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After the disastrous first half of a season, Witcher is back with three more episodes. Since apparently, this worked well for Stranger Things, Netflix is going to keep the publication model. 

And if we’re being honest, if I wasn’t reviewing Witcher for you all, I probably wouldn’t have come back for these three episodes. I’m sure that there are a few of you who’ve been waiting to see some reviews come out to see if the show is still worth your time. 

After watching episode six, I can confidently say that it’s worth a watch. While I don’t think it was worth a half-season of boring, I’ll try to leave that in the past and just review this episode on its own merits. Thankfully, it does have merits.

Freya Allan as Ciri in Witcher

The story

When we last left Geralt, he was standing in the halls of Aretuza with a knife at his throat. As it turns out, Dijkstra was leading some of the mages in a coup because… unclear. He’s joined by some of the mages, like Sabrina. 

Geralt doesn’t give any cares for this infighting. He does care, however, when a fleet of ships show up from the White Flame.

If you’ll recall, the White Flame has tricked the elves into fighting for him. And so they’ve now come in force to take the mages home. Again, the reason for this is unclear. While some of the elves are clearly looking for Ciri, that doesn’t seem to be the point of this. 

Geralt, Yennefer and Ciri run, as this really isn’t their fight. But Yennefer decides she has to go back and help Tissaia. 

While Geralt and Ciri continue to flee, they run into a surprise traitor. 

What worked

The fight scenes in this episode were very good. I appreciated that there were fewer sword battles and more magic fights. Lots of people getting tossed around, lots of arrows through eyes. One elf was even exploded, which was quite fun. 

On a story level, though, I loved that the mages came together to protect their home. Even if they’ve been selfish, egotistical, power grabbing monsters, they dropped all of that to protect their home. 

I also really love the character Tissaia in this one. She’s ready to fight without a moment’s warning, until she just snaps. 

Until she full out stops giving orders or even responding to anyone around her. When she decides she’s going to use a spell that will almost certainly kill her, she sets her whole self to that task. It’s chilling to watch. 

Here’s my favorite thing, though. While I don’t like to see it, Geralt gets his ass handed to him this episode. I won’t say by who. I will say it’s been a while. 

Geralt was starting to feel, ironically, like Superman or Captain Marvel. These characters are fun for a little bit, but get boring over time. The reason is simple. If no one can face him, then there’s not a lot of tension. Now that we know he can be beat, he’s an interesting character again. 

Henry Cavill as Geralt in The Witcher

What didn’t work

All that being said, this was of course not a perfect episode. When the traitor is revealed, it’s a bit obvious. I was disappointed. 

There was also an issue with the props. Specifically, whoever designed the staff used by the eventual traitor. This was supposed to be a big moment, where our wolf shrugs off his sheep’s clothing and steps to Geralt like it’s nothing. I should not have been laughing. But the person’s staff looks like one of those metal things one gets with Ikea furniture. The only thing intimidating about that is the horrifying memories of crushed thumbs.

Here’s my biggest complaint, though. I don’t like that Stregobor got to be a hero. I hate that he got to be a hero by fighting elves. The elves in this world are not the bad guys. They’ve been persecuted, tortured, killed. They’re the victims of an attempted genocide. And now they’re being manipulated and used as pawns by the White Flame. 

Stregobor is a racist old twat. And while it’s great that he was willing to die to protect Aretuza, he shouldn’t get a big hero moment against the elves. He’s not good enough for that. 

In conclusion

I liked this episode. It felt like how a big mid-season shift should feel. And it’s got me pumped for the last few episodes. 

If you missed some of the start of the season, that’s fine. You can probably pick it up here without too much confusion. And let’s hope that the remaining two episodes of this season of Witcher don’t let us down. 

Do you know what won’t let you down? The second season of our horror/scifi podcast, AA, coming on August 15th. You can check out the first season right now

3.5 out of 5 stars (3.5 / 5)

'Failed' chiropracter turned wrassler. Now out of retirement to give this horror thing a twirl. '4'

Movies n TV

Wheel of Time A Question of Crimson Is a Political Espionage Delight

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Episode two of Wheel of Time felt like the beginning of a long journey. Stories are unfolding, lives are changing, and blood is spilling.

Let’s discuss.

The story

We begin this episode in the past with Elayne’s mother, Queen Morgase. It turns out her rise to the throne was a bit, shall we say, cutthroat. So when she shows up at the White Tower, Siuan is concerned.

