’t work
I can only really think of one complaint with this episode. And that is how frequently one character says the word Chickadee. And if you’ve seen the episode, you know what I am talking about.
I get it, he has a pet name for his daughter. It’s adorable. It’s meant to convey that the two of them have a healthy loving relationship and I get it. We all get it. Blind monks get it. But the fact remains that no parent on Earth calls their kid by their pet name every single time they speak an individual sentence to them. It was just too damn much.
All in all, this was a good episode. It was a classic story, turned on its head, told by professionals from start to finish. And I hope that if there is another season, we see more stories like this one. But after the efforts put into this season at large, I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the last we see of American Horror Stories.
If you’ve watched enough short-form horror anthology shows, you’ll notice that some stories are mainstays. Each show seems to put on the same sort of episodes, with the occasional surprising storyline that we’ve never (or at least rarely) seen before.
Leprechaun was an example of a repeated story—the story of a greedy thief whose punishment far outweighs the crime.
The story
We begin our story in 1841, with a drunk man leaving the bar one late night. He’s distracted by something glowing at the end of the well. When he reaches down for the glowing thing, he falls in. Moments later, he screams.
We then cut to the modern day. The well is still there, and now it’s surrounded by a dying town. In this town lives a young man named Colin. He’s married, his wife is pregnant, and he’s out of work. Like many of his friends.
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Desperate for cash, Colin and his friends decide to rob a bank. They put together an Equate version of Ocean’s Eleven, and break in one night. But, of course, they find that the gold is nothing more than bait. And the creature waiting for them is something they never expected.
What worked
The first thing I want to point out is how real this episode felt. At least to anyone currently living in the same small town they grew up in. These characters felt like guys I went to school with. Guys I would see at the bar.
I appreciated the real anger and frustration these characters are feeling. Especially Colin. He’s bitter, and maybe he has a right to be. He did exactly what he was supposed to do to succeed. He went to school and invested in his career, and yet now he’s out of work and struggling to support his family. I probably don’t need to tell you how that feels. Because of this, we can all kind of understand why he was tempted to rob a bank.
I also want to talk about the fact that this was, as I said, an often-explored story. That can be a bad thing, but it can also be a good thing. This story is told over and over because it’s a good story. A relatable story. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
What didn’t work
That being said, this version didn’t try to do much to break out of the mold.
Because we have seen this story so many times, most of us could tell the story themselves. I would have expected something new, or some twist. But, in the end, the story didn’t bring anything new to the discussion.
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Maybe because of this, the ending left a lot to be desired. Trapped in the basement of the bank, everyone just sort of stares at everyone else, until the thieves give up. And that’s it. The ending wasn’t scary, shocking, or funny. It was just sad, on multiple levels.
Overall, this was an okay story. It was entertaining, if not surprising. I would compare this episode to homemade macaroni and cheese. Everyone’s got their own version, they’re all pretty good, and none of them are exciting.
There’s just one episode left in this season of American Horror Stories. Let’s hope they’ve saved the best for last.
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