She might have reason to be, too.

Meanwhile, Rand, Egwene, Moiraine, Lan and Aviendha are in the Spine of The World. As they travel through some of the most breathtaking lands I have ever seen on a TV show, Egwene is plagued with nightmares. We think at first that’s just her trauma working itself through her system. But we soon find out that it might not be that straightforward.

Finally, Perrin returns home to heal after his hand is almost cut in half. But when he gets there he finds the town has been infested by Children of The Light. And they’re looking for him.

What worked

There was something heartwarming in this episode about political espionage and choking religious persecution. And that is Elayne’s relationship with her family.

I have consumed a lot of fantasy content with royal families. And I have never once heard a princess call her mother ‘Mum’. I’ve never seen royal siblings get along. And I have sure as hell never seen a princess have a good relationship with her step-parent.

This was refreshing. Even though Queen Morgase is kind of a horrible person she seems like a good mother. And that’s an unexpected delight.

Dónal Finn in Wheel of Time A Question of Crimson

Of course, this is just one storyline among many. And while this can sometimes be overwhelming, in this case it wasn’t.

I’ll be honest, some of these storylines are going to drag for me. I know this because I’ve read some of the Wheel of Time books and I have an idea that not all the characters exactly pique my interest.

No one likes all the characters. No one likes all the storylines. While I am here for the political espionage between Queen Morgase and Siuan, not everyone likes it. While others might be fascinated with Selene trying to win Rand back, I couldn’t care less.

Having multiple storylines keeps everyone’s attention better. So long as things don’t get out of hand. Things can easily get out of hand. But this seems to be managed well.

So far.

What didn’t work

As I mentioned above, I’m not thrilled with Rand’s story at this point. And while it’s fine to not like a storyline when there are this many to choose from, it’s not fantastic that the one I like the least is the one involving our two main characters. And anytime we were with the team at the Spine of The World, the only thing that brought me joy was Moirain’s hat. It reminded me of Stockard Channing’s hat in Practical Magic.

The problem is that Rand is Charlie Brown with controversial magical powers. He is boring, serious, and pessimistic.

And yes, I understand that he has a heavy emotional burden and he’s the Dragon Reborn and that’s quite taxing and all. But let’s be fair, there isn’t a single person in this show that doesn’t have a heavy burden. And most of them manage to be fun occasionally.

Daniel Henney and Josha Stradowski in Wheel of Time.

All that being said, this episode of Wheel of Time did exactly what it needed to do. It set up conflicts at each of the three locations. It established emotional ties between the characters and the events. And it established goals for everyone.

This was, in short, a solid episode. Not groundbreaking, not mind-blowing or life changing. It was simply good. It was entertaining and moved the plot forward.

Well done.

3.5 out of 5 stars (3.5 / 5)
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Wheel of Time Returns With A Bang

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Wheel of Time is back for season three. There are mixed feelings regarding this. Last season, there were some serious pacing issues. And some serious sticking to the book’s storyline issues. But we’re two seasons in, and we don’t give up so easily. So let’s dive into episode one, To Race the Shadow.

By the way, I highly recommend watching this episode with the subtitles on. You’ll see why.

The story

We begin this episode with Liandrin facing a trial of sorts for her rampant betrayal. She does her best to gaslight her Aes Sedai sisters into thinking that Siuan Sanche is the real traitor.

When that doesn’t work, she reveals how many Black Aes Sedai have actually infiltrated the tower.

Spoiler, it’s a lot.

In the aftermath, our whole team gathers to drink and enjoy one night of relaxation before they head out to the Tear to form an army for Rand. All is going well until they’re attacked by myriad creatures and a sentient axe.

What worked

This episode was long. It had a run time of an hour and eleven minutes. And a lot of that run time was spent in heavy dialog scenes.

Fortunately, these were well-done scenes.

If you’re going to have a lot of talking scenes, there are good ways and bad ways to do it. Last season, we saw lots of examples of the bad way to do it. But this episode did it well. For one thing, other things were going on while conversations were taking place. The characters are drinking, playing games, walking through an interesting city. And the scenes themselves didn’t stretch out. They weren’t repetitive. We heard what the character had to say, then we moved on.

It was also nice that the point of these scenes wasn’t just info dumps. We had character development. We had romantic interactions. We had plot development and foreshadowing.

Overall, this episode felt like what it was. A moment of calm before a storm.

Taking a step back, I’d be remiss if I didn’t address the fight scene at the start of the episode. Because it was epic.

The magic looked amazing. The martial arts that went along with it looked fantastic. The costumes were beautiful. It was just incredibly fun to watch.

More than that, it was emotional. We lost some characters in that fight that were important. And it was clearly emotionally shattering for many of our characters, who found themselves betrayed by people they trusted.

So many of them.

It was a great way to open the season.

What didn’t work

Despite that, this episode wasn’t without its flaws.

First off, there were a lot of dialog scenes. And they were good scenes, as I’ve already discussed. But it was one after another after another. And when your episode is, again, an hour and eleven minutes, it’s maybe a little much to have so much chit-chat. Couldn’t some of these conversations, important as they were, have been moved to maybe another episode?

Finally, I want to talk about Egwene’s travel through the arches.

Still from Wheel of Time season three, episode one.

I feel like maybe there were some deleted scenes here. Because there must have been more to that visit than what we saw, right?

We could have seen Egwene battle Rand. That would have been badass and emotionally devastating. We could have seen her with a quiet life with Rand back home at the Two Rivers. We could have seen anything except for the quick clip of Rand in a bloody river, followed by Egwene being shoved back out in a bloody shift.

Bad job. But at least it wasn’t an extended scene of Moiraine collecting bathwater, and then taking a bath while looking sad. If we’d started this season with another scene like that, it might have broken my brain.

Amazon dropped the first three episodes at once. So we’ll be back soon to talk about episode two. See you then.

4 out of 5 stars (4 / 5)
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Entertaining as hell: Eight Legged Freaks (2002) Review

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Early 2000s is a special era for the industry. It accepts the cheesiness and corniness of movie making, in turn producing some gems in their own right. Eight Legged Freaks starring David Arquette and young Scarlet Johanson is a horror comedy about giant spiders who overtake a small town. As crazy as that premise sounds, the movie surprisingly has a ton of heart and is super entertaining. Let’s review, shall we? 

Plot

We start Eight Legged Freaks with a shot of toxic waste spilling into the water supply of Joshua, a spider farm owner. He is friends with Mike, one of our protagonists, who is a science geek and a spider enthusiast. Mike notices something quite right upon visiting Joshua, but no one takes him seriously. We are then introduced to the rest of the crew. Mike’s mother Samantha, the town sheriff, is too busy chasing Ashley, his sister, who is dating the town mayor’s son Bret (something Samantha does not approve of). We also have Chris, who returns to the town to save his father’s legacy in the town mines. He has opposition from Wade, Bret’s father, who wants to use the mines for his business ventures. Lots of drama going on that will only get juicier once the spiders get loose. 

The creepy crawlies quickly dispose of Joshua and make their grand appearance after Ashley rejects Bret’s advances, abandoning him in the middle of a desert. A glorious chase sequence ensues as the spiders make their way towards the town, wreaking havoc on its residents. In a true horror fashion (which the movie acknowledges), it takes some convincing from Mike and then from Samantha for the town to take the threat seriously. The tongue-in-cheek style of narrative adds the comedy aspect to a movie that would otherwise burn out fairly quickly. 

The remaining characters hide out in a shopping mall as it’s the only somewhat sturdy building in the area. This doesn’t last long as the spiders break in, forcing them to run through the mines. Their resources to fight the creepy crawlies off are limited as the methane gas doesn’t allow them to use firearms. Such conditions require resourceful thinking from Chris, who uses perfume to fend off the leader of the spider group and save himself during the climax of the movie. 

Character dynamics are not forgotten once the action kicks in. We have Chris confessing his long-term feelings for Samantha which she knew all along, which provided some comedic relief. Bret also reunites with Ashley and apologises for being an asshole. Mike finally gets the appreciation he deserves as his knowledge saves the townsfolk more than once during the whole ordeal. 

We end the movie with the town’s radio show person telling the story as an urban legend during his segment. This brings it into question – how much of it happened the way he said it did? We can only guess… 

Overall thoughts

Eight Legged Freaks is a fun creature feature with some self-aware commentary on genre tropes that doesn’t take itself too seriously. The acting is good, the pacing fitting and the characters are likeable enough for you to want them to make it through. Definitely a must watch, if you don’t suffer from arachnophobia, that is. 

5 out of 5 stars (5 / 5)

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